Author

Brian Moylan
After getting his master's degree in poetry, Senior Writer Brian Moylan started writing about television and pop culture for Gawker, The Guardian, The Washington Blade and a few other reputable publications. Brian has an honorary PhD in “Jersey Shore” studies from the University of Chicago. He's shared his often hilarious views about the tube on VH1, MSNBC, TV Guide Channel, MTV (Canada), BBC radio, and NPR. He can usually be found at his apartment in New York yelling at the TV and dodging calls from Real Housewives. He is a Taurus and likes long walks on the beach, fried chicken, and almost every reality television program ever created (especially “The Swan”).
  • James Franco Is Obsessed with a Weird Puppet, Gay Sex, and Some Creepy Twins
    By: Brian Moylan March 04, 2013 2:35pm EST
    America's greatest dilettante, James Franco, has so many jobs and so much news coming out about him on any given day there really should be a James Franco section of every newspaper: right between the Sudoku and and the obituaries. Today we learn that he's obsessed with a puppet, loves gay sex, and hung out with the crazy ATL twins on the set of Spring Breakers.  First, there is the puppet Franco posted two pictures of on his WhoSay blog (it's basically a MySpace for famous people). Just what is that thing? Is it his character from Oz the Great and Powerful? Is it the older brother of his sex pillow from 30 Rock? Is it a possessed spiritual token that he stole off the set of a Poltergeist remake that he is writing/producing/directing/doing craft services/editing/color correcting/starring in that hasn't been announced yet? With Mr. Franco, it's usually best not to ask too many questions.  RELATED: James Franco Had a Lot of Sex at Sundance Next he's supporting his friend Travis Matthews fight the nasty censors in Australia, who think that the dudes and sheilas down under aren't grown up enough to watch some real live gay sex on screen. Matthews' film I Want Your Love, a sexually explicit story about a conflicted gay man and his friends in San Francisco, was supposed to tour Australian gay film festivals but was banned from the country for being too dirty. Franco, who co-directed the film Interior. Leather Bar  — a sexually explicit story about a conflicted straight man and his famous friends in Los Angeles — with Matthews, made the video below to tell Australia they are a bunch of backwards minded pansies. I agree.  What a great shirt! He might have stolen it off the set of Spring Breakers, the upcoming movie by Harmine Korine, where Franco plays a corn-rowed, begrilled member of a Bacchanalian troupe of teens trying to have so much fun that they destroy the world. New York Magazine has some photos from the set, including one where Franco is hanging out with one of the ATL Twins, two guys from Atlanta who are, well, pretty crazy. They dress and do everything together: including having sex with the same women. I guess the only thing they do separately is hang with James.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: WhoSay] From Our Partners:40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)15 Stars Share Secrets of their Sex Lives (Celebuzz)
  • Fat British Batman Drags Criminal Into Real Life Police Station
    By: Brian Moylan March 04, 2013 1:27pm EST
    We've all watched The Dark Knight Rises and thought, "Man, it's gotta be really hard work to be Batman. What would it take to do that in real life?" You'd probably end up poor, beaten up, and left in a tattered pile in a parking garage somewhere after trying to stop a mugging. It wouldn't be pretty.  But a man in the town of Bradford in the UK had a much better experience last week when he walked into the West Yorkshire police station with a criminal in tow and dropped him off with the authorities. We're not sure what the caped crusader said to the nice person behind the counter, but the crook was charged with fraud and handling stolen property. Before they could find out who was beneath the cape and cowl, Bruce Wayne — I mean, whoever this British bloke is — disappeared into the night to fight crime once again.  RELATED: Whats the Big Deal About 'The Dark Knight Rises'? Just like in the movies, now the police are looking for Batman and released these pictures of him hoping that someone would recognize the paunch and the old-school costume and turn in the vigilante. The Hollywood Reporter says a woman in a costume shop near the scene of the crime and the arrest claims she sold the man the costume and that he was tall and blond. She did not mention whether he looked more like Christian Bale or a late career Val Kilmer.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: West Yorkshire Police] From Our Partners:40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)15 Stars Share Secrets of their Sex Lives (Celebuzz)
  • ABC's 'Red Widow' Premiere Gets Completely Killed in the Ratings
    By: Brian Moylan March 04, 2013 12:37pm EST
    Things are going very badly over at ABC, where they haven't been able to launch any of their mid-season shows into the stratosphere (who on this earth ever thought that their only hit this season would be alien schlockfest The Neighbors). On Sunday night, the show debuted to only 6.9 million viewers and a sad 1.4 rating in the 18-to-49 demographic that advertisers crave like San Franciscans crave Rice-A-Roni. It didn't get much help in its two-hour debut from lead in Once Upon a Time, which hit a series low of 7.2 million.  RELATED: Zero Hour Cancelled After Three Episodes That is 40% lower than the premiere of the ill-fated GCB ("Good Christian Biatches" for those who don't remember their abbreviations) and on par with the debut of Zero Hour a few weeks ago. At the time Zero Hour (named after the number of viewers the show had and the length of the progam) was the lowest in-season series debut in the network's history. At least this misery now has company. But not for much longer; Zero Hour was canceled after three episodes. I have a feeling our Red Widow is going to be weeping before the month is out as well.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: ABC] From Our Partners:Justin Bieber Celebrates 19th Birthday, Loses His Pants (Vh1)60 Celebrity Bikini Bodies: Guess Who! (Celebuzz)
  • Lady Mary's New Love Interest on 'Downton Abbey' Is a Total Hottie (and Indie Movie Star)
    By: Brian Moylan March 04, 2013 12:21pm EST
    The last season of Downton Abbey, an early 20th century version of The Sims, ended not with a whimper but the bang of Matthew Crawley's car flying off the side of the road and Dan Stevens careening toward a movie career that may or may not happen. But what will happen to Lady Mary and her now-fatherless child? And what gentlemen are they going to get up in the manner house that aren't wearing tuxedos and spilling fish sauce on the Dowager Countess? Well, we finally got at least one answer — the role of Lady Mary's hotly anticipated love slave Lord Gillingham has gone to Tom Cullen, who announced the news on Twitter, this weekend. "I can announce that I'm in the new season four of Downton Abbey. So excited. My heart is beating a little too fast...," he Twittered to his twits. His isn't the only heart that will be beating fast. I am happy to report that, as you can see from the above photo, Mr. Cullen is going to give Allen Leech's Branson a run for his money in the "best looking in a morning coat" department.  RELATED: 'Downton Abbey' Scoop: Who Could Play Mary's Suitor in Season 4? Cullen, 27, has been starring in the British series Black Mirror, but American fans might know him better from the indie film Weekend, where he plays a gay man who falls in love over the course of (duh) a weekend. Those who haven't seen the film but want to know what Cullen will look like out of his costume on this costume drama should get themselves to Netflix right now because, well, all will be revealed. Between the new characters, O'Brien leaving, and now the dreamy Mr. Cullen joining the cast, Season 4 (which is currently filming in Merry Old England) is officially getting spicy. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: David Fisher/Rex/Rex USA] From Our Partners:Justin Bieber Celebrates 19th Birthday, Loses His Pants (Vh1)60 Celebrity Bikini Bodies: Guess Who! (Celebuzz)
  • Story for Brad Bird and Damon Lindelof's 'Tomorrowland' Sounds Completely Insane
    By: Brian Moylan March 04, 2013 12:02pm EST
    When two guys with impeccable geek credentials like Damon Lindelof (one of the masterminds behind Lost) and Brad Bird (the director of The Impossibles and Mission Impossible 93: Tom Cruise Is Still Kicking) team up to make a movie based on a Disney World ride, you know that everyone is going to be dying to find out what it's about. Well, the secretive moviemakers finally might have leaked the plot. HitFix uncovered the plot description that is being used to cast actors for this hot property. It sounds, well, completely bonkers.  "A teenage girl, a genius middle-aged man (who was kicked out of Tomorrowland) and a pre-pubescent girl robot attempt to get to and unravel what happened to Tomorrowland, which exists in an alternative dimension, in order to save Earth." RELATED: Brad Bird and Damon Lindelhof's Mystery Disney Project Now Title 'Tomorrowland' Um. OK. That makes about as much sense as two nerdy titans making a show about a roller coaster. This duo knowns how to keep the fans entrigued though. Their last stunt related to the movie was releasing a picture of a mystery box and telling fans that all the details of the movie were contained in the picture. Whatever could it be?! I think I'll just wait for the trailer of the movie or something because, well, if Tomorrowland is anything like Lost, there are probably going to be scores of mysteries that may or may not be solved by the end.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: Shawn Thornton/Wenn; Zibi/Wenn] From Our Partners:40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Jamie Lynn Spears Engaged to a Dude Also Named Jamie
    By: Brian Moylan March 04, 2013 10:57am EST
    Teen Mom  prototype and celebrity sibling Jamie Lynn Spears announced on her Instagram account on Saturday night that she's getting engaged. Good for her! The only problem is that the guy who she's getting hitched to is also named Jamie. Yes, his name is Jamie Watson. And the guy walking her down the aisle (i.e. her father) is also named Jamie Spears. And her mother Lynn Spears will be there too. Can't the people in this family find other names? It probably reminds your mom of that old Laugh-In joke "If Lady Bird Johnson married Larry Bird, she'd be Lady Bird Bird!"  RELATED: Jamie Lynn Spears Sings About 'Scared' Sister Britney It's not that bad for Jamie Lynn, 21, (gosh, these Spears sisters waste no time getting to the altar) and her husband-to-be Jamie, 30, though. At least one has that extra Lynn to haul around so everyone can tell them apart. Congrats to the happy couple, who live in Nashville (where Jamie Lynn is still trying to be a country star) and Lousiana so they can be close to Britney and Jamie Lynn's daughter's school. Rumor has it that her bridesmaids will be Ali Lohan, Hailey Duff, Ashlee Simpson. Calm down, we're just foolin'.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: Instagram] From Our Partners:40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Sure to Be a Huge Hit, 'Vikings' Is Horrendously Watchable and Amazingly Schlocky
    By: Brian Moylan March 02, 2013 12:40pm EST
    Everyone knows those shows that are horrendously popular but that no one seems to watch, like Two and a Half Men and NCIS. But there are a whole different set of shows that are super popular that you may not even know that you're not watching, like Pawn Stars, Top Gear, and the miniseries Hatfields & McCoys. These are all on History Channel and they are all monster hits. On Sunday, March 3, at 10 PM they are going to add another sure-to-be-champion to their stable, the 9-part series Vikings. This show is right in the channel's sweet spot: it has a nominal glean on history, it is virulently male, and it speaks to the states with square borders and Christian values. Yes, this last one seems strange considering how violent the Vikings are known to be, but a sequence of the warriors sparing the priests during raid on a monastery and the continued presence of one of the monks throughout the series shows that, just like in Ben Hur, Jesus is just waiting to bend down to lend a hand in an otherwise heathen epic. That's good because this thing debuts right after the premiere of Mark Burnett's much ballyhooed The Bible miniseries. RELATED: Holy Heck, History's 'Hatfields & McCoy's Sets Ratings Record History is really giving Vikings the best of both worlds, it gets to be as bloody as it wants to be because redemption is seemingly at the end. The series opens with our hero Rangar Lothbrok (Travis Fimmel) and his brother Rollo (two guys with names that sound like clearing phlegm and a candy treat) as they finish a raid on the Balkans, shoving their steel inside the guts of Eastern Europeans and getting a crimson spray all over their Nordic features. The next year Rangar gets his friend Floki (Gustaf Skarsgard brother of True Blood hottie Alexander), a ship builder who looks like he's auditioning for a role as Judas Priest's guitarist, to make him a vessel that will allow him and a crew to sail west, into the unknown territory, rather than follow the orders of their leader (Gabriel Byrne) and sail east to familiar pillaging grounds. They take the journey, find England, and the drama starts from there. That's no spoiler alert, he was a real guy, so some of this is historically accurate.  What is really interesting about Vikings is that you are rooting for Ragnar and his crew to be successful, but you are rooting for them to be better crooks and murderers. Ragnar is no Walter White or Tony Soprana or any of the other conflicted anti-heros we're used to on cable. He does not apologize for the way he is or his culture and is not at all conflicted about killing someone on his ship for disagreeing with him. He just wants to find new ways to screw people out of their treasure and take it home for his own. These people are, quite literally, barbarians who live to kill and screw and then maybe kill something after they screw or get killed while they're trying to screw. That's it.  RELATED: 'Hatfields & McCoys' Success Proves TV Audiences Haven't Lost Their Attention Spans This is the problem with any Viking saga, their code of honor is so distant from ours that their fights and squabbles, their praying to far-off gods, their blowing their nose in a pitcher of water and then passing the pitcher to the next guy to wash his face with the snotty water, will seem nothing but comical to modern Americans. Still, when Ragnar goes off on the "most dangerous and stupid voyage ever," he is basically going on an historical version of The Deadliest Catch. This might be comedy for some, but it's going to be wish fulfillment for plenty, doing that libertarian thing where no man can tell him what to do and, if they disagree with him, he has a right to bear arms and cut off theirs.  For all of the schlocky sets and costumes and elements that look like they were lifted from an episode of Kevin Sorbo's Hercules: The Legendary Journeys this show desperately wants to be "good." This is the History Channel doing Game of Thrones. This a dark, dank, ancient world; there are ravens that carry prophesies; there are strange gods we don't entirely know; and there are giant sword fights. But Vikings is missing what makes GoT so awesome, the epic scope, the expansive cast of characters, and the political wheeling and deeling that makes allegiances and honor shift faster than an "imp" can fall into bed with a prostitute. Still, it just doesn't have, well, the same magic. RELATED: 'Game of Thrones' Season 3: Revenge Is Coming in First Trailer But it's not like Vikings won't cast a spell on you. I don't know what it was, maybe the handsome actors, the foreigness of the landscape, or just the good old fashioned urge to see what happens next (or to figure out who Rangar's wife Lagertha looks more like: Ke$ha or Blake Lively) but I clicked on each subsequent episode on the DVD given the press for review. It comes on, well, like a Viking invasion, quick, bloody, and brutal without any finesse whatsoever. It's not good, but it's effective.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: History Channel] From Our Partners:Justin Bieber Celebrates 19th Birthday, Loses His Pants (Vh1)60 Celebrity Bikini Bodies: Guess Who! (Celebuzz)
  • 'Downton Abbey' Loses Another Character, Evil Maid O'Brien
    By: Brian Moylan March 01, 2013 2:49pm EST
    Downton Abbey, a Victorian dollhouse where no member of the family is safe, has lost another cast member who won't be returning for the show's upcoming fourth season. This time it's O'Brien, Lady Grantham's evil maid and one of the best love-to-hate characters on all of TV. With all of the deaths from last season, does anyone even live in this house anymore? Siobhan Finneran, who plays the scheming character, announced, "I’m not doing any more. O’Brien is a thoroughly despicable human being - that was great to play." ITV, which airs the show in the UK, confirmed that she would not be back for Season 4, which started filming this week (but PBS has not set a date for its return State-side). Finneran did not give a reason for wanting to leave the show, but it probably wasn't money, especially considering reports that some stars were offered double their salary for this upcoming season of the English-speaking world's most popular telenovela. It's not like Finneran is going to be out of work. She also stars on the ITV sitcom Benidorm and will co-star on the next season of the BBC hit The Syndicate. This lady is certainly not going to retire on just a maid's salary.  RELATE: 'Downton Abbey' Will Get It's First Black Cast Member and a Party Boy in Season 4 The good news for O'Brien is that the character won't be killed off, so she's welcome back to the fading manor house in the future — unlike Lady Sybil and Future Lord Matthew, both of whom were surprisingly killed off during Season 3 because the actors, Jessica Brown Findlay and Dan Matthews, wanted off the show. Julian Fellowes, the Oscar-winning writer and creator of the show, said he had no choice but to kill off the members of the family when the actors wanted out. "“If he [Stevens] had been prepared to come back for maybe two or three episodes in a series, that would be different. Then we could have had a foreign posting or invented a career that would have made it possible for him to be away," Fellowes told the Telegraph. “Otherwise we would have had to make this tremendously successful love affair between Mary and Matthew unhappy, which I didn’t feel would be believable. For them to then separate and Matthew never set eyes on his son again would not be believable either. So we didn’t really have any option.” At least O'Brien lives to snark another day, but who are we ever going to get to give a side-eye as icily perfect as hers?  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: PBS] From Our Partners:Justin Bieber Celebrates 19th Birthday, Loses His Pants (Vh1)60 Celebrity Bikini Bodies: Guess Who! (Celebuzz)
  • Review: Nicole Kidman Wows in 'Stoker,' An Absolutely Insane Sundance Movie
    By: Brian Moylan February 28, 2013 2:56pm EST
    The credits for Stoker, the new Chan-Wook Park movie that debuted at Sundance Sunday night, run backwards. Yes, instead of blooming up from the bottom of the screen and traveling up, they pour down from the top in a slow cascade. You'd think this wouldn't make that much of a difference, but it is extremely unsettling, seeing something you're so used to seeing but going in the opposite direction. Likewise, in this world where spoiling the ending of a movie for someone is tantamount to cutting off one of their digits, I shouldn't be starting a review of a movie with the end, but I think that Stoker deserves it. When Park, who directed the brutal Oldboy, was introducing the movie, he said it is meant to be a dream or a fairy tale, but it is more like a waking nightmare. Everything is slightly off in the movie. Everything is either too large, too small, too modern, too old fashioned, too fast, too slow, too dirty, or too cleanly. It is our world, but tremendously askew, kiltering in one direction and then another, like trying to walk in a straight line after rolling down a hill. The style only serves the story of India (Mia Wasikowska) who tells us at the beginning of the film that she has super powers: she can see far-away things clearly and hear sounds that no one else can hear. The morose teen gets even sadder when her beloved father dies in an accident and she is left in the care of her cold mother (Nicole Kidman) and her father's brother (Matthew Goode), who appears mysteriously after being absent for decades. The story unspools in unexpected ways as India starts to get interested in boys and discovers her sexuality thanks to the proximity of her handsome uncle. There are also several mysteries to unravel, each one leading to a new one with unexpected, horrible violence leading to even more violence until a shocking conclusion. RELATED: Review: '21 & Over' Designed to Ruin Anyone 18 & Under The performances are all stellar with Wasikowska telegraphing ever-shifiting emotion without barely saying a word. Kidman, who speaks much more, is at her finest as a disinterested mother. She shows fear and disdain in the most subtle ways, never overplaying a character that could turn into a campy arch villain with just the tiniest bit of scene-chewing. And Goode is the most menacing of all, the malevolent force that hides behind the facade not only of normalcy but of something attractive that you know is incredibly dangerous. As for the meaning, I'm not sure what screenwriter Wentworth Miller (yes, the same guy who wore all those tattoos for seasons on Prison Break) is going for. Can this fairy tale teach us anything about humanity or sexuality? The ending leads it in a direction that would take some of the more outrageous elements and turn them into a farce. It also makes the story more central to Wasikowska's character when the thing up until that point had been an exercise in showing us all how messed up our teen years can be. RELATED: Hollywood.com's Complete Coverage of Sundance 2013 But this isn't a farce, it is a fairy tale, complete with a girl in peril who has to fight to save herself. There's running through the woods, magical intervention, and everything we've come to expect for the 13 Snow White movies that came out last year. Still this is like a more chilling version of Beetlejuice, except this gothic fun house has none of the whimsy of Tim Burton. Here every strange perspective is meant to make you uncomfortable. Some of the elements of the story are so outrageous to be unbelievable and many will probably find this film to be groanworthy and insane in a bad way. Still it is unlike anything you've ever seen and will stick in your mind like a spider crawling across your skull. Love it or hate it, you'll be transfixed from beginning to end – when the credits start to roll backwards, making even your final moments with this film particularly off-putting. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
  • 'Survivor' Recap: Yes, This Is Still On, But Should We Keep Watching?
    By: Brian Moylan February 28, 2013 12:21pm EST
    Nothing infuriates me more than, when posting an aritcle about Survivor or talking about it on Twitter, someone inevitably says, "This show is still on?" "People still watch this?" "What year is it anyway? 2003?" Yes, this show is still on and and yes, millions of people still watch it every season, as we are now. Tons of us still enjoy the weekly cast-off, the hidden immunity idols, and all the drama that goes along with it. But here is the thing about Survivor and it is something I have to acknowledge that the haters get right: some seasons of the show are boring. It's true. All long-time fans know that sometimes, no matter what the producers do, the season ends up being a big old dud. As exciting as last season was – with one tribe being decimated by the other two, the flip-flopping of allegiances, and Blair from The Facts of Life having her way with the game – there are plenty of seasons that don't connect. Remember Survivor: South Pacific, the original season of this season's returning contestants Cochran and Dawn? Other than Cochran's defection in the middle of the game, there was nothing at all memorable about the rest of the season. Usually, the lack of interest has something to do with a combination of characters who don't turn out to be too exciting, alliances that are too strong to buckle and shift, and maybe even something about the predictability of the game itself. RELATED: 'Survivor' Recap: How the Bulge in One Man's Pants Changed the Game Sadly, this seems like one of those seasons, one of those boring years. Yes, all true Survivor fans wait it out in the hopes that there will be a tribe switch or a merge, or that something totally insane will happen to upset the steady balance of power allowing the game to go from one easy vote out to the next. Sometimes it comes, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the game behaves exactly the way you expect it to. Just look at what happened last night: Malcolm found the hidden immunity idol, just as he did the season before; the Fans lost the immunity challenge and sent home another member of the minority "pretty four" allegiance; and Shamar yelled at everyone for slights, both real and perceived. I could have figured that all out before even tuning in. Yes, it was a very predictable episode (another problem with Survivor is that in the early rounds a lesser minority or the infirm are voted out of the tribes first, which make it not nearly as much fun to watch as later rounds) and it doesn't bode well for the rest of the season. Things aren't really gelling at the "Favorites" camp, where Philip is walking around spouting insane non-sequetors and Brandon is talking about peeing in the tribe's stock of beans, but no one is actually doing anything. Maybe it's because they haven't had to vote someone out in a few weeks, but the personalities over there don't seem to be clicking in a real way.  RELATED: 'Survivor' Recap: Voted Out First for the Second Time The only thing the Fans keep talking about is Shamar and, while his unpredictable behavior makes for great television, creates tension and drama, it annoys the heck out of me. The problem with Shamar is that he's not arguing any valid points. He's just bitching and screaming at everyone around him. He's not someone interestingly annoying like Philip or someone you love to hate like Philip, or an underdog who gets to a point where you might actually root for him like (once again) Philip. Shamar is just awful. He's mad at everyone, then he wants to quit, then he talks people into letting him stay, and then, even after all the quitting talk, he doesn't leave the game. At tribal council he tells Jeff he doesn't understand why everyone doesn't like him. Well, maybe because he admits to not doing anything at camp and not caring to make contributions and blames everything that's wrong on everyone else, but does nothing to try to fix things and make it better. He is so completely oblivious that he doesn't realize this. (And Sharon isn't any better, comparing him to one of her 22-year-old McDonald's employees which, well, she should realize how that comment is going to play in certain sectors.) This doesn't make you want to tune in, it just makes you want them to vote Shamar out so you can go back to enjoying the show without his bitching. So, yes, Hope went home after the most boring three-way tie in Survivor history and we're well on our way to one of the show's dreaded lackluster seasons. Let's hope that, somehow, this thing can change course. It sometimes does and that, after all, is why this show is still on and, yes, haters: people do still watch it. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: Monty Briton/CBS] From Our Partners:25 Most Scandalous Celeb Twitpics (Vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)