Author

Alicia Lutes
Staff Writer Alicia Lutes is a corgi enthusiast from Connecticut living in Los Angeles. She loves Tina Fey, television, ugly things and really money cheese plates. Growing up, her grandfather frequently said, "you’re so god-damned good with words! You should do something with words with your life!" so she made it her quest to plaster her wordy witticisms across the Internet. She looks forward to retiring at the age of 80 and opening a fromagerie with a small army of wrinkly-faced and stumpy-legged dogs.
  • 'The Bachelorette' Recap: We Need to Talk About Ryan
    By: Alicia Lutes June 04, 2012 10:54pm EST
    Before we get to the biggest issue of the evening, let's get the housekeeping work out of the way: the boys are going to Bermuda! And someone even gave them scooters! I feel bad for the Production Assistant who had to tail these goons around the island on their little joyride. Good lord, someone save Bermuda. In any event, Emily Maynard and daughter Ricki have made it to the island, and Emily is all atwitter about her future plans (BABIES!) to travel back to the island with her future family in tow. How sweet or whatever. Let's move on to the dates. The one-on-one goes to Doug, even though Alejandro was jonesing for it—being that he is one of the remaining specimens to not have had a one-on-one yet. This is probably because Alejandro looks like he's Benjamin Button-ing, hardcore. I mean dude looks like he went from 24 to 12 in two weeks! Of course she hasn't taken him on a one-on-one, he'll be Ricki's age by Thursday! Shenanigans. For the one-on-one, Doug and Emily keep it simple, perusing the local wares, eating and talking about being parents because that is, shockingly enough, the one subject that Emily seems to never tire of. Ever. BABIES! Doug opens up about his life, and even about an earlier scuffle he had with some of the dudes in the house. But, it's okay, you know, because he started a charity. And of course he started a charity, because Doug is positioning himself to be this year's Misunderstood Perfect Guy, which nobody believes because this isn't a dating show for cyborgs, it is for humans. And Perfect Human is an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp. I think things are going to get pretty ugly for our friend Doug. (See what I did there?!) Doug is that overeager college senior who wants to be one of those few people that has a job BEFORE graduation (Who are those people? How do they work?), and very pointedly memorizes a series of “weaknesses” that any employer would look at as a great reason to exploit you for little-to-no pay. His answers for his flaws? "Oh, I spend too much time with my son!" "I didn't wash my ex-girlfriend's car enough!" WHAT A MONSTER! We all know those are not actually real flaws or problems, just something that you do with a shoulder shrug and a lopsided smile to actually flaunt just how fantastic you think you are — accidentally on purpose! (I love oxymorons.) Was Doug's third-person narrative during his interview also accidental? Alicia does not care for Doug's bulls**t right now. It is also 1,000,000 percent worth mentioning that when at a wishing well on their date, Emily wished to not be single forever. Because nothing turns a dude on more than Eau De Desperation. So hot. Next: A pile of dudes on a boat.Group date! On a boat! Our merry band of messpiles clearly do not have their sea legs, as evidenced by the abundance of clamoring around happening on these boats they have no idea how to operate. They are barely in the water about 87 percent of the time. It is a miracle that they aren't capsizing every 13 seconds. It is terrifying. But! The winning team gets more time with Emily, and the losers must go home, so it's on, of course. Dudes just get so angry whenever they're losing something, don't they? So salty. Yellow team ends up winning and the red team pouts like teeny tiny man babies. During the group date evening portion, Ryan makes a toast to his trophy wife — meaning Emily. Cute, bro. Also it's about this point where I notice that Ryan's neck is like, maybe borderline freakishly thick, you guys. I mean, it's just a thing I noticed, so, you know, whatever. And I guess that means it's time to talk about Ryan. Man, Ryan is totally doing Kalon a solid right now by taking on the d-bag title for this season, huh? I mean, I think we all called it after that “get thee to a gym, fatty!” mentality he exposed with Emily's girlfriends at the park. But, I mean, he just really dug deep, deep, deep into the whole of misogynistic, sexist, pretentious motherload tonight to remind us that dudes like Ryan are the epitome of terrible. He pushes her — which is Emily speak for, hey man, you're kinda being a d**k right now and I don't know where it's coming from. Later in the evening, Ryan expresses that he has some concerns. Emily has a great responsibility, you know, being on a TV show and Ryan wants to know what she's going to do with it. Because he's deep, like a spoon. He wants his women to stay in the spotlight, essentially. He's here to make an impression, not impress — because didn't you get the memo? This show is about Ryan, America! Emily at one point brings up the fat comment he made, and he says it was flirtatious. Of course! Because nothing is more flirtatious than being told your man will not love you if you become a total fatty. “God deigned you to be a beautiful woman, so be a beautiful woman” is the line that threw me over the edge and straight into the Feminist Firepit I keep by my bedside table in times of emergency such as this. I mean, I cannot even begin to explain to you how f**ked up this is on so many levels. Is it written somewhere in stone that all women are supposed to be beautiful and stay beautiful and do so only for a man?! On the list of the 10 Commandments, is “Be Beautiful, Woman” No. 2 or No. 4? I can't remember. (Silly me!) He talks in fortune cookies, I swear. Fortune cookies made out of horse s**t. Ryan's judgmental side is really starting to bother Emily, because she is a rational human woman. She recognizes that his issue with seeing Arie kissing her in the last episode is totally a double-standard — which, yes! Have you seen The Bachelor? Then you know that the bachelors are CONSTANTLY making out with women in front of the other female contestants on that show. And they just sit there awkwardly and deal because I'm pretty sure there is a line in the contract that says you just have to put up with it on these weird shows. It wouldn't even be an issue on The Bachelor, but because Emily is a woman, Ryan feels he has a right to get all butthurt about seeing her kiss someone else in front of him. It is ridiculous. Later, while talking with Michael, Ryan explains that he was “blessed” with romance, heart, athleticism, modesty, really straight hair, and great feet for tennis shoes? He sees there is “great potential” in Emily but that he's called to something great which may not mean that Emily is the one for him, but it does apparently mean he's ready to be the next star of The Bachelor? GROSS, Ryan. Get thee to a Bachelor Pad, stat! Next: Jef With One F becomes a real personArie hates Ryan and so of course I love him even more when he pulls Emily away from Ryan for the explicit purposes of pissing off Herr Ryan De Dooshebahg. Arie continues to be my adorable frontrunner, so there's not much to say here, but I will include a gratuitous photo of them for you. Because I care about you guys and, ultimately, I want you to be happy. Next is Jef With One F. Oh Jef With One F. I want to like you. I think maybe you're just sort of shy and nervous. I guess it's semi-endearing, except for the stampede of “like” that he throws our way during their downtime together. Jef wants his like, time to like, mean like, something, you know? Like totally, man. Also he made her kiss his boo-boo which I found to be super creepy? I'm trying, Jef With One F, but you're making it hard for me. From the previews, though, it seems like Jef With One F gets a little more comfortable. I'm interested to see that, because I think that Emily actually really likes him, and I would like to see what she sees in him. Jef gets the date rose! Everyone is shocked, including Jef. The two-on-one date is next, featuring John and Nate. I just threw up everywhere because of the saccharine stupidity of "let's explore this Bermuda LOVE Triangle." But they're jumping off cliffs! It's just like love! I'm falling and breaking all of my bones! Just like love! Next, they spelunk into a cave! (They don't really spelunk, but it feels rare the opportunity to say that in its appropriate, less-hilarious, original context. So I went for it.) And inside the cave they find The Legend Of The Awkward Date. Nate just pronounced quinoa wrong, so no one is hungry anymore. There's really not much more to say about this date other than what's already been said: It's painful and awkward and weird and strange. Nate the ghost is sent home, and John gets the rose. Spelunk you stay. Nate... sashay away. Chris pulls Doug aside at the cocktail party to talk to him and figure out what their issues are. There is thunder and lightning involved because everything on this show is one giant, cliched metaphor. “I just don't believe you,” Chris cries. “Believe what?” Doug questions. “Believe you in general,” which is actually what Emily was sort of pointing to in her commentary about Doug earlier in the episode, but still. Dude, why do you care so much? Did you miss the memo that this isn't about you? Why do these dudes forget that this show isn't about them or how they feel? And the roses begin. Staying with us to date another day: Jef Doug John Sean Arie Travis Chris Ryan (seuhisudfnzdiundfiug DOES NOT COMPUTE.) Kalon Alejandro (Car breaks screech to a halt. A crash is heard. Say WHAT right now?) Charlie and Michael are dunzo. Ryan was clearly forced to stay around by producers to cause more drama on the show. I know I joke about that, but at this point I am 100 percent convinced. I mean, Emily was even chatting up Chris Harrison about how much of a total loser she thought Ryan was! It is clearly the only plausible reason for why and how he stayed on another week. Literally. You cannot convince me of anything different. Next week they're off to FOGGY LONDONTOWN! Do you think they'll drink tea and eat crumpets and put on terrible accents while saying “by George, I think he's got it!” at each other? Fingers crossed! Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More: 'The Bachelorette' Recap: Parton My French 'The Bachelorette' Recap: The Muppets Show, Tonight 'The Bachelorette' Recap: Into the Woods
  • Jerry O'Connell is a Total Munster
    By: Alicia Lutes June 04, 2012 8:09pm EST
    Completely ordinary, unattractive human (Look ma, jokes!) Jerry O'Connell is officially a Munster! The former Crossing Jordan star has found a new home for himself on Mockingbird Lane as head of the family, Herman Munster. Bunking up with other newly cast family members Eddie Izzard (Grandpa Munster) and Mason Cook (Eddie Munster). The show is a loosely — and we mean loosely — based take on the '60s cult classic. The old show was a 30-minute sitcom in black and white, whereas the new adaptation is a 60-minute drama that is "visually spectacular," according to TV Line. Because shows like Once Upon A Time are doing well, the onslaught of this new genre was inevitable. However, given that things could possibly not get any more different for the show from its original, let's take a look at some plot suggestions to really take this thing off the remake track, shall we? Also, Bryan Fuller, feel free to hit me up if you like what you see. 1.) Somebody, anybody, PLEASE get Helena Bonham Carter all up in this show to play Lily Munster: This isn't really a plot suggestion so much as a mandate on behalf of people who enjoy the thought of Bonham Carter and Izzard interacting on a regular basis. Eccentric overload, in the best way! 2.) Herman Munster should not have a job as a lawyer or cop: It seems like the obvious route, but don't do it. Have Herman Munster be something eccentric but also believable. Since it's a drama, putting Frankenstein's monster in with the NYPD or what-have-you just feels hokey. 3.) Give Eddie Izzard as much screen time as possible: Izzard is a masterful force on a drama (The Riches was gone before its time), and to have him play a cantankerous grandfather sort seems like primo real estate for Izzard's talents beyond the comedic lens to shine. [TVLine] Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More: Eddie Izzard Joins 'The Munsters' Reboot 'Mockingbird Lane' NBC Changes Title of Bryan Fuller's 'The Munsters' Helena Bonham Carter gets dancing
  • The Best and Worst Moments of the 2012 MTV Movie Awards
    By: Alicia Lutes June 04, 2012 12:17am EST
    The MTV Movie Awards this year showed us a lot of, well, stuff. It wasn't all bad, and it wasn't all good; but watching the awards show was an experience. Some people got awards, and a few of those awards were actually ones that they didn't make up on the spot. But we're here to bring you the best and worst moments from this year's big dance. In case you missed it, or didn't! Best Red Carpet Moment: Perks of Being a Wallflower Trailer Debut. The long-awaited film from the book with the same name is sure to be a hit among the MTV-and-older set. The book was nearly universally loved, so to see the trailer released (finally!) after years of waiting for the film is pretty exciting. Get More: Nina Dobrev, Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, 2012 Movie Awards, New Movies Worst Moment of Attempted Charlie Sheen Relevancy: Every reference that MTV made to the man. Seriously, that's enough. Best High-Fashion Blood-Splatter Dress: Mila Kunis Next: Pork pie hats and dog buttsBest Unsolicited Anger Moment: Mark Wahlberg, getting angry at the random, inaudible person in the audience. I hope he said hi to his mother for Mark. Worst Category: Onscreen Dirtbag. Because was that really the only name they could think of for this? Best Audition for a Buster Keaton bio-pic: Josh Hutcherson's hat Best Impression of an '80s-Era Aerosmith Microphone: Wiz Khalifa's microphone stand. Next: Elvira wigs and Johnny DeppWorst Intro to a Category: Best Kiss. Dog butthole jokes. America. COME ON. Best Dress: Kristen Stewart's. Homegirl's dress was FIRE, y'all. Best Middle-Aged Woman: Joe Perry and his Elvira wig. (Steven Tyler's bellbottoms are really jealous, so let's not talk about it too much.) Best Award Moment: gfjhfduibhfdiuhfsiugdfh. I mean, Johnny Depp. Sorry, I type his name and have a reaction. Every time. That Johnny Depp; man, what a career, eh? He's like, some super talented fella, apparently! The whole intro reel was just radical and reminds the world that Johnny Depp is still totally the man. And to follow up with Johnny performing with The Black Keys? Be still my heart. That was one of those old school-style MTV moments that reminds you of the networks' heyday. Get More: The Black Keys - Gold on the Ceiling featuring Johnny Depp (Live), Music, More Music Videos Next: Fassbender is FassBETTER!Worst Use of a Joel McHale: Joel McHale as Lester Boonshaft. If you have a Joel McHale, and you have an archer's uniform, why is there not more flitting about in tights and perhaps a remake of Robin Hood: Men in Tights? Best Michael Fassbender: Michael Fassbender. Just for being Fassbendery. Also I had no idea that Fassbender could get FassBETTER and then I saw him with a beard. And I won't make a d**k joke, I promise... even though I've seen Shame and know it is a glorious member of society. Best Award Acceptance: Elizabeth Banks for Best Transformation, featuring the boys from Magic Mike. It was stiff competition, but Joe Manganiello's shaft dance was truly a revelation. Get More: MTV Shows Next: Dark Knights and Ginger LadiesBest Earnest Moment: Emma Stone. Golly gosh, girl. Not only are you sassy, adorable, hilarious, and a fellow ginger, but you also name-dropped another one of my Head Queen Goddess Boss Ladies, Gilda Radner. I think it's safe to say you deserve the honor of being a fellow Head Queen Goddess Boss Lady (even though this Trailblazer Award seems a bit of an odd choice)... Welcome, girl! You're America's Girl Crush. Best Exclusive: The Dark Knight Rises. I JUST WANT TO SEE THE S**T OUT OF THIS MOVIE, YOU GUYS. And oh, hi, hello to you, too, attractive human specimen Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Get More: 2012 Movie Awards, New Movies So that was the 2012 MTV Movie Awards. Are we a better or worse nation for it? Only time will tell. Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes [All images via MTV] More: 'Hunger Games' and 'Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn' Among MTV Movie Award Winners MTV Movie Awards Winners: Which Winners Were Actually Good? The MTV Movie Awards in the Year 2032
  • Kristen vs. Rob vs. Taylor: The Post-'Twilight' Battle
    By: Alicia Lutes June 03, 2012 5:42pm EST
    The epic love-triangle at the center of the Twilight series has turned into a battle at the Box Office. The movies three stars—Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner—are all undoubtedly thinking about their careers after the vampires and wolves finally stop pawing at each other. The past year has seen each take a stab at carrying a major feature film, and with the premiere of Snow White and The Huntsman, the people have spoken. All three films—though different in genre—were rated PG-13, making them widely acceptable viewing for the vast majority of Twilight fans. So which star came out on top? Let's read on! Third place goes to the perma-shirtless Taylor Lautner, he of the padded foot and less-than-padded pectorals. His first starring vehicle, Abduction took in $10,925,253 in its three-day-weekend gross. The film showed in 3,118 theaters, meaning each screen made about $3,500 per screen. Perhaps with a little less shirt, he could've fared better? A bit more successful was Pattinson's Water for Elephants, which had a three-day-weekend gross of $16,842,353 on 2,817 screens. Each screen made an average of $5,978 per screen. While Lautner's action flick did not compare to the drama that saw Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon reunite on screen since 2004's Vanity Fair, neither could compare to the veritable juggernaut of success that has turned out to be Stewart's Snow White and the Huntsman. Stewart's film—a dark and twisted take on the original fairy tale—opened this weekend with a better-than-expected $56.2 million domestically. The film, averaged $14,900 at each of the 3,773 screens it played on. Not-too-shabby, Bella Swan. It is also worth noting that while Snow White allegedly cost $170 million, Pattinson and Lautner's films cost quite a bit less—$38 million and $35 million, respectively—but both films made money overall. It is yet to be seen what the overall gross will be for Snow White, though it feels safe to say it will exceed its costs and make a few shiny pennies for the folks over at Universal. So it goes without saying that the clear winner is Stewart, but is that just because the film was still in the Twilight arena of being a live action fantasy? Pattinson and Lautner went in decidedly different directions with their films; Pattinson's romantic drama and Lautner's action film were lacking any sort of supernatural overarching themes. When it comes to box office success, though, it's no secret that fantasy reigns supreme in the pop culture universe these days. So did Stewart simply take an easier route towards success, or the smarter one? Perhaps it's worth waiting to see how her turn in On The Road fares after it gets a US release date, as the film (a drama based on the Jack Kerouac novel) is definitively void of any sort of magical element. While each of the stars worked on other projects besides these three (You didn't forget Remember Me, did you? C'mon, guys, the title tells you to do just the opposite!) between Twilight films, it seems as though these three were the first attempts to test the blockbuster viability of the young stars. All signs seemed to point to Pattinson as being the breakout star of the franchise—what with all the women literally and figuratively throwing themselves at his every waking step, so some may be surprised at how this weekend's numbers separate the pack. But the Twilight films have always centered around the journey of Stewart's Bella Swan, so really there should probably be less surprise in the air. Who do you think will have the most viable career post-Twilight? Are you surprised by these numbers, or do you think that, with the right film (maybe the forthcoming Cosmopolis for Pattinson?), a different actor is poised to take the lead away from KStew? Let us know what you think in the comments. Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes [Image via Universal] More: 'Snow White' Weaves Box Office Fairy Tale! 'Twilight' Stars Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner Gaze Into Your Eyes! — POSTERS Kristen Stewart: Why You'll Rethink the 'Twilight' Star in 2012
  • Kardashians Kruise, Khurn Out New Video— VIDEO
    By: Alicia Lutes June 03, 2012 2:07pm EST
    The Kardashians are at it again, America, and the entire populous of the New Jersey shoreline is overcome with jealousy over the amount of animal print in this video. The family, while on vacation in the Dominican decided to use their preciously-few moments of not being taped by a television crew to tape themselves lip syncing to “Hypnotize” by Notorious B.I.G. Youngest Jenners—Kylie and Kendall—posted the video on their YouTube account on Saturday, and it has already received over 98,000 views. The video features the majority of the Klan atop a very fancy-looking boat, chilling out in their vacation hostel resort, and making it rain with Monopoly money. After watching the video, there are a few questions that the Kardashians need to answer. Namely: - Who told Scott that a purple t-shirt (?) on his head was a good life decision? - When a Kardashian shakes its derrière, does it cause a shift in the earth's rotation? - What does Kanye West think about this? - Can we borrow your yacht when you're done with it? Noticeably absent from the video is sister Khloe, who recently halted production on her spin-off show with her husband Lamar Odom. Perhaps her leopard print bikini was at the dry cleaners. Video highlights include all the Kardashians falling over when a big wave hits, and Bruce Jenner getting really into it by slapping wife Kris Jenner on her animal-printed kaftan-covered backside like a true video girl. Bravo. The sociological experiment continues. Popular culture is a fascinating beast, is it not? Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More: Lifetime Makes Kim Kardashian a Relationship Expert — VIDEO Kourtney Kardashian's Baby Shower: What Really Happened Vs. What We'll See on Camera 5 Kardashian Behaviors Kourtney's Baby Girl Should Never Copy
  • Nicollette Sheridan's 'Desperate Housewives' Lawsuit Put on Ice
    By: Alicia Lutes June 03, 2012 12:06pm EST
    Update: Sheridan hasn't give up hope yet. The actress's lawyer Mark Baute recently told The Hollywood Reporter that despite the appeal court's indefinite stay on the case, he is planning to fight to keep the retrial on track. He released the following statement: "The order reflects the court of appeals' desire to have the September 10 trial focus on the Labor Code Section 6310 claim. The reference to amendment in the order is designed to ensure that happens and the September 10 trial date remains intact. This will all become clearer as the briefs are filed later this summer. It does not change the trial or the trial date, and the temporary stay is designed to clarify and resolve those issues before the September trial starts. It would be foolish for the media to believe that an order which expressly states that the Labor Code 6310 claim should be added means anything more than that, especially at this point. We will file our briefs and move forward accordingly." So while the case hasn't been completely dismissed, Sheridan's legal team is going to have to work some serious court-room magic to get the trail back on track. Let's just hope they're not too desperate. Earlier: The seemingly never-ending trial has been given one last chance. Nicollette Sheridan will have to wait until September 10, though, for her retrial against ABC Studios. The former Desperate Housewives actress claims that she was unrightfully booted from the show in 2009, after an argument with Executive Producer Marc Cherry ended with Sheridan allegedly getting slapped by the producer. Cherry claims that the decision to kill off her character (Edie Britt) happened months prior, and that he was attempting to give Sheridan a stage direction when the alleged hit took place. Sheridan's original case against Touchstone Television Productions, ABC Studios, ABC Entertainment and Cherry ended in a mistrial on March 19, after the jury was deadlocked on a decision. Sheridan's lawyer, Mark Baute, explained to The Wrap that the court order states that the case can be examined under Occupational Safety and Health Administration’s labor code violations; "It does not change the trial or the trial date, and the temporary stay is designed to clarify and resolve those issues before the September trial starts." The appeals court that ruled on the case issued the stay on Friday, seeming to agree with the position from the ABC lawyer team that Sheridan did not have the right to sue for wrongful termination. A call to ABC's lawyers has not been returned. Desperate Housewives aired its series finale on May 13, 2012. No definitive word on if the retrial in September will bring a finale to the proceedings. [The Wrap] Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More: 'Desperate Housewives' Finale: What's Next for the Women of Wisteria Lane? 'Desperate Housewives' V. Nicollette Sheridan: Mistrial Declared 'Desperate Housewives' vs. Nicollette Sheridan: Breaking Down The Allegations
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 'Premium Rush' New Trailer -- TRAILER
    By: Alicia Lutes May 31, 2012 8:06pm EST
    Adorably squinty actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a new trailer out for his bike messenger movie, Premium Rush. The film is essentially about a no-good cop (played by Michael Shannon) who's on the hunt for a New York City bike messenger (Gordon-Levitt) tasked with carrying a mysterious package across the city. The film still has no release date, (though it is being touted as part of summer movie guides everywhere), but is anyone really lining up to see a movie about bike messengers? I mean, I lived in New York City for 4 years (in the very neighborhood a lot this film was shot, natch), and most of the time they're just crazy dudes that ride around as if they own all the roads and sidewalks and 92 percent of the time, cause you near-heart-attack-inducing swearing episodes on your walk, well, anywhere because they always seem to nearly run into you every single time. Then again: When has JGL ever disappointed us? Alright, fine. Count me in. What do you think about this new trailer? Are you interested in checking out what Premium Rush is all about? Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Rides Hard in 'Premium Rush' Trailer 2012 Summer Movie Guide Gordon-Levitt bloodied in movie bike crash
  • Channing Tatum's 'Magic Mike' Revealed — POSTER
    By: Alicia Lutes May 31, 2012 7:23pm EST
    The world has spoken, so Channing Tatum has made a male stripper movie. Magic Mike, which has been getting plenty of buzz 'round The Internets, finally has a poster. It seems as though Tatum & Co. have lost their shirts! Oh no! Here, let me not help you with finding them. The movie, which is rumored to be quite funny, is certainly amping up the camp with this poster. It's like the Village People, but hilarious and yet somehow still sexy? Riddle me that, boys. Also, the tagline...can we have a moment? You have to have a sense of humor about yourself to make that line really...work it. And if you needed anymore convincing that this movie was totally worth it: Matt Bomer and Alex Pettyfer also take their shirts off. Here's hoping bar owner Dallas (Matthew McConaughy) has a glorious monologue about being a grizzled warrior of the dancing dude business--an exotic dancer with a heart of gold, perhaps? And since we know that this movie is totally getting greenlit for Magic Mike 2: The Naked Michael, we've decided to cast the new male stripper stereotypes for you (you're welcome, Hollywood). namely: - The Male Nurse Stripper, played by Jean Dujardin - The Nerdy Philosophy Student Stripper, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt - The Sommelier Stripper, played by Michael Fassbender - The Study Abroad Romance Stripper, played by Gael García Bernal - The Homeless Stripper, played by Shia LaBeouf - The Train Conductor Stripper, played by Gilles Marini - The Green Party Presidential Nominee Stripper, played by Ryan Gosling (I will use any excuse to put Ryan Gosling in a film.) We are but visual beings. The line for this film starts right here, behind me. Magic Mike is in theaters June 29th. Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More: 'Magic Mike': Channing Tatum & Alex Pettyfer Find Themselves, Lose Their Clothes — TRAILER Channing Tatum Stripping in 'Magic Mike': Sexy or Hilarious? — PICS Joe Manganiello on 'Magic Mike': 'Big Dudes in Thongs Dry Humping 200 Female Extras a Day'
  • The New 'The Expendables 2' Trailer: Now More Expendable!  — TRAILER
    By: Alicia Lutes May 31, 2012 6:11pm EST
    Crash! Bang! Boom! Hey, Look — somebody got all those middle-aged former action dudes together again! The new trailer for The Expendables 2 is out, and characters with the ridiculous names Yin Yang (seriously, dudes?), Lee Christmas, Hale Caesar, and Toll Road are back again. The movie, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis and Chuck Norris, is a romantic story of unrequited love in early Victorian England that follows the struggles of a ragtag band of men called The Expendables.  And in The Expendables 2, our still-middle-aged heroes (with the exception of the littlest Hemsworth, aka Miley Cyrus' boyfriend, aka Liam Hemsworth) are still blowing s**t up. And prepare yourself for a Terminator joke in the first 20 seconds of the trailer! So self-referential! (Fingers crossed they make a Die Hard joke, too, America.) I'm mostly excited about their berets and how much Norris nods his head in the trailer. Don't believe me? Check out the trailer below, and see for yourself: Because we're not afraid to be service-y, we've made a list of the actors — in order of how explosive we imagine they're going to be, from most to least: 1.) Novak Djokovic - Apparently the tennis star is making a cameo in the film as himself? 2.) Liam Hemsworth - Because anyone nicknamed "The Kid" in a movie generally tends to f**k a lot of s**t up. 3.) Bruce Willis - I mean, he did just star in Moonrise Kingdom. 4.) Jet Li - Because he was probably so offended by his character being named Yin Yang that he decided to burn the entire production down. 5.) Dolph Lundgren - He will break you. 6.) Randy Couture - What, is this guy a professional wrestler or something? 7.) Chuck Norris - I'm not even going to explain this one because it's just too easy and I hate easy. 8.) Jason Statham - He sees his future, and it is very Stallone-y. 9.) Jean-Claude Van Damme - He's Belgian. 10.) Sylvester Stallone - He's too busy trying to keep his face on to pay attention/deal with explosions. 11.) Arnold Schwarzenegger - The world's most exhausted automaton. The Expendables 2 is in theaters Aug. 17th. I think the Oscars are sometime in February, so, you know, look out for this then, too. Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes MORE 'The Expendables 2': Schwarzenegger's Shoe Is Bigger Than a Car — TRAILER The Expendables 2 Chuck Norris Forces 'Expendables 2' to Clean Up Its Language for a PG-13 Rating
  • Matthew Fox Assault Case Dropped
    By: Alicia Lutes May 31, 2012 4:12pm EST
    TWIST! Just days after Dominic Monaghan accused former Lost co-star Matthew Fox of beating women on Twitter, the lawsuit filed against him regarding a 2011 incident has been dropped. The alleged victim, Heather Bormann, had told police that Fox hit her several times in the chest and crotch regions (ouchies!) after he attempted to board her party bus. (Apparently it was not a fight club party! I'll be here all night, folks.) Fox shot back with a lawsuit of his own, but Bormann’s attorney left the case this past April, after he alleged that his client “intentionally failed and refused to provide full and timely cooperation and information," as well as failing to honor a payment agreement, according to Entertainment Weekly. It seems an interesting coincidence that the lawsuit was withdrawn within days of Monaghan's heavy accusations--do you think Bormann received pressure from Fox's camp to drop it to make Monaghan's claims seem unfounded, or was it simply that there wasn't any evidence to substantiate Bormann's claims? You all man the comments, we'll be over at Monaghan's Twitter account, checking for a response. Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes [EW] MORE Dominic Monaghan Accuses Matthew Fox of Violence Against Women Matthew Fox of 'Lost' Arrested in Cleveland Matthew Fox Arrested for DUI — REPORT You Might Also Like: Jessica Simpson Announces Pregnancy With Adorable Photo 20 Hot (and Horrifying) Movie Sex Scenes