‘Weeds’ Recap: Cats, Cats, Cats

Silas WeedsS7E9: This week, Weeds managed to make a simple half-hour episode feel like an hour and a half. So, so many things went down. After last week’s cliffhanger, there was a lot of clean-up to do and most of it wrapped up way too easily. Luckily, Silas is still a beautiful, dumb young man and his lust gets the better of him, which in turn screws over his entire family. It’s just too bad we saw the whole thing coming from a mile away.

“I have people who need things. Child people.” – Nancy

Let’s deal with Nancy first, since she’s in the biggest conundrum. She wakes up at the CEO’s townhouse, immediately tells him about the wire because she feels a connection to him after a single night and wants to give him time to escape. He kicks her out and the SEC starts calling her to discuss all the narcotics conversations and useless information about the company that she recorded on that very eventful night. She eventually goes back to him later that day to apologize and he’s ridiculously understanding, asks her to come with him to his secret island haven and when she says she can’t he gives her the keys to his townhouse and the first letter of the island: B. This was all far too easy, far too simple and honestly a little too sweet, but I guess they needed to let Aiden Quinn go quickly on his way.

Back at Andy’s store, Zoya starts commandeering every aspect of the shop. She’s manhandling the delivery boys and tearing bikes apart to make them work “better.” She insists she gets access to everything in the shop – front and back – because they’re all partners. So Andy plays her game – if they’re all partners, then he gets a cut of her insane dream of opening up a dog hotel in Vermont with Nancy. He takes it further and tells Zoya that Nancy stayed the night with the CEO. She’s so angry she storms off for the day. Nancy’s worried because the last time she got jealous, she burned her lover alive. I’d like to take a moment to point out how painfully over-the-top and obnoxious Zoya’s character is. Yes, she is supposed to be in some regard, but she’s damn near intolerable.

But before we get ahead of ourselves, Nancy has to answer to the SEC with her useless intel and missing wire. The detective says he’s going to hand her over to the DEA and makes her pay for the wire. It seems that after all these convenient solutions, she may actually be in trouble, but nope. They bring Doug in and in seconds it turns out that the SEC pension plans are tied to the success of the company, so after a slew of colorful metaphors from the colorful metaphor master, Doug, they both walk free. Nancy even gets the tape back and makes a sale to one of the frustrated SEC detectives. I guess that’s pretty badass.

Finally, we’re all relieved when Nancy burns down the townhouse the CEO gave to her – she really has a thing for burning houses men give to her, eh? Using the wire which she didn’t lost at all, Nancy tells Zoya her arson threat to the CEO is on tape and the Feds will pin the fire and the fact that he’s missing on Zoya. And boom, she’s is gone and we’re all fairly relieved. Maybe even moreso than Nancy.

“I have a message for your boss at pouncy-bouncy-whatever-land-place: we’re not going anywhere.” –Silas

Oh yes, the other half of the episode is all about Pouncy House, the worst name for a weed conglomerate in the history of weed conglomerates (which I’m admittedly not that well versed in, but I stand by my statement).

First, after Nancy catches Shane getting out of a cop car and assumes he’s done something wrong again, she gets even more angry when she finds he’s doing an internship with the police so he can help her. She says it doesn’t work that way as she answers a call from the SEC. Hypocrite. Then again, what else is new? Shane pretends to do IT work at the police department – though it wouldn’t have taken a detective to figure out one officer’s password. I sincerely hope the NYPD isn’t as dumb as this episode makes them out to be or we’re all screwed. In his little espionage act, Shane prints out a report about Pouncy House for Nancy, but of course his boss finds out what he did and locks him up. It’s not all the surprising that Shane wouldn’t think about this outcome, but at the same time he should be smart enough to at least know it was coming afterward.

In Silas news, he finds Emma so he can deliver a message to Pouncy House. She gives him advice on the message he should really send to her boss instead of “go f**k yourself” he’s instantly impressed and asks her to go get lunch with him, to which she immediately obliges. And it’s at this moment that most of knew she was definitely going to screw him over, but he continues anyway. He buys her false sob story about the working conditions at Pouncy House and he spills the details about how he and Nancy run his whole operation. She bats her eyelashes and hints that she’s interested in dating him, so he hires her and takes her to Andy’s shop and shows her everything. He then hooks up with her, falls asleep and wakes up to find the entire shop was literally turned upside down – which is a bit much if you ask me – and that everything, including the brain (the computer where all of Silas’ dealing information is stored) is gone and all that’s left is a balloon that says they need to leave and never come back. Oh, and Shane’s illegally obtained Pouncy House folder names Emma as the ringleader of Pouncy House. Duh. What doesn’t make sense to me is that after seven years of learning not to trust a single person, Silas serves his entire business to Michelle Trachtenberg on a silver platter. Yes, he’s desperate for a connection and for a girlfriend, but he can’t be that desperate. He’s a model for godsakes. Also, is Trachtenberg capable of playing anyone other than a Georgina Sparks reincarnate?

Though I’m frustrated at how uncreative the path to this conclusion was, I will say the show is continuing its pattern of mega cliff-hangers, which is a very good thing. Shane is in jail and his boss is suspicious that he’s working with drug dealers and the entire family’s financial health was completely ripped from their clutches. Plus, who’s going to turn Andy’s bike shop right side up again? So many questions left to be answered, so little time left in the season.