NBC’s The New Normal is a delightful show about a not very ordinary gay couple trying to have a surrogate daughter with a strange woman who has an oddball child and an unbelievably bigoted (and funny) grandmother. NeNe Leakes is also sometimes involved. As much as it would like us to believe that this is the way the world works today, like most Ryan Murphy shows it is a celebration of the oddities within all of us. Therefore this weekly feature is both a celebration (and indictment) of all the abnormality contained within it.
Normal: Getting a dog to see if you can be a parent.
Abnormal: Getting a dog to see if you can be a good parent after you already have a bun in the (other lady who is living in your guest house’s) oven.
Normal: A 9-year-old loving Harry Potter.
Abnormal: A 9-year-old being obsessed with Maggie Smith and dressing in elaborate costumes in class and then getting in trouble for it. Where did she get the costume? The mother had to know about it before getting called to the principal’s office.
Normal: Ian McKellan coming onto you at the car wash.
Abnormal: Actually making out with him.
Normal: Encouraging your child’s dreams.
Abnormal: Encouraging your child to be like Taylor Swift. No one wants their child to be like that soul-sucking hussy who dates every man that she can find and then writes about how wronged she is when they dump her.
Normal: Having great female guest stars like Kerry Kenni-Silver.
Abnormal: Wasting them as your household help and vets and other tiny parts. Remember what they did to Marlo Thomas (RIP: her face) and Cheri Oteri?
Normal: Being hot for teacher.
Abnormal: There is no assistant principal in the world that damn hot.
Normal: Ex sex.
Abnormal: Ex sex when you’re pregnant with another man’s (men’s?) baby.
Normal: Leather daddies with butch pets like a bulldog.
Abnormal: Leather daddies with parrots that say “Who’s your daddy? Take it all!”
Normal: Going to the doctor and thinking there is something seriously wrong.
Abnormal: Going to the doctor and thinking there is something seriously wrong and it’s only gas. That only happens on TV.
Super Abnormal: Having your dog get sick, having it only be gas, and then having it get hit by a car so that you don’t have to continue having a dog on the show for the rest of the series. Dog trainers are expensive!
Normal: Loving a good impression.
Abnormal: Having to explain to the public who that impression is of. Look it’s Maggie Smith from Sister Act and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit co-starring Lauryn Hill before she was crazy.
Normal: Teenagers getting people pregnant.
Abnormal: 18-year-olds knocking up girls at Burning Man. Only middle aged former hippies go to Burning Man.
Normal: Dogs growing up very quickly.
Abnormal: Wait, how did they have a 9-month-old puppy that was only on the show for a week? Wouldn’t we have seen it before, especially considering that it is older than Goldie’s fetus? Where have they been hiding this dog?
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo credit: Vivian Zink/NBC]