The Least Normal Things About ‘The New Normal’: Breast Feeding Edition

New Normal RecapNBC’s The New Normal is a delightful show about a not very ordinary gay couple trying to have a surrogate daughter with a strange woman who has an oddball child and an unbelievably bigoted (and funny) grandmother. NeNe Leakes is also somehow involved. As much as it would like us to believe that this is the way the world works today, like most Ryan Murphy shows it is a celebration of the oddities within all of us. Therefore this weekly feature is both a celebration (and indictment) of all the abnormality contained within it.

Normal: Having a cashmere sweater.

Abnormal: Twelve-ply cashmere sweaters do not exist.

Normal: A 4-year-old liking chocolate milk.

Abnormal: A 4-year old wanting to put chocolate syrup on his mother’s boobs to make chocolate milk.

Normal: Not wanting to watch Glee.

Abnormal: Having to lie about it to the creator.

Normal: Getting an angry, bitter, down-on-his luck bum to paint your house.

Abnormal: Scott Baio is that angry, bitter, down-on-his luck bum painting your house.

Normal: Wanting to sleep with John Stamos who, like a fine wine, a great pair of jeans, or Sinead O’Connor’s first album, only gets better with age.

Abnormal: John Stamos actually going out on a date with you.

Ellen Barkin HaircutNormal: Getting a new haircut.

Abnormal: Whatever this crime is that Ellen Barkin is perpetrating on her head.

Normal: Kids caring about crazy things that don’t matter.

Abnormal: Kids caring about whether or not they were breast fed.

Normal: Having a cool name for your store.

Abnormal: Getting Kathy Griffin to license the use of her phrase “Suck It™” to use for your breast milk store.

Super Abnormal: Having an entire store devoted to nursing!

Normal: Throwing something (say, a doll) across a room for a person to catch it.

Abnormal: Throwing anything across a room and expecting a gay person to catch it. But, then again, if it was a doll, he’d probably be more likely to catch it, so maybe this isn’t so abnormal after all.

Abnormal: Buying breast milk over the internet. Sorry, there is no “normal” equivalent to this.

Normal: A dramatic collar.

Abnormal: The weird, shiny, leather detached collar that Ellen Barkin was wearing last night.

Normal: Liking flash mobs.

Abnormal: Actually organizing one in real life outside of being on a Ryan Murphy show. (What is his obsession with flash mobs?)

Normal: Not caring about whether or not you were breast fed.

Abnormal: Caring about whether or not you were breast fed. Who cares? Why are all these people going on and on about this? This is not an issue people have. This is just craziness!

Normal: John Stamos having children.

Abnormal: There is no way John Stamos has a daughter that old. That’s nuts.

Normal: Having John Stamos guest star on your show.

Abnormal: Having John Stamos guest star on your show and not making him take his shirt off. Let’s get to it, people.

Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan

[Photo Credit: NBC]


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