Alicia Lutes
Staff Writer Alicia Lutes is a corgi enthusiast from Connecticut living in Los Angeles. She loves Tina Fey, television, ugly things and really money cheese plates. Growing up, her grandfather frequently said, "you’re so god-damned good with words! You should do something with words with your life!" so she made it her quest to plaster her wordy witticisms across the Internet. She looks forward to retiring at the age of 80 and opening a fromagerie with a small army of wrinkly-faced and stumpy-legged dogs.
  • Networks Shift Coverage After Boston Marathon Bombing
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 15, 2013
    Comprehensive coverage of Monday's truly horrific attack on the Boston Marathon will be unending as the FBI and Boston police put together the pieces of who, what, and why such events took place. And as the nation sits in wonder while motives are unearthed, news, cable, and network outlets will be shifting their coverage to focus on keeping the public informed on the terrible tragedy. It is being reported that President Barack Obama will deliver a statement about the Boston events today at 6:10 PM ET. It is believed that all the major networks will cut into their broadcasts to cover President Obama's remarks. The biggest difference in programming is over on the cable news outlets — all of whom have shifted their coverage to focus on the day's events. So far, only NBC plans for regularly-scheduled primetime scripted programming to be preempted. See below for comprehensive information regarding the changes. - ABC News will anchor Nightline from Boston tonight,with World News with Diane Sawyer's broadcast extended to a full hour. In the morning, George Stephanopoulos and Josh Elliott will be reporting from Boston for Good Morning, America.- CBS News will extend its CBS Evening News program from 6:30PM to 8PM in order to cover the explosions from New York.- CNN will run AC 360 from 8PM - 10PM ET tonight, with host Anderson Cooper hosting live from Boston.- Fox News has made several adjustments to its programming, explaining that it will circumvent its regularly-scheduled Five program at 5PM ET to accomodate live reporting from Shepherd Smith. The network's primetime pgorams — Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Greta van Susteren — will all be live and focus on the bombing. Bill Hemmer will anchor from Boston in the morning. Over on the Fox Business Network, Neil Cavuto will anchor a special live report starting at 8PM ET.- NBC News has announced that NBC Nightly News will also extend to a full hour tonight. Additionally, the new episode of Revolution, slated for 10PM ET will be preempted for news coverage anchored by Brian Williams with reports from Matt Lauer, Lester Holt, Ron Allen, Pete Williams, Katy Tur and others. Tomorrow will see Today Show host Matt Lauer and Lester Holt in Boston, alongside Morning Joe's Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski.- MSNBC will see The Rachel Maddow Show reporting live from Boston. Tomorrow will see Chris Jansing reporting live throughout the day in the city. Check back for the most updated information as the story develops.
  • 'The Bachelor' Wants You, Adam Scott
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 15, 2013
    Could Adam Scott (no, not that one) be The Bachelor's newest ace in the hole? If Chris Harrison and producer Robert Mills have any say in it he might. The recently-crowned King of the Holes — isn't that what they call golf champions? — beat out Tiger Woods for the green jacket of Masters glory, and also the hearts of American women everywhere when it was revealed that the Australian may in fact be single. Single, wealthy, and handsome?! Someone get this man a reality show, stat! Well, that's exactly what Mills is hoping, especially after the response he received to his tweet about the idea. The Bachelor Nation has spoken (yes, sorry, that is a thing), and they want you, Adam Scott. If you'll have them! So......Adam Scott as the next #Bachelor??What say you, #Bachelornation? — Robert Mills(@Millsy11374) April 14, 2013 From there, the idea took off, with Harrison adding fuel to the fire  — and possibly holding out hope that he'd one day get to play a couple holes in Augusta with the pro, no doubt — in typical Bachelor fashion, only to be one-upped by Mills' nice little jab at former Bachelor wannabe/Jeah-enthusiast, Ryan Lochte: Rumors this will be settled in a hot tub instead of replaying 18th #Masters — Chris Harrison (@chrisbharrison) April 14, 2013 The Adam Scott as #Bachelor idea has exploded. Will try and meet. And Ryan Lochte-this is what it means to have interest in you as #Bachelor — Robert Mills(@Millsy11374) April 15, 2013 It's all still just a big ole hypothetical at the moment, but this wouldn't be the first time The Bachelor sourced outside of its incestual pool of contestants for a potential suitor: Byron Velvick (a pro-bass fisherman) and Charlie O'Connell (actor) were both plucked from the pseudo-celebrity world to participate in the televised wooing competition. has reached out for comment from ABC, but had yet to hear back at the time of publication. What do you think of the prospect of Adam Scott as the next Bachelor: hole in one or a total bogey? Let us know in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:Are You 'Ready for Love'? You Shouldn't Be8 Things 'Bachelorette' Desiree Can Learn from The PastLove By Numbers: The Big 'Bachelor' Break-Up Barometer   From Our PartnersJessica Alba Bikinis in St. Barts (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His On-Screen Character? (Vulture)
  • MTV Movie Awards: How Did Rebel Wilson Do?
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 14, 2013
    MTV has officially become an Amy Poehler-I'm-a-cool-mom parody of itself — and Sunday night's iteration of its Movie Awards seemed to prove just that. We're not in the 80s anymore. But in an attempt to hold onto that young demographic with all of its might — while still portraying an image of hipness — they recruited current comedy it-girl Rebel Wilson to host the event. With an opening number featuring some of her Pitch Perfect costars (following an Iron Man and James Franco-featured opening video), the Aussie made sure to push the boundaries of edgy humor all night with talk of extra nipples, pubic hair (so much pubic hair), Australian kisses (like a French kiss...down unda! Zing!), underage drinking, and more. There was truly no limit to what the comedian would skewer. It was a night filled with awkward speeches, spotty musical numbers, and all of the iconic/trailblazer/genius/whatever awards the show could afford to create in order to get celebrities in the seats. But how did Rebel handle it? That's where you come in. We want to know — did you dig Rebel's hosting style, or were you cringing the whole way through? Take our poll below and sound off in the comments! <a href="">How Did Rebel Wilson Do at the MTV Movie Awards?</a> Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:Where the MTV Movie Awards and The Oscars IntersectBest Kisses from 'Twilight' Movie Award WinsThe 9 Strangest Hosts of the MTV Movie Awards From Our PartnersJessica Alba Bikinis in St. Barts (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His On-Screen Character? (Vulture)
  • Hugh Jackman's Stalker Threw Her Pubic Hair-Ridden Razor at Him
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 14, 2013
    Now that is some serious pubic indecency. (Cue rimshot: I'll be here all day, folks.) Hugh Jackman's stalker threw a razor at him that was filled with pubic hair. Because she loves him, explained the New York Post. And while on the outset the story is quite ridiculous (obviously), it's also a bit sad and kind of scary in a way, too. Welcome to the weekend news cycle: trumped up curio masked as news in order to reel readers in! The woman, Kathleen Thurston, has an infatuation erring on the side of intense for our jazz-handed Wolverine, and took to the gym (natch) to declare her love for Jackman. And how else does one do such a thing than with three little words ("I love you!") and a gift that's extremely personalized? Only problem is that Thurston said I love you with an electric razor covered in intimate hair clippings to the head. Needless to say, she was arrested. ( has reached out for comment, but did not hear back by the time of publication.) But this isn't Thurston's first time at the Jackman Rodeo. Seems that the stalker has been a fairly consistent side-thorn, having previously appeared outside of Jackman's home, as well as the school of the actor's 7-year-old daughter. Fairly scary stuff. It gets sad, though, when you realize that Thurston seems to have some problems of her own: the Post reports that Thurston's permanent address is a Harlem shelter for the mentally ill, no doubt bringing to mind the myriad of ways a.) our country's mental health system has failed its inhabitants, b.) that perhaps folks should obsess over celebrity less (she writes from the celebrity section of a pop culture news site), and c.) pubic hair should really be something that stays between you and your aesthetician. Needless to say, Thurston was charged with stalking and was awaiting arraignment. Gotham Gym staffer David Rivera told the Post, "You wouldn’t expect someone coming in here and looking to come after you like that ... To just have someone invade his personal space like that is not OK." Indeed: Jackman has found his pubic enemy number one (it was too easy, I had to. And I'm not sorry about it). Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:'Days of Future Past': Ready for More Wolverine?'The Wolverine' First Footage ...on VineIs Hugh Jackman a Better Abraham Lincoln From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Hannibal' Recap: A Broken Pony and The Fungus Among Us
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 12, 2013
    Hello, Internet! Before we hop into this horrifically delightful murderparty: welcome to Hannibal: the recap. I will be your weekly doyenne of death and darkness, traversing the epic landscape of NBC's newest series. And it's a brilliant one at that (aka don't f**k it up, ya silly peacocks). It has built-in suspense (outside of the whodunnit 44-minute crime solving of most procedurals) thanks to the knowledge that most viewers have going into the show of what's to come for our leading lads. Hannibal is a cable show on network TV: so of course that means it's going to be a bit bloody for certain sensibilities. But the violence feels necessary rather than excessive — a bit of grounding horror to punctuate the misty dreamlike quality of the rest of the show. But that's because where the show really plays is in your mind, and Will's mind, and Hannibal's mind — and the minds of all these killers. Who better than Bryan Fuller to execute such a feat: in his hands, the iconic tale of our cleverly calculating cannibal brings the mind to life in a myriad of exciting and truly engrossing ways. Because people are fascinating — something our dear Dr. Hannibal Lecter knows quite well — and none pose more questions to the mind than those killers of the serial variety. Their bloodlust and intrinsic, uncontrollable need to kill is something most of us cannot possibly comprehend, which is probably why there are so many shows about murderpeople out on television today. Someone who can understand them quite intimately, though, is Will Graham. Played by the masterful Hugh Dancy (Seriously — what are dinners like at the Dancy/Claire Danes household? And their kid! Imagine growing up with Will Graham and Carrie Mathison as your parents.), Will has danced with the devil that lives in his brain after killing Garret Jacob Hobbes: rode hard and put away wet (love a good race horse saying). And with a mind as overactive and unstable as his, the consequences of getting too involved are frighteningly serious. Agent Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) knows he's towing a very thin line with Will out in the field, but he's willing to push him as far as he can — as long as it's mentally sound to do so. Which is why the FBI needs psychiatrist Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen) in their corner: to save their broken pony. In the second episode of the season, we see a preview — an amuse bouche, perhaps? (See what I did there? The episode title was "Amuse Bouche!" I'm really quite clever.) — of what's in store. First we got the pre-dinner drink (apertif), and now? An amuse bouche, natch: a single, bite-sized hors d'œuvre (like a pig in a blanket but fancy) that is free and completely at the chef's discretion. In this case we have to imagine there are several chefs in the kitchen, and we've gotten a single bite of each of our major players. And man, the ways in which Will is volleyed back and forth between kid glove care and full-blown exposure to the grim and gruesome things in his mind, feels exploitative. He tries so hard to keep his demons at bay — keeping the world at arms length. Described as both a tea cup and a broken pony (Will's definitely at least a colt), Hannibal believes the rest of the world can only understand Will when they make him out to be a fragile but fancy toy. But first let's get to the new crop of folks that've sprung forth from the earth to greet us. First there is Freddie Louds (whom Thomas Harris fans will recall was previously a man in the books/films) — who runs the blog Louds is hot on the trail of the Minnesota Shrike, and thanks to a wee tryst with Agent Zeller, she's now quite fascinated with our fair Will Graham, as well. "Takes One To Know One" says the title. Freddie also manipulates situations to get what she wants. But doing so has put her on Hannibal's rude list — and we all know what happens when you end up there. But she's in for the long haul, and won't be going anywhere any time soon. There's also our mushroom farmer. Oh yes, the fungus among us! A crazy diabetic-coma inducing mushroom farmer, that is. In a storyline that would make even the most iron of stomachs lose their lunch (or at least skip the shitakes), we found pharmacist Eldon Stammitz and his reverence for the fleshy spores. He felt humanity could better connect (always with the connections, this show) if people were buried alive, covered in compost, and pumped with sugar water to grow a couple toadstools on their slowly-decaying skin. It was a gruesome, visually-arresting scene that harkened back to another unsettling horror cult-camp hit: Motel Hell. People giving rise to, essentially, an intricate web of connections that move beyond the physical and mental capacity of the human brain. It's all quite philosphical yet rooted in scientific knowledge. Beautifully haunting, in a way — totally gnarly and disgusting and completely mental in every other possible way. S**t is f**king disturbing. I love it. Which brings us back to Will. So haunted. He is a walking internal battle divided: one side that liked how it felt to kill Hobbes, the other disgusted by his own feelings. It's revealed that Will has spent hours at Abigail Hobbes' bedside (where we found Hannibal sitting at the end of the pilot) while comatose. Jack believes Abigail may have been Hobbes' accomplice throughout his murders — something Will is none too keen to accept (though previews for next week's episode have us thinking that perhaps he should just get on with that acceptance thing sooner rather than later). But that's because, like the dogs, Graham has adopted her (lucky for his anti-social ass, she's in a coma. Might like her less when she's awake). Another stray. Another maybe muderperson or knowing accomplice. Will's inability to be socialable and connect with people is ultimately what's saved him up until this point. There's a killer being supressed. We know this because he's haunted by the ease with which he delves into the minds of and empathizes with the killers he encounters at work every day. (And you thought your job had pressures.) But now, it's no longer an imagination: he's killed another human. Welcome to confronting your feelings, my boy! Therapy 101. Feel it. Only, Hannibal uses their newfound bromance as a a way to gain Will's trust (which is proliferated by his rubber-stamping the psych evaluation, only to turn it around to gain personal insight into Will. A big no-no with this one, it seems.) because he feels a connection to Will — they're more alike than different in many ways. It's this need for a connection that drives Hannibal and (so far) the others to kill. A misinterpreted understanding of humanity, relationships, and spirit — or simply just another God complex? For Hannibal, it seems to be a bit of the latter. It's a tiny thread, but it's there nonetheless, and we need that to understand the man and the mechanics behind him. Every other killer has a motive, a design, a method. Hannibal is not a serial killer with one particular homi-style: he does it in a myriad of ways and for lots of different reasons, as we've seen thus far. But it's so much more than that, too. To Hannibal, death is beauty and connects him to a higher plane of existence — the ultimate expression of power. A psychopath with some smarts, talent, a seemingly good amount of money, and cooking skills no matter how gross? Oh yeah, I can see why he's a dangerous and tricky fella. "Killing must feel good to God, too — he does it all the time. And are we not created in his own image?" It's a chilling quote and an even more horrific thought: Hannibal is a killer without remorse: to him, it is a calling inherently higher than himself. But does God like killing, Will wonders? Hannibal believes that, for God, it's not about liking, it's about the power: death is just a necessary evil. A means to an end — but one that can, when wrapped up in romanticized neo-religious ideals with a hint of mental instability, be seen as a thing of beauty. By killing (serially) and in such extravagent ways, you're conceptually "giving a voice to the unmentionable." And the look of revolted understanding that crosses Will's face upon hearing Hannibal's words makes it clear that even though he can empathize with it, doesn't mean he thinks it's right. Hannibal's God Complex a Satan Complex. But still, the basic truth lingers in the air: "I liked killing Hobbes," Will mumbled. There's more yet to be dissected in that fancy, delicate brain of yours, Will Graham. Can you contain it, or will it contain you? The things you've yet to learn about yourself, man. It's going to be a real treat to watch. And yet we've only had but a small bite, a taste. Needless to say, it's all fun and games until someone gets eaten. A Few More Things...- Can we have a moment for that opening sequence? Between Dexter and Hannibal, serial killers have some seriously killer opening visuals. - Beverly Katz sure does seem to be into Will Graham's brand of crazy. Something tells us she wants a bigger piece of that pie, ifyannowhatimean.- ... But then there's Dr. Alana Bloom! Who seems like a really great actual match for Will. And how she lied to him about not keeping track as to whether or not she keeps track of how often they've been alone together? She is both scared of and in love with what makes Will so special.- Kudos to Mikkelsen on his A+ delivery of the line to Jack: "Next time bring your wife. I’d love to have you both for dinner."- The stag and raven specter continues to plod his way through Will's brain, occasionally stopping in the doorway of Will's mental waiting room. Two animals, combined. It feels to me like a visual representation of the two parts of Will's personality, but you can't help but also see a bit of Hannibal in there, too — since we all know he was the one to set up the "negative" display in the field so Will could see the "positive" and in turn, hone in on Hobbes. He's able to manipulate the mind in such insidious ways (fans of the Harris series will immediately call to mind his attempts to condition Clarice later in Hannibal's life). But who's the raven and who's the stag? Which side will win? Can they be separated, or merely controlled as one single entity? So much left to unpack this season! What did you think of the episode? Discuss it in the comments. Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More:Tonight's Hannibal is Absolutely Disgusting: You Need to Watch ItIs 'Hannibal' a Worthy Small-Screen Successor?'Hannibal' Offers Lots of Gore in New Trailer From Our PartnersJessica Alba Bikinis in St. Barts (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His On-Screen Character? (Vulture)
  • Live Like Your Favorite 'Girls' Thanks to Brooklyn, Craigslist Ad
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 10, 2013
    Want to spend a lot of your parent's hard-earned cash money to live out your nouveau-dreams of living it up in Brooklyn like the truly modern twentysomething struggling artisté that you just know you are? Love the HBO show Girls? Believe yourself to be a Shoshanna or Marnie (no Hannahs or Jessas allowed!!) type? Then look no further than this Craigslist ad, a haven for the flawed and foible-fueled twentysomethings searching for something truly unique to their experience — right in the heart of Williamsburg! Sure, it's no Greenpoint (which means your pierogi intake will suffer tremendously), but it does offer the finest ammenities Girls (or guys) could only dream of, including: a window. The "trendy but trashy-enough-to complain-about-apartment" comes with two roommates: one named Hannah (!!!), that "self-identifies as an 'artist'" (but is apparently not Lena Dunham) and the other roommate (gay, in case you have conservative midwestern parents you need to piss off in the process of moving to The Big City), with a "penchant for backhanded compliments" just one of the many things you might want in a roommate (which also includes "neurotic, judgmental, and certainly more attractive than you"). The ironic-but-not ad also includes a list of well-rounded activities the roomates plan to incorporate you into, including concerts by local bands, warehouse parties (crackident not included!), sweet hangs in Greenpoint and/or cafes (Grumpy's?!) and "gallery openings that are incredibly meaningful to us on a deep personal level." The dinner parties that are mostly wine and may contain some angst are just an added bonus. The hardest part will certainly be deciding between this apartment or a King's Landing sex party.  You better act fast, though — the duo need their Marnie/Soshanna to inhabit the home by May 1, 2013. Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More: Sex Fantasy Emergency: Robb Stark Lookalike Needed for 'Game of Thrones' Sex GamesCharlie is Leaving 'Girls' Because He Doesn't Like Hannah'Bros': The Answer to 'Girls'? From Our PartnersJessica Alba Bikinis in St. Barts (Celebuzz)Pics of The Rock Making Things Look Small (Vulture)
  • 'Dexter' Scorned Lover Yvonne Strahovski to Return for Season 8
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 10, 2013
    Hannah McKay — tricky blonde, prophetic florist, serial murderperson, and woman scored — is back. Indeed, the thorn in season seven of Dexter's side, played by Yvonne Strahvoski, will be returning for the series' upcoming eighth and final season, a rep for the Showtime staple confirms. And something tells us Dexter (Michael C. Hall) ain't going to be too pleased about it. For those who somehow forgot about the infamous Hannah McKay and where we left her at the end of Season 7, Dexter's serial lady love had just been put in jail for murder (thanks to her lover, Dexter, and his need to protect himself and his sister, Deb) only to escape after giving herself a seizure in court (the girl is nothing if not determined). Obviously this means Hannah comes back: either for Dexter, Deb, or maybe even to try and ruin Dexter's life the way he ruined hers. I mean, the gal does know all about Dexy's ~Dark Passenger~ so, oops! It's like the old saying goes: never trust a serial killer. No word yet on what capacity Strahovski's character will return — but something tells us it's bound to get deadly up in Miami this summer. Some more. Because that place is a cesspool of murderers and barely held together by one of the most incompetent homocide divisions in police history. Gosh, Florida really is the worst! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter  More:New Bloody Trailer for 'Dexter' Season 8'Dexter' Season 8: Whose Name Will Be Added to the List?'Dexter' Season 8 Moves to Summer From Our PartnersJessica Alba Bikinis in St. Barts (Celebuzz)Pics of The Rock Making Things Look Small (Vulture)
  • Daft Punk to Debut New Album at Aussie Agricultural Wee Waa Show
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 10, 2013
    Things in the cotton capital of Australia are about to get ca-razy, y'all! The town of Wee Waa (there will be no Borat jokes in this article) has nabbed itself quite the musical guest for this year's Wee Waa Show — an annual agricultural event held in this wee shire. International electronic superstar group Daft Punk will be headlining and playing their new album, Random Access Memories, in its entirety. Say what? Man, how jealous are neighboring enclaves Pilliga and Gwabegar feeling right now, you think? And they should be jealous. Because I'll be damned if this event doesn't have all the typical Australian country show entertainment one could only hope for in 2013. This includes treasured Wee Waa pasttimes such as the "pet show, showgirl competition, cross cut saw competition, [and] fireworks." But that's not all, you guys, because Wee Waa knows how to paaaartaaaaaaay! The shenanigans will continue bumping throughout the entire weekend, with horse events, clown troupe, an ute muster (Americans, please Google "ute musters"), and the baby show expected to bring down the house. Should you fancy a more subdued weekend after listening to Daft Punk on the fair's Friday evening events programme, worry not, because there's something for everyone. The town of Wee Waa also has an America's Got Talent-style competition show — complete with show luncheon (some things never change, eh, former British colonies?), followed by displays of strength and anger against trees in the wood chop competition, and something called "buzz's lolly drop," which I've been assured is a real hootenanny. For those worried that the presence of the Punks would cut out the weekend's most popular events, have no fear: the farmers challenge, demolition derby, and mouse racing competition are still on. According to a quote in local paper the Narrabri Courier, Show Society president Brett Dickinson explained how the duo was — what we call in the 'biz — a big get for The Show. "It's great for Wee Waa and fantastic for the shire ... we thought getting senator Fiona Nash to open the show was a bit of a coup, but now, our show program has been bolstered tenfold." Fiona Nash AND Daft Punk in the shire at the same time? This place really does have everything! In fact, if the Wee Waa Show was hosted in a white fish factory on Manhattan's upper lower side (maybe near Little Isreal?), it would be a punchline on SNL's Weekend Update. But no, it's better than that — because it's real. If anyone wants to fly me to Wee Waa to rub shoulders with the locals and partake in their seemingly excellent taste in recreational activities and good times, feel free. The weekend-long event kicks off on May 17, 2013. Calgon, take me away. To Wee Waa! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter More: Will Daft Punk's New Album Be Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger?Compose Yourself! M83 Scores 'Oblivion'Accidental and Actual Racists Respond to 'Accidental Racist' From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • The Dos and Don'ts of Dating from 'The Mindy Project': When It's Business Time
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 10, 2013
    Tonight's episode of The Mindy Project was probably the best one they've had in months. Well done, Schulman and Associates! The show's newest acquisition, producer and writer of the episode in question, Tracy Wigfield, probably had a lot to do with that. Feel that 30 Rock pacing; ain't it nice? Doesn't it work well with Dr. Lahiri and company's speedy, quippy banter? (The answer is yes, by the way.) Thank you, Wigfield, and episode director BJ Novak: you done good. The gang headed out to Santa Fe, New Mexico (one of my favorite states, based solely on license plates aesthetics) for a doctors' conference, and chaos ensued. But not before cool Christian boyfriend Pastor Casey (Anders Holm) could get in a few mouth moments, thank goodness. Except things weren't all smooth sailing, romantically, for Dr. Lahiri, who was surprised by a call from ex-boyfriend/total jerk Josh. You know, the one who was also dating Ellie Kemper? Yeah, that asshat. Only Josh was here to right his wrongs (while chat up professional sports person Clay Matthews) and kick his addiction to cocaine. And that included explaining to Mindy all the no good, very bad things he did while they were together. Next! Adding another notch of affection to the Danny and Mindy love belt (sidenote: is that a real creepy sex thing or did I just make it up?) was Josh's admission that he thought the two were dating — a claim that Mindy denied until she accidentally grabbed Danny's hand in a moment of plane turbulence. Which would've been cute enough, but no! Danny went ahead and trumped it by grabbing her hand back when she started to pull it away. Those two, amirite? Too bad Mindy's dating someone and Danny's ex-wife has shown up. Say what? That's right! So what'd we learn this week about love? Plenty. Read on! 1.) Do Not Ask Your Boyfriend to Murder Your Hypothetical Murderer — You'll be disappointed by his answer, especially if he loves that notorious g.o.d. fella.2.) Do Be Honest With Your Boyfriend About Talking to Your Ex — Nobody likes a liar, plus lies get messy.3.) Do Not Steal Food from Homeless People — That's just cruel.4.) Do Stop at Gas Station Shops — They're the BEST.5.) Do Not Be a Dick to People You Care About — Just because you're with someone impressive doesn't mean the people you love aren't good enough.6.) Do Not Let Others' Opinions Define You — You're more than a white b**ch, if you want to be!7.) Do Support Addicts in Their Quest for Sobriety — But don't belittle their addictions and problems, maybe?8.) Do Make Amends When You're a Jerk — Right your wrongs, admit your failings, be a non-jerk (in general, in life).9.) Do Hold Hands When You're Scared — Swoooooooooooooon!10.) Do Not Watch Life of Pi — A boy is scared of a tiger and then he's not. And it only gets worse from there. Next week Chloe Sevigny will be back as Danny's ex-wife, so, lots of good things to come. What did you think of the episode? Let us know in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter MORE:The Dos and Don'ts of Dating: When You Accidentally Date a ProstituteThe Dos and Don'ts of Dating: When You Date a WorkaholicThe Dos and Don'ts of Dating: When You're Doing It All From Our PartnersJessica Alba Bikinis in St. Barts (Celebuzz)Pics of The Rock Making Things Look Small (Vulture)
  • Are You 'Ready For Love'? Because You Shouldn't Be
    By: Alicia Lutes Apr 10, 2013
    NBC's hottest hackneyed new show is Ready For Love. It has everything: matchmakers, generically attractive hot dudes and ladies, awkward dates, weird group competitions, obnoxious host(s) billed as "America's Favorite Couple" (which, ha Giuliana Rancic and her husband Bill are far from anyone's favorite anything), a celebri — sorry, "celebrity" suitor, regurgitated clichéd dating advice, group living arrangements, aggressive heteronormativity, cat fights, and probably a hot tub. And no, Stefon is not coming. You know what I find usually works the best in times of romantic interest? Overthinking s**t. Because nothing ever goes wrong then, right? And perhaps NBC's desperation stank has gassed themselves into submission at the hands of executive producer (puppet master?) Eva Longoria and the creators of this bloated mishmash of a reality show. It is everything and the kitchen sink, which, if you haven't gleaned by now, is a bad thing. Tonight's premiere episode was ~all about Tim Lopez~ (with the other two men, Ben and Ernesto, coming through later), a musician from the astoundingly-mediocre band The Plain White Ts. You probably don't remember them, but remember that "Hey There Delilah" song? Yeah, that was this band. But the guy that sang that song isn't Tim. (That guy quit.) Tim, who is divorced from his high school sweetheart because of course, explained that life on the road tore his relationship apart. He was "raised a certain way" which meant one night stands were out of the picture (though I think we can all call bulls**t on that one after Leah's non-denial of their physical intimacy. Also YOU'RE A MUSICIAN. Your family might buy this stupid line, dude, but we don't), which I think we all pretty much know to mean "fairly religious" at this point, right? This ain't my first time at the reality dating rodeo — I recap The Bachelor and Bachelorette, after all — I know how this s**t works. Unfortunately. Tim's mom believes he needs a woman that will completely bow down to and blindly support him. Because he's a "good family guy" so he deserves it, duh. The women were introduced with straight-up milquetoast abandon. There were so many poems. And blonde people. And smiles! And declarations of love readiness. And, yes, even a groan-inducing freestyle rap (the kiss of embarrassingly-horrifying death for any reality show contestant). The thing that seemed a bit more tempered on Ready for Love, though, was the way in which the contestant's terror of being alone forever was displayed. Sure, they were still frantically clawing and mawing at their perfect idea of love on their perfect romance timeline just like every other woman that goes on one of these parades, but the editors tried to be a bit more subtle about it. Like when they discussed Leah — a woman who had been "falling in love" with Tim over the past six years she's known him. Normally Leah would be the insta-pariah and verbal punching bag for the rest of the ladies' insecurities. Instead, people stood up for her, called her "brave" for taking her quest for love to the small screen, and were ambivalent-ish when she was kicked off first. It was all so anti-climatic. And then there are the matchmakers. Gurus of love and cockiness, the three love experts each picked four women for Tim to a Dating Game-style first impression round. There were a lot of groundbreaking musings on love like "friendship first!" and "I'll do anything for love," which just shows you how serious these women are about love (serious enough to parrot clichés, apparently.) And oh my god they also spoke about one of my least-favorite modern-day gimmicks: personal branding. Not just for the board room anymore! Apparently our conversion from humans to corporations (since we all know they're just like people!) is in full swing. Also I'm going to throw up all over everything. Can "personal branding" stop being a thing? Instead of branding ourselves, how about we all just be normal f**king humans with messy weird feelings and emotions and relationships that aren't perfect (nor will they ever be) rather than self-contained entities that need a f**king marketing plan? And if you were looking for a change of pace, you'll be sorely disappointed. The most action-packed moment of the evening involed sing-songy bopping around to the sweet, sweet, sweet tinny melodies of the Plain White Ts. And also — of course! — tears! Hailey cried when talking about how happy she was to find a man who would laugh about farts with her. But woman shouldn't say FART!, cried the matchmakers. Oh, phew: I was starting to get worried there wouldn't be some real choice nonsensical rules about hypocritical gender expectations on this one! There was a group date that involved forcing the girls to sing (and write lyrics!) for a song, Tim's band members showed up (because I'm sure he didn't agree to do the show without a little shameless self-promotion getting in there), and some girls were put up on the chopping block by the matchmakers. Leah went home, and nobody cared. Ready For Love  is far from ready for audiences to love it, or primetime for that matter. What did you think of Ready For Love? Let us know in the comments! Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter MORE:'Bachelorette' Desiree: 8 Things To Learn from The PastCBS Cans Dating Show '3' After 2 Episodes'The Bachelor' Finale Recap: Married To Tears From Our PartnersJessica Alba Bikinis in St. Barts (Celebuzz)Pics of The Rock Making Things Look Small (Vulture)