‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ Recap: Out of Wedlock

Keeping Up With the Kardashians Kim Kris Khloe KourtneyS6E4: Last night’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians was hell-bent on putting all of our minds on one thing: matrimony. We all know that Kim’s engagement is creeping up and this storyline along with the little Skype catch-ups between Kris Humphries and Kim throughout these last few episodes are determined to make sure we don’t forget that. It’s almost purposeful (wink, wink).

Of course while all this wedding talk serves a purpose, I have to admit the weird little conversation between Khloe and Lamar at the beginning of the episode about bears using rabbits to scratch their backs and what Lamar’s porn name should be was about a million times more entertaining than the rest of the episode. Then again, I guess it’s difficult to followup the butt x-ray episode with anything nearly as engaging.

“I’ll be in a wheelchair before you guys get married.” -Kris

Kourtney stupidly makes a flippant comment about having another baby while shopping with Kris and this sends the entire episode into an over-dramatic downward spiral. Oh, how wonderful for us viewers. Kris of course thinks Kourtney is crazy for wanting to have another baby without being married — which is admittedly a little strange, but Kris of course takes this to ridiculous levels. It’s just an excuse for her to jump on Kourtney for something that’s clearly been bothering her for quite a while.

Because she HAS to be right, Kris goes from friend to friend looking for reinforcement for her ideas, all the while claiming that the fact that her friends know her daughter refuses to get married and the fact that she has a child out of wedlock is so embarrassing for her. Well, you could start by not TELLING EVERYONE YOU KNOW. Just a thought.

This is all made a little more tense by the fact that for once, Kim agrees with her mother. She thinks that Kourtney should be married and she agrees that she shouldn’t have kids out of wedlock, albeit in a less judgmental, selfish way. Of course, throughout all this discussion of whether or not Scott and Kourtney should tie the knot, the only word from Scott is that he’s upset about the baby coming between him and Kourtney. (They’re sleeping in separate bedrooms because the baby is sleeping with Kourtney.) But of course, this is the Kardashian clan we’re talking about, the men really have no say. You’ve seen Bruce try and fail to have any relevance in Kris’ decisions — it just doesn’t happen.

“So basically, your dog could become a minister.” -Kim

On top of all of this arguing between Kourtney and Kris, Kris is becoming an ordained minister with some online service so she can marry Pastor Brad and his fiance. Putting aside the fact that Pastor Brad sounds like a made-up character name and the fact that Bruce and Khloe are worried Kris will get too tipsy to perform the service correctly, this is all just a little ridiculous and Kris’ involvement seems to have almost nothing to do with her friendship with the pastor and everything to do with the fact that she so desperately wants her daughter to tie the knot.

If you didn’t believe that at first, you’d have to when she asks the family to help her practice and puts Kourtney and Scott in the awkward position to play the betrothed couple. They play along until Kris puts her foot in her mouth and tells Kourtney she wishes she was marrying her instead of Pastor Brad. Boom: we get a high-pitched squealing fest between Kourtney and Kris that ends on the foul-mouthed note, “F**ck off, Mom.” Well, okay then. Kim takes a little more sisterly approach while Bruce tries to explain to Kris that meddling in Kourtney’s life is just going to make her resent her. She ignores this sound advice because it just makes too much sense, clearly.

Kim’s little heart-to-heart with Kourtney reveals that the marriage-phobe doesn’t want to put her kids through a divorce after being through one with her parents. Alright, that makes sense. She’s not sure Scott is the one — after all, he just recently stopped being a complete moron. (Although, I think this argument also supports curtailing the childbearing until she does know whether or not she wants to stay with Scott, but that’s just me.) So, after this nice little convo, it should be smooth sailing, right? They’re all going to Pastor Brad’s wedding and the day should be all about him and his new wife, right? Wrong. This is Kris Jenner we’re talking about.

While officiating, she starts balling and talking about herself (though this could be a trick of clever editing, but still) and she spends the rest of the wedding in her strange Annie Hall-esque Halloween costume yelling Kourtney’s name and pointing to all the wedding festivities. If I was Pastor Brad’s lady I would have punched her. This is not the Kardashian wedding, can’t it just be about the couple? Nope. We end on a fight between Kourtney and Kris wherein Kourtney basically ends the conversation by telling her the wedding discussion if off limits. Rather than being concerned that Kourtney doesn’t want to talk to her or that her relationship with her child is marred, Kris is only concerned with the fact that her EZ Bake Oven style parenting didn’t deliver the product advertised on the box. She’s upset that her daughter doesn’t want to compromise her own happiness to adhere to beliefs that Kris spent her whole life cultivating, rather than acknowledging that Kourtney might be working on figuring out her own beliefs.

Wow, this episode got a little more thinky that I’ve come to expect from a Kardashians episode and to be honest, that’s not why we watch this show. Can we get back to stupid pranks, butt x-rays and overly staged romantic scenes? We want fluff here folks, let’s step off the religious marriage debate.