Tom Hanks Terrifies Small Children: Late Last Night

How anyone could be scared of Tom Hanks, I don’t know, but apparently his own granddaughter is absolutely terrified of him. Naturally, he tries his grandfathering skills out on David Letterman to show us just how terrifying he can be. Is anyone else weirded out that Woody has GRANDKIDS?

Jason Bateman actually has a tattoo. I know, I was shocked too. But wait, he only did it because his wife said it was okay? Alright, that makes more sense. Anyway, he explained the whole ordeal to Jimmy Kimmel last night, so now we can hear just how whipped (and lovable!) he really is.

Again, because he’s just so freaking hilarious, we have to shine a little light on Louis CK, who stopped by The Daily Show last night to promote Louie. And to defend fart humor. He’s tired of farts taking shit. Yes, that’s actually what he said. Where was he when four-year-old me asked where farts come from? I could have learned so much! There’s no reason you shouldn’t take five minutes to watch this and get in trouble for laughing at your desk.