Seriously, Where the Hell Is ‘Revenge’?

Jonah HexLast night, if you’re anything like me, you got home after work, going to dinner, and pretending like you were going to go to the gym and revved up the DVR, all excited to find a new episode of Revenge, everyone’s favorite soapy show.

Too bad it wasn’t a new episode of Revenge — it was one of ABC’s stupid “catch-up” episodes, which is basically a 60-minute “last week, on Revenge.” An actual new episode was nowhere to be found again last night. Still! It doesn’t return from hibernation until next Wednesday. That means it’s been nearly two months since we’ve had our fix of Amanda Clarke/Emily Thorn, her murderous stripper double, her hunky fiancé, and Madeleine Stowe’s entirely paralyzed face (thanks Botox!). Seriously, ABC, what the hell is going on over there?

This isn’t the first time that those rich people over on Revenge have slacked off. After a killer debut last September, it started getting lazy in November, taking two weeks off then. We were denied the beauty of Jack’s biceps and Declan’s awful accent from Dec. 7 until Jan. 4 while the Hamptons crew went on Christmas vacation. But even when it came back it took off three weeks, before going off the air again for good at the end of February.

I know that making a TV show is hard and takes a lot of work, but that seems like more than enough time twiddling our thumbs for the year doesn’t it? Especially on a freshman show that is as buzzworthy as Revenge. Everyone is talking about it, but the talk isn’t going to turn into new viewers if there is nothing to watch! And it’s one thing to have to wait all summer to see how a cliffhanger is resolved. That’s just the natural ebb and flow of the TV schedule. Revenge skipping so many weeks, it’s like your mom not picking you up from soccer practice: Every week, it’s supposed to be there, and when it’s not you’re left with nothing to do but stand out in the cold and wait for when it remembers its job. And while I appreciate them, teaser photos aren’t going to make me feel better about your absence.

Maybe it’s just that I’m so invested in the show, the characters, and want to see what happens. I want to see which color polo shirts Nolan is going to layer this week or how many silly things Charlotte is going to get to cry over. I want to see poor Ashley finally get a storyline that doesn’t involve catering to rich people. I want to see what ridiculous party the Graysons are going to plan next. I want to see if Amber Valletta is going to make her camptastic return!

Come on, Revenge, we’re counting on you. Come back and don’t you ever leave again.

Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan


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