Season 5 premiere: Steve is chosen to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, but Stan doesn't think he's ready for it. He thinks that Steve must experience real war first, like the one Stan experienced in Vietnam. Meanwhile, Stan won't give Roger the pay-per-view code numbers to watch a Barbra Streisand special.
Stan gets Roger to pose unwittingly as the dictator of a small island nation after he accidentally kills the real dictator, and Roger takes quickly to his new role. Meanwhile, it's Steve vs. Snot in a sex contest involving their unwitting mothers.
Stan, Lois, Hayley and Roger leave for a college visit for Hayley, leaving Steve home alone---alone, that is, until Snot, Barry and Toshi arrive. They soon find what they think is a flight-simulator video game in Stan's study. It isn't. Meanwhile, the Smiths' flight is delayed on the tarmac because of a UFO in the area.
With the kids away for the summer, Stan and Francine are home alone---with Roger, who's getting in the way. So, with Francine's help, Roger gets a place of his own. Stan will regret it.
Steve becomes the man of the Smith household when Stan, who never had a real childhood, suddenly begins behaving like a kid. "Your inner child put his foot down," as Roger (who's working as a prison psychologist) puts it. Meanwhile, Hayley gives Klaus a haircut. (Since Klaus is a fish, she puts a doll's wig on his head and cuts that.)
As their 20th wedding anniversary nears, Francine lets herself go to see if Stan loves her for more than her looks, while wedding-planner Roger organizes their vow-renewal celebration. Meanwhile, Steve and Hayley search for a gift.
When Stan crashes a My Morning Jacket concert to drag Hayley out of it, he decides that he likes the band---so much so that he becomes a groupie and follows them on the road. Band members have voice cameos. Heavyset Man/Norman: Zach Galifianakis.
Stan tries to prove to Hayley that she still needs his advice, but his plan backfires when he finds himself in a seedy new business.
Stan's frustration at being unable to get a good pew in church on Christmas leads to a divine intervention, and he decides that he wants to get into heaven with or without Francine. But then she's kidnapped.