Two years ago, Jesse James took the Celebrity Cheater torch from Tiger Woods and ran like hell, after it was revealed — during awards season, no less! — that he’d been unfaithful to America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, and carried out an affair with at least one woman, namely Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee. Well, he’s back and hopefully better than ever. Although, let the record show that he doesn’t much care how you perceive him.
James has a new Discovery Channel quasi-reality show, Jesse James: Outlaw Garage, which follows James and his team of mechanics in Austin, Tex. as they attempt to rebuild a classic Ford Roadster. At least that’s what he hopes people tune in for, but some viewers will undoubtedly be looking for a more tabloid-y, negative update on his post-Sandra-scandal life. His sentiments regarding those curious TV watchers? “I’m not afraid of s–t. Everyone can say whatever they want about me and call me whatever, but guess what? I’m still standing,” he told E! Online while promoting Outlaw Garage.
As for what you can expect from his reali— it’s not a reality show, dammit! “There’s a little bit of personal life [in Outlaw] with the kids and kind of explaining where I am now. I hate the words reality TV because I think this is a refreshing change because none of it is scripted — there’s no made-up drama,” says James.
Since James is so reluctant to use the ‘R’ word to describe Outlaw Garage, and since we’ll be so reluctant to watch it when it premieres April 9, we came up with five other people we’d rather watch on a reality show.
Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee: Watching James’ former fling wouldn’t be much different than watching any other “reality” show featuring an F-lister clinging to her 15th minute — and that’s what would make a McGee series interesting.
Janine Lindemulder: The retired porn star and ex-wife of James has been to rehab, arrested for domestic abuse and made a sex tape with Vince Neil (pre-Pam and Tommy). All kidding aside, how has she not starred in her own reality show yet?
Sandra Bullock: There are too many reasons to list here, but let’s just say they’re about 75 percent obvious (she’s a rich, famous, likable movie star) and 25 percent vengeful (how much better is she doing post-Jesse scandal?).
Sandra Bullock’s Oscar: Because watching a motionless statuette would be more entertaining than watching James and Co. reconstruct a car, especially if said statuette is in a highly trafficked area of Bullock’s home.
The Real Jesse James: As in the notorious Wild West outlaw present-day-celebrity Jesse James claims is a relative (members of the Jesse James Preservation Trust disagree). We know he’s been dead since 1882; we’d still rather watch his reality show.