Copyright 2013, FX Networks. All rights reserved.
American Horror Story has finished its third season with one of the most entertaining episodes in the past two years. But, honestly, the naming of Cordelia Foxx as Supreme was a twist we saw coming. There wasn’t much character development for her, or any of the people who survived to the final episode, to bring a sense of closure. There were so many dropped plot-points and extraneous characters, and something’s got to give. These past two seasons of American Horror Story have been sloppy and don’t shine a candle to Season 1.
Here are some rules that American Horror Story would be wise to follow for its upcoming years on FX.
1. Keep It Simple. These past two seasons had so much going, a satisfying conclusion was nearly impossible. Coven focused on everyone but the coven – a sadistic slave owner, vengeance-obsessed voodoo priestess, crazy Christians, an axe murderer, witch-hunters, and zombies all stole focus from the witches and their storyline. It’s hard enough to put that in a cohesive sentence let alone a cohesive season. Asylum had a lot going on, too. There was a horror-movie style serial killer, Nazi doctor, mutant horde, demon possession, and aliens. It’s just sloppy storytelling to have a world with all those things existing in the same place. This isn’t The Avengers. Why not have a guest appearance by Falcor the flying dog?
2. Don’t Forget Character Development. Despite great lines and the highest caliber of actors to date, there were so many extraneous characters played by star names the series ignored core characters. The first episode and final episode featured the same characters, but we didn’t learn more about them over the course of the season. Still, Jessica Lange is such an amazing actor that she did so much with a pretty one-dimensional character: a snarky woman obsessed with immortality.
3. Less Stunt Casting. Part of the appeal of American Horror Story is the cast returns in new and interesting ways. With big names, there’s pressure to keep extraneous characters on the show longer. Then they have to conveniently leave before the season finale. Why did we know more about Delphine LaLaurie than the titular coven of witches? Her character didn’t further the plot at all. Patti LuPone’s character was resurrected for no logical reason. The Axeman?!?
4. Keep the Characters Together. The first two seasons kept all the characters in the same place, which allowed for more story and character development. So much action took place outside of Miss Robichaux's Academy that the coven lost focus. There was no reason why the school couldn’t have been Delphine’s old estate with her buried in the backyard. Why couldn’t Angela Bassett and Patti LuPone play members of the Witches Council? These detours robbed us from getting to know some amazing characters like Misty Day, Myrtle Snow, and Zoe Benson.
5. Don’t Drop the Ball on Important Plot Points. The writers come up with really great ideas then throw them away in favor of plotholes. Zoe had an interesting power with her killer vag, she defeated super-witch Marie Laveau’s magic, and reanimated a ghost. Why wasn’t she the Supreme or the Antichrist or something more interesting than Kyle’s girlfriend? How could Queenie ressurect Misty Day but not Zoe? Queenie left to go study voodoo with Marie but didn’t come back with any new power. These are all missed opportunities.
6. Know How It's Going to End. It’s nice when a show includes clues for the discerning watcher. However, some shows Lost have made it a valid choice for writers to not know how things will end. The first episode introduces Zoe in Coven and aliens in Asylum but nothing happens at all. It also seems the writers didn’t know who the Supreme was going to be. All signs pointed to Zoe or Madison. Conveniently, having Madison’s death make Cordelia the Supreme is an interesting mystery to leave unsolved. But it seems more a result of sloppy storytelling than intention. If Cordelia was set to be the Supreme all along at least make her a more vital part of the series. There was never a scene of an actual class at this school.
7. Give Characters the Exit/Death they Deserve. In Asylum, Sister Mary Eunice becomes possessed by the Devil and becomes the most interesting character on the show. She had a Sam/Diane attraction to Nazi Dr. Arthur Arden. They both were major antagonists but died in anticlimactic ways with no resolution to their storylines.
8. No More Racism. The Nazi storyline didn’t come to a crescendo last season, so what was the purpose of going to Anti-Semitism? This season’s irresponsible treatment of its black characters was also an epic fail. It's completely implausible for an immortal super witch, who charges 10,000 a spell, to spend her free time doing hair at a ratchet beauty salon. It didn’t come off as ironically humorous as much as flat out racist. The season-long slavery arc was also a bit much.
9. Don’t Shock to Shock. The multiple molesting moms this season were gratuitous because they didn’t further the story or their sons’ characters. If you're going to go there at least make a point.
10. More Lily Rabe! She’s the best part of the past two seasons. ‘Nuff said.
Bo and Dyson are celebrating her return…by fighting. It looks like Dyson has new digs: a boxing gym. Strange choice. Even stranger, despite their sordid history, they’ve resumed their f-buddy-ship. Afterwards, Kenzi takes Bo to the Dal to celebrate her return. But, the Dementors Una Mens have made everyone miserable. Bo uses her sexy touch to start a dance party…to the Spice Girls. Is this opposite world?
Teenage Tamsin is adjusting to her new life. She’d practicing twerking and bonding with Kenzi. It looks like when she grows up she will be a lot more fun. She stays home alone because despite being ancient she’s too young to drink. Bizarrely, some ninjas storm the clubhouse. It causes a scared Tamsin to grow into her adult self. She still wasn’t able to stop the masked men from robbing the house. Adult Tamsin still has the mind of a teenager, but ends up rejoining Dyson as his partner. Their latest case is the hunt for Lauren.
In an undisclosed bunker (possibly an unused set from Homeland), Lauren and Crystal are imprisoned. Crystal confesses she “spy-banged” Lauren because she was believed nothing bad would happen. But she fell in love. Now paging, Mademoiselle Cliché. Lauren reveals she has a brother, her real name is Karen, and she built bombs for a terrorist cell. This is a huge departure from the meek doctor we used to know. Cue the Gotye song. A mysterious voice threatens Lauren into helping a sick Fae Elder. Lauren, finally fed up with all the Fae drama, negotiates Crystal’s release and challenges who she thinks is Hale and the Light Fae. Big reveal…she’s talking to someone else. Who is she talking to? Is it The Morrigan? Vex? Or could it be, Aife?
Kenzi’s pixie-dust addiction comes to a head. Massimo the Druid is behind the robbery at the Clubhouse and kidnaps Kenzi. Bo saves the day, per usual, and finds out they can erase Kenzi’s debt if they get some herbs from Lauren’s apartment. It ends up being a trap. They get stuck in the apartment by a Fae blocking spell. But why is Massimo trying to keep them hostage? As a Druid, he wants Valkyrie hair because it’s powerful and valuable. He wants a crack at Tamsin. Meanwhile, Kenzi reveals her Jubilee power abuse and that she kissed Dyson. Dyson later pops by to console Kenzi about the mess and offers to teach her how to be "more than human."
At Massimo’s lair, Bo arrives in time to save Tamsin. But while she’s battling Massimo, Tamsin reveals an epic set of wings. That means this is her last life on Earth. Looks like there is a limit to the circle of life. Bo steals a little of his chi and finds out he’s human. She takes back the hair he tried to steal and throws it in a pit of fire. He starts to cry and says it’s for him “mommy.” Then he jumps into the fire to get it. Bo and Kenzi have a heart to heart about her addiction and she’s been scared this whole time because the Una Mens are after claimed humans. Bo forgives Kenzi and decides to take care of it once and for all.
All episode, Bo has been stalked by a gargoyle. She finds out gargoyles only serve Elder Fae. So the inevitable Bo/Una Mens confrontation happens. They reveal they only wanted her because she was unallied. But now she is. It turns out Bo has chosen a side…the Dark side. Insert Darth Vader theme here. It looks like her memory isn’t all she lost on the terror train.
Bo is Dark now. This means there’s bound to be a big shift in the show. Lauren's mysterious kidnapper is probably Dark. Bo will probably get closer to Tamsin, Vex, and The Morrigan who are all dark. Bo will have friction with the members of the Light including her grandfather, Trick, who did something sketchy to Aife.
Kenzi and Hale are bound to get together soon. They’ve been almost there forever. But there relationship will get into trouble when he finds out that she sold Massimo the twig of Zamora. It's a family heirloom that makes you immortal... you don't just give that away.
This isn’t the last we’ve seen of Massimo. He jumped into the fire voluntarily so he knows something we don’t know. Is his mommy Aife?
Dyson plans to teach Kenzi about being more than human. This sounds like the perfect occasion for a montage.
It's getting a little bizarre how much Downton Abbey has in common with the Real Housewives franchise: a bunch of rich people making well-placed barbs and fighting over trivial things. The only thing missing is the confessionals, and the fact that the actors of Downton are so amazing they can sell the intensity.
Everyone is excited about Lord Grantham’s birthday. They are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Lady Mary Craweley’s oft-rejected suitor Evelyn Napier, his employer Mr. Charles Blake, and some pigs. Mr. Blake arrives and instantly butts heads with Lady Mary. He is studying the lavish estates and questioning if they are even meant for a modern UK.
Lady Rose MacClare organizes a surprise for her uncle’s birthday. She recruits Steve Urkel Jack Ross (Gary Carr), the nasal jazz singer. It’s always strange when British television shows cast English actors to play Americans. They spend more time trying to sound like accountants.
Gird your loins, Isobel Crawley and the Dowager Countess are back to fighting. Watching Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton go at it is the best part of this show. This verbal joust was over the fate of Peg, the gardener. Isobel reboots Murder She Wrote and goes snooping through Violet’s drawing room. Boom! She finds the missing knife. She shows up with Dr. Clarkson to shame the Dowager into giving Peg his job back. She has a rehired Peg come in and completely embarrass Isobel. Check and mate.
Tom Branson bonds with Isobel about their dead loved ones. He goes on to make a valid point. He won’t be able to find another member of the aristocracy willing to slum it with him. Plus, everyone would take issue with him bringing some ratchet girl from town to the house.
Lady Edith is still waiting for word from her married lover and gets a bombshell…she’s pregnant with the bastard son of her married lover. Equally shocking, Lady Mary catches Lady Rose and Steve Urkel ... um, Mr. Ross engaged in a little chocolate vanilla swirl. The look on Mary’s face is priceless.
Alfred ends up getting the apprenticeship at The Ritz. It sends everyone into a rural fervor. Daisy is emotional because Alfred is leaving. Mr. Molesley stops by to try and get the footman job but Carson is still dying to make him suffer for his hubris. Mr. Molesley suffers until Mrs. Hughes has him serve the servants and Carson stops him right there and rehires him.
Jimmy takes Ivy to a movie and then decides he’s earned the right to sexually harass her. Luckily, she escapes unscathed but their relationship is over. Suddenly, she’s a little more keen on Alfred which sends Daisy into a tantrum.
Bates and Anna go to a hotel to try and escape the terror of Anna’s attack. Their host is rude and dismissive until Cora Crawley gets them a table. But she does overhear their bickering. But she did miss him talking about wanting to murder. Mrs. Baxter is in the room when Cora tells Mary what she heard. Barrow puts the lean on Mrs. Baxter for the details. But it looks like Baxter has some fight in her.
The Reading Room - Best Barbs of the Episode
"I have a feeling most things would fit into this particular pocket." -The Dowager Countess about thieving Peg
"I wonder you don’t just set fire to the Abbey and dance around it… painted in woe and howling." -The Dowager’s recommendation for Isobel’s weekend.
Isobel: "How you hate to be wrong."Dowager Countess: "I wouldn’t know…I’m not familiar with the sensation."
"What a very disturbing thought." -Carson at the idea of Mrs. Patmore with a man
"I don’t expect Mr. Blake to be witty." -Lady Mary to Mr. Bates
"Some people run on greed, lust, even love she runs on indignation." -Dowager Countess about Isobel
Post by Vin Diesel.
If we can learn anything from Miley’s tongue-lashing, no-clothes-wearing, twerk through 2013, it’s that celebrities have more media savvy than you’d think. Social media will make and break careers in the future. Viral videos have become the sex tapes of the 2010s. So it’s no surprise that a bizarre video Vin Diesel posted on his Facebook page has made him the talk of Hollywood.
To celebrate the early success of Riddick’s Blu-ray and DVD sales, Diesel decided to share a bit of a kooky video of him lip-synching “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry and Beyonce’s “Drunk in Love.” However, he randomly breaks into a frank business discussion after his own personal dance party. But the question is … what’s his thinking behind the video?
Diesel is the king of sequels. At first glance, Pitch Black and Fast & The Furious didn’t seem like they would spawn even one let alone multiple sequels. However, Diesel hasn’t starred in a film that wasn’t a sequel for years. Is this video an attempt at Diesel angling for more attention? It worked for Miley. Could his suggestive dancing and halfhearted crotch grabs be an attempt to get on the cast of Magic Mike 2? His Jersey Shore-reminiscent dancing is better than some of the cast members (Adam Rodriguez, Alex Pettyfer) of the 2012 male-stripper drama. After all, that was a huge boost to Matthew McConaughey’s notoriety.
Maybe he’s practicing lip-synching for Fast & Furious 7. Do the drag racers of the Fast & Franchise meet drag queens? Is Diesel going to go undercover as Lynne Diesel, or better yet Miss Diesel Ann-Gin to infiltrate drug runners at a drag show? As implausible as that plot may be that would be an epic storyline! It'd also would be great brand integration with RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6.
Either way, Diesel is laughing all the way to the bank. He won the Internet with a video that included bizarre celebrity behavior, a reference to something topical (The Grammys) and a plug. Achievement Unlocked! Now an entire cross-section of people who haven’t been thinking about Diesel is having second thoughts.
HBO’s Looking is in a strategic position to present a fresh perspective on gay men. It joins a roster of water-cooler behemoths like Game of Thrones, True Blood and Girls. It may bring a new view of gay men to the mainstream but it seems to unintentionally (or intentionally) bash other minority groups in the process. It exposes an underbelly of class, race, and sexual discrimination inherent in our culture. But the most offensive part is that it’s not bothering to make a point.
Looking follows the lives of three gay men in San Francisco. Jonathan Groff plays Paddy, the anti-Casanova, a dating-obsessed video game designer with verbal diarrhea. His friends are Dom, a slightly over-the-hill waiter and Agustín, an artist in a new relationship. Compared to its lead-in Girls, it’s notable that the cast has people of color. Agustín is played by Cuban-American actor, Frankie J. Álvarez. His boyfriend, Frank, is played by English bi-racial actor O.T. Fagbenle. Paddy’s co-worker Owen, played by Andrew Law, is Asian-American. Paddy even gets a love interest, Richie (Raúl Castillo), who is Mexican. Great, a show set in San Francisco actually acknowledges the racial make-up of the city’s residents. However, with great minorities come great responsibilities.
The series may be diverse on paper but it doesn’t present people of color as full-fledged characters. Instead, it panders to stereotypes. Owen, the Asian character calls Paddy a “Japanese schoolgirl” for using an emoticon and then offers, “I have some Pokemon cards if you want to borrow them.” Then he rolls back to his desk. Yes, the choice of the video game designer being Asian is a little trite but must he constantly reference his race? Is his character the Asian guy who Asians a lot? When Richie meets Paddy on the bus, Paddy first responds with fear and timidity because Richie’s a working class Latino. Why is he scared? Up to this point, he’s had two failed attempts at romance, what’s wrong with a guy flirting with him on the bus? He later describes Richie as not his “type.” Is it because he’s Latino? When he describes Richie to his friends he whispers the word “Mexican.” The show is trying to make gay people seem like everyone else but it seems to take time out of the show to reference race but not make a statement.
The Richie/Paddy relationship quickly degrades into unabashed sexual fetishization. Paddy is so love-starved that he tries to get into a deep conversation with an anonymous white sex partner that he later reveals he isn’t even attracted to. And yet, Richie is never considered a viable romantic candidate and instantly designated a prospective “f**kbuddy.” Paddy spends the entire episode fixated on the prospect of seeing his uncircumcised penis. Because we’re meant to believe that 99.9% of Latin men are uncircumcised. But, since Agustin says it, it’s not racist. A guy obsessed with seeing an uncircumcised penis is the making of a hilarious plotline. But why does it have to be an uncircumcised Latin penis? If you had any doubts about the racial connotations, Paddy does a Latin-specific Google search.
The wanton sexuality assigned to men of color seems like a throughline throughout the first three episodes. Despite the somewhat tame nature of the show, Agustín and Frank have sex twice in the premiere episode. #firstimpression Agustin starts to entertain the idea of becoming an escort. It's great if the show wants to take a sex-positive approach and/or explore the lives of sex workers. However, given the treatment of the Richie character, it seems like the series creators think Latinos are only good as sexual playthings. Why not have the Asian game designer moonlight as a gigolo? In a later scene set in a bathhouse, Dom is able to have a civilized conversation with another gay gentleman, Lynn (Scott Bakula), until he’s summoned by a masturbating Latino man.
The show continues into murkier waters. In “Looking at Your Browser History,” Agustín gets painted as a delinquent. When asked where he got their placemats he says he stole them from Target. (read: Latinos are thieves). Later, angry for no reason (read: Latinos are feisty), he unabashedly tells his boss how much he dislikes her work. Then, obviously, he gets fired. Is the implication that Latinos can’t keep jobs? Granted, that might seem like a huge leap, if a few minutes later Owen didn’t say “I’m Asian, alright. Our DNA rends itself apart when we lose our jobs.” The implication is, as an Asian person, he is less likely to take risks with his employment. So, via the transitive property, are we supposed to see Agustín as irresponsible with his job? Isn’t the definition of racism that certain value judgments or prejudices are assigned to different races?
The show does deserve some credit for diversity. In a post-Sofia Vergara media world, the main Latino character doesn’t have an accent. However, in an interview Álvarez reveals that his character was originally meant to have an accent, be Venezuelan, and have green card issues. Despite this somewhat progressive take on one character, Richie, the other Latino character, is flummoxed by the word “oncology.” Are we meant to laugh because Latinos mispronouncing words is funny (see: every episode of Modern Family)? Richie has had no problem eloquently flirting up to this point so why do they need to insert a Dangerous Minds moment with Paddy correcting his English?
It’s not Utopia. It’s HBO. Looking shouldn’t have to be crushed under the weight of political correctness. However, you can’t ignore the irony. The show tries to give voice and authenticity to gay men not normally represented in media. And yet, it implicitly subjugates people of color with the same stereotypes we see everywhere else. It would be fine if these borderline racist moments were germane to the plot or made a statement. It would be great if Paddy’s racism taught him a lesson as to why he’s so unsuccessful with men. But he may have been speaking for the writers when he flatly said, “I think I may be racist.”
The CW Network
When we last left Saved by the Blood: The College Years, Katherine Pierce was no more. However, via a well-timed Traveler magic spell she took possession of Elena Gilbert’s body. Caroline Forbes had freaky outdoor public sex with Klaus Mikaelson. 10 minutes later, her estranged boyfriend Tyler Lockwood returned. Damon Salvatore is still reeling from losing Elena and his obsession with vengeance with the Whittemore family for the Augustine vampire experiments.
A possessed Elena -- for lack of a better term, K-Elena -- surprises Matt Donovan. She slyly rips off his vervain bracelet and compels him into telling her details of Elena’s life ... specifically how she broke up with him. We know where this is going and it’s going to be juicier than a specimen bag filled with red corn syrup. K-Elena is going to break up with Damon and it’s about to get feisty.
K-Elena is being helped by Katherine’s daughter, Nadia Petrova. Like her mother, she thinks twelve steps ahead and manages to arrive at just the right moment. They only need Katherine’s corpse to complete the Traveler spell and get rid of Elena permanently. There is a problem. Elena will unexpectedly creep up out of nowhere. Luckily, it takes her so long to emotionally adjust to being possessed she doesn’t do much of anything. They hit the jackpot when Damon brags about putting Katherine where she “belongs” so they’re quickly able to find her body in the crypt from Season 1.
Tyler is having an emotional crisis because of all of the tortures he endured with Klaus. He’s moved back in with Matt. Despite being concerned with his drinking habits, Matt decides to throw him a party. Matt’s girlfriend Caroline, is stressed, feeling guilty, and blowing up Elena’s cell phone. When K-Elena finally finds out that Caroline slept with Klaus she makes sure that Tyler overhears. Damn that vampire/werewolf hybrid super-hearing! Tyler reminds her (and the audience) how fundamentally evil and murderous Klaus was and how sleeping with him is the definitive betrayal. You don’t want to piss off a boyfriend who can kill you with one bite. Stefan comes to Caroline’s rescue and they have a moment while Tyler is crying in Matt’s arms.
Damon is having an emotional crisis. Despite breaking up with Elena, Stefan and even Caroline are encouraging him to get her back. Enzo has returned with the unconscious body of Aaron Whitmore. What better way to mend fences than to murder a college freshman together? Aaron does admit that he cut off funding to the Augustine experiments. This is thankful because that storyline was a major dud. Damon is torn on the idea of killing him because Elena is his friend. But the old, darker, Season 1 Damon desperately wants to kill him.
K-Elena, Nadia and a sketchy, crimp-haired witch that quite possibly may be related to Myrtle Snow, perform the spell. Conveniently, Elena re-enters her body, attacks them both, and flees in a fit of hysterics. She tries to use her phone but the password has changed. Elena’s outsmarted by Katherine for the umpteenth time. It’s easy to forget that most of the characters on this show are still dumb teenagers. The witch succeeds in the spell, because Elena did nothing to stop them except run away. Also, despite having super speed, she sort of scampered away like a hurt bunny.
As a distraught Elena runs into Damon’s arms, you realize how in love they are. But she disappears to some Hell dimension or spirit world we’ll visit in a later episode. Meanwhile, Katherine, who now has full control of Elena, destroys Damon with all the reasons she can’t be with him. With that, the last shred of good Damon dies. He goes on to kill Aaron Whitmore and it looks like he and Enzo are going to be the new Scream Team. Katherine takes a moment to bond with Nadia: “Cold, manipulative, good hair. You really are my daughter.” Katherine has decided to stay in Mystic Falls because she wants to have it all ... and by all she means Stefan’s sexy bod.
It looks like Stefan is the new icing in the love triangle Oreo. He has the plucky and feisty Caroline and his doppelganger soulless-mate Katherine.
It looks like Tyler has become a drunk. They will probably deal with this in a very special episode where they send him to doggy rehab.
Enzo and Nadia will somehow become a couple. The entire cast has paired off like the last season of Friends, so it’s only fitting.
Elena really loves Damon! Katherine is drawn to Stefan because of the doppelganger connection which might be the reason Elena ever dated Stefan in the first place. But when she ran into Damon’s arms it was clear that she really cared.
It seems like the Travelers are going to be the big bad of this season and hopefully we are done with Augustine for good.
Sometimes you just need some trashy television for frivolous watching. Hotel Babylon delivers that in spades. It blends the class struggles of Downton Abbey, the sultry storylines of Melrose Place and a ton of sexy Brits having sex. Despite its risqué subject matter, the show is still pretty lighthearted and down to earth.
The Hotel Babylon is a luxury 5-star hotel in the heart of London. Hotel Manager Rebecca Mitchell (Tamzin Outhwaite) is ballsy and obsessed with the job at the expense of her personal life. She hires Charlie Edwards (Max Beesley) to be her deputy manager. He’s a good old boy who gets along with everyone on staff especially the ladies. Tony (Dexter Fletcher) is the head concierge and expert at dealing with unsavory characters and procuring blacklist items. Each episode, the hotel staff of oddballs and sexpots must deal with drama both inside and outside the hotel while managing the expectations of their high-end clientele. Whether they are getting vengeance on ornery guests, getting involved in the sexcapades of cheating guests, or just having fun, the staff provide hours of entertainment.
The show is the perfect blend of funny, sexy, and scandalous. Each episode has the perfect amount of drama and suspense to keep you watching. Workers in the business of keeping secrets are great at keeping their own. As the show progresses, you want to know more about the inner workings of the unique crew, including stunning social climber receptionist, Anna Thorton-Wilton (Emma Pierson).
Hotel Babylon is shot in a fast and frenetic way. The colors are lush and there are tons of attractive people walking around. It captures some element of luxury and allows for some vicarious wish fulfillment. The cast is amazing. Beesley, best known for his role in Glitter, is great as the deliciously lower class Charlie. There are some pretty great guest stars, including appearances by John Barrowman (Torchwood), Anthony Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Paula Abdul and Joan Collins.
This series makes delightfully thoughtless binge watching. For a few hours you can shut off your brain and get caught in the sexy WTF moments and silly storylines of this British soap. All four series of Hotel Babylon are available on Netflix streaming.
Despite the plot getting a little convoluted for a while, this season finale was very satisfying and entertaining. It made up for a lot of past missteps and brought back the amazing Stevie Nicks. She begins the episode lip-synching singing the Fleetwood Mac hit “Seven Wonders.” This opening scene is shot like every Nicks fan’s wet dream of a music video. The girls are practicing for the Pepsi Challenge selection of the Supreme, finally doing actual magic and wearing shawls.
The test begins. If you’re keeping track, Madison Montgomery is the witch who has performed most of the seven wonders this season. They breeze through telekinesis and concilium. Then the girls travel to hell. This is where it gets dicey because everyone returns but Misty Day. She gets trapped in a biology class resurrecting a frog, then dissecting it forever and her body gets turned to ash. Way to bring the room down, writers! Misty is such an amazing and beautiful character; having her die is a let down since she’s had so little screen time all season.
The three surviving girls move onto transmutation (which continues to be incorrectly used in place of teleportation). They play tag while teleporting all around the estate, until Zoe lands on a fence and becomes Britney Speared. Rule #1 of teleportation is look where you’re going. Coincidentally, Rule #2 is don’t teleport with scissors. Queenie tries to perform vitum vitalis to revive her but fails. This makes no sense since Queenie had no trouble last episode. Madison refuses to revive Zoe in hopes she’ll get crowned Supreme. It looks like she’s primed to be another Fiona Bad Goode.
While Zoe is decomposing, Myrtle convinces Cordelia to perform the wonders for herself. Finally, the huge twist we’ve been waiting for. Of course she passes with flying colors, and then in the test of divination, Cordelia beats out Madison. Here’s where it gets interesting. Kyle, mad with grief, kills Madison while Cordelia is reviving Zoe. Zoe rises and Cordelia awakens with her eyes healed, the picture of “glowing radiant health.” Now, like the end of Total Recall, we will never know if Madison was the supreme or if it was Cordelia all along. Since Madison is dead, does Cordelia’s royal blood make her the next Queen Bee? Or was she the Supreme all along? This is the kind of writing the show should be focusing on rather than molester-y mothers and a graphically violent trip through slavery. It also seemed for a while that even the writers didn’t know who the next Supreme was going to be. It seems strange since Zoe and Queenie are the only witches with unique powers.
Cordelia channels Barack Obama by instituting an Affordable Care Act inspiring change. She tells the Muggle world about witches. She gives an interview with a nice little nod to feminism and gay rights. It’s sweet but doesn’t quite make up for the racism-adjacent choices for storylines this season. She elects Zoe and Queenie as her Council. Myrtle proves to be more than a theremin-playing loon by volunteering to be burned at the stake for committing murder. She wants to force Cordelia to stand on her own and to uphold their laws. This is such a great scene despite the fact that these two characters have history but have had so few scenes together.
The balance is restored…almost. Jessica Lange returns for a nice and satisfying goodbye scene worthy of her Emmy and Golden Globe nominations. A dying Fiona returns in one last futile attempt to become the Supreme. She begs for Cordelia to kill her but she flatly refuses and they each get a stirring monologue. When they share a hug the balance is restored. Cordelia gets her mother's powers and Fiona is banished to white trash hell for all her poor choices. There’s really great symmetry. Denis O’Hare returns for a brief moment to pass on his mantle of butler to Kyle. Cordelia channels Professor X and becomes headmistress of a school that finally has students.
This is the first Bo-centric episode of the season. Anna Silk is back from maternity leave and feistier than ever. “Lovers. Apart.” is surprising because it focuses on characters that rarely get their own storylines. Lauren (Zoe Palmer) is still in hiding. Meanwhile, Evony the Morrigan (Emmanuelle Vaugier) is back with a vengeance. It looks like this episode, is focused on the Bo/Dyson/Lauren threesome and where they all are in the wake of Bo’s disappearance last season.
Bo & Dyson
The episode begins with Dyson (Kris Holden-Ried) and Clio (Mia Kirshner) on the train having just missed Bo. It’s unclear where in the infinite number of dimensions Bo could end up jumping off a moving inter-dimensional train but that will not be explained later. Dyson is suffering from transcendental sickness which happens to normal people who dimension jump. Apparently, there are no booster shots, so consider this before making any trips to the fourth dimension. Clio is able to heal him and use a piece of Bo’s dress to track her.
Bo, loopy from hanging with Dr. Who, lands in an empty cabin in the woods. The house belongs to Ian Jenkins (Lochlyn Munro) a family man with a daughter, Julia (Chloe Rose), who is a bizarro version of Kenzi. It turns out this family has a secret. Bo tries to save bizarro Kenzi from her father who bears a disturbing resemblance to Scott Peterson. However, as usual, Bo is mistaken.
It turns out a body jumping Fae cleverly named Jumbee, is trying to kill every member of the Jenkins family. Bo leads bizarro Kenzi right to her. As ususal, Bo is conveniently rescued by Dyson. Bo, ridden with guilt, tries to stop Jumbee so she gets succubus-ing. When she steals some chi she ends up face-to-face with the mortal Jumbee (Neema Bickersteth). It turns out she was thought to be a witch, she’s actually an elemental Fae. She and her interracial lover are murdered and separated. Dyson and Cleo find their remains and Dyson and Bo recite wedding vows to put Jumbee’s soul at peace.
It’s a great moment for Team Dyson fans to see Bo and Dyson finally together. They may be part of a throuple with Lauren but something just feels so right about Bo with Dyson because they fell in love in the first episode. It’s also worth noting that Lost Girl does not shy away from diversity and having Jumbee as part of an interracial couple. Although, it would be helpful for the audience to know what time period she’s from. It seems to have elements that could tie it to slavery or colonial times which isn’t particularly clear. #missedopportunity
Clio inevitably betrays Dyson. However, Bo’s fried brain was healed by Jumbee so she royally kicks Clio’s ass because they don’t need her anymore. Apparently, unbeknownst to the audience, they’ve been on Earth in our dimension this whole time. It seems weird that no one took issue with Jumbee being a Fae and mating with a human.
Meanwhile, at the Lace-front Diner, poorly-wigged Lauren is connecting with fellow waitress, Crystal (Ali Liebert). The two ladies bond, mostly because Crystal wants to get freaky with Lauren and in a huge surprise, she actually gets to. This is a new Lauren who isn’t scared to get a little wild. However, Lauren does get scared by a call to the diner so she hits the road. Crystal surprises her in her car and betrays her. However, in a bizarre twist of fate, Dyson and Bo drive right by not realizing Lauren is getting kidnapped. Oh Snap!
Evony is back with a random eye patch. It looks like now she’s the MoRRRigan now. #badpiratejokes She looks like she has a renewed sense of purpose after being enslaved by Vex. She kills a few people with her power to inspire people to turn into puddles. She gets Massimo the Druid (Tim Rozon) to give her a new eye and reveals that they have a long history. Does this mean she will take advantage and take over Kenzi’s drug debt?
Best Lines of the Night
Bitch, I think your brain broke. - Bizarro Kenzi
When you’ve been in power as long as I have, everyone’s a child. -Evony
Don’t disappoint me like Chanel Number Goo, did. -Evony
[My Boots] might make this homeless person’s nightey thing your rocking look like an actual fashion choice. -Bizarro Kenzi about Bo’s Damaged Outfit
This episode is channeling Season 1 but bringing way more drama. It’s great to see the return of the snarky, passive-aggressive Lady Mary Crawley (Michelle Dockery) we love to hate. She’s back to becoming stone faced and staring into space, viciously insulting her sister, and getting the best suitors. She’s not the only one back to their Season 1 personas. Thomas Barrow (Rob James-Collier) is back to scheming and has enlisted some help. Plus, the moment you have been waiting for ... the peace between the Dowager Countess (Maggie Smith) and Isobel Crawley (Penelope Wilton) is over. Full shade ahead!
Evelyn Napier (Brendan Patricks) stops by the Abbey. If you’ve forgotten him, he is the suitor that introduced Mary to Mr. Pamuk (Theo James). Mr. Pamuk was the guy that de-virginized her and died in her bed. Napier is working on a survey of how the war has affected Aristocratic manors. Speaking of manors, Lord Grantham (Hugh Bonneville) is dealing with the death of one of the estate’s farmers. Mr. Drewe (Andrew Scarborough), the farmer’s son, has inherited a significant amount of debt. Lord Grantham kindly pays the debt in exchange for Mr. Drewe working it off. The Lord is back to keeping secrets from fellow estate runners, Mary and Tom Branson (Allen Leech). Branson is threatening to move to the U.S. to escape the stuffy life of an aristocrat and spare his daughter any embarrassment.
Edith Crawley (Laura Carmichael) is lurking by the metaphorical mailbox waiting to hear back from Michael Gregson (Charles Edwards). It doesn’t look promising for him since he just moved to a pre-Nazi Germany. Drunk Liza Minnelli Cora Crawley (Elizabeth McGovern) adjusts to her new lady’s maid and tries to convince Mrs. Patmore (Lesley Nicol) that they need to buy a refrigerator.
Isobel takes an interest in a young neighborhood boy, Peg. She convinces the Dowager Countess to hire him. However, when an antique letter-opener goes missing, the Golden Girls clash over the boy’s guilt. It’s witty barbs and loud sighs. Here’s hoping they have a fight in a fountain like on Dynasty.
Alfred (Matt Milne) seems adept at cooking. He’s selected to apply for the apprenticeship at The Ritz. Everyone in the kitchen is excited but he’s nervous. Meanwhile, with the prospect of Alfred leaving, Carson (Jim Carter) offers the footman position to Mr. Molesley (Kevin Doyle). Despite willing to take any odd job in the village, do with that what you will, Molesley’s pride is hurt at the prospect of being demoted to footman. Alfred ends up not winning the internship so Molesley ends up red-faced when he returns for the job. Looks like Molesley is one step closer to suicide.
The disturbing Anna Rape storyline continues to get more depressing. Anna Bates (Joanne Froggatt) has been super icy to Bates (Brendan Coyle). Bates overhears Anna talking to Mrs. Hughes (Phyllis Logan) and he devises a plan to find out what happened. He threatens to leave unless Mrs. Hughes comes clean. Thinking on her feet, she invents an assailant that raped Anna during the concert. However, Bates is convinced it’s Mr. Green (Nigel Harman). This is where things get dark. To this point, Anna has not known his name was even Mr. Green. Also, Bates is getting very scary and murdery. His violent inclinations and Anna’s fear make it seem like he could be abusive. Here’s hoping the writers don’t go in that direction.
Style & Sass: Best Lines of the Night
Not the first time you have had the wrong end of the stick. –Mary to Edith
I wonder how your halo doesn’t grow heavy. It must be like wearing a tiara ‘round the clock. –The Dowager Countess to Isobel Round I
Mrs. Patmore, is there any aspect of the present day that you can accept without resistence? –Cora
Well M’lady I wouldn’t mind getting rid of my corset. –Mrs. Patmore’s response
What would you prefer that I invite the local criminals to drop in strip the house bare? –The Dowager Countess to Isobel Round II