I need to start this Modern Family recap off with a confession: No one could get me on a small plane willingly, not even Ryan Gosling. So I totally sympathized when Gloria absolutely refused to board a totally rickety and not-at-all-safe looking flying contraption, even if it meant she, Jay, and Manny would have to take a car to get to Pebble Beach for Jay’s high school football reunion. Gloria was concerned about all the dead rock ‘n roll stars who’d died that way (and she didn’t even mention Kennedys!), and no amount of reassurance from Jay could convince her.
Let’s back up. Jay explained he was the “cool” guy among his old group of friends — much like “Ace” among his current golf buddies — and he was looking forward to showing off (complete with an expensive watch or two) for the old gang. Manny was looking forward to a massage at the hotel. Weird kid. With a plane ride nixed, they sped away by car. Trying to make a five-hour drive in four was bound to create some problems, and one inconveniently placed pothole meant the trio was at a car shop where they couldn’t get the part they needed. Stranded! Because Gloria is Sofia Vergara levels attractive, and the dude working the auto shop had a pulse, he offered to fly them to Pebble Beach on his own small plane — which looked more rickety than the first one.
After checking into a motel, Jay had a new plan: Board a cargo train à la Slumdog Millionaire. Since that idea was more insane than Haley going to an Ivy League school, Gloria asked him what the real deal was. Turns out, even if you were a straight white guy who played football, you could have a bad day. Jay wasn’t always the cool grandpa he is now. He wanted to go to the reunion to show off Gloria/how great he is. Trophy wife! For a split second, it seemed like Gloria was going to be super-offended by this super-offensive statement. But Gloria, now fully understanding the situation, got on board pretty quickly. This was the woman who also got Jay’s boss to come around to Jay’s ideas earlier this season by wearing some dresses that showed serious cleavage, so, clearly, Gloria’s clearly cool with being a trophy that gets things done. Which actually is a pretty badass combo.
Trying to appear cooler than you are was apparently a theme last night, because Phil — along with new pal Andre, played by Kevin Hart — went to a car dealership to re-up his lease and instead got talked into a convertible sports car. I don’t know anything about cars whatsoever, so I’m going to describe it as “small” and also “neat-looking.” The problem? Phil bought his small, neat-looking car without discussing it with Claire, and as it was the least practical vehicle of all time, he knew it wasn’t going to end well. Just like the time he wouldn’t — er, couldn’t — stop wearing skinny jeans.
But Claire didn’t react angrily at all — she simply figured Phil would figure out his own mistake when he discovered that his sale signs wouldn’t fit in a car with an engine in the front. Claire took the sports car to run errands instead, but then decided to drive the car up the coast to the beach and do cartwheels in the sand (without Phil). But fun days always have a price when it comes to the cautious, and she lost the car keys somewhere in the beautiful beach sand. When Phil comes to pick her up, they agree to come to the beach once a month — even if they don’t keep the sports car. Anyone else just really, really want to hightail it to the nearest body of water?
NEXT: The night’s best lines!
Finally, Mitchell and Cameron were taking Lily to Chinatown, which Cameron naturally worried might give her Vietnam flashbacks. On the way off the subway, Cameron accidentally tossed her toy Bunny back on the train. Disaster Zone! Hijinks ensued, everyone was fine — except for Bunny, who wound up with a “home-challenged” man and was not ever returning. Lily got a Luke Skywalker (with short robe) doll meant for Mitchell, though. She’ll be just fine.
“I’d rather take her for a spin. Let’s get her top down and see what she can do.” — Phil, about the convertible, just as an attractive woman walked by
“My friend’s dad bought a sports car, and now he lives in a studio apartment and dates a girl who works at Forever 21 — which she won’t be for two years.” — Alex
“He who tossed it lost it.” “Don’t try to clever your way out of it.” — Mitchell and Cameron
“You’re an adult you can make your own choices.” “Since when?” — Claire and Phil
“Ok, let’s play a different game. I’ll be the problem and you be the solution.” — Cameron
“It was my turn to be irresponsible and I had sunscreen in my purse.” — Claire (Me too Claire, me too! Us control freaks have to stick together.)
“A lot of amenities disappear when an H becomes an M.” — Manny, sharing a tough truth
“Really? You don’t know Nemo? It’s on an endless loop in the den.” — Cameron
“All my stress completely disappeared. And so did my keys.” — Claire
“Your wife still won’t let you have a convertible, will she?” “We’ll never know because I’m afraid to ask.” — Phil and Andre
Did Wednesday night’s episode of Modern Family drive into your hearts?
[Image Credit: ABC]