Jim is dismayed to learn that Cheryl has joined a dinner party club. When he grumbles that he'd like to meet the moron who invented women, God suddenly appears to defend himself. If Jim thinks he can do a better job, he's welcome to try. But Jim's new-found power backfires when Cheryl and Dana become crasser versions of himself. Then, when Andy asks God to make men more like women, Jim and Andy are transformed into overly sensitive, girly men.
Cheryl can't flirt her way into a reservation at a hot new restaurant, and she begins to worry that her beauty has faded. So Jim cooks up a scheme to cheer his wife up. When he starts to forge suggestive notes from the handsome water delivery guy, Cheryl's mojo returns. But, as things start to heat up between Cheryl and Jim, he wonders if Cheryl's really thinking about Jim or the water delivery guy.
Cheryl takes a greater interest in general safety and health, Jim feels stifled by her new rules and regulations. Just after Cheryl forces Jim to wear an I.D. badge during his morning jog, Jim is head-butted by a bull on a side road. While Cheryl learns that one can't anticipate every danger out there, Jim realizes that he's willing to do whatever it takes to make his family feel secure.
Cheryl and Jim have an evening at home sans kids and decide to stay in and just have dessert for dinner. But Jim's choice of pastries causes a spat which morphs into an all-out food fight.
As Jim struggles to take care of his three kids and the household while Cheryl is out of town taking care of her mother, another neighborhood mom takes pity on him and volunteers to help with the carpooling and cooking. Soon after, other sympathetic moms offer to help Jim out -- though Jim lets each one think that she's the only household help.
After Cheryl leaves town to take care of her mom, Jim realizes he can't be both mother and father to his children, so when Ruby tries to have girl talk with her dad, he reassigns "mommy power" to Aunt Dana. But when Dana gives Ruby permission to go out with an older boy, an upset Jim can't stand idly by, and he, Dana and Andy end up following Ruby on her date to the mall.
Gracie and Ruby's constant bickering forces Jim to read their diaries to get to the cause of their fights. He learns that one of his daughters is coming of age, and the other is extremely jealous that she didn't get there first.
Jim and Cheryl make plans to be intimate when she returns for a visit, but the kids demand all of her attention. In a desperate attempt to have romantic time alone together, Jim plans to meet Cheryl for a romantic tryst in the airport lounge, but is sidelined when a detective mistakenly arrests him for lewd conduct in the restroom.
Without Cheryl's knowledge, and while she is still in Florida, Jim seizes the opportunity to transform the garage into a cigar lounge and donates all of the kids' old furniture and clothes to charity. Just as he has finished unloading the last of the baby gear, Cheryl calls Jim with a special announcement: She's pregnant with twins! Now Jim has to retrieve the stuff he gave away and get used to being a father of five.
Jim is forced to host Gracie's doll-themed birthday party while a pregnant Cheryl is on bed rest. But when Gracie tells Jim she only agreed to a doll party to please Cheryl, Jim turns a girly tea party into a wild squirt gun fight.
Cheryl insists Jim give her a "push present" for going through the pregnancy with twins. But when she quickly forgets her request, Jim counts on her forgetfulness -- aka "pregnancy brain" -- to convince her it was her idea to turn the basement into a macho media room instead of a room for Gracie and Ruby, as he'd originally promised.
Jim realizes that Andy has forgotten to use a gift certificate that he had bought him for his birthday. Not wanting to let his money go to waste, he heads off to a restaurant and treats himself to a hefty meal, and all seems fine until Andy remembers the gift certificate just hours before it's set to expire and invites Jim to share in the feast.
Jim tries to stop the kids from bickering by instituting a tribunal system: If two of the kids are fighting, all three have to work together to decide who is right. Though the system works well for solving the kids' problems, it backfires on Jim when he and Andy argue and the two of them are subjected to a kids' tribunal, with Jim and Andy each trying to curry favor for their cases.
After years of dating, Andy has finally met the perfect girl. Unfortunately he's so afraid, he's not quite himself. Jim offers to take the girlfriend's daughters to a concert with Ruby and Gracie, but Andy can't help worrying about Jim's shenanigans. He leaves a dinner with Emily to go check on Jim at the concert, and realizes his concerns were justified when the girls are nowhere to be found.
Andy is convinced Emily is going to break up with him since his former girlfriends all left him after they'd dated him exactly six weeks. To get to the cause of Andy's former break-ups, Dana hypnotizes him and discovers that he sabotaged every relationship due to low self-esteem.
A very pregnant Cheryl, still on bed rest, wants to have game night, playing a game at which she never loses -- but Dana knows she cheats.
Jim is creating a long list of chores for Cheryl to take over from him when she's off bedrest, but Dana tells him that the doctor ordered Cheryl to stay in bed until she goes into labor.
The Devil has come to collect on a deal Jim made with him years ago when he was courting Cheryl that he would give up his fifth child if the Devil would make Cheryl fall in love with him.