Tonight, we saw a lot of things happen. It was kind of nice because it seems like in the last few episodes, absolutely nothing has happened — which is funny, because the group is in Italy, where a lot of things supposedly happen! But instead of watching everyone go out and enjoy themselves, the bulk of the show has revolved around how upset the pigeons get when Snooki and Jenni and Deena and Sammi sit on their porch and smoke. It’s true — nothing really tremendously insane has happened this season. Well actually, that’s not entirely true. It was pretty nuts when The Situation told everyone he had sex with Snooki in Los Angeles, but it seems like it didn’t even really happen and so we got all worked up for nothing! And now that that’s over, we’re just watching everyone go out to eat at ONE place (it’s true! They only go to this one place called “Astor” and no where else!). I can’t say I’m really surprised that this season is mediocre so far and that the cast isn’t really taking advantage of what Italy really has to offer. I mean, The Situation spent four episodes hooking up with girls from Florida! But anyway, let’s review what happened last night. And I will say that something actually pretty terrible happened.
“It’s a pretty serious situation right now.” – The Situation
The episode kicked off with The Situation complaining that his neck sprain prevented him from doing anything fun, like macking on unsuspecting women and having someone else do his laundry and working out. And because he was sad about his physical limitations, he was reduced to walking around the house in his sweatpants and sunglasses and believing that he was incapable of even doing anything for himself in the house…as in, his neck sprain prevented him from making food, using the bidet, and buzzing people into the villa. Ronnie kind of picked up on the fact that Mike was feeling pretty depressed and isolated from the group, and because he remembered what that felt like he sat down with Mike in the pigeon coup and asked him what he could do to help him feel better. Mike started to cry because he felt bad that none of the roommates seemed to care about him, and it was sweet the way Ronnie seemed genuinely concerned about Mike. The Sitch said he wished people were more in tune with him and that he wanted to leave because he didn’t feel good, but Ronnie kind of eased his pain by just allowing him to feel bad because “it’s not always about being tough and that sometimes, you gotta be real, dawg.” After the conversation was over, Mike walked into the bathroom and removed his neck brace and just left it on one of the 9 sinks they have in there because it still really is all about being tough.
“I just want to tell you that you are the best guy I’ve ever met.” – Snooki
Snooki has been trying really hard to remain faithful to her boyfriend Jionni while in Italy. For the most part, she’s been doing really well — at clubs, she’s just been hanging out with the roommates and she always makes sure to call Jionni in the morning, before she goes out at night and then when she gets back to the house at night. But despite all her efforts to keep their relationship on track, Snooki’s been feeling a bit upset with her boyfriend because he’s always so embarrassed by her. For instance, when she tells him she can’t wait to see him so they can smush and she can have orgasms and other pretty fun things, Jionni gets upset with her and tells her to stop being so disgusting. This has made Snooki very uncomfortable because that’s the kind of personality she has, and so she feels rejected when her boyfriend tells her he doesn’t like it when she tells him how she’s feeling. And last night wasn’t any different because when Snooki got on the phone with Jionni and told him she couldn’t wait to suck his butt and then burped into the phone, Jionni called her “so stupid” and then they got into a fight about Snooki’s terrible behavior. Her roommates overheard an altercation growing in the other room and were listening to Snooki repeatedly telling Jionni that she hadn’t cheated on him in Italy, and so Ronnie eventually took the phone from Snooki and tried to tell Jionni that all Snooki was doing in Italy was missing him. But Jionni told Ronnie to “fuck off” and to “hand the phone back to Snooki.” Ronnie did as he was told but then went back into the other room and told the rest of the group that Jionni didn’t know what he had.
“Let me say my piece. I just want to get it off my chest.” – Vinny
That night, Ronnie and Sammi began fighting again because Sammi discovered that Ronnie had (at some point in the past) been in a relationship with her AND added girls’ numbers into his phone but disguised them under guys’ names. So they were arguing about that and Sammi was calling Ronnie names. All the housemates were in the other room listening to their fighting and joking about how The Situation had the right idea putting his head through a wall over this couple, and so Vinny decided that he was tired of letting someone else’s relationship affect his time in Italy and went over to Sam and Ron to talk to them. Vin explained that their arguments were very upsetting to him and everyone else in the house and politely asked if when they were fighting, to please keep it away from him and their other roommates. Ronnie tried to defend his and Sam’s disagreement by calling it a “discussion” and explained that they were really just trying to figure out their relationship, which was insane because there’s absolutely nothing questionable about how bad this relationship is. There is not one shred of evidence that indicates this relationship is or ever will be salvageable, and it’s absurd that these two continue to think they need to be together when they’re calling other guys and french kissing three girls at once while one of them is hanging upside down on a stripper pole. But then when everyone went out that night, Ronnie and Sammi spent the whole time tonguing each other and promising that they’d never hurt each other ever again. And so you can understand how outrageously nuts it was that when Snooki called Jionni again and they started fighting, Ronnie and Sammi sat in the other room and shook their heads about how dysfunctional their relationship is.
“Jionni needs to stop with the bullshit.” – Jenni
The next morning, Jenni and Sammi told Snooki how upset Jionni made her the night before and that they were considering doing an intervention on her because they had never seen her in such distress. Snooki didn’t really believe them because she had blacked out the night before and didn’t really remember fighting with Jionni on the phone, so Jenni called Ronnie into their room and made him tell Snooki how Jionni cursed him out. But Snooki kept trying to explain to everyone that Jionni was just pissed that she called him drunk and was probably going out of his mind because he wasn’t in Italy with her, and she even said she didn’t appreciate that they were all getting involved in her relationship and judging it. The episode ended with Snooki, Jenni and Ronnie going to work at the pizza place and Snooki continuing to try and defend Jionni to them, but they weren’t really interested because they’d seen pizza slices that get along better than those two.