Jordan takes one of Bernie's mementos in for a time capsule and, in confronting the child, Bernie learns of the harsh realities of his youth and decides to concoct a story that will lessen the hardness of the truth.
While Wanda goes overboard coaching Bryana's soccer team, Bernie tries to turn Jordan from a ribbon dancer into a real basketball player.
Bernie builds Jordan a treehouse in an effort to get Jordan out of his hair, but the new neighbor wants him to tear it down.
Bernie cancels Christmas when he decides that the children have become too obsessed with presents. Wanda has her own hard time with presents as she tries to get something for everyone on her staff after a promotion.
Bernie turns to Angela Bassett for acting tips when he takes on a dramatic lead. With Bernie unavailable, the kids are put into daycare. Vanessa seeks approval with a classmate by playing poor.
Bernie tries to school Jordan in the ways of smack talking at his barbershop, but it backfires when Jordan offends the owner. Wanda and the girls try to take on a beeping smoke detector.
Bernie tries to use Vanessa's boyfriend as a positive role model for Jordan which causes Vanessa to resent the lack of alone time. Wanda finds donating shoes to the Salvation Army to be a lot harder than she thought it would be.
Wanda spends extra time with Bernie after quitting her job even though he's trying to prepare for a television appearance. Jordan tries to pawn off Vanessa in order to make friends with bigger kids.
Bernie's extended family visits for a reunion barbecue and proceed to bug him about every aspect of his life from career to child-raising. Vanessa flirts with a relative until Bernie lets her in on their relation.
Bryana doesn't like Bernie's acting choice to play the villain to her favorite stuffed dinosaur. Jordan takes on the school's candy bar sale.
Bernie suggests that Jordan try comedy as a way to alleviate his stage fright. Vanessa has a hard time shooting a documentary about her home life.
Bernie is at odds with his visiting father-in-law and even the offer of a Caddy isn't good enough to appease Wanda's father.
Bernie challenges Bryanna's school's education technique and winds up having a hard time finding another school for her. Wanda tries to get Vanessa and Jordan to realize that violence is not the answer.
Bernie takes a detour from the family's San Diego vacation to get some gambling and adult activity in Las Vegas.
Bernie gets into a motorcycle accident and realizes his importance to Wanda and the kids. He takes the opportunity to go overboard on the safety front. Jordan tries to make money selling Bernie's adult magazines at school.
Bernie gets relationship assistance from Dr. Phil when his group of guys accept a girl into their fold. The children of the Mac household find a stash of dangerous toys which almost prove to be their undoing.
Bernie comes under practical joke fire from neighbor Carl Reiner and his family, but he wonders whether the arrival of Ashton Kutcher will help cement Bernie as the practical joke king or make him a fool.
Jordan lands an acting gig on Take Your Child To Work Day, but then Bernie is forced to step in and do the ad with him when Jordan doesn't perform well.
When Jordan is caught sneaking glimpses at bra and panty ads and suggestive video games, it's decided that it is time for "the talk." Jordan thinks he got a girl pregnant with a kiss and Bernie seeks the advice of Hugh Hefner.
Bernie and Wanda try to figure out why Bryana has had such a sudden (and negative) shift in her behavior.
Bernie's 40th birthday appears disastrous as he gets zapped by an old woman, has to fill in as a clown at a child's party and even is sent to pick up his own birthday present.
Bernie is overjoyed by Vanessa's good grades in school but worries that she takes it too far when she follows her teacher's example and becomes a vegetarian around Thanksgiving.