S6E5: The Kardashian family is still depriving us the whole reason we want to see this season: the Kim and Kris Humphries engagement. In its place, we have a squabble between siblings and a storyline that’s actually about Bruce. Imagine that.
“What if you couldn’t hear my voice ever again?” – Kris
Bruce is finally the center of attention, but only because all the ladies of the house are determined to hound him for his poor hearing. The dude is old, he’s going to have poor hearing. Plus, it’s entirely possible that all those high-pitched voices might be beyond many peoples’ hearing ranges.
Khloe, being the only rational person in this family, cuts a deal with Bruce. Thinking it’s ear wax, she gets him the harmony cone which is basically a candle you burn in your ear. It works and thanks to that, we see the most ear wax that’s ever been allowed on national television, but of course the girls don’t honor this “silence” deal. (He should have seen that coming.) Instead they run around the house screaming about the ear wax and increasing our extreme discomfort as viewers. Why E! seems to think any of us are tuning into a show about celebutants to see an old man’s ear wax is beyond me.
Right after Kris delivers the most awkward, out-of-the-blue product placement ever – “We had a great meeting with Sears about the Kardashian Collection” – it turns out that Bruce might actually have a hearing problem. He never heard Kris tell him to pick up their youngest daughters from school and to pick up the dog from the vet. Well, that’ll do it.
This little incident sends Bruce to the doctor to get his hearing checked. And surprise, surprise it turns out he’s got normal hearing issues that come with age and he’s actually just suffering from selective hearing, because WHY WOULDN’T HE? You’d tune Kris Jenner and every other nasally, piercing voice in that house out if you were surrounded by them all day every day. I’m surprised he hasn’t built himself a subterranean bunker to hide in.
Of course, because he’s got a death wish, he tells Kris about his selective hearing and asks her to speak in a different tone. I’m pretty sure my ears are still bleeding from the verbal onslaught Kris unleashed on him. Seriously, you’d think he’d have learned his lesson by now.
Finally, she approaches him like a normal human being and says he really hurt her feelings. God bless Bruce because when she asks him a question that you’re never supposed to answer honestly – “Am I really that much of a nag?” – he straight up tells her she is and asks her to not screech at him and even mimics her. Baller. That’s true bravery. But apparently while we watched in horror, Bruce knew what he was doing. Kris listens and they decide on a signal so he knows when she’s telling him something important. So, folks, get ready to see her do that strange little playground Snap, Crackle, Pop signal 40 plus times every episode until the end of time, because if Kris says something, we all know IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER.
“I could show you rude and I could beat the sh** out of you.” –Khloe
The other half of the episode was all about Rob and Kourtney. He’s keeping Kourtney at a distance because he’s against her being with Scott. After seeing Lamar treating Khloe like a queen and seeing what Scott is really like back when they were buds, he decides Kourtney deserves better. Clearly, the best way to handle this is to IGNORE her completely.
When Rob gets sick and refuses to leave his room at Khloe and Lamar’s, Kourtney is determined it’s because he’s partying too hard. She runs upstairs to get him and accuses him of being hungover – and considering he’d just spent all weekend in Vegas, it makes sense.
It only gets worse when Rob finally goes over to Kourtneys for the first time because he says he needs to be an uncle to Mason. It turns into a bash session where Kourtney gives him hell about not taking care of himself and depending on Khloe and Lamar. But you can’t say something like that to a sibling and not expect them to fire back, so Rob brings up that Scott is an alcoholic and that he’s not good enough for Kourtney. Despite a complete lack of any visible emotion, she throws him out and tells him not to badmouth her boyfriend around their son. But let’s be honest here – she doesn’t seem THAT angry.
Finally, Kourtney gets a slap in the face after spending the entire episode berating Rob. Kim bursts in and says he has to go to the hospital. Everyone thought he was faking it, and to be honest, so did the rest of us. Kris takes him to the emergency room for an emergency appendicitis and when Rob comes out of surgery, Kourtney apologizes for being a complete jerk about his illness. They come to the conclusion that they’ll leave Scott out of their sibling relationship, which would have been a very easy solution at the beginning of the episode.
I really wonder how many of these “conflicts” are little one-off issues that are actually solved the way normal humans would solve them and just completely blown out of proportion for the show. Is it just me or do these big problems just get wrapped up way too easily?
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