NBC’s The New Normal is a delightful show about a not very ordinary gay couple trying to have a surrogate daughter with a strange woman who has an oddball child and an unbelievably bigoted (and funny) grandmother. NeNe Leakes is also somehow involved. As much as it would like us to believe that this is the way the world works today, like most Ryan Murphy shows it is a celebration of the oddities within all of us. Therefore this weekly feature is both a celebration (and indictment) of all the abnormality contained within it.
Normal: Wearing a wetsuit while wearing learning to surf.
Abnormal: Wearing a wetsuit, glasses, and a knit winter hat while learning to surf. (Ew, soggy wool.)
Normal: Wanting to get a divorce.
Abnormal: Wanting to get a divorce from a hot, lightly hairy guy who likes to sit around in his underwear all the time.
Normal: Scoring a one night stand at a hotel bar.
Abnormal: Scoring a one night stand at a hotel bar with talk of dolphin traps and coal.
Normal: Ellen Barkin dating a hot billionaire.
Abnormal: Ellen Barkin dating an ugly vitamin salesman.
Normal: Feeling bad about yourself and ordering dessert for dinner.
Abnormal: Feeling bad about yourself and ordering dessert for dinner and looking like this.
Normal: Thinking there are “dumb whores” on reality TV shows.
Abnormal: Thinking that there are more “dumb whores” out there who want to be on reality TV who aren’t already on reality TV shows. They’ve all been cast. (Also, how awkward for NeNe to hear this line!)
Normal: Saying you’re a baby’s mother.
Abnormal: Saying you’re a baby’s mother when you are, in fact, a biological male.
Normal: Getting really excited about Christmas dinner.
Abnormal: Jews getting really excited about Christmas dinner.
Normal: Going to the doctor to talk about your downtown lady business.
Abnormal: Going to the gay doctor who you hate whose baby your granddaughter is carrying to talk about your downtown lady business.
Normal: A woman not knowing what an orgasm is.
Abnormal: An old slut not knowing what an orgasm is.
Normal: Having a quinceañera.
Abnormal: Having a quinceañera when you are a white girl of indeterminate ethnic origin and 10 years old.
Normal: A woman of Jane’s age having sex.
Abnormal: A woman of Jane’s age having sex without personal lubricant on the bedside table.
Normal: Having random people be interviewed about their sex lives on a late night HBO show.
Abnormal: Having random people be interviewed about their sex lives on a prime time NBC show that doesn’t normally interview random people. This is not the first season of Sex and the City. Even they got rid of this device.
Normal: Blaming Tyra Banks for all the world’s woes.
Abnormal: That is absolutely normal and justified.
Normal: Women of a certain age talking to each other about sex.
Abnormal: Women of a certain age talking to each other about multi-plateau orgasms in public.
Normal: Hating your mother-in-law and having her not like you very much either.
Abnormal: The two of you getting over all of your issues after one late-night talk over some Alka-Seltzer.
Abnormal: Getting rid of it with Alka-Seltzer. What year is this?
Normal: Regretting the things you did, because, man, we’ve all done some really stupid stuff in our day, haven’t we?
Abnormal: Saying you only regret the things you didn’t do. You have to regret that time that you thought you could hold it until you made it home and you couldn’t and you pooped your pants while sitting in the car. Come on, you have to! People always say that they only regret the things they didn’t do, but they are lying.
Normal: Ellen Barking hooking up with a hot young stud.
Abnormal: I bet she gets so much hot cougar-chasing tail that it’s not even funny. So, yeah, I guess what’s abnormal is that she would screw that fat guy with the bad goatee in the first place.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: AP Photo]