Alan tries to convince Charlie into letting him join his men's support group.
Alan gets upset when Judith starts dating Jake's pediatrician; Charlie points out that Alan wouldn't have to pay alimony if Judith remarried.
Charlie saves Jake from getting suspended by romancing his teacher. But, Charlie doesn't count on her falling in love with him.
Alan worries that Jake likes his ex-wife's new boyfriend more than Alan. So, to impress his kid, Alan and Charlie try to teach Jake to drive. Charlie's mother needs to borrow his Mercedes so she can impress a Saudi prince to whom she is trying to sell a house and they discover she had sex in the car, prompting Charlie to trade it in.
Charlie goes out on a date with a woman who treats him like he usually treats his dates and it drives him crazy. Alan and Jake argue over Alan's insistence that Jake start his weekend homework on Fridays.
Alan recalls being accused of stealing a toy when he was a kid, always claiming he didn't steal it and it was planted on him. He began to doubt himself over the years fearing his "dark side" and scarring him for life as his current set of neuroses were partially bred out of the self control he had imposed upon himself.
Charlie and Alan asks Berta's sister to cater a party their mother conned them into having.
Charlie is forced to take care of Jake while Alan is having the time of his life with a woman he met at the grocery store. After a few days, he decides to ask her to marry him which prompts Charlie and their mom to talk Alan out of it.
Charlie runs into an old girlfriend and asks her to dinner. Things go well until he discovers that she now has a baby.
Charlie is contracted to write the theme song for an adaptation of one of Jake's favorite comic books.
After a strange encounter with a woman at a bar, Charlie Googles himself and finds a hate website devoted to exposing his womanizing ways.
Alan and Charlie compete for a beautiful woman who was once a homely girl in his high school.
When Judith's pipes burst after a mild earthquake, Alan offers to let her stay with he and Charlie.
Evelyn winds up in the hospital after Alan and Charlie force her out for criticizing how Jake is being raised.
Charlie distracts Alan from an upcoming procedure with a trip to Las Vegas, but the two find it hard to get out of town.
Charlie and Alan have a hard time juggling their lives and taking care of Jake during the week when Judith takes a vacation.
Charlie injures his back during sex and is treated by an attractive female doctor after ignoring Alan's medical advice.
Charlie asks Alan to pose as his gay life partner when he is invited to a party being thrown by a gay ad executive.
Alan wants to ask out one of Charlie's ex-girlfriends, Sherri, but he can't stop thinking about Charlie and Sherri together.
Rose must intervene and help Charlie and Alan sort out their feelings when they start taking personal frustrations out on one another.
Evelyn, Alan, Charlie and Jake attend the funeral of Evelyn's second husband, Harry.
Alan is guilted into going on a hellish double-date after taking a loan from Evelyn.
Alan reluctantly leaves Jake at Evelyn's for a sleepover.
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's young trophy wife.
