Justin Bieber On Letterman’s Top Ten

Justin Bieber appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman last night in order to take part in the time honored tradition of reading unfunny jokes on the Top Ten. And to shill his perfume, which is sure to start competing with Axe for the title of “worst smelling thing middle schoolers put on themselves.”

The jokes aren’t any worse than Letterman’s usual, but they just seem especially strained coming from Bieber. Do you think a kid his age even knows who Larry King is? The choice of guest is somewhat baffling- the Late Show airs way past his fanbase’s bed-time, and anyone old enough to be watching Letterman is just confused about who this tiny androgynous person is. And about where they left their Depends.

Letterman may joke about a Green Lantern Bieber, but it’s not as far-fetched as it sounds. That kid has his own dedicated army of tween girls. Why bother with a “willpower” ring when you can tap into the unlimited energy of teenage angst? I can just see Bieber as a superhero: after an accident with a bottle of radioactive hair gel, mild-mannered pop star Justin Bieber became Puberty Man! Fighting for autotune, Usher, and the American way!