‘Jersey Shore’ Recap: The Hangover

S2:E2 Greetings fellow Jersey Shore-displaced goers! Welcome back to Miami, where the bathing suits are skimpy and there’s a guy named J-420 lounging somewhere.

We began last night’s episode with a continuation of what we saw last week, when Ronnie was at the club mackin’ on all the grenades because he got totally wasted on pink drinks. When the guys got back into the house, Ronnie told all of them to watch carefully, as he was going to creep into Sammi’s bed…even after swapping spit with all of the gnarly chicks who were greasing the poles that night. That’s particularly gross, sorry. But the funniest part of the scene was as Ronnie was telling everyone his plans of coating Sammi’s body with pesticides, the Situation was folding his shirts…. because that’s what everyone does when they get home from the club: make their habitat nicer.

Once Ronnie was in bed with Sammi, the guys congregated and talked about how crazy he was and the Situation poignantly called it a “bad situation.” Ronnie woke up the next morning, and had a few minutes to figure out if he was going to pretend like he didn’t remember what he did the night before, or if he was going to admit to Sammi that he would be the cause of her future infestation of bed bugs. Once the rest of the roommates woke up, Sammi questioned what Ronnie did at the club after she left. Nobody admitted to anything, and after they put on their uniforms of black wifebeaters, sunglasses, jeans and this necklace, they drove somewhere. JWoww, Snooki and Sammi got in the other car and drove to a “tranny shop,” because they had good club clothes there. JWoww found a marvelous top that might also double as a garter when she gets married one day. Snooki bought a pair of glasses with crystals on the front, that she didn’t care she couldn’t see out of because it’s not like she’ll ever be able to walk any better.

Ronnie essentially told Angelina not to tell Sammi about the events regarding the girls at the club, and because she had no friends in the house, she agreed she’d keep her mouth shut. While this was happening, the Situation poured three bottles of A1 sauce on chickens and put them in the refrigerator in such a way that the next person who went in for a pickle (hint hint) would get clobbered in chicken and brown fingerlickin’ good stuff. Of course it was Snooki who introduced the chicken to the floor, and she didn’t know how to clean it up. Instead, she cleaned her slippers wearing her crystallized glasses. It was like what you’d see if you cut the eyes, ears, tail and feet off of a mouse and demanded that it still run through a maze. I almost forgot: Vinny, the prospective Harvard or Yale Law School applicant, asked the Situation, who was innocently chillin’ in the neon yellow Jacuzzi, what he should do with the chicken on the floor. I predict, in next week’s NYMag’s Approval Matrix, in the “highbrow, brilliant” corner will be this picture:


Then, Sammi and Ronnie got into a fight because Sammi was casually sitting at the phone and saw Ronnie’s ex-girlfriend’s number written down in a notebook that’s presumably the home for pizza cheese stains. Sammi confronted Ronnie and he admitted he had spoke to his ex two weeks ago. While that was going on, Snooki confronted Angelina about “being on [her] shit so hard,” and how she was talking smack about her girls, her boyfriend, or her family when she was in Long Island. JWoww stepped in talking like the Godfather to defend Snooki AND to yell about how Angelina was mouthing off to her friends, J-420 (YES!) and Joey Yanks. The Situation informed us even though she’s a girl, JWoww does more damage than a wrecking ball when provoked. You guys, when this television show is finally over, there will be no point to watch television OR have eyes anymore. There just won’t be any point.

Sammi apologized to Ronnie for lashing out about the ex-girlfriend thing, and Ronnie admitted that when he talked to her, his ex-girlfriend encouraged him to try and work things out with Sammi. Ronnie evoked his Shakespearean cliff notes and maintained Sammi would be his downfall. They agreed to work on things, and Sammi accompanied Ronnie to get a tattoo because he wanted to feel some pain. Isn’t it like that saying, “never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry?” Isn’t getting a tattoo when you’re trying to figure out what to do with your ex that you live with kind of the same thing? No? At least that’s the code I live by.

That night everyone went out and Angelina got drunk to try and forget how everyone in the house hates her and it would have been better for her to stay in Long Island talking to J-420. Pauly D made out with a married woman, and got her number. Angelina tried to subtly voice her disapproval to Pauly D over this, but he didn’t care because married girls still know how to fight clean and f**k dirty. This upset her and when they got back to the house, she smacked him for “not understanding” that she loved him and wanted to marry him. Pauly D yelled and yelled that from this point forward (this point right here in the sand – no not that one, this one. Look over here you can’t see it from there, well put on your glasses then!), Angelina had nobody in the house that liked her.

So will Angelina leave next week? No. Should she? No. Do I want her to? No, not really, because it’s fun to watch her talk about how classy she is when she’s drinking out of a plastic cup and her skirt is hiked up to her elbows. Pure pleasure.