S4:E9 “What if your husband leaves after your daughter goes to college or something?” – Sonja
Last night’s episode picked up right after Ramona learned from the psychic that there was another woman around her husband and in his life. Kelly and LuAnn had a little bit of a battle over who could better translate the psychic’s French into English that Ramona would understand, and eventually, Kelly won the right to relay the message to Ramona because it appeared as though LuAnn was “interpreting” instead of actually “translating.” Then, Ramona turned into one of those people who don’t believe it when someone says they don’t speak English and tried to explain to the psychic that the other woman was probably her daughter because her daughter is very important and is also a woman. Once the reading was over and the crowd dispersed, Ramona went off into a corner and chatted with some woman about how much better her life is than the other housewives’ lives, and she proved it to this woman by saying when LuAnn first met Mario, she hit on him and said “come fuck me” with her centaur body. Then Ramona sat down with Sonja, and Sonja started comparing her separation from her husband to Ramona’s impending separation, and it was revealed that Sonja’s husband was in his seventies and had been married four times before and he left her for another woman. Ramona told Sonja to shut it down and stop comparing her failed marriage to her successful marriage, because even though both marriages were the same and they both have other women in them, they were never going to be the same. And then Ramona realized that Sonja was just crying because she loved her so much even though in reality, Sonja was crying because someone had wiped up the snake semen off the floor before she had a chance to get to it.
“Did you ask her to save you a seat?” – Cindy
As the women were getting into vans to go to a Moroccan market, LuAnn forgot something back inside the house and put her purse down on the seat next to Sonja and told her to save that seat for her. While LuAnn was away, Cindy got into the van and tried to sit next to Sonja, but she informed her that LuAnn was actually going to be sitting there and that Cindy would have to sit in the back. Cindy flipped out and told Sonja that she should be able to sit where she wants, but Sonja insisted that she was saving that particular seat for LuAnn. Cindy shut down and went into the other van and then told Jill and Kelly about how Sonja wasn’t letting her sit where she wanted to, which was weird because her complaints would have been much more valid if she had chosen to be about how there was no place in the van to put the empty teacup she brought with her. When LuAnn got back in the first van, Ramona (who witnessed the whole thing) asked LuAnn what she would do if someone had moved her bag and was sitting next to Sonja in the spot that she had wanted for herself. LuAnn said she would have asked if she could have her seat back, and then everything was kind of fine because LuAnn got the seat she wanted, which happened to be on the side of the car that allowed for her to put her head out the window and pant and enjoy herself. Once they got to the market, the argument continued and even though Cindy had the perfect opportunity to proclaim herself a rich Rosa Parks and become an internet meme who’s fighting for the right to sit where she wants in a van in Morocco with Princess Beatrice’s hat on her head, she did not. Instead, Cindy went up to Sonja and asked if she remembered that mean thing she to her the night before and Sonja said she did, even though she clearly didn’t and tried to cover for it by saying that Cindy just misunderstood what she meant. Cindy asked why Sonja continually insists on controlling every little aspect of the group’s interaction, and then Sonja broke down because she was already so stressed out keeping her big white bag safe and intact (whose best security feature is the button from Paddington Bear’s coat that you have to hook through a loop) that Cindy just sent her off the edge. Once the group was inside a store, Sonja told Ramona how Cindy accosted her over the seating problem, and Sonja maintained that Cindy had no manners. Cindy overheard their talk and went right up to Sonja again and asked why Sonja never addresses anything with Cindy to her face. Ramona tried diffusing the situation again by pointing to something in the store and asking if it was a fountain. Her tactic worked because it got everyone else thinking whether or not it was, in fact, a fountain.
“I’ve never ridden a camel. Who’s riding camels?” – Ramona
Then all the women went for camel rides. Kelly complained she didn’t have a helmet and Jill complained that the outfit she was wearing didn’t match her camel’s outfit. Sonja said she didn’t want to go camel riding because she fell off a horse recently, and then as the women were trying to convince her that it would be okay and that the pun would only work if all of the women were on camels, she started to cry. As they were walking, LuAnn’s camel started trying to buck her off because he was confused as to why he was carrying one of his own. LuAnn eventually dismounted him, and then got on another camel who was a little slow in the head and was fooled into thinking that the sound of her voice meant she was just a carburetor.
“Is this where I’m going to die?” – Cindy
LuAnn took Cindy, Jill, Alex and Kelly to a Turkish bath house, and Kelly became fixated at how ornate all the décor was that she wished someone was around who built it so she could ask them how intricate the floor plan was. Ramona and Sonja arrived later because they had diarrhea and as Sonja said, both of them had “exploded in their rooms” because they had eaten the dried fruit and the meat. While they were in the baths, Alex told Ramona that she should talk to Jill about all the tension in their relationship, and Ramona said she was at a point in her life where she was really dedicated to being more open to people and that she really didn’t want to have anything to do with Jill. So when they were back at the house, Jill went into Ramona’s room and after they complimented each other on their outfits, Ramona said she felt like Jill was two-faced. Ramona also said that maybe it was her fault that she allowed Jill to act that way, and that all the unpleasantness between them was because Jill asked someone else why she was friends with Ramona. Then Jill got fed up with Ramona blaming her for everything, and brought up how last season in St. Johns, Ramona did not support Jill making up with Bethenny when they had an argument. But who cares about that? The two of them ended up fighting over who wasn’t listening like they should have been, and to Jill’s credit, she did a lot of listening to why Ramona was upset with her but when she tried to tell Ramona her way of thinking, Ramona couldn’t take it. The argument ended with the women resolving nothing, and Ramona crying on her bed with all her necklaces getting knotted around her hears and Jill calling her husband. In other words, as it was always going to.