Author

Anna Brand
Anna Brand officially began her career in journalism when she landed her first internship at the now-defunct Jane magazine (RIP). Since then, she's tackled everything from celebrity interviews and entertainment news to home décor and fashion trends. Reporting was her jam until she was matched with her biggest thrill, headline writing. Now, Anna edits the homepage for Hollywood.com, where she crafts teasing copy so that all you people will click on our stories! When she's not in the office, Anna can be found gossiping about Bravo's Housewives like they're her friends, studying Oliver Hudson's jawline, and channeling Joey Potter while watching old Dawson's Creek episodes.
  • 'Nashville' Recap: Secrets, Bribes, and Skinny Dipping
    By: Anna Brand Oct 17, 2012
    Annndddddd we're back. It's only the second week of Nashville, but I have to say it feels like this show has been on for years. The amount of drama and plotlines broached in last week's episode alone could have been enough material for the entire season. But that can only mean it's about to get really good. If you didn't already READ MY RECAP, let me catch you all up to speed. Tami Taylor Rayna James (Connie Britton) is the queen of country, you see, but suddenly her producers found some wrinkles on her face and discovered Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), a pretty young (blonde) thing, and decided it was time to give RJ the boot. Well, they gave her the option of co-headlining with Juliette, but HA, as if. Rayna's dad is some big-time politician in Nashville (he even had a whole day named after him! Yep!) and let's just say they don't meet eye to eye. Her band leader Deacon Claybourne (Charles Esten) is also her one true love, but of course it couldn't work out the way they both dreamed it would. And as if Rayna didn't have enough to deal with, her shady-ass husband Teddy Conrad (Eric Close) is now running for mayor under the wing of his controlling father-in-law. OH, and young, perfect, smiling, wide-eyed hopefuls Scarlett O'Connor (Clare Bowen) and Gunnar Scott (Sam Palladio) just so happened to take the stage at The Bar, Bluebird, and wow everyone (including RJ's old-timer producer Watty White) with their money-making melody. There was SO MUCH more because, again, it was essentially four series melded into one 40-something minute episode. But I'm just tired, I can't do all the work for you. SO I'M MOVING ON NOW. Are you ready for more cliches?! Spoiled Young Star Juliette Barnes is filming a music video in a white pleather number that looks straight off the Strawberry racks when she hears a PA saying her songs are for 12-year-old girls. OH HELL NO. She is so appalled by this comment she demands he be fired. Immediately! "And where is Deacon Claybourne?!" she shrieks. (Isn't it just awesome that his last name is spelled like Jason Bourne? Note to self: Watch that after this.) She's no better than Taylor Swift. Oops. Rating: 3, because there's no way "Juliette Barnes" would agree to wear that sticky, tacky mess of an outfit. Not even Britney Spears would do that. Back to Your Roots RJ meets with Old Man Watty for a touch base on Scarlett and Gunnar's mind-blowing performance. "I haven't seen that kind of chemistry since you and Deacon," he says through wise, grey eyes. "You should get back on the road. Just the two of you." RJ flicks her strawberry locks and coyly says that it's a crazy idea, although deep down she's picturing the two of them whispering lyrics to each other in the van, napping against a warm window, watching the scenery pass by as if nothing had changed at all. She's intrigued. Rating 8.5, because I can't think of one country song that isn't about getting back to your roots. Jealous (But Probably Right) Husband Not that he doesn't have a reason to be, but of course when RJ brings up touring with Deacon to Teddy he rolls his eyes, doubting his smokin' hot wife. He goes into his campaign trail and how he'd love to have his wife by his side, which is, OKAY, understandable. Actually, RJ is acting a little cray. I mean, she is married with kids and living with a husband going into politics. Is it really her time to hit the road, playing in honky tonks? Maybe, maybe it is the perfect time. Rating: 1, because when is the husband actually right? Playing Hard to Get Old Man Watty ain't waiting a second longer before booking Scar and Gungun. He wants them HOOKED. Hell, he even offers to pay for their demos! GG is all like, "OMG, really? That's awesome!" Meanwhile, Scar runs away like a scared little kitten — like he's just asked her back to his hotel room. This is not going to be easy. Nope. And that's just how he likes it. Rating: 5.5, because it's a Goddam singing deal. AND YOU'RE A WAITRESS. Can't think of anyone who wouldn't jump at the chance. Love Triangle I mean, REALLY, Juliette is young enough to be RJ's daughter. And now they're both after the same guy. DEACON, of course. Aren't you guys paying attention? RJ and Deacon are about to record a song when Juliette pops up and makes some suggestive comment about finishing what they started. He brushes it off in front of RJ because he wants us all to think he's a true gentleman. But no. Juliette sits out back in her teal pick-up truck, listening to her own songs and crafting a Rayna voodoo doll, patiently waiting for Deacon to exit the studio. And as soon as he does, she pounces. It's time for an adventure, apparently, and Deacon is so stoked he forgets RJ is a mere 4 inches away, then hops into her car like a horny teenager. I mean, honestly D? We want to like you! We're rooting for you! ANYWAY, she drives him up to some large plot of land and talks about fairy tales of building a home there, a place where she can be herself. It's all very Notebookesque, only she's Ryan Gosling's and Rachel McAdams' unborn child, not one of the actual characters in the love story. Because, again, she's a baby. "Ready to get started?" B asks, and that's all Juliette needs to hear as she wraps her lanky arms around his neck and gets right to it. FRENCH KISSING. Just like she learned in the basement party she was at last week. He finds it adorable. Rating: 9.5, because this exemplifies all that we hate, but love at the very same time. Snooty Southern Moms What's the point of setting a show in Nashville if you can't stereotype passive aggressive women with accents? No point, no point at all. So, it's only natural that when RJ comes to some political gathering of sorts, she run into the polished women of the town. "You should really put out another album," one of them says to RJ. She shortly replied, "It's out." Mom No. 2 innocently asks, "Do they have it at Starbucks?" at which point RJ whips her perfect ponytail around and walks away. Rating: 7.5, because Starbucks, really? That can't be right. Skinny Dipping Juliette and Deacon. That's all. Rating: 10, because. Shady Business Some lawyers in matching suits and ties are cornering Teddy in an office about some sort of money shadiness. It's all very brief and confusing, but something is sketchy. And that can only mean one thing: corruption in politics! How unusual! He's got secrets all right, lots of them. And he's quite handsome, so, well okay, no real point there. Back in the big office with Lamar Wyatt, he explains that his main message to the people who have worked under him is to not mess with him. Man, he is one scary wolf-like creature. He's talking to a man who's presumably been working with him (and if I should know his name, I'm sorry! THERE ARE SO MANY STORYLINES IN THIS SHOW BAHHHH) and he counters that Lamar's main message is that, "Loyalty is a one way street with you. Whatever you give, you're gonna get back." Touche? Rating: 8.5, because where there's country music, there's shady biz. Bribes, Fights Juliette casually has a messenger drop off a gagillion dollar guitar as a gift for B while he's working with RJ, and he's all, "Oh, it's nothing!" And RJ's all like, "Stop hanging out with Miss Sparkly Pants!" And now they're in a fight. She makes a dramatic exit — trying to emulate Juliette's high school behavior, perhaps — and slams the door. Rating: 9, because girls will be dramatic no matter how old they get. REHAB! Was waiting for this one to come out. So, RJ almost absurdly opens up about her past and current relationship with D. She says he's still in her life, very much so, but romantically, things ended when he went to rehab. OF COURSE HE WENT TO REHAB. This explains everything, right? Right? And now he's sober. But is he? IS HE? RJ looks out into a dark cloud and says, "If he hadn't gone to rehab, he probably would not be with us today." And guess what? She paid for his treatment. So it's like she was bribing him, too. For his love, if you didn't get that. She swears she didn't continue sleeping with D while he was in rehab. But she is an awful liar. Oh, such an awful liar. Rating: 9, because drugs, alcohol, country, of course! Reminiscing Back at the Bluebird (where else), D is strumming and singing along with a huge crowd. RJ and Juliette are both sitting in the audience, dreaming of him playing there naked, looking into their eyes. D's song is over, and he introduces a very talented singer up to the stage with him. Only it's not Juliette. NOPE. She looks as crushed as a 17-year-old boy being turned down by his crush at the school dance. I really almost feel for her. She's trying to be "Cool Girl," but she's not. She's just "Girl." A girl looking for a little country love of her own. Anyway, RJ hits the stage with D and they say they're going to sing a song they performed nearly 20 years ago. Only they don't sing, they just eye-f*** each other for a solid four minutes, and it's quite erotic. It even turns Scarlett's mind around about singing with Gungun, because she sees what they could be. Hell, even Old Man Watty is getting turned on in the corner. EVERYONE IS RED IN THE FACE. Jesus, is this Rated R? Rating: 9.5, because Juliette being so jealous she runs out of the bar is a memory just about everyone can remember from high school. Also, young love never dies. [Image Credit: Katherine Bomboy-Thorton/ABC/KATHERINE BOMBOY-THORNTON] Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: Meet 'Nashville,' Y'all: Country's Strong With Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere TCA 2012: 'Nashville' Stars Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere Talk Music (City) ABC Debuts Trailers for 'Nashville' and More -- VIDEO From Our Partners: Giuliana and Bill Rancic Planning for Baby No. 2: ‘I Would Love a Girl,’ Says E Host (Celebuzz) Kate Upton Flaunts Major Cleavage in Vogue’s November Issue — PHOTOS (Celebuzz)
  • 'Nashville': Where to Find Last Night's Songs
    By: Anna Brand Oct 11, 2012
    Following last night's premiere of Nashville, I found myself obsessing over one country-twanged performance in particular. You know which one I'm referring to. If you're living and well, the last song of the premiere ("If I Didn't Know Better") is still giving you the chills.  We heard the song last night when Scarlett (Clare Bowen) and her new talented pal Gunnar (Sam Palladio) took the stage at the Bluebird and hit major goose bump-inducing notes. It's on repeat in your head — don't lie — and you're struggling to escape the image of Juliette (Hayden Panettiere) wrapping her body around "good guy" Deacon (Charles Esten). But I have good news: Hearing it the second time around is just as mesmerizing. Yes, for those of you clamoring to download the songs from last night's show, ABC is offering you the would-be hits on iTunes. Listen and download them here. And that's not all. The song Deacon sang, "Back Home" (also at the Bluebird, duh), can be heard again. Over and over again. His sweet, smoldering voice doesn't get old, I promise, even if we are mad at him right now. Last but least, "Love Like Mine" by Hayden Panettiere — which yes, was actually sung with her real voice — is also available. So, while we all reflect on the many many events of last night's episode, let us sit back and listen to these three songs on repeat. That's what I'm doing. Buy them all here. [Image Credit: ABC] Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: 'Nashville' Premiere Recap: A Diva Dip Meet 'Nashville,' Y'all: Country's Strong With Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere TCA 2012: 'Nashville' Stars Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere Talk Music (City)
  • 'Nashville' Premiere Recap: A Diva Dip
    By: Anna Brand Oct 10, 2012
    Fans of Country Strong, Crazy Heart, Friday Night Lights and I Love You Beth Cooper rejoice! Nashville is here and it's a battle of the hair for Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere. The new drama is one of the most-talked about series this season and for good reason. All the things you love about a good country singin'/beer-drinkin'/floozy-hating' show are here... and the first episode starts off with a loud glittery bang. Of course, it's been scrutinized for being nothing new, and so I'm diving deep into cliché history to rank the moments (from 1 to 10) that deserve an eye roll, and those that actually stand out. Let's get started. Shall we? Welcome to Nashville: Big Fancy Homes We start off with a panoramic view of Nashville's fancy green pastures and straight into the fancy-schmancy home of our beloved Tami Taylor Rayna Jaymes (Connie Britton). Paintings on the walls, football on the big-screen, two little girls running around like adorable animals, kisses all around! How fun it is to set the scene of a drama -- we all know s**t's about to get cray, but for now things are nice. Really nice. Rayna's husband, Teddy Conrad (Eric Close), who we learn is a stay at home dad (for now), even takes some time to teach his kids about the family's assets. "We're a different kind of rich, called 'cash poor,'" he proudly says as they all hug and play in the narrow hallway. He is no coach Taylor (moment of silence, please). Not at all. Rating: 5, because family life of a country star is quirky, Rayna doing her own hair in her room(?!?), lessons about money. Bright Lights, Shiny Clothes Connie hits the stage decked in so much glitter she looks like a Powerpuff Girl. Her voluptuous wavy locks bounce to the beat of her catchy tune as she gives a soft nod to her band leader, Deacon Claybourne (Charles Esten). Bingo. We've got a new man one minute in and he seems like the perfect smoldering hunk for our dear Rayna. "Thank y'all!" she hollers to the crowd, and we fade to black. Rating: 9, because sparkles, potential lover, a blessing on stage. Naive Hopeful Backstage, a doll-like creature who goes by Scarlett O'Connor (Clare Bowen) comes running over to her uncle Deacon with her boyfriend Avery (Jonathan Jackson), and she genuinely praises the show and the goodness that is Rayna Jaymes. We quickly find out Scarlett works at the Bluebird, the town's honky-tonk, and that she's not a songwriter (she just writes poetry, okay). Scarlett is all doe-eyed and dying for a shot! But she can't, because she's scared. She only writes poetry! It's not her time… yet. Rating: 7.5, because innocent young girl who doesn't know the force of her talent, clueless boyfriend, Deacon connection. The Competition: A Pretty Young Sassy Thing We're introduced to Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), the twentysomething country hit who's bound to take Rayna's hair by storm. She's trouble, all right. More trouble than Leighton Meester in Country Strong, that's for sure. All glittered up and popping out, Juliette makes some demands concerning testing her new fragrance and spirals into total diva mode when a phone call comes through from her mother. She's asked to introduce herself to Rayna and to "be nice" but this sassy-act wouldn't dare do such a thing. Juliette doesn't know how to fake it, apparently, which could be detrimental in the country world. "I'm always nice," she shoots back, puffing up her hair-sprayed bird's nest. Walking over to Rayna's dressing room, she sees Deacon and must, JUST MUST introduce herself by giving him intoxicating come-hither eyes. And he's hooked. Lord help us. She's on a mission to show everyone she's not to be messed with, and she makes that very clear to Rayna when she says her mom used to listen to her music before she was even born. Burn. Rating: 10, because a PYT with an attitude with a mission to seduce and take on a legend. Trouble for Rayna It has come to the country Queen's attention that she may not still be, in fact, the Queen. Her new tour isn't selling half as well as her last one and her music isn't grabbing the attention of enough younger things. According to her managers, she is left with the option of collaborating with Juliette on a joint tour of sorts, or shutting down her current one. The words "co-headline" has her in a furry, and she really goes mental when she finds out she wouldn't just be combining acts with Juliette, she would be opening for her! Blasphemy! Will she sell her soul to the minx or stand her ground as a class act? Welp, she has a few days to decide. The suspense, it's killing us all! Rayna confides in her husband about this mess and he thinks the whole thing would be GRAND. Go ahead, lie about liking Juliette, he insists, "You've lied about much worse!" He apologizes for letting the family down, not sure what that's about yet, but says if worse comes to worse they can always borrow money from her dad. Now, this really gets her goat. Rayna would rather wait tables than be like her sister. Hell, she'd sell her damn soul on the street! They're clearly on different pages, but ultimately she says she's just going to have to figure something else out. With that, she runs to her producer Randy's (Burgess Jenkins) house and asks if there's a way to get her a new hit song. There, she bashes the young Juliette, only little does she know the vixen is wrapped in silk sheets like an oil painting on his bed, hearing every scorn-laced word. "It sounds like feral cats to me! Why do people keep pretending she's good," a fiery Rayna shouts. Game on. Rating: 7, because the career problem, husband's unsupportive nature, family resentment, sex. Politics Nashville has a wealthy, powerful local politician who seems to rule everyone and, of course, that man is Rayna's father, Lamar Wyatt (Powers Boothe). Rayna comes running into an event that's proclaiming "Lamar Wyatt Day." (No, that is not a joke. Her dad is such a big deal, apparently, that there is no other way to convey this except for giving him his very own day!) Her sister Tandy (Judith Hoag) sits by his side, clearly the more-loved daughter. Ah, the family drama is a-brewin'. Later, Lamar has a manipulative sit-down dinner with Teddy, where he suggests he run for mayor. What a fabulous idea! Teddy has no political background — according to Rayna he doesn't even like politics! — but it's a way for him to get back in the spotlight and take control of his family. Teddy is totally drinking the Kool-Aid his opposite-of-cash-poor father-in-law is feeding him. Lamar says something about destiny and fate and makes passive aggressive digs at Teddy's submissive father/husband current status. Just days later Teddy makes the announcement he'll be running, with Rayna next to him smiling widely at the crowd. Rating: 6, because controlling father, easily convinced husband, supportive wife. The Bar Every good country tale has its bar. You know, the one bar that exists in all the land, where everyone comes to drink and sing and stir drama and find love. For Nashville that bar is the Bluebird. And no surprise here, Deacon finds time to sing some of his sweet tunes on the mic amidst touring and being all famous and everything. His niece Scarlett waits tables and Oh! Wait! There's Juliette! She may have a No. 1 hit song, but she can also casually sit back and listen to her biggest crush (apparently) strum the guitar like she's got nothing else on the agenda. (By the way, Juliette cries REAL TEARS while watching him play so we know she's not actually Satan.) After his mini-performance, Deacon finds Juliette standing up against his car, working her seduction magic. She asks him with heavily glossed lips to record a song with her, batting her brown eyes and assuring they could have "a lot of fun on the road." It's safe to assume she means sex. Rating: 10, because the bar provides exactly what it always does: a thickening plot line and the best music. The One That Got Away Here we have it, people. It's become crystal clear that Deacon and Rayna used to have something. Who am I kidding, we all know they still have something and it's about to get sticky, but for now we'll just have to live with a bit of the backstory. The two walk slowly and intensely over a bridge, rambling about their hopes, dreams, failures, the whole deal. Deacon tells Rayna that Juliette gave him a job where he'll get to write, and when her asks her why she never played more of his songs. Rayna replies by saying she was worried they were all about her. DING DING DING! Of course they're all about you, silly! He loves you! Country love! As if she needs more assurance, he confirms, "They are." Plain and simple. He seals his forlorn fate by saying he lost the one thing that could make him happy a long time ago. Oh this love runs deep, deep within his stubbled cheeks and distressed flannel. Rating: 9, because the love that could have been and maybe, just maybe, still might be. Family Secrets It wouldn't be a country show without some more family drama. We already know that Rayna and her dad aren't exactly pals, but this is about Juliette. Juliette and her strung-out druggie mom. Yep! The reason her mom keeps calling is for more cash money to support her drug habit. This is a sad turn of events. Juliette perches in a storage closet or something and cries and cries about her sad momma. Just then Randy appears as if from nowhere and that's enough to turn Juliette on. Randy is all like, HELL YEAH! as she quickly conceals her tears by thrusting her tongue in his mouth. Just when we were starting to feel sorry for the girl. Oh well, baby steps. Rating: 5.5, because showing the young star acting her age, using sex as a manipulative tactic. Game-Changer Rayna has her meeting with the label and they resurface the ultimatum. She almost begs, going through her resume and allegiance to the record company, but to no avail. And that's simply not good enough for the queen. After 21 years, she stands up, swings her strawberry blonde strands and sways out of the office. Sorry, fellas. WILL RAYNA FAIL? IS SHE DONE? Nope, we find out she is not. Because this episode has enough story lines for 45 Country Strongs. Back at the Bluebird, Scarlett's new local kind-hearted guy friend, who also just so happens to be a wonderful musician, insists they sing her poems on stage. Something they apparently practiced, for hours, because they are damn good. Of course, Scarlett has never sang on a mic. She sings like no one could possibly be watching, because Juliette wasn't just hanging out there or anything, and OF COURSE old-man legendary producer guy Watty White (J.D. Souther) is creepily sitting at the very back of the bar. And he hears something he likes. Oh he likes it, all right. He hears dollar bills and sold-out concerts. He quickly gets Rayna on speakerphone because she can so clearly hear every note that way. It looks like Scarlett's going to have to get over her stage fright because it seems she'll be joining the big leagues very very soon. OH, and I almost forgot, Juliette and Deacon are about to do IT. YES. Ugh, so very disappointed in him. Rating: 9.5, because the sweetest voice is always heard from the underdog and there's always always someone listening. Thoughts on the premiere? Was it everything you dreamed it would be? Will you keep watching? Sound off in the comments below. [Image Credit: Katherine Bomboy-Thorton/ABC/KATHERINE BOMBOY-THORNTON] Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: Meet 'Nashville,' Y'all: Country's Strong With Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere TCA 2012: 'Nashville' Stars Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere Talk Music (City) ABC Debuts Trailers for 'Nashville' and More -- VIDEO From Our Partners: Biggest Comedy Movie Mistakes Ever (Moviefone) ’Prometheus’ Giveaway & Actors’ Screen Tests Revealed! (Moviefone)
  • Is That Paul Ryan or Nathan Scott? Look Closer.
    By: Anna Brand Oct 02, 2012
    The more I see Paul Ryan’s face splashed on TVs, newspapers, and blogs, the more I can’t help but focus on his most obvious attribute: His uncanny resemblance to Nathan Scott (James Lafferty), of course! Yes, Nathan Scott of One Tree Hill. It's not just about their dark brown hair (and hairline), nearly identical skin coloring, strong cheekbones, or slightly dimpled chin; it's in the expressions, too. Go ahead, take a closer look. Exhibit A: The "Furrowed Brow" Face Exhibit B: The "Please Won't Someone Pity-Me" Face Exhibit C: The "Can't You Tell I'm Thinking Really Hard" Face Exhibit D: The "Go-To Crowd Pleaser" Face Need more uncanny resemblances? Ryan was the king of his former schools, where he played basketball(!!) at St. Mary's Catholic School. Of course, Scott was Tree Hill's basketball all-star. Ryan was named Prom King at Joseph A. Craig High School and yep, you guessed it, Scott was also given the title his Senior year. As you can see, they're pretty much one in the same.  Nathan Scott addressing City Hall: Paul Ryan addressing the Country: See it now? [Image Credit: CW; Getty Images] Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: 10 Things You Didn't Know About Paul Ryan 'One Tree Hill' Star is Moving On With New CBS Comedy Is Paul Ryan Funnier Than Sarah Palin? John Oliver Votes
  • NSFW: Green Day's Billie Joe Unravels on Stage, Heads to Rehab
    By: Anna Brand Sep 23, 2012
    UPDATE: Reports say that following the tirade, Billie Joe has checked into a rehabilitation center. Developing... PREVIOUS: When Green Day's set was reportedly cut 20 minutes to make time for Usher at the iHeart Radio Festival in Las Vegas, frontman Billie Joe Armstrong had quite the reaction. Not only did he smash his guitar at the end of his band's set, but the singer inexplicably screamed "I’m not f------ Justin Bieber, you motherf------!" And that was just the tip of his intense tirade. Watch the whole NSFW meltdown take place here: Additional reporting by Alicia Lutes Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: Green Day Frontman Billie Joe Armstrong Rushed to the Hospital Fiona Apple Makes Bizarre Statement After Arrest Unhappy Hour: Lindsay Lohan's in Trouble... Again and 8 Other Reasons to Drink
  • 'Saturday Night Live' Recap: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Lets Loose
    By: Anna Brand Sep 23, 2012
    Last week, Seth MacFarlane let it be known that the premiere episode was going to be all about the boys. From the juvenile jokes to skits on President Barack Obama and Ryan Lochte (hell Jeah!), it was a true boys-only club kind of a night. Well, perhaps with Joseph Gordon-Levitt hosting the second episode -- and for the second time -- the star of such lady-friendly flicks as 10 Things I Hate About You and 500 Days of Summer, women will be more of a focus. Kristen Wiig and Abbey Elliott may have moved on, but that's even more of a reason to make sure Saturday Night Live doesn't lose its funny female niche. ONTO THE HIGHLIGHTS! Off to a FINE Start: Things fired off a bit differently this time around as Kelly Ripa's (Nasim Pedrad) big blink-less eyes stared at audiences in the first skit. Yes, it was LIVE! with Kelly and Michael, and the Blind Sideyness of it all was enough to conjure a few belly laughs. Pharoah delivered a spot-on Strahan impersonation, especially when he squeaked through gapped front teeth about how amazing it is that HE GETS PAID to do essentially nothing! Their first guest was good ole' Robert Pattinson (Bill Hader). The smoldering scowl, the gentle hair toss, the brooding... oh it was glorious. I think it's safe to say we've made up for last week's boys show already. Shirtless Gordon-Levitt!: What an opening monologue, you guys! The episode could have ended right here and it would have been just fine. More than fine! Because you know why? JGL heard a loud cry, a plea, to remove his shirt. And Lord did he listen. I should have known when he first walked on stage, chipper as ever and looking a bit pale in the face. The nerves, of course. And although his Looper line about Ashton Kutcher being the real life younger version of Bruce Willis, or something, I don't know it didn't really make sense, it was quickly forgotten when he segwayed into his Magic Mike number and RIPPED HIS SUIT OFF. At first, he didn't bare it all. He teased us a little keeping a tasteful vest on. But then, he ripped some more. And yes, HIS SHIRT CAME OFF. He has abs! And no hair! Who knew?! No one knew, no one until tonight. This changes everything. Tres Equis: Or, The Son Of The Most Interesting Man In The World. Creative, catchy accent, manicured facial hair, it was all there! All you need to know: "He can make a woman cringe, just by entering the room." Overall, a short and sweet skit, though I fear JGL's gotten exceptionally attached to this character -- he's having way too much fun in all white. I don't think this is the last we'll see of TSOTMIMITW. I don't think so at all. Tampons and Conservatives: We're back to the female portion of the evening. It doesn't get anymore estrogeny than a tampon commercial, and that is exactly what Vanessa Bayer owned. She was fantastic. I see Wiig in her, I do, and it's getting me all tingly. And what's better than spoofing a fluffy-haired, soft-voiced menstruating lady, you ask? Well, a clan of republicans handing out the latest brand: g.o.b. "Now with wings!", that's what. Mumford & Sons: The musical entertainment of the night! They were everything you'd expect. The band rocked out, extremely aggressively actually, with "I Will Wait." It was super enjoyable, even for non-hipsters (though they really could have trimmed the facial hair just a bit). I was actually pleased to not hear "Little Lion Man," though let's be honest, an emo song is an emo song is an emo song. Weekend Update: It's in good hands with Seth Myers, this I know to be true. The one negative thing I can say, it needs to be cut down a tad. Maybe a little more than a tad. I mean, it just seemed to take FOR-E-VER. But it was amusing. After ripping on Romney's tax return release and love of a good spray tan, he focuses on President Obama in a new segment "What Are You Doing?" Oh yeah, and comparing Romney's campaign to Lost was pretty amazing -- Is Clint Eastwood supposed to be the smoke monster? Then, Kate McKinnon enters as an impeccable Ann Romney. I just want to hear her say "Beyonce" over and over again. Is that possible yet? Yada yada, Pharoah is here -- God bless his impressions -- and tackles ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith to discuss Tim Tebow and Marc Sanchez. The Finer Things: This was Keenan Thompson's spotlight act. He and Pharoah, clad in cheetah and army print, are a perfect pair. Sipping out of champagne glasses, the two chitchat about, what else, fashion! JGL enters in Yankees gear for some Fashion Week banter. Actually, they carried on a conversation about Marc Jacobs and Helmut Lang that made complete sense. It was bizarre and pleasantly impressive. Again, getting back in good graces with the women. Let's End on That Note:There were a few more skits after The Finer Things, but aside from Mumford & Sons back on stage, it was pretty bland. Tim Robinson finally made his appearance as a man being set up with his co-worker's daughter and it was fairly disappointing (for the record, JGL in a dress was not disappointing). What I can gather from this episode is that SNL appears to be JUST FINE. It's off to a great start, and Gordon-Levitt proved for the second time that he can in fact be funny on a whim. "Weekend Update" was the ultimate must-watch-on-repeat video, as was JGL's Tres Equis skit. What did you think of the latest episode? Let us know by sounding off in the comments section below. [Image Credit: NBC] Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: Saturday Night Live Recap: Seth MacFarlane Gets Laughs, and the Boys Take Over Saturday Night Live Premiere: Ushering In a New Era? Jay Pharoah Set to Take Over Obama Impression This Fall
  • Fiona Apple Makes Bizarre Statement After Arrest
    By: Anna Brand Sep 22, 2012
    Just days after getting arrested at a border stop for hashish possession, singer-songwriter Fiona Apple hit the stage for a concert in Houston where she made quite the confusing statement. Now, most of the people were very nice to me. There are four of you out there, and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking that I couldn't hear or see you. As the crowd cheered, the star went on to say she then ripped the paper up, but not before encoding it and getting two lock boxes, which she's calling "holding cell one" and "holding cell two." And she didn't stop there. I'm the only one who holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever. Unless of course the celebrity that you had so much interest in but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night? Apple, 35, was apprehended with undisclosed amounts of hashish on her tour bus, and was being held at Hudspeth County Jail. Sierra Blanca is a census-designated place in Texas' eastern county of Hudspeth, just north of the Mexican-American border. Her fans quickly took to Twitter with the hashtag "freefiona". No guessing how they'll react to this confusing apology of sorts. [Photo Credit: RD/Kabik/Retna Digital] Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: Fiona Apple Arrested at Border Stop for Hashish Britney, Jessica, Christina, Adele, Lady Gaga: Stop Body-Shaming Pop Stars Fiona Apple's Bizarrely Named Album Gets Equally Wacky Cover Art
  • Is There Anything the Winklevii Don't Do Together?
    By: Anna Brand Sep 12, 2012
    Earlier this summer, entertainment outlets splashed the news of the Winklevoss twins dropping $18 Million on a mega mansion in Los Angeles. Let’s just think this through, okay? So, Cameron and Tyler (they do have first names, really) go house shopping together, settle on a winner, and BOOM, out come the checkbook(s)? The news was reported so matter-of-factly: “Winklevoss Twins Buy Home Together.” Why, oh WHY would they be doing this at their age? Why is this something that these grown, 31-year-old men are doing together? What will they do there in that big house, just the two of them? Did they sit there with their joint checking account and gelled hair and sign checks side-by-side dreaming of nights in their spacious his and his bathroom? Of course, famous pairs do tend to have a close bond many of us are fascinated with, but cannot comprehend. We’ve seen famous celebs do everything together: Dress the same. Talk the same. Have the same hobbies. The Olsen twins will always be The Olsen Twins for as long as Full House reruns are streaming and Holiday in the Sun is sold at Target, no matter how many times Mary-Kate dyes her hair or Ashley masks her body with layers of black on black on black. The Ryans, of Rob and Rex (alliteration, get it?), will always be the eccentric twins who both coach NFL teams, even if Rex had his stomach stapled and now looks half his brother’s size. There’s no hiding that signature goofy expression, Rex, as long as both your faces are zoomed-in on HD screens. And then there’s the Mowry sisters — Tia and Tamera forever and always starring in grade-B television shows together — who have just plain given up on trying to be anything but the same. exact. person. Now it seems the Winklevii are the latest pair to have us bewildered — especially since, unlike the Olsens and Mowrys, their closeness has nothing to do with marketability. Not that they haven’t tried to use their twindom for cash. Remember that Wonderful Pistachios commercial where the twins really showed Mark Zuckerberg who’s boss by cracking some nuts for a no-name brand? (When the Mowrys made a cameo in this vintage Doublemint gum commercial, at least the premise was based on twins.) A few weeks ago, the Winklevoss bros were spotted in N.Y.C. securing a five-year lease on an apartment, where they’ll be working on their newest venture. Media outlets and techies picked up the story, only not in the way you’d expect. TechSinner made Brew Media Relations founder Brooke Hammerling’s tweet a highlight in their article: “Spotted on 16th street: the Winklevii. They travel together. In white button downs. I may have shouted “Team Zuckerberg” #sorrynotsorry”. When they celebrated their birthday in August, the New York Post splashed “Kosher Times Two” describing their soiree at Menachem Senderowicz and Henry Stimler’s kosher restaurant, Jezebel. (Side note: at what point, as a twin, do you discontinue the ritual of joint birthday parties? Is the answer “never”?) And how can we forget when The Simpsons spoofed the Greek God-like creatures rowing? I mean, even Guest of a Guest has been snapping the pair, their identical frames sandwiching ladies that come their way. Because God forbid the two are separated, even for a woman. Let's pause for a moment on that note. A quick Google search of just one of the brothers is a rarity in itself. You get almost as many Mark Zuckerberg portraits as solo Cameron shots. Oh the irony! And it seems they only fuel the fire. Stu Woo of The Wall Street Journal met with the duo to learn about Olympic-level rowing. As they stood around in matching outfits, Woo asked, “How am I supposed to tell the difference between you guys?” One of them (they really do need to wear name tags) explained that he is left-handed and his brother is a righty. A confused Woo replied, “Is that the only thing?” It was all either of them could think of. Even the description on Cameron’s Twitter handle (@winklevoss) reads: “I'm 6'5, 220 and there's two of me. Olympian, ConnectU Co-Founder, Entrepreneur, half of the Winklevoss Twins.” Tyler’s is similar (who currently boasts 81 more followers than his counterpart). Is it possible they know that this is the only way we'd be interested in them -- and therefore, their business? Seriously, if they weren't twins, would we want to read about just Cameron buying a home or watch only Tyler eating a pistachio? (Aside from this gem.) My non-authoritative guess is a bold no. With that, I still dare them to channel Gisele Bündchen, Scarlett Johansson, Alanis Morissette, and Kiefer Sutherland — even if just for a moment — all of whom have successfully lead a life keeping their (apparently less important) twins hidden in dark closets, nowhere to be found. [Photo Credit: WENN] Follow Anna on Twitter @thebrandedgirl More: Mark Zuckerberg’s Stock Crashes: The Beginning of the End of Facebook? Winklevoss Twins to Compete in London Olympics Expensive Dog Wedding Rivals Mark Zuckerberg's