TV Network Swap: What if ‘Revenge’ Were on HBO?

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Our favorite shows feel perfect for their respective networks: The nude-friendly Game of Thrones is a tried-and-true HBO series, the tortoise-slow Mad Men fits AMC’s intelligent and patient viewers, and The Big Bang Theory never met a laugh track CBS didn’t like. But what if those series appeared on different networks? How would the show change? We’re exploring just that in our Network Swap series. First up: What if Revenge on HBO?

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Series: Revenge

Network: HBO

TV Rating: TV-MA

Logline: In the Hamptons, it’s all about how much money you have, where you keep it, and who you screw to get it, but one woman isn’t after money. She’s willing to weasel her way into any man’s pants and bash in as many skulls as she can, all for the sake of Revenge. Emily Thorne (Evan Rachel Wood) is new to the Hamptons, but surprisingly, she takes to the lifestyle like a barracuda to water. And that’s because she’s not new at all. In fact, she was raised in the Hamptons until a grand-scale con painted her father as a mass murderer. Emily is back to exact her revenge, and undermine the opulence and decadence of the world that so cruelly robbed her of what could have been a happy, healthy life. They think the world is their oyster, but they’re about to learn that money can’t save them now.

Demographic: Largely the same as Revenge on ABC: a split of men and women across the 18-49 age group. Of course, there would likely be a spike in male viewership thanks to the heightened sexual and bloody elements requisite of an HBO series.

Cast: Evan Rachel Wood as Emily, Michael Pitt as Nolan, James Wolk as Daniel, Bryan Greenberg as Jack, Madeleine Stowe as Victoria (you don’t paint over the Sistine Chapel)

Breakout Star: Juno Temple as traitor and annoyance-extraordinaire Ashley, PR expert to Victoria Grayson. After just a few episodes, we’ll absolutely love to hate every last word that comes out her pretty, little mouth.

Soundbite: “Life is a bi**h, darling. Trust is the one f**king thing I cannot afford.” —Victoria 

Sweeps Twist: Connor Grayson is not only cheating on Victoria, but there’s graphic, surprisingly high-quality web video of the two of them doing the horizontal mambo in their birthday suits. And in some angles that aren’t exactly horizontal…

Reason People Watch: The twists and turns are heart-stopping and the dialogue is cutthroat (but really, the sex scenes are amazing and we’re getting a little tired of watching Bill the Vampire deliver his jackhammer sex to whoever he’s on top of this week on True Blood).

What the Critics Say: Many call it the ever-generous “romp” or “guilty pleasure.” Despite its origins in the novel The Count of Monte Cristo, critics claim the origins of the classic tale are largely ignored to make way for more surprising twists and sexual encounters. Like True Blood the series attempts to bring the socio-political elements into play, but they fall flat compared to the sexual exploits of the characters. Still, none of these critics would dare to stop watching… or complaining about watching.

Spin-Off Possibilities: Victoria Grayson doesn’t do knock-offs and HBO doesn’t do spin-offs, dahling.

Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler

[Photo Credit: ABC]

More:

TV Network Swap: What if ‘Two and a Half Men’ Was on TLC?

‘True Blood’ Season Finale Recap: I’m Melting, Melting!

‘Revenge’ Season Finale Recap: Out With a Bang?

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.

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