Jerry gets a date with a Miss America contestant but needs to have a chaperone accompany them. Kramer volunteers and ends up becoming her personal coach after he gives her some good advice.
Elaine has a new admirer when she goes to a stationary store in search of a specific mechanical pencil and the clerk develops a crush on her. George and his girlfriend pick up a big salad and give it to Elaine, who only thanks the girlfriend.
Jerry thinks that a friend of Elaine's is hitting on him but can't decipher the woman's voice with that of her 'high talking' boyfriend. Elaine notices that her boss eats his Snickers bar with a knife and fork and the habit begins to catch on. Meanwhile, George is convinced that everyone is giving him the finger, even when he's enroute to a PBS pledge drive with a famous Yankee.
Jerry meets a woman on the phone when his line gets crossed with George's whom he thinks is Chinese, especially considering her last name. He makes a date with her but loses much of his interest in her when he finds out that she is actually Jewish from Long Island.
Elaine starts dating the guy that delivered Jerry's new couch. All is going well until Jerry asks his opinion on abortion. The controversial topic continues to be examined when Kramer and Poppie end up deciding to go into their 'make your own pizza' pizza business and fight over when a pizza actually becomes a pizza. George joins a book club and tries to cover up the fact that he hasn't read the book by renting the movie.
George's new girlfriend's mom thinks that George is homeless when she witnesses him eating food out of a garbage and cleaning someone's windshield. George and Kramer try to convince Jerry to keep dating a Romanian gymnast but Jerry thinks he has set his expectations too high. Elaine can't pull her boss away from a 3-D art poster of Kramer's so she goes in his place to a big deal meeting. Kramer has to deal with a kidney stone.
Kramer convinces Jerry to accept a free Armani suit from another comedian as all he has to do in return is treat him to a meal. Jerry and the other comedian clash over what constitutes a meal. Elaine discovers that the Englishman that she is dating is not all that she assumed he was and George has bad uck with a new girlfriend. After his bout with the kidney stone, Kramer decides to only eat fresh food.
A used car salesman convinces George to buy a convertible that was supposedly once owned by Jon Voight. George becomes determined to find out whether it is true.
George hires an unattractive woman to be his secretary so he is not distracted, however the woman proves to be so efficient that she gets a promotion and a raise, ultimately making more than George. While at the movies, Jerry swears that he sees his drycleaner wearing his clothes and Kramer gets Uma Thurman's phone number. Elaine buys a new dress but then once she gets it home realizes that the store uses overly flattering mirrors.
Through his new girlfriend, Jerry runs into an old acquaintance and the memory of a foot race from when they were kids becomes a hot topic. They decide to run a rematch to settle the debate of who actually won.
Jerry wants to make the switch from his girlfriend, who never laughs, to his girlfriend's roommate. George comes up with the idea of a menage a trois so that Jerry's girlfriend will be offended and break up with him and the roommate will know he's interested, but it doesn't work out as planned.
Jerry's friend gives him a label maker as a thank you gift for a pair of Super Bowl tickets, however Elaine is suspicious that it is the same label maker she gave the man as a gift and that he has just 'regifted' it. George loves his new girlfriend's apartment but is shocked to find out that she has a male roommate and tries to convince her to get him to move out. Meanwhile, Kramer and Newman get involved in an intense game of risk.
George runs into an old friend, Gary who has been fighting cancer for the past few months- a fact that everyone else seemed to know but George. In truth, however, George discovers that Gary has been faking his illness in order to milk sympathy and favors out of his friends, especially Jerry.
Jerry introduces a program that shows highlights from the first 99 episodes of a 'show about nothing'.
Jerry introduces a program that shows highlights from the first 99 episodes of a 'show about nothing'.
Jerry starts dating a police officer who wants to hook him up to a polygraph machine as she can't believe that he doesn't watch 'Melrose Place'. Kramer sets up the now toupee wearing George with a bald woman. Kramer also starts working as a police line up 'stand in' for $50 a day. Elaine tries to convert a gay man to heterosexuality.
While visiting his grandmother, Nana, Jerry finds out that Uncle Leo was supposed to give his father some money 50 years ago and Uncle Leo put Nana in a home to keep her quiet, thus Jerry's father is anxious to collect on both the money and the interest owed.
After Jerry accidentally allows a couch to be stolen from the lobby of Mr. Pitt's building, the absentee doorman makes life difficult for Jerry. When Mr. Constanza stays with George, Kramer and George discover that he has male 'breasts', so they decide to go into business together - making brassieres for men - but have a disagreement over what to call it. Jerry offers to replace the missing couch with an old soiled one of his.
Jerry, George and Kramer play a game of basketball with 'The Jimmy', a man who constantly refers to himself in the third person and who also makes odd-shaped athletic shoes.
George finds an unflattering doodle that his new girlfriend drew of him and he is unsure as to how he should feel when she reassures him she doesn't care what he looks like.
Kramer receives the wrong personalized license plates and they spell the word ASSMAN. Though wondering who they are for, he makes the most out them while also building a statue of Jerry out of fusilli. George's mother gets an eye lift and Jerry is upset when he finds out his friend has been using his original move on Elaine in bed. Jerry confronts his friend but ultimately needs his services as a mechanic.
Jerry plans to rendez-vous with a supermodel at an airport club after he returns from a trip but his assistant keeps him from making the date. Elaine decides not to quit working for Mr.
When Elaine's boyfriend takes her, Kramer and Jerry to a hockey game, he embarasses them when he paints his face and acts outrageously but Kramer still thinks Jerry should give the 'courtesy thank you' for the free tickets even though Jerry doesn't want to.
George and Jerry are suspected of intentionally injuring Bette Midler at a softball game so that Jerry's actress girlfriend and understudy of Bette, can perform in the play.