‘Jersey Shore’ Recap: Gone Baby Gone

S2:E10 Last night’s Jersey Shore was the tenth episode of the second season. Can you believe it? I can’t. It’s probably because we spent so much time watching Sammi try to figure out if what was written in the note was true, and who wrote it. But WE knew who wrote it and WE knew it was true because we saw Ronnie make out with three girls and dance on a pole and fall out of his bed and into the corner of his room because he was so drunk. Sammi saw none of this, so unfortunately, the fact that she has her face under her covers all the time became our problem, and four innocent episodes were lost in the crossfire.

But thankfully, the Sammi is over trying to figure out who wrote the note and joined the rest of her roommates aboard the ANGELINA, WHY ARE YOU HERE? gondola. The episode started with Angelina attacking The Situation after he called her a ho, and asking if he talked to his mother and his sister that way. He definitely doesn’t, but if they were from Staten Island and slept with Vinny and then lied about sleeping with José the next day to everyone, he probably would. The Situation yelled at her for trying to hit another roommate (the “another roommate” being himself – the third person talk continues!), and quite honestly, almost everyone has hit one of their roommates this season, and MTV hasn’t even made them attend one squash game as punishment. On The Real World, the minute a roommate hits another roommate, they’re sent home. But nobody gets sent home from the shore! It’s clear MTV knows which son it would save first if both of its kids were trapped under a Semi.

Anyway, after The Situation’s fight with Angelina, he gave up and said he was done trying to include her in everything and trying to help her feel part of the house. Pauly came out and asked Angelina’s new guy to leave the house so they could discuss “house business,” which reminded me EXACTLY of the strip club that Tony Soprano did his “business” in the back of. Angelina refused to have her guy leave, but the guy himself realized he was better off leaving. The Situation told Angelina he was really upset she hit him, and Angelina went outside and pretended she had allergies by crying and pointing to a palm tree.

JWoww came home and The Situation went into her room and told her Angelina hit him. JWoww felt bad and told Angelina to come outside and sit with her under the non-hypoallergenic palm tree, and JWoww told her that she once hit The Situation, and that it wasn’t a big deal. Angelina said she didn’t know why she was living in the house because nobody liked her, but it would have been better if she said she didn’t know where she was because then I could say it was because she was busy sleeping with too many guys in Miami (the exact same way she would in any other city) and it would feel like the entire world was located in one place. (Ugh! Somebody call Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin!) JWoww told her it would be a mistake to leave and that she believed Angelina had earned her place to be there.

At the club, Angelina met up again with José (the guy that got her the white Fossil watch and the guy she told everyone in the house she slept with to thank him for the watch, but actually didn’t), but everyone went back to the house as soon as Mike realized the girl he brought with him had already picked out pajamas at his house. Once the two of them were in bed together, everyone else took tremendous enjoyment in learning how much Canadians scream when they’re having sex and you yell out at them that their country created Nutella.

So while The Situation was in the Smush room and Angelina had her friend from home sleeping in her bed, she decided to make José sleep with her in Mike’s bed. The next morning, The Situation went into his room and was greatly displeased to find Angelina spooning in his bed with José. He told them he wished they had asked to sleep in his bed, and José realized he was right and he thanked The Situation for being so kind. Angelina did not acknowledge the favor in the least, because that “INA” is attached to the “Angel” for a reason. The Situation told the rest of the roommates what she did, and I’d just like to point out that was the first time in this episode that we saw Snooki. Angelina came walking in, and obviously The Situation started fighting with her about how what she did was wrong, and the argument ended with a “drop your fucking big ass” and a “drop your ugly face.”

When Snooki was at the gelato shop, probably supposed to be putting saran wrap on something, she decided to make a list of all the qualities she wanted in a guy and all the qualities she didn’t want. She said she wanted a guido juicehead, with her personality and style, and someone who wouldn’t cheat on her, and she better find him soon because she wasn’t going to join Match.com again. SHE WASN’T GOING TO JOIN MATCH.COM AGAIN! AGAIN! So in order to find Snooki a man that’s “romantical,” JWoww and she planned to the gym, get their laundry, the beach, the tanning salon, and the Ed Hardy store in order to find her ideal manguido.

At the club, Snooki started dancing with a dude, who happened to be one of the guys Angelina had already slept with! Isn’t that funny? One of Angelina’s guys managed to meet all of Snooki’s manguido requirements! It’s also funny because Snooki slept with Vinny, and then Angelina slept with Vinny (which got Snooki upset), so now Snooki is going to get with Angelina’s old nothing to try and piss her off! Are you more confused than when you first were asked to learn how to tell time? Here, here’s a blue highlighter for Snooki (the hour hand) and here’s a yellow highlighter for Angelina (the minute hand). While all this was happening, Angelina packed her bags and waited for her roommates to come home so she could tell them she was leaving… but not because of them – because she was on her own. Get it? No? Here’s a pink highlighter.

Once everyone came back, Snooki and Angelina got into it over who wanted whose sloppy seconds when Snooki walked in the house holding Angelina’s old friend’s hand. Angelina called him out on being with Snooki, so he sat down to talk with her about it. Then she told him to get away from her so he walked over to Snooki, who also told him to get away from her because he sat down to talk with Angelina. Then they started talking about how they both slept with Vinny and everything was the same again. Angelina screamed that everyone was fake and that she couldn’t stand ANY OF YOUS. Then, Snooki gave Sammi her rings and went over to the couch and ATTACKED Angelina, and they looked like two female spiders who went off on each other because they accidentally moseyed on over to the same corner.

After everything, Angelina finally left. To honor the occasion, everyone divvied up her closet and her bed.

And what’s next week? Vinny is still pining over Ramona, who hasn’t figured out that she doesn’t want to see him.