‘Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami': Picture Perfect

S2:E5 On last night’s Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, we saw the sisters have their first real fight! There were tears, hair pulling, and lots of calling each other “bitch” and “idiot” (only that last one was real – producer Ryan Seacrest never lets us have any real fun). Sounds like “idiot” is getting mainstream again! Next time the paperboy puts your paper in your mailbox instead of on your “welcome” mat, call him an “idiot” Seacrest might give you your own show!

The episode started with Khloe talking to Monica (click here to remember who she is) about how she’s working to get herself back into the industry after suffering some hardships she didn’t talk about. This got Khloe thinking how everyone in her family relies on her for help and she feels like she’s never allowed to ask for help when she needs it. But at least she has Lamar! What better person to hang a sex swing from the ceilings of a $4 million home than a Laker?

Back at their apartment, we saw Kourtney deep in preparation for a Life & Style shoot that would depict her post-baby body. Kourtney was going to the gym twice a day, eating nothing, and looked like a wet dog the entire episode. She was pawning off baby Mason onto Scott so she could go to the gym and meet with different trainers who would tell her to do things like “squeeze” and “clench” and “thrust,” which DO OR DO NOT SOUND LIKE SNAPPLE FLAVORS? This irritated Scott, who dressed up like an entitled Librarian’s son one time to go to a meeting, but then was made to stay home with the baby when Kourtney refused to skip the gym. And since she was spending so much time at the gym, she told Khloe to go work at the store the entire week so she could do something I’ve never heard of, like get her mind and body in sync.

So at the store, Khloe cracked the whip and made all the DASH girls take orders from her, which she generally never got to do to anybody but her stuffed animals because she’s the youngest of the three sisters. The girls followed orders, mainly because Khloe is taller and beefier than the cow that greets you at Stew Leonard’s. Meanwhile, Kourtney is lifting, squeezing, sweating and running so she can prove to mothers everywhere that if you don’t get your pre-baby body back, they’re lazy sacks of s**t. One night when they were both home, Kourtney slept through the alarm which sent her scrambling to get her workout gear together so she could go back to the gym. But Khloe pulled her in front of a mirror and asked her where she needed to lose more weight. Kourtney showed her sister that she can make a doughnut from her stomach and explained she wanted to get back into the shape she was in for her Maxim shoot, and Khloe had to explain she had a baby and there was a greater chance the moon would collide with the earth before she’d get back to that body. Sad, but true. So Kourtney went to bed, probably feeling a little defeated and hoping a duo like “Pinky and the Brain” existed.

At DASH, Khloe surprised the staff with a night at a club with bottle service, which broke Kourtney’s main rule of never mixing business with pleasure. All the girls went out and chugged everything from Vodka to Cristal, and surprisingly didn’t die or start having sex with each other to house music. Khloe left early, because she’s “a married whore.”

The next day, Kourtney went out for a run and passed out on the beach. Paramedics called Khloe to have her come and pick her sister up, so she drove to where the ambulance was and found her sister sitting in the back of a waaaambulance with a blanket around her. They pulled the IV out of Kourtney, Khloe put her in the car and drove her home without saying “girl, you crazy if you think this is fly.” The scene ended with Kourtney realizing starving herself and working out obsessively wasn’t worth it for someone like Life & Style.

The next day, Kourtney got the color back in her face and went to the store. The girls told her of their night out with Khloe, and she raced home to confront her sister about how she broke the rule of business and pleasure living in separate pens on the farm. This angered Khloe because the whole week, she’d been catering to Kourtney, from helping at the store, to caring for Mason when she was at the gym, to picking her lifeless body up from the paramedics. They fought and fought and Khloe ended up flying back to Los Angeles THAT NIGHT.

So what’s happening next week? Khloe really did fly home to Lamar. Who’s going to come to Miami to help Kourtney with the store — perhaps ANOTHER Kardashian sister? (Hint hint, nudge nudge, slap in the face.)