‘Shameless’ Recap: Frank The Tank

S1:E2 Chances are you were busy watching the Golden Globes last night and didn’t catch the second episode of Shameless. But luckily for you, I’ve lined out all the important stuff for you below! Aren’t I a gem? Like, yeah, all those celebrities last night looked great in their green emerald dresses, basking in the glory of all the great movies they made last year. But the mark of a TRUE gem is sitting in your sweatpants and writing what happened in an episode of a show where William H. Macy is an alcoholic who abuses his family so you can win lots of money by correctly answering a question about the episode when you happen to get into the Cash Cab. I’m just saying.

“What are you, a tough guy, Steve? You think you’re a tough guy? Because you look like a premenstrual Filipino.” – Frank

One morning when Frank went to the bar, he ran into the father of the girl Lip tutored in physics. But it wasn’t one of those parent meet and greets that consists of, “Oh, you’re Jenny’s mom! You know, my little Linda just LOVES Jenny’s socks with the lace on them. Where on earth do you get those? My little Linda has very persistent foot fungus, so I keep telling her that she can’t wear dainty socks because we wash them so frequently, but Jenny’s lace ones are the only ones she wants to wear and I fear that Linda’s fungus will get worse if she doesn’t wear any socks at all. So the lace ones — where’d you get them?” Unfortunately for Frank, this guy also happened to be a father who caught his daughter giving Lip and his brother blow jobs under the dining room table during what was supposed to be a “study session.” He clocked Frank in the nose and sent him running out of the bar with blood dripping down his shirt. When he got back home to his house, Ian asked Frank if the shirt he was wearing (that was all covered in blood) belonged to him. Frank said it did, and then he headbutted Ian in the nose and sent him flying on to the coffee table, which obviously interrupted the Deadliest Catch viewing party. Steve immediately scrambled off of the couch and shoved Frank and asked him how dare he hit one of his own kids. Frank, not seeming very drunk at all, came at Steve because really, what kind of a front is a guy who buys a washing machine for a family of six going to put up? Sensing that the situation could become worse, Fiona demanded that Steve leave the house.

“I’m sorry Fiona, I shouldn’t have kidnapped your dad. It was wrong. Trizone air conditioning, power windows and door locks, alloy wheels…” – Steve

Knowing he screwed up, Steve did what he thought would serve as a really great apology and bought (or stole) a van so that Fiona could use it to take care of her family better. He filled it with roses, and presented it to her. Fiona wasn’t having it though, as she ran back inside, got $80, and handed it to Steve saying it was for the washing machine and that she would pay him back for the rest of it when she had the money. Steve said he didn’t want his money, and Fiona said she didn’t want his charity, so she would get him the rest of the money for the washing machine when she had it. Then she went back inside. If this relationship is really over, where are the sex scenes going to come from? Because everyone knows people are only watching this for the sex scenes — even Emmy Rossum knows that! She’s been quoted talking about what it’s like to film them all the time! Literally, all the time. Maybe she’ll start having sex with the cop who likes her, which actually sounds pretty dreadful. Ugh.