NBC’s The New Normal is a delightful show about a not very ordinary gay couple trying to have a surrogate daughter with a strange woman who has an oddball child and an unbelievably bigoted (and funny) grandmother. NeNe Leakes is also somehow involved. As much as it would like us to believe that this is the way the world works today, like most Ryan Murphy shows it is really a celebration of the oddities within all of us. Therefore this weekly feature is both a celebration (and indictment) of all the abnormality contained within it.
Normal: Wanting to do something to get ahead in your career.
Abnormal: Having Matt Bomer shirtless in your apartment and wanting to work on your Smallville spec script instead.
Normal: Watching a sexy movie to get in the mood.
Abnormal: Sorry, straight people don’t watch Y Tu Mama Tambien to get in the mood.
Normal: Wanting to have a big family.
Abnormal: Wanting to have three children. No one wants three. They want one or two or like 20, but three? That’s how you end up with an awful middle child like Lady Edith.
Normal: Turning schoolyard enemies into eventual friends.
Abnormal: Ever living down the nickname Debbie Dumper.
Normal: Getting advice on how to stop bullies.
Abnormal: Getting advice from a Real Housewife on how to stop bullies. Nene Leakes knows something about beating down mean girls as an adult, now doesn’t she?
Normal: Getting to know each other on a first date.
Abnormal: No one admits to being Intersex on a first date. That’s nuts.
Normal: A gay man on roller blades.
Abnormal: Finding a gay man on roller blades attractive.
Normal: Fixing up your sad sack friend with a potential mate.
Abnormal: No homosexual on earth would set their sad sack friend up with Matt Freakin’ Bomer.
Normal: Having a drag queen teach you about reading.
Abnormal: No drag queen reading tutorial starts without quoting Paris Is Burning.
Normal: Hanging out with people your own age.
Abnormal: That means even though he is Matt Freakin’ Bomer that Frank Ocean probably doesn’t want to be chilling with him.
Normal: Shaving your hairy belly.
Abnormal: Gay men don’t shave, they wax.
Normal: Gay men being versatile.
Abnormal: Being versatile does not mean you hold each other’s feet while doing sit ups.
Normal: Exercising in your own house with a shirt off.
Abnormal: If my body looked like Matt Freakin’ Bomer’s, I wouldn’t ever wear a shirt either.
Normal: Telling a shirtless man you’re trying to have a conversation with to put on some clothes.
Abnormal: I’m sorry, no gay man would ever tell Matt Freakin’ Bomer to put his shirt back on. Never.
Normal: A throw-down reading scene with “To Be Real” in the background.
Abnormal: They finally got something right!
Normal: Wanting to sell children’s clothes at the farmers’ market.
Abnormal: Doing that and not having someone rich to support you because no one wants to buy those ugly damn clothes.
Normal: Eight-year-olds wanting each other to read The Hunger Games.
Abnormal: Eigh-year-olds wanting each other to read Germaine Greer. Even I don’t want to read that!
Normal: Matt Freakin’ Bomer having any gay man he wants.
Abnormal: I’m sorry, there is no way Matt Freaking’ Bomer would ever get with Gary. Not in a heartbeat. Has Ryan Murphy ever met a gay?
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Vivian Zink/NBC]