Brian Moylan
After getting his master's degree in poetry, Senior Writer Brian Moylan started writing about television and pop culture for Gawker, The Guardian, The Washington Blade and a few other reputable publications. Brian has an honorary PhD in “Jersey Shore” studies from the University of Chicago. He's shared his often hilarious views about the tube on VH1, MSNBC, TV Guide Channel, MTV (Canada), BBC radio, and NPR. He can usually be found at his apartment in New York yelling at the TV and dodging calls from Real Housewives. He is a Taurus and likes long walks on the beach, fried chicken, and almost every reality television program ever created (especially “The Swan”).
  • 'Survivor' Recap: The 'Survivor' Auction Finally Gets Good
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 25, 2013
    There are certain Survivor traditions that we know are coming every year, from the obvious (the merge) to the not so obvious (the visit-from-the-loved-ones episode). This week's episode brought my least favorite of all the traditions: the Survivor auction. But you know what? I actually enjoyed this installment quite a bit. Jeff Probst, who is an executive producer on the show, has been making subtle changes for a while now (it's probably not all Probst, but as the figurehead and public face of the show, he can stand in for "The Man" behind it). I usually don't appreciate them, but this new, intricate, almost mean Survivor auction is one of the best. When the tradition started (was it Season 1? I can't even remember back that far), it was just a simple auction where you could bid on food, or hidden things that were often dirty water. It was pretty straightforward. Now, this thing is like a minefield. Every dish isn't just a dish, it is an invitation to disaster. Boy, do I like it. At first, Probst says that whoever offers the first $20 gets beer and nuts; Malcolm claims the prize, even though he was just talking all about how he had to buy the advantage that was sure to be offered. After that, one dish is a Let's Make a Deal style choice. Then, Andrea is offered the Sophie's Choice of whether to eat a plate of pasta or take rice and beans for the team, opting for the latter, of course. Malcolm bids his $480 for "information in the game." This is not the advantage in the immunity challenge (Cochran wins that later, and doesn't even have to spend all his money to get it), but he does get to read the location of a hidden immunity idol. Zombie Brenda is fretting the whole time of the auction, not wanting to spend all of her money and wind up with something bad. Here's a strategy tip for you, Brenda. No one ever gets to buy two things. I don't know why people don't figure this out. Dawn and Sheri just say, "I'll give you $500 for a pizza/grilled chicken!" That is how you plays Survivor Auction. You might want to offer $480 now that we know you don't have to bid on a letter from home anymore and can just buy it with $20. But the point is, saving your money is foolish. Finally, Brenda bids on something and she does get the junky prize. She gets brains. Zombie Brenda is very happy that she gets, brains and eats them with relish. That's the best way to eat brains. Eddie brings a giant vat of peanut butter. After everyone gets to share it for exactly one minute, the group is allowed to bring back to camp all the PB they are able to spread on their bodies when the minute is up. This is a great idea. Everyone is covered in peanut butter, and they scrape it off their hands and put it in a little container to eat later. Good job, Jeff Probst, on finally making the Survivor Auction something to watch. As I predicted after last week's absolutely amazing tribal council, Malcolm's game is good in the short term but not in the long term. We see that again, when he looks for the immunity idol. He goes to look for it, and Andrea c**kblocks him and keeps him from digging for it. She and Malcolm just stand there for hours. She says she was worried that if he found it, she would go home. What Malcolm should do here is root that out of her and use that time standing next to each other to talk to her about the game. Make a final two deal with her right then and there, get your immunity idol and shift the entire dynamic of the game. He does not. At the immunity challenge, Cochran uses the advantage he won in the auction to win the challenge. I have to say, I teared up a little when he won and explained how he came back from being derided for being a sissy, and now he's won 50 percent of the individual immunity challenges (sure there has only bee four, but). I guess now I have to root for Cochran because Malcolm, my ultimate dream boat, is gone. Malcolm fails to win the idol. Reynold and Eddie both lost the immunity challenge, so they need more coverage. They hatch a plan to get the former Stealth R Us people to split their vote and they would peel off one or two people and add them to their alliance. Both Eric, the zombie, and Sheri, a zombie who is coming to life a bit, seem like they are willing to switch, but they do not. I think that they should have convinced them both that they would be in the majority next week. The only thing that is going to get people away from a majority alliance is thinking that they're going to be in a new majority alliance where they have a better shot. I didn't see Malcolm or Eddie or Reynold really making that case, and E & R Music Factory don't have nearly the strategic play that Malcolm does. They are merely brutes, still in this game because of their strength, not because of their cunning. I must say that both Dawn and Andrea have been playing surprisingly strong games, but other than them and Cochran, who has been smart, but under the radar, we have ended up with a bunch of mediocre people. That's what happens when you keep voting out the strong. Now there are going to be a few boring weeks as the zombies get picked off on the way to the finale. I can't foresee a final three with Dawn, Cochran, and Andrea all making it to the end (there will be too many physical challenges between them and the victory) but right now, they seem to be the only ones deserving of having their torch snuffed last. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'Survivor' Recap: The Best Tribal Council Ever'Survivor' Recap: This Is Finally Getting Good'Survivor' Recap: How to Eat Bugs and Brains From Our Partners50 Worst Celeb Mugshot Fails (vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Joss Whedon Adding Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch to 'Avengers 2'? We Have a Better Idea!
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 25, 2013
      Yahoo (exclamation point!) Movies talked to Joss Whedon at the Iron Man 3 premiere last night (sadly he had no comment on Gwyneth Paltrow's dress) and what comes across as an off-hand remark is something of a huge bomb to comic book fans. Whedon, the writer director of Avengers (duh), says that he has a first draft of the Avengers 2 script complete. The reporters then asked how many scripts he would do and he said, "It's an evolution," and then added as if just an aside, "I've got these two characters, two of my favorite characters from the comic book, a brother-sister act. They're in the movie."  What? New characters for the Avengers 2? That is amazing! Many comic book sites picked up on the fact that it might be Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, both long-time Avengers in the comics. But there are some complications with that idea. The hot-headed speedster and his hex-casting twin are the children of Magneto, which would be a great cross-over with the X-Men movies, but the rights to the X-Men are owned by Fox, so they might not be allowed in an Avengers movie.  So, what other brother/sister teams are there? Meet Northstar and Aurora. Yes, these Canadian superheros were a part of Alpha Flight and are not nearly as well-known as the other two, but they would be an amazing choice for the movie. They're both super-fast, have the power of flight, and when they get together they can produce blinding bursts of light. Even better, Aurora has multiple personalities and a history of mental illness and Northstar was the first comic book character to come out of the closet. A gay superhero would be amazing (and a first in a huge blockbuster) and a woman with mental trouble is always good for plot devices. Sign them up, Joss! What are you waiting for?  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Joss Whedon to Write and Direct 'Avengers 2'No, Morris Chestnut Will Not Play The Black Panther in 'Avengers 2'Gwyneth Paltrow Wore an Insane Dress to the 'Iron Man 3' Premiere From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Gwyneth Paltrow Wore an Absolutely Insane Dress to the 'Iron Man 3' Premiere
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 25, 2013
    This week, Gwyneth Paltrow was named both the world's most beautiful person and its most loathed celebrity. How does she celebrate? By showing up to the Iron Man 3 premiere in a dress that is, well, it's both beautiful and hated. It's sort of like the Cadbury Crème Egg of dresses: not everyone's going to love it, but everyone is going to have an opinion.  The Antonio Berardi creation is an amalgam of solid fabric and sheer panels, so it doesn't look so much like an entirety of a dress, but rather like a dream she had right before she woke up still smelling, for some strange reason, the combination of sage and cardamom. From the back and the sides (as you can see below) Gwyneth's perfect Pilates-sculpted rear end is visible from all sorts of angles. It's like the high mistress of GOOP is saying, "Yes. I had two kids and my ass still looks this good. F**k you."  The problem is, I really want to hate the dress because, well, it's on Gwyneth and she's just showing off, but it is really freaking cool. At least she's trying something interesting on the red carpet that's way better than most bland stylists let their clients get away with. And this looks like a dress that every babe in a comic book would wear: it's strange, archetectual, conceptual, and shows off way too much flesh to make any woman comfortable, but will get every man looking at it drooling. So, congrats, Gwyneth, your hated beauty wins again.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: People Overlooked Jennifer Lawrence, Dubs Gwyneth Paltrow Most BeautifulGwyneth Paltrow Reveals Miscarriage That Almost Killed HerGwyneth Paltrow and Cameron Diaz Are Rappers Now, Apparently From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • NBC Is Planning an Insane Game Show Where People Live in a Box in New York City
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 24, 2013
    If you thought sitting across from Regis Philbin and his coordinated shirt and tie sets on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was stressful, then wait until you get ahold of NBC's latest game show, The Million Second Quiz. Contestants on the show will not only have to answer questions 24 hours a day, they'll have to live in a giant glass hourglass cage structure in "the heart of Manhattan" (Times Square or NBC's Rockefeller Center, if I had to guess) while they wait for their million seconds (which is about 277 hours, or 12 days) to run down.  It's unclear whether all the contestants will live together in the box (now that is a show!) or if they each live there for their close-to-two weeks all alone with nothing but their own reflection and a crowd of school kids from Florida who are on their way to Radio City Music Hall on a field trip to keep them company. We don't know what the questions will be or how these people will prove themselves. We do know that the show will air this fall, it will have a prize of "up to" $10 million (which is different from a $10 million prize), and will be super awesome. You know I'll be down there harrassing the contestants all the time. That's what they get for canceling Glass House! Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Everything You Need to Know About 'Glass House,' Our Newest TV Obsession'Glass House' Saga Continues with CountersuitCBS Vs. 'Glass House': Can ABC Be Stopped? From Our Partners50 Worst Celeb Mugshot Fails (vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Anne Hathaway Heads to Broadway in 'Cabaret,' The World Groans
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 24, 2013
    Update: Ha ha. April Fools! This isn't happening at all. Liza Minnelli is so releived.  Listen here, Anne Hathaway, just because you have the same haircut as Liza Minnelli doesn't mean you can go around taking the role that made her a star and won her an Oscar. I'm talking about Sally Bowles in Cabaret, of course. Apparently, Hathaway — debatably the most hated women in Hollywood — is following up her Oscar win for Les Miserables by taking on the lead role of this Broadway favorite. Liza is probably spitting sequins somewhere on the Upper East Side right now just thinking about it.  Hathaway will reportedly be joined by Alan Cumming, who will reprise the role of the Emcee, which won him a Tony when the show was revived on Broadway in 1998. But where is Cumming going to find the time to do eight shows a week? He's on The Good Wife, starring on Broadway in a one-man version of "The Scottish Play," and is just wrapping up a concert engagement with Liza herself on Broadway. How does the man sleep? Not well, since Liza is probably going to start making his phone ring off the hook chastising him for singing "Money Makes the World Go Around" with anyone else. Oh please — who am I fooling? Liza doesn't care about Anne Hathaway. Well... not until she EGOTs, anyway. But Hathaway isn't the worst choice for the role, and will probably sell tickets. She does have a great voice that people love. But have you seen her dance? How will she do in the love scenes? How many gay bars in Hell's Kitchen will she terrorize after the show? We'll have to wait to see.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Why Does Everyone Hate Anne Hathaway?Anne Hathaway's 'Les Mis' Do Voted Most InfluentialAnne Hathaway Your Turn Is Over! From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Oscar Rivals Ang Lee and Steven Spielberg to Sit Next to Each Other (and Nicole Kidman) on Cannes Jury
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 24, 2013
      It's going to be awwwwkwaaaaard in the South of France this year when both Steven Spielberg and Ang Lee show up to be on the jury at the Cannes Film Festival which starts on May 15 (my birthday!). After intense campaigning Lee and Spielberg were the frontrunenrs for the Best Director Oscar, with Lee taking home the trophy for Life of Pi and Spielberg taking home a greasy In-and-Out Burger from the Vanity Fair party. How will the every decide on a winner? Well, they'll have Nicole Kidman to help. She and double Oscar-winner and Tarantino muse Christoph Waltz are the high wattage stars this year. They'll be joined by Scotsman Lynne Ramsay (We Need to Talk About Kevin), Romanian director Cristian Mungiu, Japanese director Naomi Kawase, and Indian actress Vidya Balan. Wait? Isn't Cannes in France? Well, they have actor Daniel Auteuil repping for his home country. Let's hope he can break up any fights that might erupt about whether or not CGI tigers deserve a golden statue.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Why the Cannes Film Festival Should Matter to YouCannes Film Festival Line Up AnnouncedChina Sensors Ang Lee's Oscar Speech From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Exclusive: Bonkers 'Wild Things' Sequel Based on Amanda Knox Story in the Works
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 24, 2013
    John McNaughton, the man who directed 1998 schlock noir masterpiece Wild Things, hasn't had a feature film come out since 2001, but it looks like he's going to make a return to the cinema (and I use the term loosely) with a spectacle that might even top the Neve Campbell/Denise Richards soaking wet pool makeout moment from the original. McNaughton tells that he and screenwriter Stephen Peters, who wrote the original as well as direct-to-DVD sequels Wild Things 2 and Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough, are working on another Wild Things movie. "It's not one of the sequels, but about their children," he says. OK, that sounds odd, but just wait. It gets real crazy. "Do you know the Amanda Knox case? It's something like that. Something that's like the child of Suzie Toller [Campbell's character], she claimed that Matt Dillon's [character] had raped her a long time ago and maybe there is a child and maybe Bill Murray's character had a child and they're exchange students and things get out of hand. We're calling it Wild Child Things." OK, this movie needs to get made right away! It sounds so unbelievably outrageous that it has to be awesome. For those of you know don't know, Amanda Knox was an American college student studying in Italy who went to prison for murdering her roommate. She was later acquitted. There was S&M involved.  Wild Child Things doesn't have a studio or distributor or a cast (but, let's face it, Neve Campbell is super available as is Denise Richards), and is just starting to take shape. "Just about 3 weeks ago, Steven Peters' manager, sent me an email saying he had this idea and he sent me a one page outline and I think it's pretty fun. We're trying to see if there's any interest." Well, John, consider this your first bit of interest.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Rihanna Channels 'Wild Things' in New Music Video'Wild Things' PhotosDreamworks Already Preparing 'Real Steel' Sequel From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Zach Braff Is Begging for Money on Kickstarter for His 'Garden State' Follow-Up
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 24, 2013
      Zach Braff has set up a Kickstarter asking fans to donate $2 million so that he can fund Wish I Was Here, his follow up to the indie hit Garden State. This is stupid. Veronica Mars ruined it for everyone.  There is a video to go along with the Kickstarter, if you want to know more. Yes, the very idea of this makes me want to go fetal under a blanket and write balls on my head too. Oh, and let's not forget the space suit picture.   At least no one can hear him scream. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: The 'Veronica Mars' Movie Is On, If You Give Kristen Bell the Money'Veronica Mars' Movie Backlash'Pushing Daisies' Is First Show on Kickstarter Bandwagon From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • The 20 Hottest Shirtless Muscle Men from the Movies
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 24, 2013
    Sure, there are going to be plenty of people who go see Pain and Gain  for the action scenes, the satire of a group of body builders taking a man hostage, or maybe all the explosive chase scenes. Sure. But there is going to be a huge percentage of the audience who just wants to see Mark Wahlberg and The Rock showing off their muscles with their shirt off. That's a great reason to plop down $14 bucks for a few hours in the dark. In celebration of the buffed out beauties, here are 20 of the hottest muscle men from movie history with their shirts off. It's just as good as watching the whole movie.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: How to See All the Avengers ShirtlessWatch All of the 'Twilight Saga' Shirtless Scenes at OnceAll the Shirtless Scenes on the Premiere of 'Chicago Fire'
  • Gus Van Sant Directing '50 Shades of Grey' Is Hollywood's Best Idea and Worst Idea All Together
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 23, 2013
    Back in January ever-reliable source James Franco let it slip that he thought that Milk and Good Will Hunting director Gus Van Sant would be taking on mommy porn project 50 Shades of Grey, the hottest property in town that doesn't have a director or stars attached to it.  It seemed absolutely impossible. What would this former art-house director want with this schlocky blockbuster? Well, now it looks like it might actually be happening.  According to The Wrap, Van Sant shot a test reel of a love scene between the lead characters Christian Grey, a billionaire with a taste for bondage, and Anastasia Steele, his young torture victim and sex slave. Alex Pettyfer, who last bared his bod in Magic Mike was cast as Christian Grey. I'm sorry if this is rude, but it sounds like Van Sant and Pettyfer making blue movies on their off time sounds more like a kinky hobby than it does like the start of a possible billion-dollar franchise.  Universal Pictures and Focus Features, who hold the rights to the movie version of the book that everyone's mom read by the pool last summer, have recently said that no director has been in talks and no actors have been signed. That meanst that this Van Sant reel is because he really wants the job or, well, he really wants some very personal footage of Pettyfer and his glistening abs.  But would this movie be good for his career? The book, while popular, is critically loathed and making a film adaptation of the sexually graphic material seems harder than Christian Grey in a whip store. Would the book's fans want to see an auteur's vision of their beloved material. And will Van Sant's highbrow fans show up to see this decidely low-brow skin flick? Probably not. But that the studio is will to make such a strange and bold decision regarding the direction of this project (there are three books after all) is so far the only thing recommending seeing 50 Shades of Grey at all.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: '50 Shades of Grey' Screenwriter Promises It Will Be NC-17Emma Watson Responds to '50 Shades of Grey' Casting RumorsFirst Photo from '50 Shades of Grey' Revealed From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)