Author

Alicia Lutes
Staff Writer Alicia Lutes is a corgi enthusiast from Connecticut living in Los Angeles. She loves Tina Fey, television, ugly things and really money cheese plates. Growing up, her grandfather frequently said, "you’re so god-damned good with words! You should do something with words with your life!" so she made it her quest to plaster her wordy witticisms across the Internet. She looks forward to retiring at the age of 80 and opening a fromagerie with a small army of wrinkly-faced and stumpy-legged dogs.
  • 'Teen Mom' Farrah Abraham Endorses Raspberry Ketones, Becomes Human Embodiment of Twitter Spam
    By: Alicia Lutes May 06, 2013
    We asked for this, America. Now we're getting what we wished for: Teen Mom trainwreck/porn star/singer(-ish)/sad clown painting Farrah Abraham has landed herself an endorsement deal, because of course she has. But what, exactly, is this Kardashian wannabe shilling? Abraham's Kash-in of choice is Raspberry Ketones, a.k.a. the weight loss supplement whose Twitter spam clogged up your timeline a few months ago. The reality star even has her own ~signature forumla~ (the tildes mean it's legit!) of the not-at-all medically proven weight loss pill that she absolutely did not ever in her life use to lose weight. We know this because, well, Abraham's body looks exactly as it always has for the past 14 minutes and 50 seconds she's been famous (aside from the plastic surgery she broadcast on her nationally televised MTV show). Truly, Abraham's oblivious trolling of the universe has reached an all-time high, as she is now the living embodiment of social media spam-and-scam. Congratulations, Farrah — you've joined the ranks of the savviest of the media elite, including Hailey Glassman, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and Hulk Hogan for Rent-a-Center. How does it feel to share the stage with such beacons of business? Really, raspberry ketones really feel like an abstraction of fame itself. Fruity, mysterious, and an unfounded "miracle" solution for idiots! Some lab mice were fed extremely high doses of the raspberry chemical and a bunch of dummies jumped on the bandwagon hoping to cash in: nothing is really known about how long-term exposure to the stuff effects the human body. And for these "miracle effects" to take place you need to take way, way more than the reccomended daily amount. Just like reality TV fame: the illusion of actual credibility is created using smoke, mirrors, bullshit, and a willing body for the right price. Three cheers for the American Dream, you guys! There's a joke about MTV, fame, spam, and raspberries in there somewhere, but you can just make it yourself. Check out Farrah's ringing endorsement of the product, below. Follow Alicia Lutes on Twitter @alicialutes More:Farrah Abraham is A 'Teen Mom' No More, Sells Porn for Millions'Teen Mom' Farrah Abraham Has a Sex Tape with James Deen10 Stars That Shamelessly Shill Products From Our Partners:What Happened to 33 Child Stars (Celebuzz)40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)
  • Megan Fox Loses April O'Neil's Iconic (and Hyper-Sexualized?) Yellow Jump Suit in 'TMNT'
    By: Alicia Lutes May 06, 2013
    April O'Neil: Is that you? Has the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle leading lady lost her iconic yellow jumpsuit under the guidance of producer Michael Bay and Wrath of the Titans director Jonathan Liebesman. It sure looks that way thanks to this new photo of Megan Fox's version of O'Neil popped up on the Internet Monday. Turtle fans are (expectedly) losing their ever-loving s**t over the change. For many TMNT-obsessed fans, April O'Neil is a bit of a vessel for the creepy fetishization of nerd wet dreams made up of yellow jumpsuits. I mean, just look at the first page of search results for "April O'Neil" on Google. The obsession with April is not for the work that she does as a companion and friend of the turtles, but rather for her body. Gee wilikers — a lady being objectified by nerd culture? A comic book lady with little to add outside of her exaggerated and unrealistic body/looks? Wow, truly something you don't see every day! Except, har har har, just kidding! Comic book heroines are constantly touted as sex objects for the men who love ladies, but not lady minds. Megan Fox is certainly no stranger to such territory: homegirl is constantly objectified by Hollywood and seems to almost exclusively be cast in roles that do just that. Just look at her track record with the film's producer. We all know how well that went. It's actually surprising the two decided to work together again. It's a fairly easy argument to make that O'Neil's portrayal in the TMNT series' many iterations has never really been about what she brings to the table. As long as she's in a yellow jumpsuit, her duties are inconsequential. O'Neil has been given the completely illogical and not-at-all-connected jobs of journalist (in the animated series), warrior (yeah thanks for that, Archie Comics), and computer programmer (in the original comic). Every time someone takes the lead on April O'Neil, her personality traits are completely disregarded; she's not supposed to have a specific skillset that is exclusive to her, she is merely a vessel. And that's not even taking into consideration in the Mirage Comics/original version of her, where the big twist revealed O'Neil's origins to be that of a pen drawing brought to life. Now, if that doesn't prove to you that April O'Neil has long been a victim of the comic book world's misogynistic lady problem, I don't know what will. O'Neil is a body, nothing more. No wonder Bay hired Hollywood's current go-to body for the role. We just hope he decides to treat O'Neil like a real, human woman instead of a figment of nerd sexual fantasies. Getting rid of that yellow jumpsuit certainly gives us hope. We, for one, are glad that O'Neil has shed that goddamned yellow jumpsuit in favor or something more practical and less fetishized — perhaps we'll finally get to meet the real April O'Neil and Fox will have an opportunity to escape the typecasting. What do you think of April O'Neil's lack of a yellow jumpsuit? Let us know in the comments! Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More:Megan Fox as April O'Neil: Is This Our Feminist Hero?Michael Bay Tells 'Turtle' Fans to Chill OutMichael Bay's 'Ninja Turtles' Casts Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo From Our Partners:What Happened to 33 Child Stars (Celebuzz)40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)
  • 'American Psycho' Musical Composed by Duncan Sheik Stars in Yet Another Kickstarter Campaign
    By: Alicia Lutes May 06, 2013
    Have a big, glitzy idea for a way to repurpose an iconic or cult-fan favorite film? Look no further than Kickstarter: Hollywood's newest answer for, well, everything. If you give a mouse a cookie, pretty soon they're going to want to take over the whole house. Today's Kickstarter du jour is for American Psycho: the Musical! Based off the novel by Bret Easton Ellis (and the film starring Christian Bale), the song-and-dance version of Patrick Bateman's life of cool '80s gadgetry, business cards, Huey Lewis tunes, and murder is set to take the stage in London this December — but they need us regular folks' help to do it. According to the show's producer, Jesse Singer, the musical has been a pet project and "a true labor of love" for himself and the rest of the creative team, which includes Glee producer/screenwriter Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa (who wrote the book for the musical, and tried very admirably to turn around Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark on Broadway), Spring Awakening and American Idiot composer Duncan Sheik (who also had a string of radio hits in the '90s), and director Rupert Goold (who is no slouch in the British theater world, as he is currently the associate director of the Royal Shakespeare Company). And as we all know, any true labor of love begs — nay, deserves! — some funding. So why not make the people you're making it for also pay for its production? Ticket sales, schmicket sales! More is more is more. For diehard fans, though, the campaign has some rewards to tickle your fancy. You have the opportunity to take some private yoga classes with Sheik (for $3,500), go out to dinner with some of the creators or Ellis himself, own the keyboard Sheik used to write the music, or even have your name written into the musical (for a mere $8,500!). And all for pennies, really! If you happen to have a ton of pennies lying around, that is. Kickstarter: Making Hollywood's mediocre ideas come to life since 2013. Thanks a lot, Veronica Mars. Check out the video for the campaign, below. Follow Alicia Lutes on Twitter @alicialutes More:Scott Disick's 'American Psycho' Transformation is CompleteBret Easton Ellis Tries to Apologize to Kathryn Bigelow, Fails MiserablyAll the Insane Things Lindsay Lohan Did on Set of Bret Easton Ellis' 'The Canyons' From Our Partners:What Happened to 33 Child Stars (Celebuzz)40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)
  • 'Game of Thrones' Recap: The Climb Makes Killers of Us All
    By: Alicia Lutes May 05, 2013
    I sort of understand how the characters feel in this week's episode of Game of Thrones. Coming into my recap of last week's episode ("Kissed By Fire"), I was replacing a writer who had a deep knowledge of the books and wove that into her recaps. I am only still on the first book of the series, but come to the show with a huge love for it just from having watched the HBO series. It can be a bit chaotic, delving into something so serious, so well-established: the Internet is often a pit of chaotic opinions and impulsive hatred. But as we learned during Sunday's episode (titled "The Climb," and yes, I promise I will keep all Miley Cyrus references to a minimum): you either keep moving forward or you get swallowed by the politics.  "The Climb" was no subtle sidenote; no filler episode meant to take up space before the epic events to come. "The Climb" was a thematic clincher. A real walloper poised to drive home the fact that everything in Westeros pretty much sucks, and then you die. But in the middle is the climb — and you can either find peace, struggling for your own piece, or let the climb control you. And nobody likes to be controlled unless they're getting something out of the deal. The episode starts out with ladies showing the limits of their own power. Who's a gal got to sleep with to get a couple dragons and in turn some respect around here? Everyone was tested, and no one really won. Because as much as progress has a place, the past will sure as hell try its damndest to stay put. Don't Be Tarly for The Party:Samwell and his lady Gilly spent their fifteen seconds of episode hanging out around a fire, casually admiring old blades on the world's worst first date. Now: is that an obsidian blade or dragonstone? Either way, that blade is probably the only reason we even saw these two at all this episode — unless, of course, someone on staff was dying to be serenaded by those smooth Tarly vocals. The Literal Climb:Ryk, Tormund, Ygritte, and Jon Snow spent the whole of the episode really going at The Wall. This was the literal climb to go along with the metaphorical climb everyone else was dealing with elsewhere in Westeros. The whole thing was quite epic: The Wall is over 700 feet tall — some say the top is hidden well above the clouds. Plus, the whole thing is made of ice ...certainly a tricky trail to travail for any Crow or wildling. And overall, the entire ascent is treacherous. Large chunks of ice fall at a moment's notice, there's snow and wind whipping up everything around you, it's cold as — woops! — Ygritte's accidentally set off an avalanche of ice that took out more than half of the wildling crew climbing. An event that almost sent Ygritte and Jon to their graves — thanks to Ryk's seeming inability to help a brother out when in need. Somebody's a little butthurt they're not getting any action on this trip, eh? But Ygritte isn't stupid: she knows that Jon Snow's alliances fall elsewhere (he's nothing if not honorable and loyal), but that doesn't mean she's not going to be privy to those alliances should they end up coming out on top. Jon Snow will be loyal to his woman! Plus, let's be real: if you have to choose between The Night's Watch and the Wildings, you'd probably just choose whichever one licked your bits the best, too. Bran the Peacekeeper:I'm still not sure what the deal is with the Reed siblings, and it seems like the jury of Bran is still out, as well. I mean, I hope they're good people, but you just really can't be too sure who's good and who's bad when it comes to people scrambling about in the wake of winter (which is coming). Clearly, Meera and Osha are not going to be simpaticos any time soon — they could barely agree on how to skin a rabbit. In fact, they'd probably prefer to skin each other like those rabbits than be mates of any sort. But Jojen's nightmare dream-thing reminds them all that there's a far greater rivalry out there being played out by many others. His visions send him to The Wall, where he sees Jon Snow with the wildings (or, as that little cupcake from Love Actually said in his grown-up voice, "the enemy"). Brotherhood Without Morals:Melisandre is here — no doubt to muck things up with her general terribleness, right? It's not hard to forget that the Brotherhood Without Banners and Melisandre both believe the same religion and worship the same Lord of Light — especially since they both go about it so differently. I mean, Melisandre's all vagina-cloud-monster-babies that murder people and the Brotherhood's all "let's bring Beric back to life for the 800th time!" Melisandre is bugged out by the power that Thoros of Myr seems to possess, deeming it impossible. However, it seems to be that (at least at this point), Thoros' humility about the whole thing is what's putting him down the right path. But Melisandre isn't all without power: she made a quick case out of getting Gendry for herself, in the name of the Lord of Light. Our favorite Baratheon bastard is heading for somewhere, we're just not quite sure where that is at this point. Our money is on him being the one that she mentioned to Stannis that she could "use" to create another demon-vagina-smoke-monster. So much for the brotherhood being about, well, brotherhood. Gendry was sold off for a few bags of gold and that was that. At first convinced it was a betrayal, Gendry is understandably upset. However, Melisandre assures him that he is "more than they are. They're just a bunch of foot soldiers, but you're going to make kings rise and fall." Is that some fancy way of telling him he's really good at being a blacksmith, or that he's actually destined for legitimate greatness?  And chalk another loss up to poor Arya. Again! Anyone Arya cares about seems destined to be taken away from her. (Arya is the personification of the "forever alone" meme. If Westeros was a place that existed now and had memes.) But Melisandre has a prophecy for our littlest Stark gal, who called Melisandre a witch outright. "I see a darkness within you. And in that darkness, eyes stare back at me. Brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes — eyes you'll shut forever. We will meet again." Something tells us our tiny murderer-in-wait's list of kills might have something to do with those eyes. I'm just convinced Arya is going to plow down fields of men when she's older and faced with battle. But who knows maybe she'll end up being a total flower! Either way, I am so into an Arya vs. Melisandre showdown at some point in this series' 9 billion year future. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Robb Stark:Oh Robb: you're so pretty — when will that face catch up to its brain? The Tullys and the King of the North meet with some Frey representatives who are like "well since you totally screwed us over, our lord wants Harrenhal" (seriously — why does everyone want Harrenhal so bad? It's a mess. A real fixer-upper if you ask me). But Robb's all "I can't give you Harrenhal yet, but how's about Edmure Tully to marry your Roslin Frey?" At first, Edmure puts on a hissy fit that only he could pull off, but Robb insists: sorry, uncle, you're getting married. Theon and That Crazy Motherf**ker:You guys: dudes be ca-razy on this episode! And no crazy has been more simultaneously enjoyable and messed up than this brunette chimp gleefully toying with our poor, misguided Theon Greyjoy. Seriously, though: this little fella is a right monster, he is. And his chilling line towards Theon feels like a direct quote from George R.R. Martin and the showrunners themselves:  "If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention." Westeros Middle School:And unhappy endings are the secret end to every middle school girl's first crush: which, if you're a young, niave ginger just looking for a little salvation and stability in a foreign place filled with chaos, is likely to be on a gay boy. Always, in fact. Poor Sansa doesn't even realize how wrong she's got it. Thinking she hit the lottery getting set up on a date with Loras Tyrell, Sansa is pretty much living my middle school experience. You go in expecting a handsome prince with a great taste in brooches and a wonderful vision for the future, only to later find out your dreams were all a lie and that you won't be marrying the most popular boy at theater camp. She also (somehow) has no idea that Loras is gayer than Christmas and more camp than a row of tents. I mean, he even know what sort of gown she'd wear (fringed sleeves!). Man, I'm not one to stereotype, but whether you live in the realm or the real world: some things never change for a young gal. They find a footing and common thread in their hatred for the Red Keep (man, politics be so unfair and political!), but it doesn't last for long. ...Because Sansa is getting married to Tyrion Lannister whether she wants to or not, you guys. Too bad she doesn't realize that Tyrion rules and she's lucky to have the halfman, even if their marriage ends up a loveless one. The Ultimate Sass-Off:We all waited patiently for the inevitably epic showdown between Olenna Tyrell and Tywin Lannister, right? Personally, I was rooting for Olenna on this one, but homegirl managed to get bested — at least it wasn't by some slouch. You see, Tywin wants Cersei to marry Loras but Olenna knows that even though she's a nice face, she probably can't have children anymore, which would essentially mean the death of the Tyrell name (Loras must have all of the babies!) However, these two both have cards to play against each other: Tywin shows his hand as a big ole homophobe, and asserts that Loras' sexual orientation is something that needs hiding. But Olenna came out swinging, not batting an eyelash at the fact that Loras is "a sword-swallower through and through." Has Tywin ever got in on a bit of sword-swallowing himself? Maybe a little game of "hide the sword" or "touch the sword until it bellows" (all games that I just made up that are most definitely euphemisms for getting in on some man-on-man action)? "Never!" he asserted, which, of course. Olenna's not backing down at this point, though, and lays out some real talk for our Hand: Loras might be gay, but that's so not as bad as the fact that your twins Cersei and Jaime diddle each other on the regular. But Tywin won't back down: if Olenna refuses his proposition, Loras will be sent to the Kingsguard where all members are forbidden to marry or breed, which will essentially end the Tyrell name and lineage, which we all know Olenna has no time for. So she seceedes this round to Tywin, and is clearly impressed: "It's a rare enough thing: a man who lives up to his reputation." Littlefinger, Big World:We watch Littlefinger set sail for better days from Sansa's teary-eyed point of view on the shore, being left behind. She had the chance to play the game, to keep climbing towards her own freedom, but she refused — trusting a family who has done nothing but use her as a pawn this whole time. Maybe not your best decision, Sansa, but maybe also not your worst, since we all know how awful Littlefinger is — especially after what he let Joffrey do to Ros! Which: poor Ros! Lord that was messed up. Joffrey, king of the a**holes is shown mid-Littlefinger-monologue with a crossbow in hand and a strung up and arrowed-out Ros on his bed. Dead from climbing well beyond her reach. I wish we got less of the rabbit and Theon finger-skinning and a bit more on the end of Ros, considering she's a character we've actually gotten to know over the course of three seasons. Littlefinger's monologue was an especially telling one — really summing up the narrative strides we've made in this particular episode: the Realm as those who once knew it was a lie they told themselves to feel better. But what happens when that lie is left to die? Chaos, says Varys. But see, chaos is a ladder, not the pit. Many who try to climb it fail. Some are given the chance the climb, but they refuse. Others try and fail. But in the end, the climb is all there is: the ladder is the only thing that's real. So happy those who make the climb think they'll be when they reach the top: but that happiness is only momentary, before the chaos starts all over again. And no one's getting more stiffed on the happy endings front than, well, everyone. Which is really quite a feat, considering there are 27 main characters in this show, and we've got 4 weddings on the horizon. I think the biggest question here is: what do you get for the psychopathic boy king who has everything and hates all of it? That registry's going to be a bloodbath. Other Things to Discuss:- Brienne's pink dress. I mean, COME ON. What sort of dreck was that nonsense?- Those tips to slink up the wall also double as the best way to handle the political madness that is life in the Realm: "Sink your metal deep, and make sure it holds before your next step." Truer words, my dudes.- Jaime's storyline was pretty minimal this week: apparently he's going to have a chance to go back to the Red Keep, just not with Brienne. Womp, womp. Loved the bantering back and forth between Jaime and Roose Bolton, though.- Mostly, I'm just stuck on why Roose doesn't drink. (A+ line alert: "You do understand how suspicious that is to ordinary people") Because I mean, hey guys, your living conditions are the worst (but with magic!). Let loose and have some wine every now and again. Because let's face it: your lives pretty much suck.- "The Lysa Arryn of Chairs." Perfect, sick burn, Varys. What did you think of this week's Game of Thrones? Let us know in the comments. Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More: 'Game of Thrones' Recap: Kissed By Fire'Game of Thrones' Recap: And Now His Watch Is Ended'Game of Thrones' Recap: Walk of Punishment From Our Partners:Nina Dobrev, Julianne Hough Bikini in Miami (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Honey Boo Boo' Parents Mama June and Sugar Bear: Just Married?
    By: Alicia Lutes May 05, 2013
    Is a Here Comes Honey Boo Boo wedding in our television future? Perhaps, as two of the TLC series' stars — coupon queen/matriarch Mama June Shannon and daddio to Alana "Honey Boo Boo/Smoochie" Thompson, Mike "Sugar Bear" Thompson — have either gotten married, recommitted themselves to each other, or just had a fancy Cinco de Mayo love ceremony/BBQ, depending on who you ask on the Internet. I mean, the whole fiesta sure did have the trappings of a wedding-type ceremony: there were vows exchanged, a cake, the company of good friends and family, and even an oh-so elegant a camouflage gown to round out the day. According to People, the duo are mums the word as to what the party was all about, but the ever-vigilant sleuths at TMZ have obtained what they allege to be an invitation to the big day, touted as a wedding and also a "taped event," signaling that it won't be long before we see this family fart their way towards wedded bliss. No word as to whether or not the family's staple meal, Sketti, was served. The couple have been together for nine years, after they met in an online chat room, because of course they did. Regardless, mazels all around for quite possibly the happiest/most loving family in America. Just a word to the wse: maybe don't wear that camo gown around a bunch of potentially drunk hunter types after dark. You're just asking for trouble, then, June. What do you think of the latest Honey Boo Boo news? Sound off in the comments. Follow Alicia Lutes on Twitter @alicialutes More:What Happens When Reality Bites Back at Honey Boo BooHoney Boo Boo's Girl Scout Cookie Scheme Gets Shut Down Honey Boo Boo's Most Redneckognizable Moments From Our Partners:What Happened to 33 Child Stars (Celebuzz)40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)
  • 'Doctor Who' Recap: You're Not the Boss of Me (Or Are You?)
    By: Alicia Lutes May 04, 2013
    I don't know why this is, but episodes that focus less on the Doctor always end up being so good, don't they? And I think that is exactly what Saturday night's new episode of Doctor Who — titled "The Crimson Horror" — was: quite good. Some people might fight me on that one, but playful, old timey humor is exactly the sort of thing needed to break the tension. Jenny, Strax (lord I love me some Strax), and Madame Vastra are back, and they've headed to the north ("Lots of places have a North!") to Yorkshire (home to my favorite tea in the universe, Yorkshire Gold) to solve the mystery of Winifred Gillyflower (the incomparable Diana Rigg), her blind daughter Ada (played by Rigg's real-life daughter Rachael Stirling), and the creepy, industrial town of Sweetville. with its terrifying red disease and a population of people who never seem to leave. Before we do anything though — this episode was a really proper penny-dreadful (think Sweeney Todd, or, you know, Google the term), and it was such a wonderful format for a Who story. I loved the use of the creepy morgue man and his ominous announcement of "The Crimson Horror." Well done, Moffat & Co: a right romp — which is exactly what you need in at this point in the story (some may call the episode a bit of a "filler," which I suppose I agree with), even if it is a bit aggravating as a viewer. Penned by Mark Gatniss, I think that if this story had happened earlier in the season, fans would've appreciated it more. Between "Journey to the Center of the TARDIS" and next week's upcoming Neil Gaiman-penned, Cybermen-returning episode, though? Not so much. Plus, there really is no excuse for Gillyflower's painfully pathetic exit: death by massive fall is no way to off Diana Rigg, my friends. The adventures of the Doctor and his friends were quite a lark overall. The perma-comical trio of Strax, Vastra, and Jenny worked wonders to bring a lightness to what has been a fairly serious season thus far. And how about that Jenny, eh?! Kicking ass and taking names, she was! There was also that Jenny-Doctor kiss, too. Talk about unexpected. Is it just me or was the Doctor coming across as fairly randy (for him) in this episode? Considering the Doctor's sexuality setting generally hovers somewhere on the scale between "a puppy" and "an inanimate object," it felt off the charts tonight. Regardless, Sweetville is a curious sort, isn't it? Run by a religious zealot convinced the apocalypse is soon upon us (...interesting idea to introduce so close to the finale, even if it was also accurate to the time), and thoroughly convinced through madness or otherwise that the only way the cream of the crop can rise to the surface is if they move to Sweetville and live the life of moral exaltation. Turpitude is not allowed: only supermodels with the certainty of right and wrong entrenched in their hearts. But apparently being dipped into a diluted form of an ancient venom is allowed. And because of that venon — a fatal sort that Madame Vastra is quite familiar with; it nearly wiped out her entire species — people are turning red. And there's that color again! Red. Red: the color of Rose and the primary color of pretty much every outfit Clara wears. Rejects from the Sweetville venom-dipping process (said to save them once the world ends) turn the color if something about them does not jive with the process, and they're thrown out into the waterways. The horrific state is called — wild guess, go for it — The Crimson Horror. Red as a rose and dead as a doornail. A young married man named Edmond has fallen victim to the Crimson Horror after trying to discover what this creepy condition is all about. The case was brought to Madame Vastra and Co., who quickly realized upon seeing an imprint image (octogram) of the Doctor on the eye of the dead man, that there was far more to this story. Jenny heads up to Sweetville to pal around with the local color and dig up more information by sneaking into the factory. What she uncovered? Giant gramophones blasting a loud, clanking tune. (Music! Again a reference to a music-player.) We never see them again: what are they? Ms. Gillyflower has a penchant for religious zealotry. She even fancies herself a fan of the poem William Blake wrote that later turned into the Victorian church tune, "Jerusalem."  And did those feet in ancient time.Walk upon Englands mountains green:And was the holy Lamb of God,On Englands pleasant pastures seen!And did the Countenance Divine,Shine forth upon our clouded hills?And was Jerusalem builded here,Among these dark Satanic Mills?Bring me my Bow of burning gold;Bring me my Arrows of desire:Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!Bring me my Chariot of fire!I will not cease from Mental Fight,Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand:Till we have built Jerusalem,In England's green & pleasant Land Interesting that they sang the song, though, isn't it? The episode takes place in 1893, but the music to accompany the poem wasn't written until 1916 (by Sir Hubert Parry, I might add). Not sure if that's a continuity error or something more, but worth noting nonetheless! Anyway, things continued to unfold in a fun and well-paced manner. Turns out Mrs. Gillyflower is actually a host for the prehistoric parasite, Mr. Sweet (who meets his death at the hand of poor little Ada who had been experimented on by her evil mother). Ada, then Jenny, saved the Doctor — and the Doctor saved Clara. All together they discovered the deadly secret of Sweetville and end up removing the virulent venom from the hidden rocket, where the plan was for it to rain down on humanity, but save the perfects to begin a master race of superior beings. Gosh, people sure do love perfect things more than imperfect, huh? What happened to variety being the spice of life, you guys? What happened?! But in the end, we are still left with more questions of the same: the Doctor calls Clara "the boss" (like BOSS, the old 70s-era Who villain aka a Biomorphic Organisational Systems Supervisor?), and she seems to enjoy the title. Is this who Clara is? Or is this who they are fighting? For those that are unaware, BOSS was a supercomputer that appeared in an episode titled "The Green Death" back in the early 70s (third Doctor era) which created a chemical that mutated maggots into super-giant-uber-gross maggots (Mr. Sweet is a parasitic leech, but still! Very similar to a maggot).  The BOSS had a megalomaniacal personality and intuitive software that made it "inefficient" (like humans), which enabled it to make the same sort of inuitive leaps that we humans do. Interesting lead-up. It almost feels like a lot of the past stories, companions, and people are being tied together for one super-conspiracy blow-out of a 50th anniversary episode. And the BOSS sure does feel like it could have a lot of potential with Clara, next week's Cybermen return, and — of course — the Daleks. Oh! And maybe the Zygons, too, since we all know I had a fun few weeks there where I was convinced Clara was one of those. Mention and reference to past companions keeps popping up, episode to episode. Anyone else catch the Tegan Jovanka (companion of the fourth and fifth Doctor) references there when he said "brave heart, Clara" and again when he said "gobby Australian to Heathrow Airport"? It's not the first time in New Who that he's said the old phrase, but with all of these teeny, tiny insinuations you can't help but wonder more and more about the theory that Clara is somehow a product of Bad Wolf and a culimination of past companions rolled into one seemingly normal girl. The other curious reference to the past that I found most interesting was the moment the Doctor looks up (at seemingly nothing ...or the sky?) and says "Clever clocks." This, naturally, made me to think about "The Girl in the Fireplace" episode back in the David Tennant era. As did the turning organ that later revealed itself to be some sort of alien technology (the fireplace had a similar turn-round aspect). Is Clara connected to Madame Du Pompadour?! Are those creepy clock people involved? Also is that...BESPOKE engineering I see in the console behind the organ? OK seriously, something is going ON here, you guys. What if Clara is the sum of all parts — think back to "The Girl in the Fireplace" — they were waiting for her brain (she saw the Doctor's name when she was going through his memories, and it wasn't erased, remember). Each companion since Madame (who was around when Rose was around, and Rose was Bad Wolf) leading up to Clara represents an aspect of what makes a "good" companion for the Doctor. We've seen so many references to so many past companions this season. Rose, I think, essentially created the companions (to an extent), before scattering them all across the universe. Every lonely monster needs a companion. After all, this isn't a ghost story, it's a love story! There I go, spouting all sorts of potential (and random) theories again! When I'm wrong, feel free to I-toldja-so me til the ends of the earth. If I'm right, somebody get me a job on the writing staff of this show. But back to the Doctor's companions and friends: we mustn't forget that this is the first time Jenny, Vastra, and Strax have seen Clara since her Victorian iteration. Obviously this meant they were just as curious as us to know why she's still alive and who she actually is: meaning tonight more than ever, the question was posed directly to the Doctor: who or what is Clara? You still haven't told us, Doctor! "I know who you think she is, but she isn't ...She Can't Be." He whispered to himself. Who can't she be, Doctor? Who?! Clara also seemed to be a bit of a robot this episode: having very little emotion and far fewer flirty, banter-y stuff (We all know Clara likes "stuff." Not sure about the kinds of stuff, though.) with the Doctor. Why is that? The shift in her personality in certain episodes can't be by accident, right? Next week looks to be a real banger of an episode, since Clara's wards now know she time travels with her "boyfriend" the Doctor (and they oh-so-conveniently have pictures as proof. Found at school: what are the odds? No seriously...), and are taken to the theme park where the Cybermen return. Clara seems downright warrior-esque in the previews, and the Doctor's face-machinery feels eerily similar to the face tattoos we saw in "A Town Called Mercy." And what the heck do you MEAN they're calling the Doctor the savior of the Cybermen?! Lord, next week's episode cannot come soon enough. Other Things We Need to Discuss...- I loved the sort of filtered effect placed on the footage of Clara and the Doctor's arrival to Sweetville: the production quality on this show just keeps on improving. - The Northern accents. So good. The Doctor's from the North (of Gallifrey, duh).- The Doctor seems to have wanted Clara to meet Strax, Jenny, and Vastra (hence why he got upset that they didn't end up in London): do you think their knowing or not-knowing of her will reveal something to him?- The photo studio! The color red! The color red — does it help us see the truth? The darkroom has now come up twice this season (also in "Hide"). I think it's funny to note, now that many black-and-white papers are only sensitive to blue light (blue representing the Doctor and the TARDIS, obviously), so that's why a red light is often used: it's the only one that can be used (safely) without exposing the paper. Perhaps this is a metaphor for Clara's existence?- The noise from the gramophones sounded an awful lot like an aggressive whisper: could this have something to do with the new, rumored big baddie from this season, The Whisper Men?- Two more musical references today: the gramophones and the organ — both instruments used to project music to a larger audience. Hmmm!- Thomas Thomas: proof that parents have been hating their children since the beginning.- Pontefract cakes. A seemingly inocuous reference to a popular local candy actually has some interesting connections to the story. It's a licorice sweets (Sweetville!) ...created in (you guessed it!) Yorkshire. The licorice root extract used in them is from ...Australia! Another Tegan reference?- It drives me crazy when the Doctor lies about his ability to accurately land the TARDIS where he wants it to go — since we all know he can with impressive skill — but it's something that's never really been explicitly discussed. When he lands not where he intends, is that the TARDIS doing that, or is he just lying? Time will tell, I suppose! But what do you think?- "I'll see you again, I shouldn't wonder." The Doctor says, knowing full well that he will clearly see them again very soon. He knows what's going on! I just hate that we don't, still. I'm too impatient for this s**t, Moffat! - The signs in the alley way: the circus has come to town (oh and has it ever!), plus the "human wax work" one: interesting coincidence or just the set designers having a bit of fun with the episode's story? - The word "chuffed" is repeated (I only notice this because that word makes me so happy): in "Cold War" Clara says it after rationalizing that she did well with Skaldak, and here, again, the Doctor says it in response to being admitted to Sweetville.  What did you think of "The Crimson Horror"? Excited for next week's episode? Have any nutty theories yourself? Let us know in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:'Doctor Who' Recap: Journey to the Center of the TARDIS 'Doctor Who' Recap: Hide'Doctor Who' Recap: Cold War From Our Partners:Nina Dobrev, Julianne Hough Bikini in Miami (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Hannibal' Recap: At Arm's Length
    By: Alicia Lutes May 02, 2013
    "Here we are, a bunch of psychopaths helping each other out." The psychopaths are out tonight — and they're hungry for their just desserts. But just like at a fancy dinner — it's easy to fill up on all the early courses. There's just so much to ingest, digest, and enjoy. But Thursday night's all-new episode of Hannibal reminded us what the point of such a decadent display is all about: to complement the main course. And with "Entreé," Bryan Fuller reminded us, quite ominously, who the center of attention really is: that icky-tricky Dr. Lecter. It's easy to forget this isn't a show called Will, since so much of our attention is paid to the fragile-but-brilliant profiler. But it's because in so many ways, Will and Hannibal are inextricably linked — and this is but the origins of that link, not the main event. But just as our dear Hannibal Lecter has so often done in the past: we need a negative to see the positive. Enter: Dr. Abel Gideon, aka the Chesapeake Ripper (or is he?), aka Eddie Izzard. Izzard's Dr. Gideon has landed himself in a local hopsital for the criminally insane after killing his family in style that in no way mirrored the Ripper's past crimes (especially the taking medical trophies). The reason, he explains, is that it was a "crime of passion." I mean, we all know how tough family can be around the holidays — now imagine being around your family when you're a stressed out serial killer. Still, Jack is not convinced Izzard is their guy — despite his expertly executed, ritualistic return-to-form. Because he has hope, you see — hope that the Ripper's last known victim is still out there, waiting to be saved. Because if not, that victim's blood is on Jack's hand. Or it's just because Hannibal Lecter is actually the Ripper they were looking for and has done what he always does quite well: evade. That victim is Miriam Lass (played by Veep's Anna Chlumsky), the Clarice Stirling-esque protégé of Jack who (just like Will) he pushed hard to figure out the mystery of the Chesapeake Ripper. In Chlumsky we see a lot of the qualities Will possesses — as far as being a profiler goes — but in her we also find the roots to Hannibal and Jack's origin story. Because while trying to find out who the Ripper was, Miriam stumbled into Hannibal's office looking at another potential suspect, and ended up losing her life for it. And, since the show is about how past events (for those unaware, the show is set five years prior to the events of Red Dragon), it seems that Lass' involvement in Jack and Hannibal's life is what ties them together, as well. Regardless, Dr. Gideon seems to be our man as far as Dr. Frederick Chilton is concerned — unequivicably so. The markers are all there: timing, the surgical precision, the instrumentation. But why now? And why is Jack so unconvinced? Because the real Ripper knows there's someone out there plagarizing his work. And Izzard's murdering of the nurse was proof to Jack that there's someone else out there. (Negatives and positives abound!) Regardless of how egomaniacal his intentions may be, it's a helping hand to Jack that he just can't seem to take. Because accepting it will mean that Miriam was (and still is) very much dead this whole time. Hannibal's displaying of Miriam's kill acts as a warning to others that there's another serial killer in their midst, taking credit for work that was not of his design. (Gee... wonder who that could be, eh?) But ultimately, Jack was right: the Ripper was letting somebody know he was being plagarized. The plagary being the nurse's death, which Dr. Chilton was so desperate to believe was the Ripper. The only problem is that Chilton is wrong: Gideon isn't the plagarized, he's the plagarizer. Of course Will is brought in on the case: despite his continued, persistant worry about doing so — and Jack bringing him to a mental hospital surely isn't helping matters. "Don't worry, I won't leave you here," Jack assures him. "Not today." But here, again, we see why: Will enters the mind of Dr. Gideon so fluidly, understanding every movement and process so intimately. No wonder it's getting harder for him to look. The eye-gouging moment and subsequent bloodied, blind crawl were particularly gruesome. They sent a literal chill down my spine. As a viewer, the intensity was so viseral I nearly felt the surgical instrument get rammed into the back of the nurse as if it were my own. We also had the lucky fortune of meeting Raúl Esparza's mesmerizingly ambitious Dr. Frederick Chilton. In the game of chess that is Thomas Harris' series of novels, the pieces are slowly being placed on the table, unknowingly prepping for future play. It's their entrance into the main meal we all know is well off in the future. But let's get back to Chilton. Esparza plays him as calculating, ambitious, and slightly pompous — no doubt irritating Hannibal's very last nerve as Jack, Alana, Chilton and Dr. Lecter sit down for a dinner between (and of?) friends. Also because his own ambition and desire for credibility in the industry has led him to believe that which isn't: the true identity of the Ripper. Chilton is always looking out for his next potential claim to fame and esteem — so naturally he had an aggressive interest in the mind of Will Graham and wants to study his brain. The real brains behind the episode, though, are Hannibal. While Gideon is trying to get the attention of the FBI to prove that he is the Chesapeake Ripper, Hannibal is working on his breadcrumb trail of murders to attract the attention of Will and Jack, while simultaneously proving how superior he is. And Jack is trying to get the attention of Hannibal because he needs someone to talk with about his troubles. He certainly has a lot on his mind between work and Bella's terminal lung cancer. Using the guise of information gleaning to bring it all up, Jack doesn't realize (obviously) how these meetings with Hannibal will shape their future relationship and interactions. But his guilt about Miriam is at the forefront — does he feel regret? Guilt for pushing her too far? For essentially trying to use her to figure out the case? "You'll probably spot him before anyone else," Miriam says at one point "...Or you will," Jack shoots back. But Jack's been getting calls from Miriam in the middle of the night. A recording of her voice, coming from within the house — complete with planted evidence of her being there (a hair on a pillow, fingerprints clear as day) "I was so wrong, I was so wrong." Was it a dream? Was it real? No one believes him, but he's adamant. So he asks Freddie Lounds to confirm Gideon's guilt to stir up some trouble with whomever is the real Ripper. Naturally, the calls and exhibitions of Miriam's death escalate in tandem. Cue the image of Hannibal reading Freddie's website, should you have any doubts here. In the end, what Hannibal was doing as the Ripper versus what Gideon was doing as the copycat Ripper was this: Hannibal wanted to cloud Jack's vision with hope (the false kind), whereas Gideon was actually showing him the truth, as much as Jack refuses to see it. But as we know, Jack likes to pick the opinion that best serves his own agenda. And right now, that agenda is hope, no matter how illogical or improbable. This episode felt different than the others in a lot of ways. There was a lot more development of the relationship between Jack and Hannibal, rather than just Will. It's easy to forget that, even though the show's called Hannibal, that it isn't about Will Graham, it's about Mr. Lecter. This episode almost felt like the perfect jolt-reminder of who's really at the heart of this, lurking just below the surface — the answer staring right at you without you even realizing it — just like each of his crimes. The devil is dancing tonight. So here they are, a bunch of psychopaths helping each other out. What could possibly go wrong? Some Other Things to Note:- Jack's line: "I know when I'm awake" was a wonderful juxtaposition to Will's not knowing when he's asleep.- The specter is back, and he's invading Will's classroom. Walking towards him and oh look, Alana and Jack are there.- LOVED Izzard during this moment: "Why didn't you put her on display?" "What makes you think I didn't?" Immediately preceeding the Miriam call from "Home." It's hard not to want Izzard to be the Ripper if for nothing more than more Izzard moments. What did you think of the new episode of Hannibal? Sound off in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:'Hannibal' Recap: Coquilles'Hannibal' Recap: Ceuf'Hannibal' Recap: Potage From Our Partners:Miley Goes Braless for Magazine Cover (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Justin Timberlake's Long-Stalled Neil Bogart Biopic Finally Finds its Legs
    By: Alicia Lutes May 02, 2013
    Hey members of rabid, obsessive, crazy Neil Bogart fandom: your biopic is finally on its way. At long last! Thanks to Foresight Unlimited, the Justin Timberlake-fronted film titled Spinning Gold will make its way to the sales racks of Cannes. Hooray? I mean, I guess, sure — yay for Timberlake! Yay for Neil Bogart's family! Yay for music history. To say this movie has been on a long road would be an understatement: Timberlake has been trying to get the movie off the ground since 2011 (when he signed on to play the role of Bogart). Bogart — for those not in the music industry know — was a founder of Casablanca Records, discovered KISS, and was a keystone in the rise of disco music in America, championing the careers of Donna Summer, Parliament, and the Village People, as well as Curtis Mayfield, Bill Withers, and Gladys Knight. Scripted by his brother Timothy Scott Bogart, Spinning Gold is set up to be financed and sold at the Cannes Film Festival by Foresight Unlimited. Are you looking forward to Timberlake's return to the big screen? Let us know in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gosling, More Head to Cannes Film FestivalJustin Timberlake Will Play Neil Bogart in 'Spinning Gold'Justin TImberlake's '20/20 Experience' Shows a Man Grown Up  From Our Partners:Miley Strips Down in Raunchy Shoot (Celebuzz)Actresses Without Teeth Tumblr Is Creepy, Amazing (vh1)
  • Is Jessica Chastain Joining Christopher Nolan's 'Interstellar'?
    By: Alicia Lutes May 02, 2013
    What's a gal to do after starring in one of the 2012's most celebrated films? If you answered "Join the cast of an already-stacked Christopher Nolan film, Interstellar, as one of its three leads," then you might just be Jessica Chastain.  According to a report from Deadline, America's fourth-favorite ginger is reportedly in talks to join the Nolan-helmed time travel film. Chastain in space! And alongside the likes of Anne Hathaway and Matthew McConaughey? Well slap on some moon boots and call me Sally, because this film sounds epic. The film was originally set up in 2006 by Steven Spielberg, following what I personally like to imagine were many late nights Googling and Wikiapedia-ing Caltech physicist and relativity expert Kip S. Thorne. Why Thorne? Well, because he has this crazy scientific theory that wormholes exist and could be made suitable for time travel, which both excites and terrifies. After Spielberg left the project (for reasons unknown — possible brain explosion?), Nolan jumped in. Which actually makes a lot of sense considering Spielberg had previously tapped Noan's brother, Jonah Nolan, to pen the script. The duo are no strangers to collaboration — Jonah was responsible for writing the short story that later became Memento. The two also worked together on The Prestige, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises. Christopher Nolan and his brother will now team up to reengineer the script Jonah wrote, adding an original idea Christopher had into the mix. It certainly sounds like an epic voyage through time and space are within our reach — at least on the big screen. No word if the Nolan brothers are getting any advice from Time Lords on the matter. What do you think of the addition of Chastain to the film? Looking forward to Interstellar? Let us know in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:Anne Hathaway Joins Matthew McConaughey in 'Interstellar'IMAX Talks What to Expect from 'Transformers 4', 'Interstellar''Interstellar' To Blow Our Minds in 2014 From Our Partners:What Happened to 33 Child Stars (Celebuzz)40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)
  • 'Orphan Black' Gets a Season 2: We Told You It Was Great
    By: Alicia Lutes May 02, 2013
    Remember when we were obsessing over actress Tatiana Maslany and her work on BBC America's new show, Orhpan Black? Well, it's good (we weren't clone-ing around! ...and yes, we did just make that joke in earnest), really good! So much so that the original scripted series (BBC America's second ever as a network after Copper) has been renewed for a second season. We told you it was worth your time — believe us now? The series Orphan Black focuses on the story of Sarah Manning (Maslany), an orphan whose life becomes entrenched in a crazy clone mystery after witnessing the suicide of a woman named Beth (Maslany) who looks exactly like her. As the story unfolds, so come the varied and sometimes crazy clones — all played by Maslany, as you may have guessed — and suddenly a simple identity/boyfriend/bank account theft becomes a hell of a lot more complicated. Maslany and co. will return with another 10-episode season in 2014, continuing in their post-Doctor Who slot during Supernatural Saturdays on BBC America. You can catch the remainder of Season 1 on BBC America, Saturdays at 9 PM. Do you watch Orphan Black? Excited about the second season order? Let us know in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:Tatiana Maslany from 'Orphan Black' is Our New Obsession (And Should Be Yours, Too)BBC America's 'Orphan Black' is Worth a Double Take'Violet & Daisy' Trailer From Our Partners:Nina Dobrev, Julianne Hough Bikini in Miami (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)