See What Happens When a Computer Writes an Episode of ‘Friends’

Friends, Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry, Warner Bros
Warner Bros via Facebook

People are understandably obsessed with Friends. It taught us that friendship is the most important thing in the world, that true love was possible, and that David Schwimmer is very good at yelling. People love the show so much so that even news of a partial Friends reunion was enough to break the internet. Ever since the show ended, people have been awaiting new episodes (and no, Joey doesn’t count).

Well, Friends fans can rejoice. Webcomic artist Andy Pandy took it upon himself to give the people what they wanted. He fed every episode of Friends through an artificial neural network which then generated new scripts of the show. However, like some sort of monkey paw curse, the results are less of a dream come true and more of a nightmare.

Check out the scenes for yourself:

Our personal favorite is this moment which features Chandler becoming trapped inside a breakfast pastry:

[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Monica and Phoebe are dancing]

Van Damme: I’ll go in a crap

Monica: Keep talking!

Phoebe: Wow lady! You’re just gonna come over to him jumpy! (They start to cry.)

Chandler: So, Phoebe likes my pants.

Monica: Chicken Bob!

Chandler (in a muffin) (Runs to the girls crying) Can I get some presents.

If this is the level of artificial intelligence, then the real-life Skynet will be less focused on wiping out humanity and more focused on zany non-sequiturs.