After last week’s insanity-filled episode of True Blood, it was hard to hold back our fangs while faced with a week of complete and utter blood-deprivation.
With so much sexual tension already on the rise this season, I’m sure you could barely wait to indulge in a bubbly-bloodbath in honor of episode three. Well, Sunday evening soaked our television in blissful gore and now it’s time for you V addicts to relapse once more as we discuss the bloody little deets from last night’s horrifingly-epic episode, “You’re No Good”!
Eric Get’s Handsy– Not That We Mind!
Eric has successfully snuck into the bedroom of Governor Burrell’s daughter, Willa, and as he sexily glides his hunky hands up her legs, the handsome vamp glamours her into revealing how she’s daddy’s pride and joy. But not only is Willa a beauty, she’s also quick-witted: she promises to spill deets on her father’s “experiments” if Eric spares her, so Eric swiftly seizes the entrancing gal and jets off right before daddy’s big ole guards burst in. Phew!
Willing Willa
Wide-eyed Willa’s totally chill with Eric and the rest of the vamps–she clues us in on how she’s not down with her father’s masterplan, which includes an internment camp “that’s part prison, part research facility.” With the Governor’s guards tailing behind, Eric forces Pam to bid a heartfelt farewell to all the good times at Fangtasia before the duo along with Tara and their new, hot prisoner Willa head off to Ginger’s for safe hiding. But this isn’t exactly the “sleepover” Ginger’s been dreaming of to her loss….
While Willa and Eric have their own sleepover party–underground, that is– Willa unveils that her momma had an affair with a vamper, who owns a Fangtasia-esque bar out in Cali. And let me just say, some intense sexual tension erupts when Willa not only wipes Eric’s bleeds, but Eric licks it off her fragile finger. Swoon! The escalating chemistry is halted when Governor Burrell phones Eric begging to save his daughter’s life, which sends Eric & Co. running and Ginger left to distract the Governor and his guards.
Speaking of Research…
We get a glimpse into this “research facility” where blood-teared and gagged Reverend Newlin gets a surprise visit from his wife Sarah (side note: it’s totally weird seeing Anna Camp back on True Blood after watching her jam out in Pitch Perfect, right?). But she’s not there for some loving from Reverend, she’s here to help eradicate vampers… starting with her vampire ex-husband. After throwing around some jokes about bad pay in politics, Sarah leaves Newlin who gets questioned all about Eric.
Billith Be Burnin’
After fortune-teller Bill sees all vampires ill-fate of burning under the scorching sunlight, he gets all fussy about abiding by Lilith’s task to save the entire vampire race. Yeah, Bill we get it’s all stressful to circumvent having your whole species eradicated and all, but calm the eff down– you’re scaring poor Jessica!
Okay so we know Bill’s all tough and shit with his new heightened Billith (Bill+Lilith=Billith) abilities, but we quickly learn he’s not all that. He struts into the sunlight, but it doesn’t go so well considering he goes up in flames.
Fairy Ball Z
Back at the Warlow-haunted Stackhouse house, while Sookie is busying playing with her fairy ball of light, Jason completely collapses, but Fairy Grandpapa is more concerned about Sookie’s lack of fear of Warlow. But like come on Gramps, Sookie’s faced a shitload of danger for 5 seasons now, so a crazed, ancient vampire is run-of-the-mill madness for this badass halfling. Like duh! Sookie goes off on how she doesn’t let peril phase her so she’s all set “for when the shit really hits the fan”. But Grandpa insists, “Warlow is the proverbial shit hitting the fan.” Oh snap! I guess there’s a downside of being fairy royalty– even if your only a halfling–sorry, Sooks!
Jason later discloses to Sookie that he was halicunating “like a motherf*cker” seeing his deceased parents, which explains why he was so cray during the chaos at the Authority’s compound.
Bellfleur Gets His Flirt On! Ow Ow
After rummaging through the newly provided vampire-defense mechanisms, Sherriff Andy Belfleur introduces Holly, who is complaining about Vampire scratching at her door late at night, to his ever-growing fairy children. While his children play with their fairy powers, Andy teaches Holly how to handle a gun, which he enjoys probably a bit too much! Andy even confesses to Holly how he’d love to be her main squeeze once more. Aw, Andy!
Sexy Student
After Jess convinces Bill she’s willing to help out with his vamp-saving cause, the redhead bombshell throws on her hottest schoolgirl outfit to grab Professor Hido Takahashi, who is credited with synthesizing Tru Blood. With a rocking’ bod like Jessica’s, it’s a simple task snagging a perverted professor!
Where’s The Little Baby Wolf?
In the wake of Luna’s on-screen shifting glitch, the cops arrive at Martha’s to snatch poor baby-were Emma. Rikki may be pretty, but she scares the living sh*t out of Emma–and us for that matter–to make her shift. But hey, at least the cops are convinced that Emma’s nowhere to be found, thankfully! 
Don’t Come Knockin’ On My Door
Bill shows up at Sookie’s to explain how he needs her fairy blood to prevent a full-on vampire massacre. Despite how Sookie’s hesitant to open up her door to Bill, but with his new Billith powers, he needs no invitation so he just barges on in… and sends Jason flying into the wall. Bill insists on taking Sookie’s blood to synthesize it for all the vampires. Obvi Sookie’s not really down with this whole whacko plan, which prompts Bill to utter “You’re dead to me now, Sookie Stackhouse.” Tear, tear!
Just when Bill thinks he has no other fairies he turns to, he runs into Sherriff Bellfleur on his walk home and learns there’s a full stock of four teen fairy’s blood he could synthesize.
Did You Know: Hipsters Can Be Helpful!
Alcide and Martha beat the shit out of Sam and Lafayette after snagging Emma, but fear not hipsters can be helpful! Although US-Vampire Unity gal Nicole and her BF/ co-founder help get Sam and Laf back on their feet, Sam’s not really on board with this hip couple getting involved.
The handful of hipsters then reach out to the werewolves trying to team up with them, but they unmistakably messed with the wrong crew. After Alcide and his were-pals realize their videotaping the whole show-down, the werewolves getting enraged and Rikki goes apeshit–well, wereshit (is that what you call it)– attacking these town-newbies! But hey, it’s a perfect distraction for Sam to steal back Emma.
Goodbye Fairy Camp
While on his quest to fight Warlow, Fairy Grandpa discovers that the fairy tent has been destroyed. We find halfling hottie Ben quaking at the thought of how Warlow bust into what was once a fairy-haven. Grandpa utters how he’s sending him “home,” but then he dissolves Ben into shreds of dust. Right when he think he’s a goner, we learn Ben’s fine– He’s just had memories of the fairy club wiped from his noggin’, no biggie! But, drumroll please: he’s the first recruit to the Anti-Warlow fairy-fighting army! It’s the least he could do after Sookie saved his ass, right?!
While sweeping up the mess Bill made, some ah-dorable chemistry flourishes between fellow-halflings Ben and Sookie. The two bond over how they can both really feel each other in their heads while mind-reading–which, sounds a bit kinky, eh? But before any kinkiness ensues, Warlow… and Nora show up – cue the dramatic tunes– and Jason Seriously passes the eff out. Sookie squeals while leaning over Jason. Let us pray for Jason’s health while we await next week’s episode.
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