Bernie forces Bryana to take piano lessons. When one of Bernie's friends from back in the day arrives at Bernie's house, he announces that he's Bryana's actual father.
Jordan joins the wrestling team and racks up victory after victory because there is no one to challenge him in his weight class. He soon puts on weight and has to lose it in a hurry in order to avoid an actual match. Bernie mistakes his odd behavior and lectures him about masturbation. Wanda tries to teach Vanessa wardrobe responsibility.
Bernie decides to participate in a charity marathon after Jerry returns from a cancer scare and Vanessa claims that she'll beat Bernie in the race.
Vanessa takes her school clothes money from Bernie and buys expensive shoes. He then decides to employ her answering phones to teach her a lesson. Unfortunately, she turns that into a career, getting people to give her things for free on his good name.
Vanessa goes against Bernie's wishes and buys herself a car. Vanessa agrees to take Jordan and some friends to Comic-Con, but they decide they'd rather go to a concert.
Babysitter Jordan, newly 13, gets freaked out by a zombie movie. Wanda has a wardrobe malfunction at a school auction.
Wanda learns a new way to discipline the children and the power of the belt overwhelms her. The repair of Bernie's TiVo becomes much more extensive than originally thought.
A visit from Bryana's father throws off the family dynamic and Bernie's barbecuing.
Bernie vows to catch the kids in any and all delinquent behavior they may engage in, but he finds himself having trouble catching the wily Vanessa.
Wanda suggests that Bernie unite the family through a church retreat activity and after the kids don't take part in his movie night, he consents to going.
Bernie tries to get some time alone with Wanda and away from the kids.
Bernie worries about the disruptive influence Vanessa's Chicago friend will have on the household.
Wanda and Bernie run into a wall trying to conceive a child together.
Bernie and Wanda's fixation on creating a child leads to them not paying attention to the three already in their care. Bernie has to give Wanda fertility injections and then deal with the emotional side effects.
Bernie's football watching is interrupted by a makeup party. Bernie and Jordan team-up to try their hand at fantasy football.
Bernie tries to get Jordan to learn about other cultures by befriending their new Jewish neighbor. They team up together to crash Bar Mitzvahs. Vanessa has trouble with Wanda when she doubts her college goals.
Bryan moves into the house to assist the family while Wanda takes a business trip. Meanwhile Bryana faces some cruelty at school, while Jordan tries to get herself the accolade for the school's best smile.
Bernie decides to create an interview process for Vanessa's prom date possibilities. Meanwhile, Bryana injures her ankle during a soccer game.
Jordan dates a cheerleader, which comes as a shock to the rest of the family. Meanwhile, Vanessa's friends might be having a bad influence on Bryana, prompting Bernie and Wanda to keep an eye out on her.
Wanda's sister rolls into town and hopes to give Wanda a disco-themed rollerskating birthday bash. Meanwhile, tennis star Serena Williams imparts her knowledge of growing up with a sister to Bernie.
When Vanessa blows off studying for her SAT's to work at a coffee house, Bernie thinks she should pay rent. Jordan has discovered a sudden growth spurt and has decided to test out his new found height and strength advantages, much to Bernie’s disappointment.