As a form of punishment, the boys are forced to join the "Getting Gay With Kids" choir. The choir is on its way to Costa Rica to help save the rainforest, but after some first hand experience (getting lost in the rainforest), the choir changes its message.
After Kenny spontaneously combusts, Randy is appointed by the mayor to find out what is causing the combustions. However, when he finds a solution, he lets fame get to his head. Meanwhile, the boys try to help Kyle's dad get an erection.
Cartman deals with his eye problems and an optometrist he doesn't like because he makes fun of his weight. Meanwhile, Kyle and Stan try to rescue Chef from the clutches of a Succubus that he is about to marry.
The boys discover a live prehistoric Jakovasaur while camping near Stark's Pond. Everyone is interested in helping to keep this endangered species alive, but soon learn how quickly these annoying creatures reproduce. The boys try to distract Cartman, who is fond of the creatures, while the townsfolk try to get the Jakovasaurs deported to France.
The boys try to setup a fight between Tweek and Craig, but when the day of the big fight arrives, neither boy knows what to do. After they get some training, they finally get down to business. The shop teacher, Mr. Adler, has a recurring (live action) dream about a woman.
Sexual Harassment Panda visits Mr. Garrison's class, and the newly educated Cartman sues Stan for sexual harassment. The whole town goes sue crazy and Kyle's dad is getting rich by representing anyone who feels harassed. The boys go in search of Sexual Harassment Panda to try to get him to help stop the lawsuit insanity.
Stan’s sister Shelly is babysitting Cartman and she invites her boyfriend Skyler over, who in turn invites his band. Cartman squares off against Shelly when he tries to prove that she has broken his mother’s rules, but the pair team up when Shelly looks to get revenge on her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Mr. Kitty is in heat and searching for a good time by inviting all the neighborhood cats back to the empty Cartman house for an orgy.
Stan's parents bring him to Mr. Mackey's party, but he gets sent down to the basement to be with the lame kids he considers “Melvins.” Upstairs Kyle and Stan's fathers experiment with their homosexual tendencies. Meanwhile, the government is convinced the party is actually a gathering of a religious cult that is going to commit suicide when the meteor shower arrives. Stan tries to save himself and the party from the ATF.
Kyle invites Kenny to join him at “Jewbilee,” a Boy Scout-like gathering for Jewish kids. At camp, Ike is with the "Squirts" making macaroni pictures while Kyle and Kenny join the scouts, where they work on soap sculptures. These forms of art are a key to the Jewish elders' celebration of Moses. When Kenny is identified by Moses as not being Jewish, he is banished from the camp.
The boys are having a problem with the 5th graders, and since it’s Halloween, Stan suggests they scare the 5th graders by making use of the body of Kyle’s recently deceased grandmother.
The boys have discovered Chinpoko Mon and they can’t get enough of them. They get their parents to buy them everything Chinpoko Mon, including a new videogame that has begun brainwashing them into bombing Pearl Harbor. When the government seems incapable of doing anything about it, the parents must come up with a solution to save their children and the country.
In hopes that he will win the Spelling Bee, Cartman’s mother gives him “Hooked on Monkey Phonics.” But the contest is won by two children (a boy and a girl) that are home schooled. The boy reluctantly gets permission to try public school, while Kyle becomes infatuated with the girl. Meanwhile, Cartman tries home schooling and really takes advantage of it.
Starvin' Marvin finds an alien ship and uses it to begin searching for a new home for his people. Marvin picks up the boys in the ship and they go off into space to the planet Marklar, where the friendly natives are willing to let Marvin’s people come and live. The only thing that will get in their way is a starship built by the viewers of a Christian television channel.
Cartman is convinced that the south is going to win the town’s Civil War reenactment and he makes a bet with Kyle and Stan that involves them becoming the winner’s slaves for one month. The reenactment is sponsored by "Jagerminz S'More Flavored Schnapps," and it gets out of hand when Cartman persuades the drunken Confederate soldiers onto victory in numerous battles across the country, all the way to Washington, DC.
Mr. Hankey introduces 10 musical segments highlighting songs on the CD "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics." The boys and all of the other South Park characters sing their own songs for the Holidays and realize that Christmas is all about the presents.
Cartman is bleeding out of his anus, and it convinces him that he is going through puberty. When the other boys start to have their periods, Stan gets some hormones from Dr. Mephisto and he takes the entire bottle. Meanwhile, folks have gathered around the outside of Jesus’ house on New Year's Eve. When he asks them what they want, they demand to see his father.
The children are practicing "My Country 'Tis of Thee" for the "4 Million Child Blow 2000," conducted by Yoko Ono and Kenny G. Mr. Garrison doesn't want to go because his father still lives where the event is going to be held. Cartman successfully finds the "brown noise" on his recorder, and Stan and Kyle want to use it to get back at the kids from New York.