First off, let’s have a round of applause for the fantastic first season showing of Revenge. We tip our sea-creature-figurine-decorated-headbands to you, Miss Emily Thorne. You have won our hearts and brought out our murderous rage all at once. But with any well-crafted dramatic finale come a wealth of hair-tearing questions and cliff-hangers. The moment the credits roll, we’re supposed to throw our hands up, startle our sleeping canine companions, and exclaim “What?!” so loud our roommates start to question their living situations. Revenge caused a symphony of exasperated reactions with its doozy of a finale, leaving us with no other recourse than wonder about these very pressing issues:
— If so, how can we possibly go on without them? How can we enjoy the show without Lydia’s withering stares and Victoria’s impossibly skin-tight mini-dresses? I’d rather watch Charlotte’s rich brat pout for 15 hours in some Clockwork Orange-inspired viewing room than go on without Victoria Grayson.
— Will the White-haired Man/He-who-shall-not-be-named/Voldemort ever get a real name? Or does he gain his powers from the lack of identity and we’ll eventually learn his name is some James Bond-like alias like Q?
— How is Amanda’s mom still alive? How could she have left her poor little girl to be sent into a life of juvenile hall and bad dye jobs? And more importantly, that means mama has to be one of the bad guys, right? It’d be too easy to find her locked up in some prison cell run by the White-haired Man.
— Is Victoria really dead?
— Are Daniel and Ashley about to hook up? Has she been working all season to get into his pants? Is that what her little quip about “always” being there is about? And she has to be lying about having his back, right? She’s going to bed him and steal all his earthy possessions in his sleep.
— Nolan’s “OMG” response to hearing about Jack’s baby mama was a Gossip Girl jab, wasn’t it? You know, because Gossip Girl is a busted shell of the compelling melodrama is was in 2007, and in the words of 30 Rock’s Kenneth Parcell, “Revenge is the surprise hit of the season!”
— Victoria’s not really dead, right?
— What was Victoria going to say about Amanda’s mom? Cruelest. Pause. Ever.
— Is Jack really going to stick with Amanda? He looks like someone stuck in a traffic jam when “How Bizarre” comes on the radio and they’re forced to just grin and bear it because the cars aren’t moving and the next exit is a mile away.
— And please help me out here. Victoria will miraculously be back next season, like a plane-crash-evading lady panther, right?
— Is Amanda’s baby even Jack’s? We all know she’s a scheming little street urchin. Plus, are we even sure how long she’s been gone? How many months did we lose with all those trial time jumps? This is all a little fishy.
— Seriously, Victoria can’t be dead, right? RIGHT?!
— If this whole scandal goes beyond the Graysons, does that mean Mason Treadwell won’t be coming back? (Say it ain’t so! I love me some Mason meddling!)
— What was Emily burning when Nolan told her not to do anything revenge-y? Will it drive a stake further between her and Jack? Or was it just Victoria’s dumb empty engagement box? Maybe my television is too small. Should I buy a bigger one so I can see these details?
— Finally, Queen Victoria’s coming back, right? I’d put up with a Madeleine Stowe ghost if I had to, just tell me she’s not gone!
What’s your biggest burning question now that Revenge is on summer break?
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.