We’re just a few hours away from the announcement of the most prestigious awards ceremony in all of Hollywood when we learn the nominees for the 2013 Oscars ceremony. But we already know who won the most prestigious celebrity diving competition in all of Hollywood. (Just replace prestigious with televised, and celebrity with available.)
Antonio Sabato Jr. emerged the champion of Fox’s two-hour event/tragic sideshow Stars in Danger: The High Dive because of his near flawless performance and dedication to his craft. In short, Antonio Sabato Jr. was essentially the Daniel Day-Lewis of Stars in Danger: The High Dive.
The former soap opera star ended the evening with a final score of 53, narrowly edging out Baywatch actress Alexandra Paul with her score of 52.5. But, there were some other scores to take into consideration. Hollywood.com may not have been on the judges panel (even though we should have been) but that doesn’t mean we weren’t keeping score on our own. Here’s some numbers that should have factored into the final tally:
2500: People who willingly showed up to watch this unfold right before their very eyes.
100: The percent chance Terrell Owens will wind up on Dancing with the Stars following this.
10: Unintentional hilarity of the dramatization of these “stars” actually being in real “danger”. (That said, when someone who lost their arm to a shark says diving is scary, maybe it is a little dangerous.)
10: The totally intentional hilarity of watching Real Housewives stars and The Shining sisters Kim Richards and Kyle Richards fall and flop off of high dives.
9.3: Unabashedly enjoying watching “Twitch” and Bethany Hamilton, especially their synchronized dive. Give them their own spin-off, Fox!
9.1 Antonio Sabato Jr.’s abs
9.0 Antonio Sabato Jr.’s unbearably intense intensity face.
7.3 The special legitimately showing what goes into the difficult sport of diving.
6.2: Filling the void of the Summer Olympics.
6.1: The sinking feeling that this was better than most of NBC’s Olympics coverage.
3.7: Terrible diving puns from the robotic hosts, such as “Let’s dive into this competition!”
2.0: Number of people from Baywatch. (David Chokachi and runner-up Alexandra Paul).
1.2: Any resemblance of self-awareness, either from the competing stars or the show itself.
0: Stars who actually died from all that looming danger.
-120: Minutes of your own life lost from watching this.
-1000: Advertising that Jenni ‘J-WOWW’ Farley, the one person we were truly looking forward to watching, was actually competing in this. The Jersey Shore star sustained an injury and appeared on screen for roughly 15 minutes. Hmm, why does 15 minutes sound so familiar with this bunch?…
Oscar who? This is truly the gold standard in entertainment!
[Photo credit: Eric Liebowitz/FOX]