Why We’ll Miss Steven Tyler on ‘Idol’ — Oh, the One-Liners!

Steven Tyler's Best QuotesWhile fans of legitimate judging on American Idol may be swinging their hats in joy at Steven Tyler’s announcement that he’ll be departing from the Fox series, I am mourning the loss of what I’ve regarded as a bubbling fountain of linguistic nonsense at which I love to laugh. 

When the actual competition gets raging on Idol, Tyler calms down and that’s likely because his psychedelic interjections aren’t so necessary when we’ve got the power in our voting fingers, but for the weeks and weeks of auditions, we need a little sanity-sucking comic relief. And that’s exactly what Tyler was.

While I pack away my tree of scarves and start soothing my strained throat (from trying to perfect the Tyler scream, if you must know), enjoy these one-liners of glory, the likes of which we will never see again on Idol:

When Steven Likes What Just Happened:

“The spirits of the children of the woods snuck into you.”

“Well, hellfire, save matches, f**k a duck and see what hatches.”

“That’s the goop great stuff is made from.”

“I’ve never heard anybody squeeze that song, but you squeezed it so slow it sounded liked vanilla fudge singing ‘Eleanor Rigby.’”

“You don’t look a day over fabulous.”

When Steven Wants You To Stop Singing:

“What’s with those joo-joo-bies on your oo-oo-bies.”

“You oughta be arrested for that voice…you have handcuffs?”

When We Have No Idea What He’s Talking About

“One hand clapping!”

“Coach, did you ever paddle his ass?”

“Dawg’s gonna turn into a pussy cat here.”

“I wrote ‘Dream On’ back when the Dead Sea was still sick.”

And Of Course, How Steven Angered a Former Pro Athlete On National Television:

“Hot, humid and happening… just like your daughter.”

Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.

[Image: Courtesy of Fox]


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