Kris Jenner is getting a talk show. Kris Jenner’s talk show is called Kris. Kris Jenner’s talk show will test on Fox-owned markets this summer, including New York and Los Angeles. It will be one hour long, and will focus on beauty and lifestyle and celebrities and basically everything that Wendy Williams and Bethenny already talk about, just with more Kardashians.
There. The “who what when where why” is out of the way. In journalism school, I believe they call that a nut graph. But here are the real nuts and bolts of this story: it isn’t a story. It just is. Everyone is used to the fact that the Kardashians have won and they’re not going away, so it was a logical next step for “Momager” (shudder) Kris to appear on-screen five days a week in a talk show setting. Some people love the Kardashians and line up around the Dash stores they don’t actually work in like they’re Space Mountain, just to look at things that were maybe perhaps once looked upon by Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kris, Kendall and Kylie. (Aside: This is just extra proof that the Kardasians have permeated all reality and are part of our cultural consciousness and will never ever leave: I’ve never seen any of their shows and know all of the children’s names.)
Some people choose to actively hate the Kardashians, and think they’ve partnered with Honey Boo Boo in some evil plot to destroy common decency. Either way, everyone is still talking about the Kardashians. It’s like 1984 and Brave New World combined — Kris Jenner has always had a talk show like we’ve always been at war with Eurasia. The pop culture lexicon dictates what we talk about, and for years, we’ve been talking about the Kardashians — because if we don’t, we’re going to be left behind. But on the other end, Kris Jenner NEEDS to have a talk show because everyone needs to talk about the Kardashians — they’re our entertainment, they keep us happy, and, after all, everyone belongs to everyone else. It’s a top-down and bottom-up cultural anomaly, all at once.
This may sound nihilistic, but it’s not — it’s just gotten to the point where, as an entertainment reporter, you know you have to write about the Kardashians now and then if you want your Google page views. This will typically lead to nasty bickering in the comments’ section, where pro and anti-Kardashianites will rally to support their cause. But arguing about the Kardashians has become as pointless as arguing about politics with your Grandmother who loves to listen to Rush Limbaugh — everyone has chosen their side of the fence, and no amount of logic, reason, or heartfelt emotion will change that. Again, it just is.
So maybe we should start changing the ways that we talk about the Kardashians. Instead of “I love them/I hate them” etc. etc., let’s think about what the Kardashians can do for us. They’re not going away — why not make them useful? And with a new daily platform, Jenner could find ways to make herself useful. Mainly, using her unique position as a mom-slash-manager-slash-entrepreneur-slash-celeb-slash-deity, she could make one very specific important thing happen for me: She could interview Dina Lohan. I could watch that. I could watch that all day.
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[PHOTO CREDIT: Wenn]