Francine discovers that all their family vacations have been artificial memories created by CIA so that Stan could ditch the family. She is mad and demands a real vacation. However, when the vacation seems too good to be true, Francine is convinced it is also the work of the CIA and causes the family has to suffer the consequences. Meanwhile, Roger makes a desperate effort to be the greatest actor who ever lived.
Stan wants to be a “somebody”, so he decides to become a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants (threatening to ticket and tow), pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, he soon realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay. Meanwhile, Haley poses nude for a college art class and is surprised to see Roger there.
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but Brett turns out to be an atheist. So, Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to "Hogwarts".
When Francine's adopted parents stop by for an unannounced stay, Stan is furious that they refuse to assimilate to his "man of the house" ways. After he unsuccessfully tries to give them the boot, he is convinced that finding Francine's birth parents will change things. Meanwhile, Steve tries to live to the extreme in order to get to second base with the class hottie in the "Big Trouble in Little Langley".
When Hayley decides to move to France because of imperialistic oppression, Stan will do anything to stop her including revealing the fact that she was brainwashed as a child by the CIA.
At a poker game with the guys, Stan reveals that he has never actually killed anyone. It seems that every kill in Stan's history with the CIA has been the result of fortunate timing. Roger and the guys become determined to get Stan his first kill.
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska boarder, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction.
Francine comes up with an elaborate plan to reunite Stan and Roger after a big fight. She fakes Roger's kidnapping in the hopes of showing Roger that Stan still cares about him, but when Stan never shows up to pay the ransom, it forces Roger to rethink the way he treats people.
Stan and the family are characters in a Bond-style spoof when Stan must stop Tearjerker, a diabolical film producer, who produces movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
When Stan's mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the kick.
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, but he's shocked to find the man is his new next door neighbor. When Sergei starts helping Steve build a rocket for class, Stan thinks the boy has turned into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for smuggling drugs back into the U.S.
Roger begins to release photos of himself to the local media for extra cash, prompting the CIA to initiate an Alien Task Force. Through a twist of fate, Roger ends up in charge of the task force in disguise, creating tension at home as he is now Stan's boss. Meanwhile Francine comes to grips with being left-handed and Roger frames Stan as an alien in attempt to keep his identity a secret.
Officially declared dead after an accident with a pudding truck, Stan comes back to life and realizes his sweet dream of leaving a legacy on the world. After digging through his past, Stan begins to excavate his home in search of Ollie North's Contra-band buried treasure. As the search for gold goes North, life at home begins to head south as Hayley turns to body piercing, Steve creates a robotic girlfriend and Roger files for sexual harassment.
The Smiths' marriage is fizzling, leaving Stan feeling unappreciated as Francine visits her parents over spring break. Yet the family is unaware of Roger's own plans to become the 'King of Spring Break,' as he invites college coeds to come party at their revamped home.