Brian Moylan
After getting his master's degree in poetry, Senior Writer Brian Moylan started writing about television and pop culture for Gawker, The Guardian, The Washington Blade and a few other reputable publications. Brian has an honorary PhD in “Jersey Shore” studies from the University of Chicago. He's shared his often hilarious views about the tube on VH1, MSNBC, TV Guide Channel, MTV (Canada), BBC radio, and NPR. He can usually be found at his apartment in New York yelling at the TV and dodging calls from Real Housewives. He is a Taurus and likes long walks on the beach, fried chicken, and almost every reality television program ever created (especially “The Swan”).
  • Real Guys Launch Kickstarter to Get Movie Stars to Pay for Them to Go to Their Movies
    By: Brian Moylan May 01, 2013
    Movie stars make millions of dollars a film, and still they're out there on Kickstarter shaking a bunch of loose change in an empty Wendy's cup like a panhandler on the subway so that they can make a movie. That's what just happened with both the Veronica Mars movie and Zach Braff's follow up to Garden State. Now that we've paid rich people to make their own passion project, we have to pay again to see the movie? That just doesn't seem fair.  Well, two normal guys, Tanner and Luke are taking matters into their own hands. They started a Kickstarter to get movie stars to pay them to go see their movies. It only makes sense. Yes, this is a Funny or Die parody, but it's been a long time coming and gets right to the heart of the "rich people asking the rabble for cash" phenomenon that we can't seem to shake. Also, I'll donate $100 to see Tanner rocking a pair of new jeans (as long as he only wears the jeans).  Kickstarter to help Luke & Tanner do COOL STUFF! - watch more funny videos   Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan and Facebook More: 'Veronica Mars' Launches a KickstarterWhat's Behind the 'Veronica Mars' Movie Backlash?Zack Braff Reaches $2 Million Kickstarter Goal From Our Partners:Beyonce Flaunts Bikini Bod for H&M (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • J.J. Abrams Says John Williams on Board for Star Wars: Episode 7
    By: Brian Moylan May 01, 2013
    For all of you that worried that the "Bom bom bom bom ba dum bom ba dum" that accompanies Darth Vader every time he ever appeared in one of the Star Wars movies wouldn't be in the new episodes currently being written and directed by JJ Abrams, you can breathe easy. John Williams, the famous movie composer who has scored all six of the previous films, will most likely be back for Episode VII, which Disney will release in 2015. "I believe that, going forward, John Williams will be doing that film because he was there long before I was," Abrams confirmed at a press conference for Star Trek (No Colon) Into Darkness, according to the Hollywood Reporter. Sadly, there has been no news about the fate of either Jar-Jar Binks or the Ewoks.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan and Facebook More: J.J. Abrams Didn't Want 'Star Wars'J.J. Abrams Directing Next 'Star Wars' MovieCarrie Fisher Is Shaping Up for 'Star Wars: Episode VII' From Our Partners:Beyonce Flaunts Bikini Bod for H&M (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • A Non-Geeks Guide to Iron Man
    By: Brian Moylan May 01, 2013
    Hey buddy, how's it going? I'm thinking of seeing Iron Man 3 this weekend. What do you think? Well, have you seen Iron Man and Iron Man 2: Let Us Never Speak of It Again? Actually, no I haven't. Did you see The Avengers? Nope. So, why exactly do you want to see this? Well my... Let me guess, "My boyfriend/girlfriend/non-genered significant other really wants me to go, so I'm going to check it out." Cool. OK, I get it. I guess I can fill you in.  So, what do I need to know? Well, you should know that you should probably see those three movies first or else you are going to be a little bit lost. But Iron Man is a dude named Tony Stark who is a billionaire playboy. Is that a real job? It is in the comics. So, Tony Stark is a billionaire playboy and a genius. Really? Yes, not only does everyone in the comics have tons of money and super powers, but there are an inordinate number them that are geniuses. So, in the movie, Tony Stark is a billionaire playboy genius who gets kidnapped by a bunch of terrorists and has to make a suit out of iron to bust himself free. The problem is he was injured and has shrapnel in his chest so he has this electromagnet in there to keep it from reaching his heart and killing him. When he gets back to the real world he's so emotionally wrecked that he builds himself a suit of armor to fight bad guys and stuff. So he doesn't have any super powers? What do you think being a billionaire playboy genius is? But no, he has no super powers. But his suit has lots of powers. It has "repulsor rays" in the hands and feet that allow Iron Man not only to fly to also to blast people to kingdom come. And the suit is made of metal so he's pretty invulnerable, and it makes him stronger and whatnot. There's also an in-flight robot computer thingy named Jarvis (the name of The Avengers' butler in the comics) who helps him out and tells him things.  How does he pee in it? That is a good question that I don't know the answer to. But I assume he does not? Maybe there's an elaborate tubing system? I don't know. Is his origin story very different in the comics? No, not really, but it happened back in the '60s and he was known as "invincible" and his suit was all ugly and grey and sort of looked like a Campbell's soup can with a head on it. But is the yellow and red color scheme any better? God no, but it looks pretty cool in the comics. So, the first two movies aren't on Netflix streaming so...what happens? Well, in the first one Stark invents the armor, defeats his father's friend who was trying to steal his company, gets it on with his personal assistant, and then tells the world that he's a super hero. The second one, well, it's best we don't talk about it. It was bad? I think bad is an understatement. But Iron Man faced off against Mickey Rourke with bad makeup and a whip. Or was there makeup? I don't know. It's so hard to tell with Mickey. Anyway Nick Fury and the Black Widow were also in the movie a lot, because it was ramping the whole thing up for The Avengers. So Iron Man is one of The Avengers? Yes, in both the movies and the comic books, Iron Man is a founding member of The Avengers. What happened to him in the Avengers movie? Do I really need to know? This already seems like so much. You don't need to know, but to see IM3 you're going to want to know. When the movie starts he has a bit of PTSD from fighting against space aliens that fell from a warmhole in the sky in the movie. So, it was a documentary? Ha, very funny. They reference this incident in New York like a half dozen times in the movie, so it's best to know what's going on. Isn't Gwyneth Paltrow in this? Yeah, she plays Pepper Potts, who is Tony Stark's personal assistant. They fall in love in the first movie and in the sequel he makes her the CEO of the company. Now she's moved in. Man, she has a crazy set of abs. It's all the Pilates. God, I hate her. Yeah, I do too, but she's not awful in this. Why is there an Iron Man suit painted like an American flag in the trailer? That's War Machine who has been dubbed the Iron Patriot in this movie. War Machine is basically just a version of Iron Man with more guns on it that the government uses as a super soldier. It is piloted by Col. James "Rhodey Rhodes, who is a friend of Tony Stark's. He was played by Terrence Howard in the first movie but was replaced by Don Cheadle for the next two. Why? Basically he was a jerk. Is there anyone else I need to know about? Jon Favreau, who is money and totally knows it, plays Happy Hogan, Tony Stark's best friend and security guard. In the comics Happy was also a villain named The Freak. Even though Favreau is a freak, that doesn't happen in the movie. He also directed the first two movies, but this one was made by Shane Black, who wrote the Lethal Weapon movies, among other things.  Speaking of villains, who are the bad guys in this? Iron Man has always had really crappy villains. His big nemsis was The Mandarin, who was this Chinese guy with a long beard and 10 different magic rings that had 10 different magic powers. Ben Kingsley plays The Mandarin in the movie, but without the rings or the magic. There's also AIM, which stands for Advanced Idea Mechanics. They're like a group of scientific terrorists. Oh yeah, that sounds real terrifying! You should see their ridiculous costumes. Even comic book nerds think they're funny looking. Thanks, man. I'm glad you filled me in. Now I don't need to watch all those other movies and totally know what's going on. You're welcome. But you really should watch the first one. It's quite good. And I promise, there's not too much Gwynnie. Oh, and you should stay to the very end of the credits and there's a little surprise scene, like there is at the end of every Marvel movie. But if you haven't seen The Avengers, you're not going to get it anyway.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: A Non-Geek's Guide to The AvengersA Non-Geek's Guide to Spider-ManA Non-Geek's Guide to Batman From Our Partners:Beyonce Flaunts Bikini Bod for H&M (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: Alexis Bellino Is Not Being Bullied
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 30, 2013
    A strange thing has happened, a very strange thing indeed. We got ourselves this new addition to the cast of Real Housewives of Orange County and, well, it turns out she's kind of like a real, sane human being. Even crazier, she seems like a real, sane Christian which, after years and years of being abused by the Testament of Our Lord and Savior Jim Bellino, seems incredibly unlikely. But now it's happening, Our Lady Lydia, patron saint of bird squawking and party crashing, is an actual real sane human being. Of course we began this episode with a rehash of Tamra throwing Alexis out of her Empty Gym Jamboree. Man, that was quite a moment. And we get a bit of the aftermath with Alexis going out to sit in the limo and wait for Vicki and Lydia to be ready to leave. The crazy thing that happened was, when Lydia followed Alexis – her friend who she was supposedly there to support – she told Alexis she was dead wrong. Yup, that's our Lydia McLaughlin, just a chicken carcass full of surprises. Yes, Lydia tells Alexis that all the other women were just trying to share their opinion and that they weren't bullying her. Just because they all have a different opinion than Alexis doesn't mean they're ganging up on her and calling her names and inflicting physical pain. Lydia told Alexis that she shouldn't say she's being "bullied" because people kill themselves over being tortured at school by kids bigger, stronger, and more popular than they are. This caused Alexis to snap back, "I had to go on Xanax because of this, Lydia." Yes, in Alexis Bellino's little brain, committing suicide and taking Xanax are the same thing. Yup, they are equal tragedies, and the fact that she even needs little pills to relax is just as bad as a teenager who has been called a "faggot" every day of his life hanging himself in his bedroom. One and the same really. God, Alexis is just the living worst. The thing is, we all know she's not being bullied. Here is the biggest difference between Alexis' situation and that of every other child in the world who has been bullied: Alexis can leave. At any given moment, Alexis can over-pack her bags (the only way a Housewife knows the travel) and never see the people who are "bullying" her again in her life. It's that easy. She can just be rid of them and everything they have to say about her with the snap of her fingers. For the kids who do commit suicide because of this problem, they can't stop going to school. Well, many of them do and then their grades slip and their parents get upset and the truant officer comes looking for them and they're forced back to class and then they have to be bullied and they're failing and life just gets worse and worse until it seems like there is no escape. They are left completely hopeless. That is why they kill themselves, because they can't leave.  This is not Alexis' situation. Alexis just needs to make one call to Andy Cohen and she can have her life back. She may be getting ganged up on (and, seriously, she is) but she is not being "bullied" because she can just walk away. She can rip up her contract, go back to civilian life, and never have to deal with the dragon fire breath of Tamra Barney and Heather Dubrow and Gretchen Rossi ever again. But she does not because she has a dress line and a trampoline park and a brand of kosher hair extensions to promote. OH, and a paycheck to collect, so as long as that's happening, she's just going to have to suffer through it. Maybe she should just request hazard pay and then shut up about the bullying. Lydia totally gets this and Tamra Barney (we'll get to her in a minute) eavesdropped this whole conversation about Lydia thinking Alexis hasn't been bullied, and reports it back to the other ladies, so Lydia is already making some allies and she doesn't even know it. Later when Lydia goes to visit Alexis, who is wearing a blinged-out brain bandage from thinking with her pretty widdle head too much. It looks like one of Blossom's hats with the top cut out and she has on bright red lipstick like she's dressed up for one of those Ye Olde Thyme pictures that you take on the boardwalk. Anyway, Lydia says, "I can tell why no one likes her, she can't handle one bit of criticism." Yes, I love this Lydia, I really do. Then she says perhaps the smartest thing a Real Housewife has ever uttered. She tells Alexis to stop worrying about who is right and who is wrong and who said what and who invited whom to what party and when. "If you get caught up in in keeping score you'll end up a loser." Bingo, Lydia! Bingo. She has this whole freaking gig figured out already and this is, what, like her third episode? Let's just hope that, going forward, as the chits on her tally list start to add up that she doesn't become a score keeper herself. And even better, she says, "Jesus asks us to forgive everyone," so if Alexis is really half the Christian Lydia is, she'll be better at forgiving. (PS--I talked to Jesus and he loves Lydia more.) I totally get what Lydia is saying too. There is no more substance to anyone's arguments. They're not arguing about anything. They're just arguing. They're just saying, "You're stupid." "No, you're the one whose stupid." "I can't be stupid." On and on like a bunch of nursery school who are a little woozy from eating too much mint-scented paste. Alexis' big gripe is that all these people gang up on her and that she doesn't know why they don't like her. "I wish I knew!" she exasperates to Lydia. Um, Alexis. They sat you down in Costa Rica, which was supposedly some awful traumatic event for you, and they told you exactly why they don't like you. They think that you are materialistic and argumentative and that you make things up and that you say things to try to impress people and those things aren't true or impressive. That's why they don't like you. How could we make this more clear for you? Make you an illustarted sticker book with activities? Maybe a connect the dots and a word find where you have to circle the name of every label you've ever uttered on this show? Why don't you, maybe, work on yourself and fix the things that annoy them and maybe they will stop being mean to you? Hmm, Alexis? Hmm? Now, I don't want people to start thinking that just because I hate Alexis it means that I'm Team Tamra or something. No, that is not the case. Well, maybe it is. I enjoy watching Tamra on television because she is clever and attractive and says funny things. However, I would never ever in my whole life what to sit next to Tamra and eat steamed vegetables and grilled fish (which, along with sadness, is the only things that Real Housewives are allowed to survive on) at a dinner party. Tamra is a gila monster with a manicure, don't get me wrong. She is fun TV, but awful at life.  Vicki was right when she pointed out that everyone who has ever crossed paths with Tamra has somehow angered her and she has lashed out with them. She changes partners more than Ron Jeremy at a swinger's convention. There's no loyalty or rationale to who is her bestie at any given moment, it's just whoever Tamra has managed to not piss off (or convince to forgive her) at any given moment. Tamra really has some serious Anger Management issues. By that, I mean that she has the entire first season of Charlie Sheen's sitcom Anger Management recorded on her DVR and its' taking up valuable space. No, seriously, this bitch needs to get it together. Someone needs to teach her to simmer down. I hate to say that Vicki Gunvalson is right about Tamra, but she is a bit. But let's not forget what started the fight between Vicki and Tamra: Brooks. Yes, he is the cause of all of this. He is currently the cause of all of Vicki's problems. Everyone hates him and thinks that he is trying to take advantage of her and she refuses to listen to anyone. So, yes, Tamra does fight with everyone, but at least this fight between her and Vicki seems to be worth it. Now we have to talk about Vicki and Brooks because, well, that seems to be all that anyone wants to talk about. Her whole family comes to town (including her dreamy ginger nephew Kyle, who also happens to be a deaf mute) and all they want to do is tell Vicki how she never should have gotten rid of Donn with both of his N's and that Brooks is bad news. Yes, we all know. Everyone knows! Bashing Brooks is about as fun as, I don't know, eating stale jelly beans three months after Easter. It's still pretty good, but it leaves you a total mess, it's out of season, and you just feel kind of sickly afterwards. As much as I hate Brooks and love Brianna, Vicki's son-in-law Ryan is sort of creeping me out. He has all these cameras set up around the house to enforce his "No Brooks Near My Baby" policy which, well, that just seems crazy. Why, exactly, the cameras? She he can look and make sure Vicki doesn't sneak Brooks in or have him over when they're not around? Does he trust her so little? If that's true, then the problem is between her and Ryan and not with Brooks, and no amount of cameras in the world will fix that. And I don't doubt that Brooks is an awful person that Ryan doesn't want to make jokes about hookers with, I don't doubt that at all, but, man. Craziness. Later Vicki and her raspy-throated brother Billy go to visit her son Michael. Vicki's son will not give his mother his address and instead meets her at a bar. First of all, Michael looks really good. Second of all, he is apparently brilliant. He is sick of the torture and indignity of having Vicki as his mother and intruding on his life all the time and forcing him to put on a clean polo and have a beer with her on camera to prove they're cool. Michael plays along, but he's obviously not having it. He's also not having the Brooks hatred, especially. He says that the guy is always cool with him, but based on how much time he spends with his mother (which is, none) he has probably spent just as much time with Brooks. Consider the source. Also, this is all sad for Vicki.  Billy tells Vicki the truth when she bitches about Ryan and Brianna not wanting Brooks around: she needs to choose. She either needs to tell the two of them that it's her house and she makes the rules, whether or not they pay rent, or she needs to give up Brooks. I mean, that's the long and short of it. This man has caused her nothing but problems and everyone is telling her to choose between him and them, so she has to choose. Having them both is increasingly not an option and as soon as Vicki realizes that, I think she'll be better off. I just don't think she's going to want to deal with the consequences in either direction but just dragging it out is only making it worse for everyone. Life is all about choices. She already chose a reality career over knowing her son, so this should be easy.  But let's go back to the Empty Gym Jamboree just for a second. After Alexis left all the women enjoyed the rest of their dinner, including strange green shakes that tasted of devil weed. Tamra poured some gin in hers and called it a Rosemary's Baby. They drank and talked about laughed and hollered. The clock struck midnight and a big gong sounded through the empty gym. "It is time," Tamra said, rising to her feet. All the women rushed over to the side and stood in a circle. Gretchen took the salt shaker off the table and twisted the top off and threw it back onto the table, she slowly poured the salt out in a continuous mound as she walked all around the gathered women. Then she stood inside the circle next to them. Then Heather took a piece of chalk from her clutch and crouched down in her heels. She started drawing on the ground, first a big circle inside Gretchen's salt ring, in front of the women's feet. Then she drew a line from one woman to the next until it completed a pentagram, each of the five guests standing at the point of the star. "Join hands," Tamra said, and she reached out of her bellowed sleeve and they all clasped lightly as the wind picked up outside and there was a rumble in the distance that sounded like a thundercloud or an 18-wheeler being driven off the highway. Tamra started chanting, no, not even. It was just a sound, a gutteral sound that filled up her mouth with a vibration that echoed through all of them. They all made a sound in the same tone and slowly they started to rock back and forth and the wind rushed in through the giant open garage door in swirling eddies, driving all of their garments up into the air and their hair flying into their faces. Tamra stepped inside the circle and the women on either side of her closed the gap and grabbed hands. She walked to the center of the star and put down three candles. "I welcome you maiden," she said and the first one burst into flame. "I welcome you mother," she said and the second one burst into flame. "I welcome you crone," she said as the final one burst into flame and then stepped inside their triangle. The woman's tone had gotten louder now and they started to mouth strange foreign words that only they seemed to know the meanings to. The wind was howling through the room and moving the furniture, making the glasses on the table start to call out with little twinkles, and it seemed like a tornado would start and whisk them all away to Oz. Tamra raised her hands up in the air, chanting the name of her dark lord that was unseen. The candles started to glow brighter, the flames reaching almost all the way up to Tamra's hands and the outer ring of the pentagram glowed like there was a rave happening in hell and we were peeking at all the glow sticks. Tamra raised her head up and shouted her incantation to the heavens. Then she lowered her head and stared directly out into the dark night. "Alexis," she said. And as soon as that utterance was complete, the wind suddenly stopped and everything was eerily still. The woman let go of each other's hands. Tamra spun around three times in a circle and the candles extinguished themselves. She picked up a glass from the table nearby and put its' rim in the salt circle that had remained, during the entire ritual, unmolested. She stood up and held the glass out, addressing the group, "Margarita, anyone?" Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: Everyone Hates Alexis Bellino'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: Meet Lydia McLaughlin'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: There's a Problem With Vicki's Face From Our Partners:Miley Goes Braless for Magazine Cover (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • A Crazy Proposal for 'The Good Wife' After Season 4's Shocking Finale
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 29, 2013
    The last ten seconds of the season finale of The Good Wife were some of the best of the season. Actually, the whole series. (And, yes, I'm going to talk about what happened at the end of the episode, so if it's collecting dust in your DVR, stop what you are doing right now and go watch it or, you know, keep reading and spoil it. You're an adult. You can make your own decision). Just when you think that Alicia is finally going to get it on with Will and they are going live happily ever after in complicated romance, another man came a-courting. It was Cary. And Alicia joined his start up firm and is taking her clients with her. Say what?!? The first thought that ran through everyone's mind was, "What are they going to do about next season?" Yes, Alicia is going to be at Florrick, Agos, and Associates and Lockhard/Gardiner is going to be, what? Who knows! Well, I have a radical idea. Fire them. Fire all the actors. After all, this show is called The Good Wife, not All the People A Good Wife Works With.  Bear with me on this, but hasn't everyone out there left a job to take a new one? What happened? You might be working with an old coworker or two and you might take an underling along with you, but everything at your old job just sort of, well, it goes away. You run into those people now and again, but you aren't involved with them like you used to be because your'e so focused on making your new gig work. Why not do that to this show? Everyone who isn't at the new firm should get a big demotion. Why should they all be full-time cast members? We'll have Alicia and Cary starting their new firm with a bunch of old clients and, most likely, facing all the same lawyers and being ruled on by all the same judges so we'll get to see all of our favorite guest stars. Peter will be in the governor's seat with Eli by his side and Alicia will still be raising his kids, so they'll all be around. And hopefully we'll get to know some new characters, some of the other lawyers and the new clients and associates at the firm. Think of all the fun stories! Think of all the personality clashes! It's going to be exciting just like, well, starting a new job.  As far as the people at the old firm go, I hate to say it, but The Good Wife will be losing so much dead weight. Will and Alicia's will they or won't they seems to have been decided once and for all (they won't). Bye Will! Diane is going to be a Supreme Court Judge. Bye Diane! David Lee is just an annoying pain in the neck and will be much better as Alicia's opponent than her ally. Bye David Lee. See you in court! We know all of Kalinda's secrets, so what is left there? Bye Kalinda! Oh, who are we kidding. She'll come running to Alicia's side in no time.  What would be really awful is if the show pulled a Glee and starts following both the new firm and the old one just like everyone's least favorite singing show follows some characters in New York and some in Ohio. Even worse would be if they set out on this new firm and end up back at Lockhart/Gardiner before the midway break in the season. We need this decision to have consequences. If not, everything Alicia does from here on out will just be easily corrected by the writers whims. With that final decision she seems to be wanting a different direction for her life, wouldn't it be great for the show to have a different direction as well? I couldn't be more excited.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'The Good Wife' Is Suddenly The Gayest Show on TV'The Good Wife' Adds Nathan Lane to Star-Studded Line-UpMichael J Fox Returns to 'The Good Wife' From Our Partners:Miley Goes Braless for Magazine Cover (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Mad Men' Recap: Fathers, Sons, and Martin Luther King
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 29, 2013
    I have a startling admission to make: Mad Men is no longer my favorite show on Sunday nights. Now, when I sit around in the sunshine on Sunday afternoon, I'm wondering what the hell is going to happen that night on Game of Thrones not with Don Draper and his clan of merry misfits. It's because Season 6 of Mad Men has been wildly disappointing. There are no surprises, no excitement, and no overaching structure to connect one episode to the next. Look at last night, most of the really memorable things were nothing but distractions from the main theme. Peggy's Realtor served no real purpose but to get Peggy to realize she doesn't want to move to the Upper East Side. Ginsberg's date really doesn't go anywhere interesting. Don calls looking for Dr. Rosen instead of Sylvia, who he's having an affair with, hammering home the point that he'd rather be with Arnie than his wife (something we established three episodes ago). Harry Hamlin is there for no good reason. Speaking of which, William Mapother, who played Ethan on Lost was there for no reason either. Well, he was playing an insurance guy and Roger's old drug buddy, Randall, (Roger says, "He talked me off a ledge once" and I can only assume from Randy's behavior that the two shared some LSD together) who had a crazy idea for an ad campaign with a Molotov cocktail. He was quirky in a way that a Boston Legal character is, just for the sake of being odd. Back in the day we had people like Miss Blankenship, whose quirks commented on the existential crises of those around her. This guy is just a pastiche of tics and jargon with a silly idea no one takes seriously. He's also an excuse for a silly joke when Roger says, "Make sure this guy doesn't get lost," an obvious reference to his past show. Between that, the joke about the Second Avenue subway being finished (New Yorkers know that it still isn't), and last week's gratuitous 30 Rock reference, the show seems content being amused at itself rather than working toward some sort of revelation or universal truth. Sure, that still makes it a decent show, but it's not the layers deep drama that I used to enjoy. There were actually two themes last night, that of fathers and sons and the political turning personal, both brought out by the death of Martin Luther King, Jr. The assassination was reported at an advertising awards dinner (Megan won!). This shadowed both the award ceremony at the beginning of Season 4 and Roger's daughter's wedding in Season 3 that went on even in the aftermath of the Kennedy assassination. It felt like well-worn territory, that we had seen the pettiness of daily events in the light of historical tragedy before, so this was nothing new. Also the firm's bad seats and the fact that their only nominations were for work Megan and Peggy did and both are no longer at the firm only points to Don Draper and his decline, something that we have seen repeatedly since last season. But enough bitching. In the wake of MLK's death, Don has his children for the weekend and he has a chance to be a spectacularly bad father once again. First he forgets to pick the kids up and then drives them through a riot to get to his house. Finally, when Megan is going to take the kids to a vigil in Central Park, Bobby feigns a stomach ache. He's not supposed to watch TV because he's being punished so Don gets around his sentence and takes him to the movies. After a matinee of Planet of the Apes, where Bobby is bowled over by the cruelty that men are able to inflict on each other and their world, he has a touching moment with a black usher, letting him know, in his own little 10-year-old way (he's supposed to be 10, right?) that "everyone goes to the movies when they're sad" and that he is sad about King's death. Don can't do anything. He seems to have an inability to connect with his children and he wants to help Bobby, but all he can do is help him get his Milk Duds open. Don can't deal with Bobby's feelings and what appears to be like some sort of anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsion, or borderline personality behavior (as evidenced by his ripping down the imperfect wallpaper). When Megan comes home, Don is once again the sad drunk (because we haven't seen enough of that) and he tells her that he never really loved his kids, he was just acting, but when they did something good like that, his heart wants to explode that he's so happy. And still, because of his own loveless childhood, he can't find a way to express it. Boo-freaking-hoo. When Don sees Bobby awake in the middle of the night (probably picking at scabs or something) he gets into bed with him and tries to make it better. Don is literally on his level and asks Bobby what is wrong, the first step to making some sort of emotional connection. When Bobby says he's worried that Henry is going to get shot like MLK, Don responds glibly (and hilariously) that Henry is not important enough. A kid doesn't understand that, and Don takes an opportunity and totally blows it, offering no greater solace. Instead he goes outside and listens to the sirens and the disorder raging below. The night is dark and full of terrors. (Sorry, had to get my favorite GoT in there somewhere.) But Don is in the same position Bobby is and is in at the end of the episode. Just like MLK had a dream that his son would live in a better world, so does Don, but the world he is giving over to his son is awful and scary. He's handing him a future where the apes take over and the Statue of Liberty lies in ruins on the beach. He can't really do anything to change that, but he can try to make Bobby feel better about it and give him some insight no adult ever gave him. But he can't. Instead he just stands there, anxious and inactive, pondering all the darkness that lurks around the twinkling of the city lights. While it seemed like Ginsberg's date was going to be about him meeting a nice Jewish girl and maybe, finally, losing his virginity, it was not. It was about him and his father. His immigrant father set up him on a date and Ginsberg even admits that it feels very old world. That seems to be the dynamic between them, which was hinted at before, but it seemed initially like Ginsberg's father was somehow mentally deficient or senile. He's not, he's just embarrassing to Ginsberg because he has not been able to assimiliate into American culture. The disconnect between the old and new society that this show is steeped in is especially powerful here, because there is an even larger gap between Ginsberg the older's culture and Ginsberg the younger's.  There is no progress or movement in their relationship though. It's just stagnant. Ginsberg says that he doesn't want his father meddling and he can meet his own girls, but that is obviously not the case or else, well, a handsome young man such as himself wouldn't still be a virgin. His father wants Ginsberg to have a better life than him and he seems to be working for it, but the two of them have different definitions of what is important. Ginsbert the son wants to focus on his work and Ginsberg the father wants him to focus on the family. But maybe the old way is the right way? All of this is "tale as old as time" stuff and we didn't get an interesting spin on it in the episode. Sure there was some excellent banter between Ginsberg and his date but, like so much else in this episode, it was just a distraction from a plot that didn't have much of a point.  Pete Campbell was also dealing with his own father issues and took the death of MLK very hard. This had more to do with Pete's situation than his love of civil rights however. We learn this when he has the hilarious fight with Harry Crane, who is more upset about work than the death, and Pete has an irrationally outrageous reaction. He ends the fight by telling Harry, "Let me put this in terms you can understand, the man had a wife and four kids." Pete is really missing the loss of his wife and daughter and, in this time of uncertainty, he wants the love and comfort they bring him. When everything was normal and boring in the suburbs he wanted out, but now that the novelty of the single life has worn off and the only person he has to talk to is the silent Chinese delivery man, he wants back into the fold. Again, this is a story we've seen again and again on this show. Pete is just Don Draper from two seasons ago. This isn't interesting or revelatory. What was interesting was Pete's fight with Harry and Pete actually not being a jerk about the news. When King was shot, I figured Pete would be the one who would care more about work than his feelings, but he wasn't. Of course he only cares so much because of his personal situation, but whatever it takes for Pete to do the right thing. And thanks for being the only surprise.  The women got short shrift this week, especially our lovely Peggy. She starts out wanting to buy a house on the Upper East Side just blocks away from Don Draper, continuing her transformation into the man himself. There is all this drama with her Realtor who is trying to take advantage of the unrest to get Peggy a good deal on her apartment and she ends up losing it. Aw, sad Peggy. But sad Peggy quickly turns into happy Peggy. Her boyfriend Abe, who is working hard on a story about the riots in Harlem, tells her that he doesn't want to live there, he wants to raise their children somewhere where there is more diversity. Peggy doesn't say anything, but she seems to agree and sits on the couch smiling, happy that her man is envisioning their future and excited about the possibility of going out and doing her own thing. That's the thing about Peggy, she always seems to need a little push. I'm glad that she and Abe are still together. When her boss Ted was giving him dirty looks at the ad dinner I thought for sure she was going to leave him behind in some West Village flat while she moved on up to the east side with the Jeffersons. Like Pete Campbell, Betty Draper had a bit of redemption last night. She called up and harassed Don in classic Betty harpy mode, but he deserved it. He forgot his kids and didn't even call, no wonder she's laying on the guilt extra thick. I like my Betty like I like a hamburger, fat and juicy, but I felt bad for her after Henry's big announcement that he was going to run for State Senate. "I can't wait for everyone to meet the real you," he tells her, but she doesn't want anyone to meet her. This is what she always wanted, a powerful, rich husband who will raise her profile, but now that it's happening, her beauty is gone. It's too late. "This is what I always wanted for you, what I always wanted for us," she says, but it's what she's always wanted for her. Later she stands in the mirror and holds up a dress she can't fit into anymore. She plays with her hair that is frizzy from dying it so dark. She's tried so hard to be her real self and she just can't. It's going to be back to "reducing" and pouring herself into those tiny chic outfits once again, polishing the glossy shell of her exterior so her man will have something nice to show off. It's the little details like Betty pulling at her hair in the mirror that make this show, and there were some great details. We had Peggy showing genuine compassion when hugging her secretary and Joan showing icy concern about Dawn, which came off as nothing but tokenism. We had Dawn saying to Don, "Getting here, well, took some time," with a perfect line reading that gave us so much insight into her life and the character. There was Megan, freaking out slightly at Don and Sylvia giving Don the once over with her eyes that said just about everything. That is what keeps me watching Mad Men and will continue to keep it good. Now let's just work on getting everything else back in order to make it great. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'Mad Men' Recap: Finally Some Alone Time with Joan'Mad Men' Recap: Don Draper Is a Whore'Mad Men' Recap; Don Draper Has No Idea Who He Is From Our Partners:Miley Goes Braless for Magazine Cover (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Casting Johnny Depp in 'Into the Woods' Is a Very, Very, Very Bad Idea
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 26, 2013
    I am going to say something that is a bit controversial: Johnny Depp is not a good actor. Yes, yes. I know. He was great in the past. Really great, and different, but note the use of the present tense. He is no longer that great. Sometime around when he sold his soul for a private island and started playing Captain Jack Sparrow year after year, all that talent just dried up. I mean, The Tourist? Dark Shadows? The Rum Diary? His nine millionth collaboration with Tim Burton? No thank you to all of that.  Now he's in discussions to star in the film adaptation of Into the Woods. Oh hell no. Please do not. Do not do such a horrible awful thing to Stephen Sondheim's classic interpretation of what happens to fairy tale characters after their stories are over. There is no role in this musical for which Johnny Depp is in any way qualified. In fact, the only thing that he's qualified to play at all is the lead role in Love in an Elevator: The Stephen Tyler Story. That is the film he should be starring in, not this! Firstly, he is too old to play the lead role of The Baker. He is also too old to play Jack of Beakstalk fame. He is also too old to play any of the Princes. What's left? The Wolf? Knowing Depp, this is surely the role for which he's intended. Yes, it's a small role, but still. It's prime for Depp to transform into a bag of quirks. Even worse: Meryl Streep, the patron saint of acting and accents, has been cast as The Witch in the movie. As such, Depp will only look worse in contrast. Thankfully he's only "in talks" to be in the movie, according to Variety, but sadly Depp has experience both with Sondheim (the not unwatchable Sweeney Todd) and director Rob Marshall, who directed the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. But please, for the love of all that is holy, I beg you to not to let this happen.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Tim Burton Dares to Direct a Movie without Johnny DeppIs Johnny Depp's Tonto the New Captain Jack SparrowLet's Begin the Sad Johnny Depp Memes From Our Partners:Beyonce Flaunts Bikini Bod for H&M (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Ellen DeGeneres Is Absolutely Obsessed with Male Strippers
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 26, 2013
      Ellen DeGeneres is a lesbian. This is an established fact. She is a nice lesbian with a very attractive wife who is also famous and funny and on Arrested Development. However, this can not satiate Ellen's absolute burning desire to see men naked. Yes, you would think it would be the opposite, but Ellen likes to watch half-naked men writhe around on her talk show for just about any opportunity whatsoever.  It used to be that Ellen would have male strippers come on and embarrass a female guest who was engaged and Ellen would call this a "bachelorette party." That was a fine and lovely tradition that she did for Miley Cyrus, Ellie Kemper, Kellie Pickler, and NeNe Leakes, who is famous for disparaging a well-hung stripper named, of all things, "Re-dick-ulous" when he performed at a birthday party on Real Housewives of Atlanta.  But yesterday Ellen had her friend, side-butt show-off Gwyneth Paltrow on the show and the daytime talk show host had three pieces of tanned, hairless man meat there to congratulate Gwynnie for being named the Most Hated Celebrity on Earth. Wait, that can't be right. The Most Beautiful Person in the World. Something. Actually, it was nothing. Nothing really. Just some lame reason to have some dudes show off their pecks for the screaming women in the audience and at home who were suddenly having hot flashes for a reason they are not familiar with.    Yes, male strippers are so cute, funny, and awkward (as opposed to female strippers which are often seen as, well, sad, gross, and exploitative) that even a lesbian like Ellen can not keep them off her show. This is what equality looks like people: a gay woman providing naked men for no other reason than the titillation of women across the globe. We've come a long way, baby. And the road has been greased with Nair for Men and baby oil.  The rest of the evidence is below.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: The 20 Hottest Shirtless Muscle Men From Movie HistoryBehold! The First Shirtless Superman Picture from 'Man of Steel'Watch All of the 'Twilight Saga' Shirtless Scenes at Once From Our Partners15 Nude Photo Scandals (vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Guess These 10 Sets of Reality TV Lips
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 26, 2013
    People don't really watch reality TV for the drama, competition, or even crazy ladies yelling at each other about whether or not someone was actually invited to a party at another person's house (oh, those Housewives). There is only one reason to watch reality shows: the lips. Yes, non-scripted shows have more surgically-altered mouths per capita than any country on the face of the earth other than Brazil, which is world renowd for its state-supported plastic surgery and docu-series program. (I just made that up).  You probably know all these lips so well that you can guess them without seeing the rest of the face. Click on this gallery of Guess These Reality TV Lips below an see if you can figure out these plumped appendages before realizing who they belong to. If you get a perfect score, you win a trip to Brazil to get your lips done. (I just made that up too).  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Reality Television Is Making Us Smarter, Even When It's Stupid6 Reality TV Fight Words I Never Want to Hear AgainThe First Ever (Fake) Reality TV Emmy Nominations From Our Partners15 Nude Photo Scandals (vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Duck Dynasty' Officially Beats 'American Idol' and Everything Else in the Ratings
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 25, 2013
    Last night on the Duck Dynasty Season 3 finale, A&E's first family of rednecks went to Hawaii. They did not find a cursed idol like Greg Brady. No, they actually beat an idol; they beat it right into the ground. In the ratings that is! The show clocked 9.6 million viewers, which is not only a giant audience for cable, but a giant audience anywhere. 5.5 million of those viewers were in the prized 18-to-49 year-old demographic that advertisers crave like a man with a giant beard eating an ice cream cone craves a napkin. In the demographic, which is really all that matters, Duck Dynasty not only defeated every show on cable, but also every show on the major networks, including former ratings juggernaut American Idol.  Yes, but who the heck are these nearly 10 million people? The same ones watching The Bible, NCIS, Two and a Half Men, and every other show out there media elites find ridiculous that the public just loves. 632,000 people watched the second season finale of Girls. Just sayin'.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: The 8 Most Ridiculous Quotes from the 'Duck Dynasty' Season 3 FinaleMore People Watched the 'Duck Dynasty' Season 3 Premiere Than Anything Else'Duck Dynasty' Season 2 Finale Gets Record Ratings From Our Partners50 Worst Celeb Mugshot Fails (vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)