Author

Brian Moylan
After getting his master's degree in poetry, Senior Writer Brian Moylan started writing about television and pop culture for Gawker, The Guardian, The Washington Blade and a few other reputable publications. Brian has an honorary PhD in “Jersey Shore” studies from the University of Chicago. He's shared his often hilarious views about the tube on VH1, MSNBC, TV Guide Channel, MTV (Canada), BBC radio, and NPR. He can usually be found at his apartment in New York yelling at the TV and dodging calls from Real Housewives. He is a Taurus and likes long walks on the beach, fried chicken, and almost every reality television program ever created (especially “The Swan”).
  • 'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: Everyone Hates Alexis Bellino
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 23, 2013
    I took a poll of every American citizen and I discovered a startling fact: 97 percent of all people with more than three functioning neurons hate Alexis Bellino. The three percent of people who said that they like her include her mother, her children, the lady at the dry cleaners she once gave a $100 tip to because she thought it was a $5 and didn't catch the mistake, and about 600,000 people who think that an "Alexis Bellino" is a fruity brunch cocktail that Teresa Giudice is marketing. Notice that Jim Bellino is not on this list. He secretly hates her too. Yes, everyone hates Alexis Bellino because she is The Worst. Wait. She is the Second Worst. Real Playboy Posers of the OJ Simpson Trial has only been over for a couple of weeks and we've already forgotten Faye Resnick? No. We have not. Never forget. The show started off with Alexis doing something that wasn't the worst. She went to Vicki and brought her a mirror as a "plastic surgery gift" so that Vicki can check her face at any time of day to see if the swelling has gone down. It was Bedazzled. That part was the worst. It's the rest that made a bit of sense. Vicki says, "I'm going to Tamra's Empty Gym Party. Will you be my date? Tamra said it's OK." Alexis replied, "Are you still high on pain medication, because this is a very bad idea?" Yes, it was a horrible idea and Vicki knew it and Alexis knew it and everyone knew it but the producers, who arranged this whole storyline and stood behind the camera rubbing their fingers together like the Purple Pie Man in the Strawberry Shortcake cartoons. It was diabolical. Vicki said, "Well, they made me really sad the last time I was with them, so I need you for back up." Alexis put on her best baby voice, like she was talking to a 4-year-old who just fell off his Razr Scooter and said, "Ohh. Vicki-wicky wants me to goey-woey with her to the party-farty? OK!" Then the producers told Alexis she had to ask Vicki if she could bring new Housewife Lydia so that all the wax figures would be together in what is, essentially, an empty industrial garage. Alexis went over to Lydia's house to invite her to the party. Lydia is like, "I already know your friend Heather." And Alexis says, "Oh, what did she say about me?" And Lydia says, "That you have a fake ring." OK, Lydia is going to make an excellent Housewife just based on this alone. We all saw her visit with Heather and Alexis' fake ring came up in the context of their conversation and Lydia had already told Heather they knew each other, so it wasn't an illogical leap to ask if she had a fake ring like Alexis. But the way Lydia tells it, it sounds like she told Heather she knew Alexis and Heather just blurted out, "She's got a fake ring, you know!" That is some some really next level bullshit. I am impressed with this Lydia. I really am. There are all these scenes where everyone is talking about Vicki coming to dinner and bringing Alexis and blah blah blah and the only one that really matters was the one where Heather and Terry had dinner with Lydia and her husband, Men's Health. Heather told them they wouldn't be in their magazine because they wouldn't be on the cover. Heather Paige Kent Dubrow, in some corners of the world, is still just as big a star as Helen Hunt or Kristen Chenoweth. But, really, who isn't? Who isn't? Then Lydia was like, "I'm going to Tamra's party with Alexis. See you there!" Heather opened her mouth and a half-chewed bit of Cobb Salad fell out and landed on the napkin in her lap and then fell to the floor with a silent sloppy thud. Heather tells Lydia in the nicest way possible that she will be judged by the company she keeps and, if she shows up at a party with Alexis, everyone will think that she has Jesus Cooties and won't want to be nice to you. It's true, I feel the same way. Lydia says, "I can't believe I'm involved in drama already." Ha. Do you even know what show you're on? This isn't The Be Nice Hour with Dr. Rainbow Sprinkles. What did you think you were signing up for? Alright so the limos pick everyone up and of course they drop off Heather and Gretchen to Tamra's Empty Gym Party first so that Tamra can tell them all how she wishes Alexis wasn't coming now and she was very nervous about it. I don't blame her. Then Vicki and Alexis walk in and Alexis is like Kaleesi in the last episode of Game of Thrones, holding her pet dragon Lydia on a chain while she sneers and bucks in the air, making crazy wheezing rasps and spitting out sparks at anyone who comes near her. But that's mean to Lydia, she was as nice as nice could be and when she sat down she really tried to make small talk with the rest of the ladies. She was trying really hard to be nice. But this is why it's so hard to get a new Housewife on the show. At this point, their differences are so intractable it's like trench warfare (I have used this metaphor more times than Vicki has had her face pulled). I mean, they were going back to s**t from two seasons ago when they brought up Alexis ganging up on Vicki in San Francisco. How do you expect Lydia to catch up or to say anything about that? She just becomes like a tennis referee watching the ball fling back and forth in an endless volley where it is always Ad In, Ad Out, Ad In, Ad Out over and over and the game is never won. And there is no Love (we're extending tennis metaphors today, right?). Ugh, so this fight. OK, we gotta talk about it. (Oh please, Brian. You make it sound like you haven't been thinking about it all morning measuring the similes and metaphors you were going to use when you finally got to this point. You're not fooling anyone, you dumb tramp.) Here goes. First, when they were sitting around Vicki made some crack about how her grandson is "my baby." That is just stupid and for them to attack Vicki about it and Vicki to defend herself so vehemently, is well, it's stupid. All that should have been done with this strange verbal turn is that someone should have made a "Maybe a dingo ate your baby" joke and moved on. Alright, then we move to the table and Tamra was lording over it like Al Pacino in Dick Tracy, banging her fist on the table and asking someone for walnuts. Things were actually pretty nice until Vicki, of all people, was like, "Thanks everyone for coming, including Alexis and let's all start over." Vicki, when there is a giant turd in the corner of the room that you're trying to hide, you don't say to a table full of people, "Hey, don't smell the turd over there, because we're all trying to enjoy our dinner." Just glance over it and hope for the best. No, Vicki called attention to the turd and then everyone had to take a whiff and make a grimace as the shit stink singed their nose hairs. Tamra, very calmly and rationally said, "Well, Alexis. Why are you here?" That is a valid question. Why was she there? She could have answered it gracefully and said, "I know things were bad between us but maybe we can all meet and work out our problems and take this forward." No, she went with, "Well, you all made Vicki so sad last time you hung out, she needed me around." That started it. It was an attack to everyone else, they are bad people who make Vicki sad. The mood just tumbled down from there, like a sack of rancid meat falling off a cliff. I'm not sure exactly how to parse this interaction, I never am, but it seems like the women did gang up on Alexis. Tamra says, rightly, that she was gracious to allow Alexis to come, but Alexis ruined it with her pure idiocy. The thing about this argument is that there is no argument. There are no issues to get over or misunderstandings to unwind. This is just unbridled animosity festering into various skin lesions and then bursting with puss all over a rented dinner table with fake flowers in an empty gym. They just can't stand each there. It's both so easy and so hard to put that into words. As far as there is an issue, everyone hates that Alexis says they gang up on her. This is a ridiculous argument. What do you expect when you are in a group scenario? Setting the rules that only one person can talk to you about an issue at a time virtually makes any sort of conversation in a group completely impossible. Then Alexis shuts it down, not on a point of substance, but a point of order. She derails the whole discussion. Also, if this is Alexis' big complaint, why would she sit at dinner with everyone without checking in first? She knew she was going to this party, why not call Tamra or Gretchen and have a phone call or a lunch and try to reach some sort of detente before the dinner? No. She showed up in front of three people who hate her and said, "I'll only talk to you one on one." That is ridiculous. That is utterly stupid. Even stupider is telling Tamra to butt out of a conversation that was happening in front of her at her party. The party was small enough that everyone was having one discussion so there is nothing to butt out of. Now, I hate a nasty temper beast, but man when Tamra told Alexis, "Butt out? How about you get out. Get out of here!" and just threw her out, it felt so fulfilling. It was like that wonderful voided feelings your bowels have when you've been on an eight hour flight and you finally make it to the toilet to unleash the world's biggest shitlog. Then Tamra told Vicki that she could pick her side right now and either get out with Alexis or stay there. Of course, that is where the episode ends. Next week we'll have more senseless screaming. Oh joy, oh yay. But that's not where it ended for Alexis. She still had to make that long walk back to her limo, across a desolate parking lot in an industrial park somewhere in Orange County. The lighting was all orange and low, not from street lamps, but from posts sticking out of the ground that are illuminated. No one needs a lot of light around here, everyone visits during the day and finishes their work and rides home in the crimson streaked twilight. But Alexis, she was here in the dark, her face taking on strange shadows from the uplighting as she clomped quickly to the limo. Forget waking up in a strange bed and having to put your party dress back on and head home, this is the real walk of shame, after being thrown out of a party that you weren't invited to for being awful. That is the saddest thing there is. Alexis sat in the back of the limo and closed the door. "Take me home, please," she said to the driver. "I'm sorry miss," he said not turning around and looking at her in the rearview mirror. "I've been instructed to stay. You can't go home. Not yet at least." Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: Meet Lydia McLaughlin 'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: There Is a Problem with Vicki's New Face 'Real Housewives of Orange County' Recap: Must Be The Season of the B**ch From Our Partners50 Worst Celeb Mugshot Fails (vh1)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Independence Day' Director Roland Emmerich's Big Gay Stonewall Riots Movie Will Be Awesome
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 22, 2013
    It might surprise you to learn that Roland Emmerich, the director who has been blowing up destroying national landmarks since the '90s in movies like Independence Day, Godzilla, The Day After Tomrrow, and 2012, is gay. It surprised me, a card-carrying member of the Friends of Dorothy, and I should know these things. How awesome would it be if all the people who loved his CGI explosions knew he was gay or, even better yet, what if he brought his love of high-adrenaline filmmaking to one of the most formative moments of gay civil rights? Emmerich told Empire magazine that he's working on a movie based on the Stonewall Riots, a three-day standoff between the police and protesters at the Stonewall Inn in Manhattan's Greenwich Village that is usually considered the starting point for the modern gay civil rights movement. "It’s about these crazy kids in New York, and a country bumpkin who gets into their gang, and at the end they start this riot and change the world," he says. OK, how awesome is this going to be? Super awesome. Emmerich says he has writer Jon Robin Baitz (of Brothers and Sisters fame) working on a screenplay. I'm sorry, but I haven't been more excited for a movie since, well, I don't think I have ever been. Just imagine what Emmerich, the man who ripped the world apart around John Cusack in 2012, can do with a bunch of drag queens throwing bottles at the police, starting protests, and making the world a better place through fierceness. It is going to rule. Sure there was a Stonewall movie from the '90s but that one was all about feelings and stuff. We don't just want character development, we want a giant spectacle showing the world how strong gay men, women, our trans friends, and straight allys can be when we are messed with. We want something to scare and inspire them and if anyone is going to bring it to us, it's going to be the guy who blew up the White House. Well, on film, at least.  Whether that director is gay or not doesn't really matter, but, in this case, I'm glad the guy in the director's chair is both gay and a blower-upper.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Roland Emmerich Will Try TV with a Supernatural Pilot For ABC'White House Down': Roland Emmerich Is Our Guide on the Ultimate Field TripRoland Emmerich to Direct JFK Movie? From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 'Mad Men' Recap: Finally Some Alone Time with Joan
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 22, 2013
    Last night, with images of the gang at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce still fresh in my head, I had a crazy dream that they were all characters in some strange new production of Cabaret. This was much more interesting and unique than the episode we watched last night. It was an hour of good television, for sure, but it wasn't an hour of great television. It was scatter shot and diffuse without any real surprise or revelation. In fact, the best part of the episode was the dress Megan wore to her dinner with the writer of her soap opera.  The lackluster showing (one of my least favorite episodes ever and the saddest of a so far weak season) makes me especially sad because it was the first that featured Joan, always one of my favorites, and the first one ever to give us a story from the perspective of Don's secretary, Dawn. Their stories were set up to parallel each other, with both Joan and Dawn spending time with a close friend and talking about work. Joan's old friend Kate was in town looking to leave her job at Mary Kaye to start calling for Avon and Dawn was helping to plan a friend's wedding, and not very well. After some needless meandering and making out with boys at the Electric Playground, a proto-rave space that seems made for cougars and French younger men, we discover what Joan wants is a life just like Kate's, where she has a husband and children and fulfilling work. Kate has one job that appreciates her enough to give her diamonds and another company that wants her so badly they flew her out to New York and put her up at the Waldorf. Joan doesn't feel wanted at all at SCDP, and when she is pursued with diamonds, it's not for the work she does behind a desk. Joan fought hard for her position, she sold herself to become a partner and, she says, no matter how long she works there they'll always see her as a secretary. Ironically, Kate wants Joan's life, to have made it in New York without having to rely on any man. What Kate doesn't know is that Joan had to use her sway with men to get there, something that seems to be the only fact that is now salient to her character, since it's been hammered home two weeks in a row. We all know that it will forever be lurking in the back of our minds when we see her (just like the time her husband raped her) but do we need to keep playing up that one choice week after week? Dawn has the opposite problem with her friend. While she likes her job and wants to keep it, she's jealous that her friend is getting married and won't have to work. In fact Dawn can't get a date or meet anyone because of her job. She says there is no one "like her" on the subway below 72nd street and she is certainly the only face of color in the office. Dawn wants what she is "supposed to" want, to break color barriers and make it in the white man's world, but that comes with a price. Not only is she an outcast with men, her friend doesn't think her job is worthwhile either. She thinks she should give it up for something closer to home, or at least something that will help her meet a man. Dawn is so eager to please everyone (something her friend likens to a "yes, master" stance) that she has a hard time saying no to Scarlet when she asks to punch out her time card after she bolts from work early. When Joan tracks them down (complete with spy music that would have been perfect if it were deployed either once or three times during the episode rather than a weak twice) instead of waiting for her punishment, Dawn tells Joan that her pay should be docked for her dishonestly. Little does Dawn know that the thing that makes her not fit in, her race, is also what saved her job and there was no danger of her being fired anyway. Dawn says that even if everyone else hates her, which they already do beause of her color, she only wants to please Joan. They're two outcasts siding together — a direct contrast to the relationship between Joan and Peggy, where they were both outcasts but always positioned as rivals. Still, Joan sees something in Dawn's honesty, and promoters her to being in charge of the supply closet and the time cards. Dawn wants everyone to think she's more than just a secretary and leaps at the chance, leaving behind her chance for acceptance both professionally and personally. Joan wants to be thought of as something other than a secretary and starts acting like it, pulling away from her clerical responsibilities and ceding control of her "petty dictatorship" so that she can become more like a partner. Sadly, she, too won't every find true acceptance because, of course, we will always be imagining how she got herself to the boardroom. The key to this episode was Don's pitch to the Heinz ketchup people. "If you can get yourself in their imagination, then your ad plays all day." That is what both Dawn and Joan are trying to do, get themselves into the imagination of their bosses as something other than they are. Dawn doesn't want to be seen as "the black girl" she wants to be a responsible secretary. Joan doesn't want to be a secretary, she wants to be a partner. Harry doesn't want to be the ridiculous jerk with the funny glasses and the faux Louis Quattorze desk, he wants to be a partner, just like Joan. Harry Crane was really the catalytic event for Joan to try to grow into her new position. He comes in questioning her authority when she fired Scarlet and, even though he's not a partner, pulled rank on her. I loved when Joan said, "Well, Scarlet. You will do what's right." She may not have control over the men, but she has control over the women. She doesn't even need to tell them what to do, they just do it. But so much of last night's episode seemed extraneous, like Harry and his Broadway Joe on Broadway pitch with Ken's father-in-law, Leland Palmer. I guess it's setting up that Harry, despite his utter ridiculousness, is actually good at his job. By standing up for himself, he's created a new image in the boss' imagination of what he's really like. Then he pointed out to Roger and Bert Cooper (who suddenly has an office?) if they don't start appreciating him he's going to leave. Glad we set that up. Also glad that he got $23,500 for his Broadway Joe on Broadway idea, which is more than his annual salary, but still not a partner. Man, that's nothing! This was a very work focused episode, and things are still not going well for Don Draper at work. Pete convenes a meeting with Timmy from Heinz ketchup at Pete's pied a terre, showing us all that Don will now be whoring himself out for work, just like all the other visitors to Pete's pad generally do. Even thought Don was against going after the client last episode, he's changed his mind now that he thinks it can be carried out in secret. If they get the job, Timmy will deal with Heinz Baked Beans, and if they don't, no one will be the wiser. Back at the office he has Stan holed up in a tin-foil-lined office smoking pot and doing work with the spy music going on in the background (just how does his work in secret have anything to do with Joan's very public pursuit of Scarlet and Dawn?). Don's pitch about getting the consumer to imagine the ketchup is a good one, but they don't get the account. Not only that, but he runs into Peggy and her firm on the way out of the hotel room where they were taking the meeting. Don thought they were the only horse in the race, but he got burned. Naturally he stops to hear Peggy's pitch, which is just as good as Don's but she uses his patented, "If you don't like what people are saying, change the conversation" line. It's only natural for her to take lines from someone who is her mentor. The difference between Peggy and Don is, however, that whenever she uses one of his moves, it doesn't work out for her. When she gets aggressive with clients or staff, something that Don does, she ends up losing the account or getting a bottle of feminine deodorant. Don's line doesn't work here, either.  After the pitch, Peggy and Ted run into the SCDP team at a nearby bar and they all learn that they lost the account to the largest ad agency in the world. Everyone there has compromised their morals and they have all lost. Don lost the Heinz Beans account, Peggy lost Stan's friendship and Don's respect, and Pete, well, he's once again lost to Ken Cosgrove. While Don might have been immoral when dealing with Heinz, it's his hypocracy with Megan that is staggering. First they have dinner with Mel (Ted McGinley, from Married with Children and more sitcoms than you care to imagine) and Arlene and they propose a swingers set up for a rendezvous with Don and Megan (who, of course, doesn't even get it at first until they spell it out for her). Naturally they shoot this couple down, but marvel in the cab later how brazen they were and how they have been together for 18 years. Maybe if Don were allowed to explore a bit more within the confines of his marriage, he could make one last that long as well. But what really galled them was how out in the open it was. Don wasn't upset that they asked them, but that they got the idea of a fourgy into their minds and now he can't shake it. Don thinks that these peccadilloes should be hidden. In fact, I think he gets off on it. He likes that Sylvia, his downstairs neighbor, goes to church and prays for his redemption. He likes that the secret of their affair tortures them both, it makes him feel awful about himself, which seems to be some sort of drug for Don. This is also what seems to upset him so much about Megan's love scene with her coworker. It's not that she's kissing another man, but it's that she's doing so in public. He says to her, "You're kissing men for money, do you know who does that?" Yes, he calls her a whore, and we all know, thanks to last episode's clunky flashback, how Don feels about whores. Also he is just like he was as a teen, lurking in the shadows watching a woman who is close to him have sex with another man. Still he goes right from arguing with her in her dressing room to making out with Sylvia in her maid's bedroom. Yes, we get it, Don is a hypocrite, but he sees the big difference being that his is private and hers is public. Megan is letting herself get into the public's imagination as a sex object and, even if they don't show much on daytime television, the people who watch it are going to mentally have their way with his wife. No one is ever going to know about Don and Sylvia except them, so it doesn't threaten anyone's perception of them. Of course Don is wrong. Someone is going to find out. They always find out, and once they do, it's not going to be the fact of them sleeping together that is going to drive Megan (or Arnold) absolutely crazy, it's going to be all that imagining and speculating about what happened that is really going to cause all the trouble. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'Mad Men' Recap: Don Draper Is a Whore'Mad Men' Recap: Don Draper Has No Idea Who He IsWhat Is This 'Mad Men' Season 6 Party All About Anyway? From Our PartnersStars Pose Naked for 'Allure' (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His Character? (Vulture)
  • 14 Ways 'Remember Sunday' Ripped Off '50 First Dates'
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 21, 2013
    Last Friday while watching Happy Endings on ABC (which you all should be, too) I noticed a promo for a movie called Remember Sunday, which airs on Sunday, April 21, on ABC at 9 PM ET. It stars former Chuck star Zachary Levi as Gus, a man who can't make new memories who is falling in love with Molly, played by future Mrs. Pete Campbell, Alexis Bledel. Hmmm. Now, where have I seen this before? Ah yes! This is exactly the plot of 50 First Dates, the 2004 movie where Drew Barrymore plays Lucy, a woman who can't make new memories falling in love with Henry, played by Adam Sandler. What, did the producers of this movie think that we all went to bed and just forgot about this hit romantic comedy? Apparently. Here are 14 ways that Remembering Sunday has ripped off its amnesiac predecessor. Warning there are spoilers ahead! Remember Sunday: Gus can't make new memories. 50 First Dates: Lucy can't make new memories. Remember Sunday: Gus meets Molly at a diner. 50 First Dates: Lucy meets Henry at a diner. Remember Sunday: Gus has a well-meaning sister played by an actor from a great sitcom (Merritt Wever from Nurse Jackie) to take care of him. 50 First Dates: Lucy has a well-meaning father played by an actor from a great sitcom (John Mahoney from Frasier) to take care of her. Remember Sunday: Gus has a goofy best friend who is a meat head who needs to exercise more. 50 First Dates: Lucy has a goofy best friend who is a meat head who needs to exercise less. Remember Sunday: Every morning Gus reads from a file so that he knows what happened to him and what will happen that day. 50 First Dates: Every morning Lucy watches a video so that she knows what happened to her and what will happen that day. Remember Sunday: Gus' family members warn Molly to be kind to him because of his condition. 50 First Dates: Lucy's family warn Henry to be kind to her because of her condition. Remember Sunday: Molly has a huge dream (her own flower shop) that she needs to get more money to complete. 50 First Dates: Henry has a huge dream (sailing to Alaska) that he needs to get more money to complete. Remember Sunday: Molly does embarrassing things that Gus doesn't remember and goes out with her anyway. 50 First Dates: Henry does embarrassing things that Lucy doesn't remember and goes out with him anyway. Remember Sunday: Gus has a crazy job that only people in the movies have: an astrophysicist. 50 First Dates: Henry has a crazy job that only people in the movies have: a veterinarian/dolphin trainer. Remember Sunday: Molly's annoying best friend tries to prevent her relationship with Gus.50 First Dates: Henry's annoying best friend tries to...oh, who knows what the hell Rob Schneider is ever trying to do. Remember Sunday: Eventually Gus says that he wants Molly to forget about him and move on with her life. 50 First Dates: Eventually Lucy says that she wants Henry to forget about her and move on with his life. Remember Sunday: With all evidence of Molly erased, Gus moves on with his life, but is still somehow reminded of her. 50 First Dates: With all evidence of Henry erased, Lucy moves on with her life but is still somehow reminded of him. Remember Sunday: A Go-Gos song is featured prominently. 50 First Dates: A Beach Boys song is featured prominently. Remember Sunday: Gus and Molly meet again and start dating all over again. 50 First Dates: Lucy and Henry meet again and start dating all over again. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Alexis Bledel and Zachary Levi Talk Remember SundayABC Family Ups Original ProgrammingYour Complete Guide to Lifetime's Cheesy Christmas Movies From Our PartnersStars Pose Naked for 'Allure' (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His Character? (Vulture)
  • The Boy Scouts Proposal to Lift the Gay Ban Is Complete Bulls**t
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 19, 2013
      I remember back in June of 2000 when the ruling for The Boy Scouts of America v. Dale came down at the Supreme Court allowing the private group to continue to discriminate against gay men in their organization. I was 21, just out of college, and covering the Supreme Court for The Washington Blade, the country's oldest gay newspaper. The decision came down and I was crushed, absolutely crushed, that the Court could allow for this group to continue to behave like bigots and that this group thought that it was justifiable to ban gay men from its ranks in the first place. I knew, way back then, that the ban couldn't go on forever. That some day things would change and things would get better. It seems like, in my idealistic youth, I was wrong.  Today the Boy Scouts are proposing to lift the ban voluntarily and I feel something completely different than I did 13 years ago: anger. According to the Associated Press, "The Boys Scouts of America is proposing to lift the ban for youth members but continue to exclude gays as adult leaders." This proposal will go before the 1,400 voting members of the National Council for ratification in May. I think they should vote it down.  Thirteen years after the heartbreak of that initial ruling, I wasn't prepared to be anything but overjoyed when the Boy Scouts finally lifted the ban (see, maybe if I was a Boy Scout, I would have been prepared) but this step is just more discrimination wrapped in acceptance. Yes, it's great that any boy will now be allowed to earn his merit badges along with his peers. But saying it's OK for them to be included up until the age of 18 and then they have to go get screwed doesn't make any sense. It's perpetuated on the old myth that older gay men somehow want to prey upon or convert younger men. It's saying that no child is safe left alone in the company of a gay man, something that countless gay uncles, fathers, teachers, coaches, and other role models have disproved quietly and loudly for years upon years.  That is an absolutely ludicrous assumption, that gay men are in a position to follow and not lead. Wouldn't it make sense that the best person to lead a scout troop, gay or straight, is one that has grown up with the influence of the group? This just shows the the Boy Scouts' decision has more to do with increased pressure from the outside world (including the celebrities and organizations that are boycotting them until they end their policy against gay members) than any sort of evolution of their real feelings about offering full inclusion in their ranks.  Yes, I think that the voting members should vote this down and propose instead to allow every man, regardless of sexual orientation, to participate. Sure, things happen incrementally, but even a bit of bigotry is still bigotry and will not rid the organization of the taint it currently carries. If they refuse to do this, perhaps more radical steps are needed — like convincing parents to pull their children from the Boy Scouts and joining a new organization that supports their morals and the rights for all. Back on the steps of the Supreme Court, when facing defeat, I dreamed of the day that the Boy Scouts would do the right thing and gay men would have the same rights as every other American. Thirteen years later, we're getting closer. But that day still isn't here.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Carly Rae Jepsen Protests Anti-Gay Boy Scouts Policy, Drops Out of Annual JamboreeStars Push for Boy Scouts of America ReforStephen Speilberg Resigns from Boy Scouts Board From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • Awful Ryan Lochte Interview Makes News Anchor Completely Lose Her S**t
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 19, 2013
      We all know that Ryan Lochte has done some really dumb interviews in his day and it's not going to stop now. Too bad he's on the media blitz now that his E! show What Would Ryan Lochte Do? is set to premiere on Sunday. This interview he did with Fox 29 News in Philadelphia is so bad it that makes both news anchors totally lose it.  As soon as the satellite feed cuts off, anchor Sheinelle Jones starts laughing harder than Anderson Cooper when there is a poo joke involved. Her co-host Mike Jerrick isn't any better and starts picking on the poor guy. Yes, this is the reaction we all have to this show. The freak-out is below and the full video of the teeth-grindingly awful interview is available here.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 10 Reasons to Watch Ryan Lochte's New Reality ShowJeah? Ryan Lochte's Reality Show to Feature Flirting and Feuds10 Suggestions for Ryan Lochte's Future Reality Show From Our Partners:Eva Longoria Bikinis on Spring Break (Celebuzz)33 Child Stars: Where Are They Now? (Celebuzz)
  • 10 Reasons to Watch Ryan Lochte's New Reality Show
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 19, 2013
    E!, the stately pleasure dome that the Kardashians built, is banking on What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, their new reality show about the life and times of Olympic swimming sensation and amateur shoe designer Ryan Lochte, for it's next big hit. Unfortunately, the signs don't look that good. But still, I don't need to see the show to tell you why you should tune in. Here are the only 10 reasons that you should tune into the show Sunday at 10 PM.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Jeah? Ryan Lochte's Reality Show to Feature Flirting and Feuds10 Suggestions for Ryan Lochte's Future Reality ShowRyan Lochte Takes a Dip with Joan Rivers From Our PartnersStars Pose Naked for 'Allure' (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His Character? (Vulture)
  • NeNe Leakes Now Officially Has Another Show to Add to Her Busy Schedule
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 18, 2013
      Looks like the dark overlord of the Bravo empire, Andy Cohen, is feeling generous. According to The Wrap, the girls' and gays' network gave the greenlight to a spin-off series for Real Housewives of Atlanta and The New Normal star NeNe Leakes. The show is currently working with the title I Dream of NeNe: The Wedding and is set to air this fall. The show is going to follow walking GIF factory NeNe as she and her ex-husband Gregg plan to remarry each other. She'll probably be juggling filming RHOA (if she comes back) and The New Normal (if it gets renewed) too.  NeNe is now the third Housewife to get her own wedding special following Reality Show All-Star Turned Sugary Booze Magnate Bethenny Frankel and NeNe's bewigged archnemesis Kim Zolciak. She is the sixth Housewife to get a spin-off from the popular franchise, after Lisa Vanderpump, Kandi Burruss, and Phaedra Parks. Yes, three, count 'em three, stars from Atlanta, the most popular city, have branched off. Who's going to be left to hold down the old Bravo spin-off breeding grounds? Personally, I'm still waiting for Jill Zarin to star in Jill Gets a Hobby.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'The New Normal' Gang Adresses Boycotts, NeNe LeakesLisa Vanderpump's Spin Off: Housewives React'Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding': Kim Zolciak Grows Up From Our PartnersStars Pose Naked for 'Allure' (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His Character? (Vulture)
  • 'Survivor' Recap: The Best Tribal Council Ever
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 18, 2013
    How many times have we had some stupid reality show tell us it's the most "shocking," "amazing," or "dramatic" episode ever, and how many times have we watched it only to be horribly disappointed? Just about every time (except when it was Joe Millionaire). When CBS started touting that last night's tribal council was the best of the 404 tribals that had been on the show, I was incredibly skeptical, but, man — did they deliver. They really F-ing delivered. Wow, this is why we all still watch Survivor even after 13 years, and why we slog through horrible seasons just so you can get to that one true nugget of gold. And at the end, Secret Agent Phillip Shepherd, one of the most exasperatingly annoying people to ever play the game, was finally ejected. Thank god! The angles all played their horns last night. However, I am going to say — and this may be controversial — that Malcolm did it all wrong. We'll get to that in a minute, but first we have to address Dawn. At the end of last week's episode, the "Next week on (dramatic pause) Survivor" was all about Dawn's breakdown. Why not start touting the amazing tribal council then? Instead, we all tuned in thinking that Dawn was going totally crazy pants and was going to quit, and it turns out she just lost her retainer and had a bad day, like she was a 14-year-old whose mom wouldn't let her to go a Justin Bieber concert. That's it. That's what all the blubbering was about. A bad day and her missing flipper, like she's on Honey Boo Boo. I feel bad for Dawn, but that wasn't really what I wanted to watch, especially when they made it look like she was going to have some dramatic crack-up about the morals of the game or something. It turns out she was just hungry and tired which, of course. We all get completely bonkers when we're that crazy and tired. There was a reward challenge where two groups had to dig up bags of balls (I swear all of these challenges are rigged so that Jeff Probst has to say things like "bag of balls" over and over again until you are sure that he means something totally nasty), and then shoot (groan) the balls (hehe, again) into a big pole (this is getting ridiculous). I only bring this up because there were two teams and on one team Malcolm went first and dug up all the bags for his team. On the other team Eric went through, got one bag, and then Reynold came through and dug up the remaining four in less time than it took Malcolm to get all five. Jeff didn't say a thing about how much more slowly Malcolm did it, costing his team. Instead, when Shari didn't do well on the balance beam, he railed against her the whole time she was running the challenge. This is really starting to annoy me. Probst did it all last season with the "Abi is sitting out another challenge" bit. He always picks on the weak and the women, and never says anything about the strong men, even when they mess up. When Eddie botched the immunity challenge by not getting his ring on the post, he didn't drone on and on about what an "enormous, game-changing blunder" it was like he would have if it was a girl or Cochran. I know Jeff really likes the strong guys, but he might want to try to dish out his scorn equally. Now, speaking of strong guys, I can't help but wonder how they all stayed in the game. Malcolm, Reynold (who does not rap), and Eddie have a tight alliance, and there were four people and three zombies (Eric, Shari, and Brenda, who don't say a word but shuffle around limply from week to week) up against them. First Reynold won immunity while Phillip sat out. Then Malcolm went and found a hidden immunity idol that was put back in the game after he used it at the last tribal council. Now, this is what I call into question. I don't really know because the idols are usually held until much later in the game, but if one idol is used after the merge and there is still one in the game, is that first one usually replaced? I can easily see the producers putting it out there, knowing that Malcolm and the Three Amigos would find it. (PS — Between the Three Amigos and Stealth R Us, every alliance has a name. Is this Big Brother all of a sudden?) Speaking of Big Brother, was this Jeff Probst bending the rules to keep the strong men in the game and make for a more interesting show just like BB always does? It seems beneath Survivor, but I don't know. So, Reynold won immunity, and Malcolm found an idol in front of Andrea and Dawn so everyone knew he had an idol. It looked for sure like Eddie was going home. Still, the four people and three zombies of Stealth R Us decided to split their vote with four people voting Eddie, and the three zombies voting Malcolm so that if they decided to switch idols around, one of them was still going home. But all did not go according to plan. Tribal council started off all nice and normal, with everyone talking about how one of the Three Amigos was getting shipped to the jury. Malcolm responded to this by putting on his hidden immunity idol. Jeff asked about how Eddie was doomed. But then, as soon as Jeff asked about how the three of them were ostracized at camp, Malcolm piped up and said, "Yeah, it sucks and it's going to continue to suck for them because I have another idol and here you go Eddie, we're all safe." The faces on everyone else. Andrea's face should be a GIF that never stops playing in my mind. This was absolutely amazing television. Usually tribal is the most boring part of the show. Nothing that is said there ever changes the course of the game. Ever. The show is edited so that on any given week we have to wonder which of two people is going home, but it's almost always a certainty. The voting is as perfunctory as the voting at the Electoral College. But now, suddenly, everything that was said mattered. People started whispering and throwing around names. The dissembling was happening before our very eyes. Even Jeff didn't know what to do. He wanted to ask Malcolm questions, but he also wanted to get all the members of Stealth R Us talking about who they thought should go home. If I was Malcolm I would have said, "Jeff, we'll talk in a bit, ask them who they are voting for!" He needs all the fractures in the alliance exposed if this is going to work long term. Now, this was amazing television, but it was horrible game play. The problem here is that Malcolm, Eddie, and Reynold are still on the flip side of the numbers. Next week they're not going to have the numbers or any immunity idols. What Malcolm should have done was get two or three members of Stealth R Us and say, "We have three immunity idols. We're safe. You can band with us and decide who we're sending home along with us, or you can take your chances at tribal and let everyone else decide who is going home, and it might be you." That way he expands his base and totally crumbles the alliance. He would have gotten rid of one of their members, none of them would be able to trust each other, several people would have flipped, and he could have turned the game around. If they got a solid six, they wouldn't have had to use one or both of their idols. Instead, he blew it. Yes, the theatrics were great to watch, but not good to win. Malcolm said, "We're voting for Phillip. He's the fun sponge. He takes all the fun out of this game and I don't want to play like that anymore." I get it, I really do. He's horrible and awful and treats everyone like babies and pretends like he's running the game when really Dawn and Andrea seem to be calling all the shots. Philip said, "Say you're voting for me for strategic reasons, don't malign my character." And he's right. Saying, "We don't like Phillip and we want him gone," is not good game play. Either say, "He sat out of the challenge voluntarily for no good reason. That is an insult to all of us because he is not really playing, let's send him home." Or say, "Phillip is in charge of Stealth R Us, so he has to go." You have to give people and excuse to vote for him other than "he's annoying." It also screws Malcolm and co when he's a jury member if they make it to the end, because he will not vote for them out of spite.  The thing with Phillip is he wanted them to say that he was in charge, and that's why he was going home. I think he would like being kicked out for being a threat. Instead, he was kicked out for being annoying. And while we're talking about Phillip, I think it's the same sort of ego that made him sit out the challenge. Sure he had some BS about being trapped under a dock, but that didn't effect him last week when the challenge was, oh, I don't know, being trapped under a surface as the water tried to drown you? No mention of it then. I think that he knew he would lose so he would rather say, "Oh, I only didn't win because I didn't participate" rather than flat out lose. So, Phillip said, "Let's vote how we're going to vote anyway, see what they do, and if I go home, so be it." And they did! I don't know if it was the confusion of the situation or if they were so tight no one wanted to seem like they were jumping ship, but they all voted the same way except for Zombie Eric who shuffled up there and hadn't eaten enough brains to know that Phillip is not spelled "Full Up." Maybe it's because Eric hated him and was filled up with annoyance when he jumped in the pool all dirty at the reward challenge. Phillip went home and finally we can all enjoy the show without his saggy briefs and scene-stealing nonsense. But what is Malcolm left with. There was no flipping in the alliance. Only Eric turned, which still doesn't give him enough numbers, and no one in Stealth R Us talked shit about each other, so he doesn't even know who he can try to draw out next week. And he played all the idols. Yes, that was one of the most amazing episodes of all time (second only to when Parvati played two immunity idols and turned around the original Fans Vs. Favorites) but in the long run, it was a big mistake. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'Survivor' Recap: This Is Finally Getting Good'Survivor' Recap: How to Eat Bugs, Brains, and Duck Embryos'Survivor' Recap: A Recipe for a Boring Season From Our PartnersStars Pose Naked for 'Allure' (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His Character? (Vulture)
  • 'X-Factor' Losers Emblem3's First Awful Single Is About Khloe Kardashian
    By: Brian Moylan Apr 17, 2013
    Emblem3 lost The X-Factor, Simon Cowell's Tupperware container full of American Idol leftovers that he reheats once a year and tries to shove down America's throats. And speaking of steaming piles of goo that you want nothing to do with, this boy band that he signed from the show has a new single. It's awful. It's like the Plain White Ts, Maroon 5, 311, and every innocuously similar pop band all put into a blender — and that's not even the crazy thing. The weird thing is that their song "Chloe (The One That I Want)" is totally about Khloe Kardashian, who co-hosted their season of the show. The lyrics talk about a girl named Chloe who has a famous sister who "turns everyone on" and appears on the covers of all the magazines. But these three boys don't want the cover model, they want the girl who everyone else thinks is janky. Um, who does that sound like? Khloe, that's who! Good thing the song is so bad, or Lamar might have a little something to worry about.  Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: 'X-Factor' Stars Emblem3 on EliminationEmblem3 on Demi Lovato CrushEmblem3 Make 'X-Factor' Top Four From Our PartnersStars Pose Naked for 'Allure' (Celebuzz)Which Game of Thrones Actor Looks Least Like His Character? (Vulture)