‘$#*! My Dad Says’ Recap

ALT TEXTWell, I don’t even know where to start.

The bottom line? CBS’s new sitcom $#*! My Dad Says is a big, steaming pile of… well, you know.

Before I get too far into describing how much it sucks, let’s take a look at this awful show’s history.

$#*! My Dad Says is based on a Twitter account created by Justin Halpern of the same name. The description is pretty obvious: “I’m 29. I live with my 74-year-old father. He is awesome. I just write down the sh*t that he says.” And it is funny. Here’s a sample of a few tweets:

“Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog sh*t.”

“Look, we’re basically on earth to sh*t and f*ck. So unless your job’s to help people sh*t or f*ck, it’s not that important, so relax.”

“You seen my cell phone?…What’s it look like? Like two horses f*cking. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone.”

Pretty clever, eh? It’s enough to make you chuckle every so often when you check your Twitter feed. But some people really loved it. They loved it so much that Justin Halpern was asked to create a book and CBS developed a TV show around the idea, starring William Shatner.

But it looks like CBS took this internet meme one step too far. Says is awful. The entire pilot revolved around bad one-liners delivered by Shatner. But that wasn’t the worst part. For some reason, the writers thought that they needed to include some emotional drama to balance the crude remarks. The show clumsily bounced back and forth between Shatner being a jerk (saying he wanted to shoot girlscouts in the face) to trying to re-establish a relationship with his son. Am I supposed to feel for these characters? Am I supposed to laugh? What is going on? Somebody please help me because I don’t understand!

In short, it sucked.

Now I understand that networks need to take risks. For example, Lost must have originally sounded ridiculous (We’re going to base a TV show around a plane crash on a mystical island? Seriously?), and look how that turned out. So I’m hoping — for the sake of quality entertainment — that CBS knew they took a major risk with Says. Hopefully they recognize their mistake soon and pull it from the air.