‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ Recap: Punch Drunk Shove

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If you’ve been secretly fantasizing about the Atlanta Housewives in Street Figher-like battles, then your consider your wish granted. This week marks Round 2 of NeNe Leakes’ Pajama Jammy Jam. To review… Christopher Williams grabbed Kenya Moore’s arm. This caused Kenya’s friend Brandon DeShazer to step in and promptly get smacked down by Apollo Nida and Peter Thomas. Then M. Bison stopped by and threatened to turn the world to ash.

Round 2 finds everyone reeling from what happened. NeNe is still yelling and blames Kenya. Porsha Stewart leaves because she’s about 50 percent sure someone’s possessed. She doesn’t go on record as saying she believes in ghosts but after seeing Bill Cosby die in Ghost Dad and then show up on her television she believes in evil spirits. Kenya and Brandon leave and Apollo shows off his sexy physique. 

There’s a détente and peace is restored… until Kandi Burruss brings up what Natalie Macklin-Williams said about Todd Tucker. Natalie performs the 3-hit under the bus combo and shifts the blame to Cynthia Bailey. Cynthia and Kandi exchange words and hand gestures. Malorie Massie steps in to separate the two dueling ladies and that turns Kandi into E. Honda because a thousand hand-slaps start flying. However, honestly, Malorie could eat Kandi she’s so tiny. It would be like a gazelle fighting a smurf. Luckily, Phaedra Parks steps in and diffuses the situation. 

In the light of day things look completely different. NeNe is emotional about her party. She blames Kenya for the drama. It’s clear NeNe has an agenda. Where does she think things will go when she brings a bunch of people with issues into one room? NeNe is the one that started pointing fingers and reading loaded questions to the group. However, since Kenya was the catalyst to the actual fight it looks like she stole focus from NeNe and released the Kraken. You don’t want to make NeNe angry.   

Cynthia is not thrilled with Kandi’s behavior. Shockingly enough, Kandi isn’t either. They both recount that night’s events. Meanwhile, at Kenya’s model home, Brandon and Kenya are starting to resemble Team Rocket, the villains from Pokemon with their lame-brained schemes. They’re ultimately harmless but they keep starting unnecessary trouble. Brandon shows up with physical scars from the fight…and a police report. He’s consulted his lawyer Jacoby not Myers and if he presses charges it will be considered a felony. Apparently, one of his ribs is broken. This is starting to smell contrived, which coincidentally, smells like cotton candy and burning hair. Keep an eye out for Kenya’s new perfume Contrived at a 99 cent store near you.

Meanwhile, the divorce clock has started on Apollo and Phaedra. She seems unconcerned with Apollo’s presence or his apology. However, he did physically throw her aside to attack Brandon. But he does look good with his shirt off so maybe it’s a wash. They then discuss furries and pajama fetishists. Then Apollo apologizes (ha!) but he seems more relaxed after having instigated a full-on brawl. Remember, the first rule of pajama parties. 

After a stunt casting call for Kandi’s musical, Kandi decides she needs to stage a mea culpa for the ladies. She invites them all to a spa for free massages. Unable to refuse anything free, they all show up despite their issues with each other. Cynthia avoids Kandi until she drags all the ladies together away from their free massages for tea… out of paper cups. There the ladies engage in the most ancient of reality television marital arts – the non-pology. It’s a lot like krav maga except instead of actual hits you just use indefinite words like “allegedly” and “if” a lot. The ladies finally agree that Kandi is sorry and that Cynthia is sorry if Malorie pushed Kandi. 

But NeNe doesn’t care. She wants a pound of Kenya’s flesh for ruining her pa-drama jammy jam. She says Kenya manufactured the entire situation. However, given the play-by-play conveniently provided by the producers, it’s clear that Christopher did grab Kenya’s arm and Brandon did misguidedly step in. However, if anyone is an instigator its NeNe. Kenya may be an opportunist but this situation wouldn’t have been a powder keg of drama had NeNe not invited them all there. Meanwhile, NeNe starts making some borderline homophobic comments about Kenya’s gay friend, Brandon. She may be a friend to gay people but she gets precariously close to crossing the line. They agree to disagree.  They’re lucky this isn’t Mortal Kombat. Finish Her! 

Talking Trash

Your hands aren’t clean they’re full of grease. – Kenya to NeNe

I just start seeing spirits in people’s faces. I wouldn’t say demons but there was definitely an evil spirit that entered their space. – Spiritualist Porsha

We all know Cynthia won’t pop a grape but we know her sister will pop off. – Kandi on her wine preferences?

I acted crazy and ratchet but, hey, I did it. – Kandi

When I came inside I saw a full-on episode of Jerry Stringer jumping up. She was acting like some ghetto-ass f**king heifer. – Peter describing Kandi

You were acting like your Momma. – Carmen

Phaedra: I’m very irritable today. Apollo: Only today? 

I’m not sure I want to see Shade-dra.  – Wordsmith Kenya

They massaged her so good she thought they put their toes up her butt. – Phaedra