We definitely thought the guy who netted over $50,000 to make potato salad would be the oddest thing we’d see on Kickstarter all year, but nary a week has passed, and the bowels of the internet have already spit out something that somehow manages to be even weirder. Breaking Bad super-fan Larry Shepherd wasn’t entirely satisfied with the conclusion of Vince Gilligan’s landmark series, which ended with (spoiler!) Walter White dying, so he has decided to launch his own Kickstarter campaign for a Breaking Bad spinoff series called Anastasia.
The imaginary series would pick up just moments after the finale, and star two U.S. Marshals (hopefully played by Val Kilmer and Slash, oy vey!) who discover Walt’s body. But there’s a twist: after the two Marshals leave the body unattended for just a few seconds (Slash just really needed to rip out a few guitar riffs to let out some stress; law enforcement is a tough gig, you know), a mysterious figure of unidentifiable gender and age, grabs Walt’s body by the ankles and escapes into the night. So starts the mystery of Anastasia, and so ends the sanctity of western civilization. It only gets more absurd from there. Here are the weirdest aspects of this very unfortunate Kickstarter project.
The show will presumably star Val Kilmer and Slash for some reason.
We can already feel the electric chemistry between these two leads. Amazing.
Unscripted Alcoholics Anonymous meetings will happen on the show with real celebrities going through real drug recoveries.
Certainly, loads of in-recovery celebrities will pop on by to talk about their very real addictions on a scripted television show…
“Steven Tyler is going to be the first person we invite.”
He’s not coming.
“People that love Native American spirituality are going to love this show.”
No they won’t.
Shepherd promises to get Val Kilmer an Emmy, but not an Oscar because this is a TV show.
Tatiana Maslany can’t even get a nomination, but we’re sure this guy will get Val Kilmer an Emmy.
“To me, Anastasia is a restaurant…and our actors are the food.”
A-list actors will dress up in pounds of makeup and the audience will have to guess who they are.
I’m sure their agents will love that.
Val Kilmer will create the “quirkiness” of his character.
You know, I don’t think the real Val Kilmer is terribly enthused about this whole thing.
But “Slash will stay in the ‘Slash’ character.”
What? So Slash will just be Slash? Will he bring his top hat and Les Paul to drug raids?
Backers on Kickstarter will pick the names of the main characters.
Yep, that’s totally going to end well. Get ready for your two lead U.S Marshals “I.C. Weiner” and “Call of Duty Hitler.”
Vince Gilligan and Sony have not approved of the idea.
But Shepherd is prepared to move ahead with the idea, with or without Breaking Bad. Nothing stops this train, nothing.