Was Ricky Gervais’ Golden Globe Monologue Perfectly Witty or Too Offensive?

Golden Globe Awards, Ricky Gervais, Paul Drinkwater, NBC
Paul Drinkwater via NBC

Ricky Gervais has a history of pissing off celebrities with his Golden Globe monologue. Johnny Depp even made an appearance on the Gervais produced sitcom Life’s Too Short where he heckled Gervais with some of his own jokes (like “Why did Ricky Gervais do a series of audiobooks? So the blind could hate him as well” and “Why isn’t Ricky Gervais circumcised? Because there’s no end to that prick”).

In 2012, Gervais famously claimed “I guarantee they will not invite me back.” Well he’s back. As we expected, last night’s monologue attacked celebrities, Hollywood culture, and even the awards themselves. Some fans thought the jokes were witty, but others thought they were cringe inducing. You decide for yourself.

Here are the best celebrity burns from the 73rd Golden Globe Awards:

You disgusting, pill-popping, sexual deviant scum. I want to do this monologue and then go into into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me.

We’re live on NBC and it’s right that NBC host this award show because they’re the only network who are truly fair and impartial and that’s because they’re the only network with zero nominations.

I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously. Now Caitlyn Jenner, of course. What a year she’s had. She became a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn’t do a lot for women drivers, but you can’t have everything.

Jeffrey Tambor… What a year he’s had. What an actor, what a role. Everyday, he has to put on all the women’s clothes and the hair and makeup and let people film it. That takes balls. I don’t know how he does it. I really don’t. I’ve seen his balls. They’re huge and long.

One Hollywood publication said that me hosting would mean that some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of. As if film stars would stay away from the chance of winning a Golden Globe. Particularly if their film company has already paid for it.

So what’s happened this last year in this crazy business we call show. The excellent Spotlight has been nominated. The Catholic Church are furious about the film as it exposes the fact that 5 percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it the best date movie ever.

Jennifer Lawrence made the news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood. And she received overwhelming support from people everywhere. There were marches on the street with nurses and factory workers saying, “How the hell can a 25 year old live on 52 million?”

Joking aside, of course women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job. And I’d like to say now that I’m getting paid exactly the same as Tina and Amy did last year. Now I know there was two of them, but it’s not my fault if they want to share the money.

The Hollywood Foreign Press deemed The Martian a comedy and even nominated it… To be fair, The Martian was a lot funnier that Pixels. But then again so was Schindler’s List.

All female remakes are the big thing. There’s a female remake of Ghostbusters. There’s going to be a female remake of Ocean’s 11. And this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and they don’t have to spend too much money on the cast.

If you do win tonight, remember no one cares about that award as much as you do. Don’t get emotional. It’s embarrassing. That award is, no offense, worthless.

The Golden Globes doesn’t have an “in memoriam” section to get you all depressed. Instead we let the President of the Hollywood Foreign Press say a few words.

Our next presenter is the star of the hilarious comedy The Martian… He’s also the only person who Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to. Please welcome, Matt Damon.

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