Kelsea Stahler
Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.
  • Sandra Bullock In Talks For 'Gravity' Lead
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 07, 2010
    Sandy’s back in the game. After a tumultuous year that created more buzz about her personal life than her Oscar winning role in The Blind Side, Sandra Bullock is in talks to make her return to the screen in Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity. The queen of romantic storylines is set to change it up a bit with this new film, playing the role of an astronaut who struggles to survive an avalanche of space junk (whatever that means). This will be her first film since The Blind Side, and my hope is that it will serve to cleanse fans’ pallets after a few mediocre stops in romantic comedyville (The Proposal, All About Steve). It seems like this role has gone through almost every leading lady in Hollywood before finally landing in Sandra’s lap. Cuaron had previously nabbed Natalie Portman for the role after considering a handful of other actresses including Scarlett Johansson, Blake Lively, and Marion Cotillard. The project was originally started at Universal with Angelina Jolie in mind, but when it moved to Warner Bros. the gears shifted. Is there anyone they haven’t considered for this movie? The space thriller already has Robert Downey Jr. attached, and it looks like for once, the delightfully cocky star won’t be the center of the film. The female lead is reportedly the main focus of the story, rocketing Sandy back into the limelight. She’s also considering a role in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close alongside Tom Hanks. Though I didn’t necessarily agree with her Oscar win – there were some truly killer performances in her category – I’m happy to see that it’s helping to shift her toward some more interesting roles. Source: The Hollywood Reporter
  • 'Glee' Recap: Grilled Cheesus
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 06, 2010
    S2: E3 After last week’s self indulgent, Britney-themed romp, I feared we may have lost the Glee we all knew and loved forever. But just when they had us thinking that all they could muster was an unending stream of constant camp, they go and prove us wrong. Last night’s episode toned down the crazy for a minute and proved that the show is still as versatile as ever. It all starts when Finn makes a grilled cheese sandwich on a Foreman grill, which due to some of Finn’s sneaker-cleaning experiments no longer leaves normal grill marks. The grilled cheese emerges from the grill with what appears to be the face of Jesus – a grilled Cheesus, if you will. (Okay, so obviously they haven’t banished all of the crazy.) Finn, who’s just a little too dumb sometimes, prays to the Cheesus asking to win the football game in exchange for singing religious songs in glee club. Cut to Friday night’s game where Finn wheels Artie down the field (which I’m sure is against high school football rules, or at least against their insurance policies) and the team wins, causing Finn to kneel down and scream thanks to Cheesus. While this is cute and all, I’m getting a little tired of them making Finn out to be some cartoonish halfwit. Bring it down a peg or two. When he brings up the idea of a week-long glee tribute to Jesus, the club has some mixed reactions. Rachel looks scandalized, Quinn and Mercedes are on board, and Kurt delivers the episode’s main topic of discussion. “The reason I don’t go to church is because most churches don’t think very much of gay people…or women…or science.” And here’s our main conflict: religion. That morning before school, Kurt brings breakfast to his dad at the auto shop, replacing his usual – “two Slim Jims and a Coke” – with something a little healthier. As any normal teenage boy would, he gives his dad another excuse for missing Friday night family dinner with Finn and his mom (in case you forgot, Kurt’s dad is dating Finn’s mom). Kurt’s dad gives a little speech on how those dinners are the glue between him and Kurt and that if they lose them, he fears they won’t have anything in common. They’ve left enough clues for us to know what’s coming after Kurt goes off to school; those junk food breakfasts finally set in and Kurt’s dad has a heart attack at the auto shop. Emma and Schue take Kurt to the hospital where he learns that the heart attack put his father into a coma. Kurt stands by his dad’s bedside begging, “If you can hear me, squeeze my hand.” But sadly, his father’s hand doesn’t budge and the show manages to make me tear up before the first commercial break. As Kurt deals with his father’s illness, the glee club does their best to support him, and in glee club that means singing to him. Merecedes gets a little help from Quinn and Tina to sing “I Look to You.” Way to keep the tears coming, gleeks. Kurt appreciates the gesture, but he still doesn’t believe in God because if there was a God he’d be “a jerk” – making him gay and then making his followers act like it’s a choice to be teased and treated poorly. No more Boobs McGee jokes, they’re going for the real issues this episode. Finn is still praying to Cheesus like it’s some sort of genie – his latest wish being to touch Rachel’s “girl boobs.” When she comes to his house to talk about her concerns about the longevity of their relationship, she’s concerned his newfound love of Jesus will keep their future babies from being raised Jewish. He agrees to her demands and his reward? Girl boobs. Thank you, Cheesus. Sue continues her warpath against glee, asking Kurt to make a formal complaint about the religious turn the club has taken. But this isn’t just some Sue Sylvester brand of sabotage. She explains that she lost her belief in God when people treated her mentally challenged sister poorly. Kurt’s complaint does the trick and the glee club is forced to stop singing religious songs. The gleeks are upset; last week they were too sexy, this week too religious. “Now I know what Miley feels like.” Thanks for that one, Brittany. Because she can’t sing it at school, Rachel takes her spiritual song off campus and creepily sings “Papa, Can You Hear Me?” first to Finn in the park, and then in the hospital to Kurt’s dad like she’s some sort of healer. No wonder Kurt gets pissed. Yeah, she was trying to help, but in a characteristically arrogant way. (Your voice isn't that magical, sweetheart.) Kurt returns to glee club, and while he won’t sing a spiritual song, he’s got a tribute to his father prepared. He belts a slow, sweet version of “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” expressing the comfort he gets from holding his father’s hand and bringing a new light to The Beatles' classic tune. The song works as some sort of catharsis because finally, Kurt stops closing himself off to his friends, and Mercedes even convinces him to go to church with her. After Finn asks Cheesus for his quarterback spot back, Sam gets injured and Finn gets his wish. Concerned that it’s all his fault, Finn pays a visit to Emma. She convinces him that Jesus doesn’t speak to people through sandwiches, and he feels like he’s lost his religious connection. So it’s no wonder he goes through the halls singing a fairly awkward rendition of R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion,” but the song choice was a little too obvious, if you ask me. At Mercedes’ church, Kurt feels out of place but Mercedes has prepared a song to help him understand why religion is so important to her – it gives you something to hold onto. She and her gospel choir sing “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” and while you may not be a fan religious music, you can appreciate the pipes on that girl. They work their magic and Kurt seems to start to get why religion means so much to her. In perhaps my favorite mini-moment of the entire episode, Sue goes to visit her sister at a nursing home. She asks her sister is she believes in God. When her sister says of course there is and that "he doesn't make mistakes" Sue is humbled. It’s such a tender moment, and we find that Sue does care deeply about someone. While we enjoy her mean-hearted ways on campus, it’s nice to see that her character isn't just a gruff cardboard cutout - she's actually human. Finally, Kurt returns to the hospital to visit his father and he comes full circle from the beginning of the episode. Kurt realizes that his father was right – their bond is their religion, their “something to hold onto.” As he confesses this, his dad’s hand begins to slowly grasp Kurt’s and begins to regain consciousness. The club closes out the episode with a performance of “What If God Was One of Us” as Finn finally eats the grilled Cheesus, giving up on his “direct line” to Jesus. While the sweeping song is a beautiful and melodic ending for the episode, I’m not sure it conveys the message they were trying for. But on the other hand, Schue says the kids chose it, and it’s definitely a song choice that a bunch of high school kids would find inspiring. It was a good episode overall, but it often seems that show continues to succeed in spite of some of the musical numbers.
  • Tony Gilroy Will Direct Fourth 'Bourne' Film
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 04, 2010
    What would you like first, the good news or the bad news? Well, I guess you don’t really get a choice, do you? Bad news it is. Remember way back when Matt Damon swore he wouldn’t do another Jason Bourne movie unless director Paul Greengrass (Green Zone) was at the helm after Greengrass’ hasty exit from Universal’s Bourne 4.0 development discussions? The decision has been made and Greengrass is out and Michael Clayton writer/director Tony Gilroy is in for the tentatively titled Bourne Legacy. With that, Bourne fans can breathe an apprehensive sigh of relief. Universal is determined to bring the trained assassin back to the big screen and will be doing it with the help of someone who knows the series inside and out, but they’ll be doing it with or without Damon. The question is whether or not Bourne will still be Bourne if Matt Damon isn’t in the picture, but before we get ahead of ourselves, there is hope. While Gilroy has only got two directing gigs under his belt and one was an alright effort (Duplicity), the other was that little movie called Michael Clayton. Perhaps you remember it? It’s easily one of the best legal mystery/thrillers out there and if I recall, people kind of liked it (just ask supporting actress Oscar-winner Tilda Swinton). Gilroy also penned the scripts for all three of the existing Bourne films, so I have no doubt that he can bring some of that Michael Clayton mojo as the new Bourne director. While signing Gilroy as the director doesn’t meet Damon’s exact demands, he is quite literally the next best thing (if not the better thing). Other than Greengrass, no one knows the series better. With an easy fit for director and Universal’s unyielding resolve to make the movie happen, I’m hoping Matt Damon has a change of heart and comes back to the franchise. (Please?!) No matter how good the script and the direction are, I fear that there cannot be Bourne without Damon. Source: Deadline
  • Lauren Conrad Is Ready To Return To TV
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 04, 2010
    It’s been just over two months since The Hills left us with a pathetic attempt at a semi-metaphysical conclusion. It really was a pretty terrible ending – to be fair, it’s not like the show could have had any sort of ending that would merit the word “good” – leaving with a big middle finger to loyal fans who allowed themselves to get caught up in all the fabricated drama. (Dear Adam DiVello, your “clever” ending was pretentious and indulgent. Stick to girl-fights and stop trying to be edgy.) With the show’s final breath, it became painstakingly clear that they sorely needed Lauren Conrad and the show should have been put out of its misery from the minute she left. Well, LC fans, get ready to rejoice because it’s time for the California blonde to team up with MTV and give reality TV another shot. She’s famously said that she’s “over” The Hills, telling Cosmopolitan, "I've always had another season to look forward to, but now life is a little more unplanned. It's really exciting,” and up until recently, she’s been sticking to her story. She’s stayed out of the spotlight, concentrated on her business endeavors, and started dating dudes without constant surveillance or commentary from the peanut gallery, but now she’s jumping back into the reality circuit. So will we see more loser-centric relationship drama? (For such a smart girl, she always dated some serious losers on that show.) LC says no way. She's insisting that the show focus only on her professional life and that her beau, Kyle Howard (My Boys), is left out of it. The show will, however, feature her roommate – oh joy, another chance for some Heidi Montag-brand drama. I hope the girl had finally learned how to avoid living with insane people by this point. Sure, she’s normal, independently successful, industrious, sweet, and (the cherry on top) not crazy, which in TV-land translates to B-O-R-I-N-G in most cases. However, with all the crazy “reality” and the incessant drug-ridden antics of a handful of other starlets flooding every media outlet, a return to normalcy with Lauren could be exactly what we all need. Source: The Fab Life
  • E! Gives Lara Flynn Boyle A Reality Show
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 04, 2010
    We can always depend on E! to show us the latest celebrity gossip, disseminate unlimited bitchy quips about wardrobe choices, and, most importantly, give us a look at the lives of celebrities we don’t really care about. Think about it; did anyone really need to know what Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends or Khloe Kardashian or Giuliana Rancic (an E! News reporter got a reality show, really?) or washed up actress Denise Richards was doing before E! threw together a few cameras and created a bunch of shows that forced us to find out? The answer is no, we didn’t. Apparently, this formula is working well for the network because they just ordered a reality show that’s set to follow actress Lara Flynn Boyle’s current state of affairs. The show will follow Flynn Boyle (who hasn’t done anything of great significance since a stint on Showtime’s short-lived Huff) as she commutes back and forth between her home in Texas with her real estate investor husband and “career” in L.A. Yawn. It sounds about as exciting as a show about a tanning salon (oh wait, they did that too). I’m not sure what possessed the channel to select the former star of The Practice as the next falling star to chronicle, but maybe, just maybe she’s secretly wacky or has some wildly interesting cohorts. Even so, unless she’s got some Osbournes style family insanity, moonlights as a Playmate, or has a Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown level of (disgusting) intimacy with that husband of hers, I’ve got my money on the show being a total snoozefest. Source: Deadline
  • David E. Kelley Tackles 'Wonder Woman'
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 04, 2010
    Despite more than 30 years on hiatus from the screen, Wonder Woman may just be ready to take her Lasso of Truth and invisible jet out of hibernation and into American living rooms. Legal drama guru David E. Kelley (Ally McBeal, Boston Legal) is slated to put his spin (or twirl) on the classic heroine as she returns to television for the first time since the 70s. Kelley will write and produce the new project through Warner Bros. DC Entertainment and it should be ready to shop around to the networks soon. While the idea of yet another superhero reboot seems a little tired – we got our fill on TV with Smallville and more than enough in theaters with indulgent reboots like the latest X-Men iteration and Spiderman 3 – this one provides a bit more intrigue. First, Kelley faces the formidable hurdle of Wonder Woman’s classic interpretation. The All-American heroine was last played by Lynda Carter in 1975, and Carter has remained the epitome of Wonder Woman ever since. Whereas more ubiquitous heroes like Batman have a plethora of different versions that compete with any new edition, the new Wonder Woman will have only one beloved interpretation of the Amazonian superhero to compete with. Add to that the recent controversial Goth makeover of the DC darling. This summer, Wonder Woman’s magical island origins were tweaked in order to make way for a new back story in which she is supposed to have fled her besieged homeland to be raised in New York City. Accordingly, the character ditched her star-spangled undies for real pants and a more modern look. Though details for Kelley’s adaptation are still top secret, fans are buzzing about which Wonder Woman the TV tycoon will bring to the small screen. Whether Kelley tackles the shiny, new Wonder Woman or Carter’s long-lived super lady, he’s still got to be careful. Kelley’s known for showing the kinder, gentler side of his subjects (usually lawyers; they’re people too!) and a super hero show could be a present him with a bit of a challenge.Hopefully he can avoid creating a Wonder Woman that’s more concerned about her on-again-off-again boyfriend than kicking ass with her set of indestructible bracelets and super tiara – we don’t need another Lois and Clark on our hands. Source: Deadline
  • TV Deathwatch: The Viewers Have Spoken
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 04, 2010
    It’s that time of year again. The leaves are falling, the temperature’s dropping, and people are breaking out the boots and sweaters. While I’m always stoked to cozy up on the couch with a cup of tea and some good TV when October rolls around, the sadistic side of me gets a little bit of sick pleasure from watching as the lesser of the new Fall shows bite the dust. Enter our Fall TV Deathwatch. Stick a Fork in it: My Generation It was a novel idea: a television show based off a two-part documentary following a high school class during their graduating year and 10 years after they left the hallowed halls. However, of the 17 new network shows this Fall, My Generation pulled in the lowest ratings (outside of the already axed Lone Star). It even seemed like it could have a good run; there were plenty of tangled relationship webs and lots of feel-good moment potential but now thanks to a lack of viewership the 3.9 million people who did watch new drama will have to go on without a resolution. Things are Looking Grim: The Whole Truth With My Generation out, ABC's not done dealing with struggling ratings. Their Wednesday drama, The Whole Truth, is nipping at My Generation's heels with a measly 4.6 million viewers. The crime show, which follows TV vets Maura Tierney (NewsRadio, ER) and Rob Morrow (Northern Exposure, Numb3rs) as a Manhattan ADA and a defense lawyer who face off week to week on different cases (because that would happen), is treading water for now. The ratings are enough to earn it a third episode, but we'll have to wait and see how it holds up this week.  Still Kicking: Running Wilde Will Arnett’s not-so-triumphant return to Fox may not even last as long as the short-lived run of his last Fox show, Arrested Development.While I’d like to be able to say that there’s obviously something wrong with America, I can’t. The show simply isn’t that funny, and like its 9 p.m. partner, Raising Hope, Wilde is also up against the DWTS ratings behemoth. The problem is with 5.6 million viewers for its premiere and only 4.5 returning for episode two, things are looking grim. That doesn’t exactly qualify as a niche, and it’s not that far from the 4.1million that condemned Lone Star and My Generation to untimely death. Wilde had better turn up the funny, or their goose is cooked. In a Perfect World: S#*! My Dad Says While we’ve got great shows (like the aforementioned Lone Star; sorry, I can't stress it enough) being cut short for a lack of ratings and even tried and true vets like 30 Rock are only pulling five or six million viewers, a show like S#*! My Dad Says comes along with its slew of bland jokes pawned off of some kid’s Twitter page and scores a ratings Bonanza. S#*! (I get way too much of a kick out of calling it that) continues to rock the ratings game with episode two pulling in 10.4 million viewers. It looks like this show’s going to make it, but in a perfect world, I’d put it on the chopping block. Sadly, the viewers have spoken. I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say, but America, WTF? Sources: The Hollywood Reporter, TVByTheNumbers
  • Snooki Could Get Her Own Dating Show
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 01, 2010
    Snooki’s on the prowl again, but wait, when is she not on the prowl? If I remember correctly, she was still ogling juiceheads in Miami before she and her last boyfriend called it quits. But hey, who am I to judge? Juiceheads are like kryptonite. Am I right, ladies? Can I get a “hell yeah?” Okay, I couldn’t even type that with a straight face. Regardless of my vehement loathing for anyone who behaves remotely like The Situation or Pauly D, dearest Snooki will swoon over any dude that adheres to the GTL code and MTV is prepared to support her addiction in the form of a new show. You read that correctly - there will soon be two Jersey Shore shows on MTV. Let’s face it; they’re never going to go back to playing music videos. Maybe they should just take a lesson from Japan and change the channel’s name to Macaroni Rascals Television. In her second show, Snooki will be looking for her next victim – er, boyfriend – with the help of a few friends like JWoww and even some ex-boyfriends. Sources say one ex may help her make a decision, and another may try to win her (and her mega fame and mega millions) back. This is no slight to Snooki; in all honesty I have an unexplainable soft spot for the 4 foot nothing reality star. But when her last boyfriend started slumming it with Spencer Pratt in hopes of nabbing his own TV show, it became painfully obvious that the dude was a grade A fame whore. I have no doubt the dudes on her show will be any different. Even so, Snooki is determined to find her knight in Guido armor – as long as he’s not a “jerk-off” and he has to be “a nympho.” (WTMI and honestly, what dude isn’t?) I may have just made a pretty good case for why this show will be awful, but I know I’ll end up hooked. Snooki being chased by a bunch of overly tan, drunken idiots? That’s a train wreck I’ve got to see. Source: Huffington Post
  • '30 Rock' Recap: When It Rains, It Pours
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 01, 2010
    S5: E2 We’ve all been there, ladies. You’re walking down the street, minding your own business and some halfwit thinks it’s cool (or some what effective) to cat call you. You shrug it off and go on with your daily business, but we all secretly want to pull a Liz Lemon and get in the dude’s face like in last night’s episode. After she gets a slew of what we can assume are dirty street calls (thankfully obscured by the sound of a jackhammer) from a construction worker, she fires back with I’m not sure what, but it ended with “INFECTED PENIS!” Pretty sure there’s no comeback for that. Of course, Lemon doesn’t understand why she’s getting attention from men, so Jenna explains the idea of “When it rains, it pours.” Liz is dating Carol, so she’s more attractive to dudes. The scene starts getting a little too Sex and The City for me, when a bum approaches Liz and Jenna and professes his desire to put Liz’s feet in his mouth. Yup that killed it. Liz and Jenna skip along, smiling and practically singing, “When it rains, it pours!” Suck on that, Carrie Bradshaw. Once in the office, Liz learns that Javery (the Brangelina of NBC) is having a little boy. Liz tells Jack how awesome it was having an old dad growing up (she could steal his whiskey…to use for her rock collection). Jack shrugs it off – after all 50 is the new 40 – responding with the most awkward pronunciation of “whatevs” ever. Suddenly, everything in the office is going rather smoothly even with Kenneth gone, and no one seems to know why. But then, a skinny little dude in a red blazer runs around in the background with a cape thrown over his face answering phone calls and picking up messes. Really Kenneth? Really? Tracy has decided he’s going to be under self-induced house arrest so that he doesn’t miss the birth of his daughter later that day, so Grizz and Dotcom take all of his distracting items like cell phones and laptops, mood rings – you know, the usual. But then, even Tracy’s taken under by Liz’s “when it rains…” spell; he wants to put her feet in his mouth too. What is with the feet thing? That’s some Jersey Shore level stuff, right there. Pete asks Liz to use her newfound charm to convince the power tripping editing team to push the TGS scenes to the top of the editing pile. She turns on her “Julia Roberts laugh” and throws her head back and Pete asks her what’s in her teeth. Without skipping a beat she continues to laugh and haughtily replies, “Corn.” Liz Lemon, I love you. Meanwhile, Lemon’s Tony Randall quip is getting to Jack. He realizes that he’ll be 70 when his son graduates and fears that he won’t even be around to run into his son at his first “mass orgy in a castle.” (Is anyone else getting a little tired of all this rich-people-have-crazy-awesome-sex talk from Jack?) Just then, an emergency fire drill is announced and once again Lemon notes that Kenneth used to take care of these things. As she flees, Kenneth appears wielding a black cape like Dracula. Just bring him back to NBC already, this shit is getting weird – and not in the awesome, funny way. Grizz and Dotcom hold Tracy’s hand like a small child and take him to the evacuation zone for the fire drill, but just like a toddler, Tracy gets distracted and ends up on a bus that takes him far away from Rockefeller Center and Dr. Spaceman’s office (because what other doctor could possibly help them?) where Angie has just arrived to give birth to the newest Jordan family member. Liz goes down to see the head editor, Richie (guest star Paul Giamatti) and turns on the charm – where the hell has that been hiding? Richie is a war reenactment enthusiast and a balding man with a creepy ponytail (ew), and responds to Liz’s charm with a very Giamatti spastic one-man civil war scene before saying he’ll push Liz’s TGS tapes to the front of the line. While she’s celebrating her victory, Pete and Frank inform her that Richie’s been spreading the word that they’re sleeping together. (Frank’s pissed. “If you want to cheat on Carol with an Italian guy that smells like cigarettes, I’ve made it very clear I’d flip my futon over for you!” Now that’s a “love” triangle I’d actually like to see.) Pete and Jenna convince Liz not to confront Richie for the sake of getting all the TGS editing done on time. It doesn’t take long before Brian Williams teases her in the hall, even calling in fellow journalist Andrea Mitchell as backup as she comes out of the elevator yelling “Slut!” Who can’t Tina Fey get on this show? And is there anything she can’t convince them to do? Somewhere in Manhattan, Tracy is left without a phone or wallet due to his previous demands and hails a cab even though he has no money. The cab happens to be the Cash Cab, so the driver lets him in for free and somehow Tracy has to answer an onslaught of trivia questions to earn his ride to the hospital. But just when it’s pretty clear that he’s going to lose, he turns into some sort of Tracy Morganized Rain Man, working his way to a string of correct answers and buying him a longer cab ride. This whole time, Jack has been recording hours of video messages to his unborn son, imparting his plethora of useless rich-guy knowledge. As he discusses his secret to silky smooth hair (dove’s blood, of course) he discovers Kenneth hiding behind a curtain. Kenneth apologizes, he was trapped when Jack came in “like the time my mom and her friend came in to take one of their grunting naps on the bed.” Somehow Kenneth’s childish explanations actually make everything sound dirtier. Jack sends him away and tells him to move on and Kenneth goes home to pack away all his memories of TGS and NBC. Before he can finish cleansing, Angie calls him from the hospital growling about finding Tracy and of course Kenneth comes to the rescue. Tracy makes it to the hospital just a little too late, but Kenneth’s got it covered, fooling Angie by wearing a picture of Tracy’s face over his (Dr. Spaceman gave her some killer drugs). Tracy bursts in, takes Kenneth’s place and professes his love for Angie but ends by directing the message at Kenneth. Aww. Liz confronts Richie about the sex rumors and it turns out Richie was just using Liz to make his co-editor (and future cat lady) jealous and we finally get a real Giamatti freak out when he can’t contain his love for Donna any longer and shouts “DONNNNNAAAAAA!” in the editing room. Liz and Richie stage a very public, very fake breakup over their date for a “music-concert.” (Thanks for the specificity, Liz.) All the talk of future water beds and his pimped out Toyata Tercel seems to work and Donna is suddenly aboard the Richie train. (Yuck.) Kenneth interrupts Jack’s final video to tell him he wants to come back – thank God. I don’t know how much more I can take of this will he, won’t he crap. Jack agrees and rushes out to visit Tracy at the hospital and gets some surprisingly insightful advice from the TGS star to live in the moment because he can’t control the future. (He must have hit his head or something, because that was almost insightful.) Just then, Avery calls and it turns out they’re having a little girl. Jack’s so excited he immediately forgets what Tracy said. “I’ve got to make new tapes!” Oh well. The good thing is, this time, he lets Lemon give the future little Donaghy some Lemon style advice a.k.a. the ugly truth about body hair. Liz Lemon, you are my hero.
  • 'Community' Recap: Accounting For Lawyers
    By: Kelsea Stahler Oct 01, 2010
    S2: E2 Any show that has the balls to start off an episode with the phrase “Gutentag, homies!” gets my undivided attention, and last night’s episode of Community did just that. Since it’s October, but not quite time for Halloween yet, Greendale Community College is celebrating Oktoberfest, except instead of beer steins and bratwursts, they’re celebrating with a break dancing competition – a “Pop and Loktoberfest.” As the gang decides on their pop and lock team name (because of course they’re participating) Jeff decides he’s too cool for these silly Greendale games and storms off. He runs into a lawyer from his old firm, Alan (played by hilarious Daily Show vet Rob Cordry), who’s on campus attending his Narcotics Anonymous meeting – a lawyer with a coke habit? No way. Jeff and Alan are just shy of bumping chests as they catch up, opting instead for a big, manly tickle-fight, and here comes the theme of the episode. Jeff is too cool (their word choice, not mine) for his community college friends – he ditches class and his buds to hang out with Cordry’s uber douchey lawyer instead. Cordy is a welcome guest, bringing all that spastic humor we enjoyed so much back when he was a lowly Daily Show correspondent. Chang makes his first appearance of the episode, popping and locking his way into the study room and insisting he takes Jeff’s place on their Loktoberfest team – rumor has it, Jeff ditched them for his lawyer friend. They shrug off the ludicrous suggestion as Chang struts out of the library like some sort of chorus line dancer and Jeff returns with Alan. Shirley pulls the mom card (as she always does) and sweetly tells Jeff to be more respectful of the group’s time, and that’s all the ammunition old Jeff needs to come out of hibernation. (Remember last season’s introduction to Jeff’s despicable lawyer side?) As deplorable as old Jeff can be, I’ve got to admit his wordsmithing is tight. I don’t think I could describe it any better than Alan so aptly, and crassly put it: the award for mind games should be “a statue of Jeff Winger doin’ it to a brain.” After deeming Jeff the “best lawyer ever,” Alan invites him to a big soiree at their old law firm, which is conveniently scheduled during Pop and Loktoberfest. Of course, the group feels jilted. They’re all putting on their best pouts – and Pierce is breaking out his “best” homophobic jokes about Alan and Jeff – when Annie remembers that she knew Alan when she was in NA for her Adderall addiction (they’re really depending on us knowing a lot about last season this episode). It turns out Alan used NA meeting to brag about being the one who got Jeff disbarred, which was what landed him in Community College back in Season 1. Annie tries to tell Jeff, but his ego has grown to colossal proportions and it crushes her feeble attempt. Troy breaks the tension with a very important question, “Did you know that gogurt is just yogurt?!” (His empty-headed one-liners are the best.) Jeff is indignant, insisting that the group is dependent on him and that they don’t want him to be happy – what a big baby. Britta calls him out, apparently his college friends aren’t cool enough for him (once again, their words, not mine). With Jeff out, Chang is in, demanding that if he helps them win the dance competition, they let him the group. Abed takes this chance to do that reality versus fantasy thing he’s so fond of, putting on a voice that resembles Christian Bale’s Batman tone and announcing, “The stakes have never been higher.” Duh, duh, duh. It’s time for the big fancy lawyer party, and who should play Ted, the head of the firm, but Drew Carey. Carey shows off his suddenly slim physique, but ceases to bring the laughs. What a waste of a guest star. Seriously, guys? Get it together. Meanwhile, Alan has invited Jeff’s study group to the party and they run a sting operation to prove that Alan betrayed Jeff. A heist movie wannabe? That’s more like it; this is the Community I know and love. Abed is stoked, taking advantage of the opportunity to pretend he’s in a heist movie. He breaks out the Batman voice again, brandishing a slew of ridiculous supplies they’ll never need including suction grips and chloroform. Downstairs at the party, Jeff finds out that Ted thinks he was one of the best liars he ever hired (no that’s not a typo) and asks him to recommend Alan. Jeff wordsmiths away, convincing Ted to make Alan partner, and prompting Ted to offer him a position as a consultant. Britta, Pierce, and Shirley enter just in time to burst his hot air balloon, showing how the pool of deviant lawyers is rubbing off on them – Shirley even calls someone a bitch, albeit in the most sugary sweet manner I’ve ever heard used for the word. Upstairs Abed and Troy find the email, but get caught at the last minute by the janitor. Annie runs in and chloroforms the guy (guess Abed’s tools weren’t so useless after all). Realizing what they’ve done, they all start freaking out and Troy prances around like a little unicorn-boy yelling, “I don’t know what to do! My brain is crying!” This kid’s lines are pure gold. They attempt to trick the janitor by pretending they all got chloroformed but he calls their bluff and they chloroform him again. (Who need brain cells, anyway?) Annie, Abed, and Troy give Jeff the letter, but he sends the whole gang away, telling them he’s a good lawyer so he doesn’t care. (Eh, I guess that makes sense.) They’re all worried they’ve lost him, but Annie’s got an idea. She pulls out the chloroform again – no so hard to believe that the little sociopath had a problem with addiction, is it? Back at the dance competition, Chang has attempted the entire five hours on his own and is about to pass out when the study group comes just in time to save him. Troy starts dancing, but just can’t get into the groove when Jeff bursts in and joins him in what looks like a rip-off of a double mint twin dance routine. He’s had a change of heart – as usual – and declares “You guys are so cool, you care.” This show goes so far with cheesiness that it somehow managed to wrap back around to hilariousness. They’re so busy having a heart to heart that they lose the competition, meaning Chang is out of the group. He lies on the dance floor wailing in the last and best moment of the entire episode as his evil laugh crescendos into ultimate creepiness. Of course, Troy and Abed’s sign-off is delightful as always. This time, Abed’s convinced Troy that he’s made it into a cartoon world. Troy’s childlike wonder should be obnoxious, but it never ceases to be hilarious.