Martha Stewart’s Prison Talent: Late Last Night

Let me tell you why I’m starting off Late Last Night with Martha Stewart (technically I don’t have to tell you anything, but there’s a story here.) Last night, I watched The Shawshank Redemption in an attempt to earn some points with my boyfriend, and I sobbed throughout the entire thing. And it was confusing! I’m used to watching things about prison and I’m a big fan of the show “Lockup Raw” on MSNBC, which goes inside prisons in places like Indiana and Kansas…it’s all hardcore. But Shawshank was TOO DAMN MUCH. The old man feeding the birds, Red’s harmonica… literally all of it was too much! It was too much. I was inconsolable the entire time because I’m moving and miserable and anxious about other people touching my bananas and hangers! I wasn’t in prime condition to watch it. My boyfriend felt terrible, and I was like “you should have warned me!” And he was like, “I tried!” And we disagreed and I kept crying. But the point of all this is, when we turned off Shawshank, we found Martha Stewart on Jimmy Fallon displaying one of her prison talents: lampshade construction! It was so perfect it was like something Alanis Morissette would sing about.

Jimmy also talked to Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock about how much he loves summer. You know who probably doesn’t care about summer? PEOPLE IN PRISON! They have to do the same old stuff during the summer as they do during the winter. Can you imagine? Can. You. Imagine?

David Letterman had some fun from deep inside a bubble/ball. You and I could probably do that on a summer day in our rich friend’s backyard, and it’d be better than going to the zoo. I don’t really know, but it looks kind of scary?

Also, if you think we’re not doing a good job of covering the Mel Gibson tapes, here’s Letterman doing it for us.

And Jay Leno chatted with Tracy Morgan about how Colin Powell is his “father from another mother and father.” Get it? Hilarious.

Then, they talked about the ESPY awards. I thought it was ESPN, no? I don’t know, my brain kind of shuts off when I listen to Tracy Morgan. In a good way. It’s like when he’s around, I don’t have to think.