We’re but four days away from the official start of the holiday season shopping madness bonanza palooza hullaboo greed orgy that is Black Friday. And while life would be exponentially easier for everyone if Oprah got us all of our presents, alas, we must join the frenzied masses and risk life and limb for a Furby. (They’re back, haven’t you heard?)
But, as it turns out, the only thing tougher than trying to figure out what your Secret Santa would want for Christmas, is trying to figure out what your favorite characters on television would buy each other if they too did Secret Santa — or Pollyanna or White Elephant or Yankee Swamp, depending on the region. So while we can’t do your holiday shopping for you or hold your place in line at the Apple store, we can come up with what your favorite TV characters would buy each other. It’s the gift that keeps on giving! Well, until next season.
Don Draper from Mad Men has….Jessica Day from New Girl…and gives her….absolutely anything from the 1960s. It’s vintage!
Kalinda Sharma from The Good Wife has….American Horror Story‘s Dr. Arthur Arden….and gets him… Fifty Shades of Grey, of course. ::Shudder::
Donna Meagle from Parks and Recreation has….Mad Men‘s Don Draper…and gets him… what every man desires, a night with Donna Meagle. Eat your heart out, Jean Ralphio.
Walter White Jr. from Breaking Bad has….Carl Grimes from The Walking Dead…and gives him…a Christmas card that reads, ‘Dads, amiright?!”
Brad Williams from Happy Endings has…Walter White Jr. from Breaking Bad…and gets him….a gourmet breakfast, complete with international papaya smoothie. Splash!
Jessica Day from New Girl has…Juliette Barnes from Nashville…and gives her…a brand new set of assorted nail polishes, and co-writes her a new jingle on her ukulele called “Stealing is Bad.”
Carl Grimes from The Walking Dead has…Elena Gilbert from The Vampire Diaries and gives her…not a goddamn thing. Are you kidding? The kid is stuck in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, leaving not much time to holiday shop for a vampire.
Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother has…Nicholas Brody from Homeland…and gives him…only Canadian presents like a Maple Leafs jersey and a Justin Bieber cd. No American-made products for that traitor!
Will McAvoy from The Newsroom has….Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother…and gives her…a stern talking to about media and a tutorial on how women send emails.
Nicholas Brody from Homeland has…. Donna Meagle from Parks and Recreation…and gives her…a series of ginger-themed body scrubs and essential oils. Treat yo self, Donna Meagle! Just maybe be aware that the FBI could be tracking you now.
Will Schuester from Glee has…. Brad Williams from Happy Endings…and gives him….an impromptu rap and dance session he most certainly didn’t ask for. (No, you can’t join Boys II Menorah, Will!)
Elena Gilbert from The Vampire Diaries has…. Kalinda Sharma from The Good Wife…and gives her…an actual diary. It’s time to bottle some of that noise.
Juliette Barnes from Nashville has….Will McAvoy from The Newsroom…and gives him…a fully loaded iPad and iPod (complete with her tunes, obviously.) Get with the times, you old grump!
Dr. Arthur Arden from American Horror Story has….Will Schuester from Glee/the Ryan Murphy universe and gives him…hopefully, a one-way ticket to Briarcliff.
Happy holidays, fictitious friends! Which characters do you think would buy each other the best Secret Santa gifts?
[Photo credit: AMC]