Author

Cory Mahoney
  • NSFW: True Blood's Sexiest (and Creepiest) Sex Scenes
    By: Cory Mahoney Aug 07, 2014
    HBO If you're still watching True Blood, you either love terrible television, or you're dependent on HBO's Sunday night sex scenes. HBO's Sunday nights have featured some of the raunchiest scenes in television history, from Sex and the City and Girls to Game of Thrones, but none of them compare to what we've seen on True Blood. As the show prepares to meet its true death, we're taking a look back at the moments that had us all hot and bothered, as well as the most disturbing ones. 1. Intro to Fang-Banging: Jason & Maudette The very first episode of True Blood introduced Jason Stackhouse, god amongst men, spending time with lady friend, Maudette Pickens. Maudette, a fang-banger, is watching a home movie of her kinky adventures with a vampire while she services Jason. In the next scene, Jason has Maudette chained to the ceiling of her living room while the two of them have intense sex. Needless to say, this scene is why we started watching the show. 2. Saints, Sinners, and Suds: Jason & Sarah Newlin Take a Bath HBO There was something so subtle, so sensual, so sexy about the way Sarah Newlin interrupted Jason's bath in season 2. Staying at the Fellowship of the Sun in an attempt to repent for his sins and mend his ways, Jason found trouble when Sarah decided she wasn't happy with her husband and decided to take matters into her own hands...literally. 3. Little Red "Ride-Me" Hood: Jason & Jessica  HBO/PerezHilton.com HBO / facepunch.com There's really nothing like some spontaneous role playing to spice up your sex life. After telling Hoyt that he and Jessica were sleeping together, Jason got punched in the face. But Jessica made it up to him, Halloween-style. (Honestly, we would let Hoyt beat us as badly as he wanted if Jessica would help us recover like this, too). 4.  In Your Dreams: Sookie, Eric, & Bill HBO This show constantly pinned Bill against Eric in the battle for Sookie's affection, so when Sookie dreamed of a threesome with the two hunky vampires at the end of season 4, fans around the world rejoiced. I mean, obviously this was the solution to this love triangle, right? 5. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: Tara & Naomi HBO / truebloodgifs.tumblr.com HBO / truebloodgifs.tumblr.com Tara had the worst luck of any character from any season of this show. She dated Sam, but that didn't work. She dated (and really loved Eggs), but he was killed. Her mother is terrible. No matter what happens, Tara's life is awful. That's why it was so nice to see this brief moment of bliss from her. She finally seemed free of her old life, of its troubles, and able to start anew with Naomi. Unfortunately, that was short-lived too... 6. Same-Sex Tendencies: Jason & Eric HBO / blaineswolf.tumblr.com HBO / greginhollywood.com Drinking a vampire's blood can have serious effects on a person. Hallucinations, the vampire's ability to sense emotions, and sex dreams. Oh, the sex dreams. They've provided some of the sexiest moments the show has ever given us, but none were anywhere near as intense as this one. We were biting our lips and grabbing at our bedsheets just from watching at home.  7. Pool Table Twister: Sam & Daphne; Arlene & Keith HBO "Nice rack," - "nice balls." Though Sam  and Daphne may have used the pool table for their pun-filled romp on the pool table at Merlotte's, it's Arlene whose billiards boffing makes our list. We had never really seen Arlene in such a sexual light, and now we realize how much we''ve been missing out on. She tried to fight the temptation to sleep with Keith, because she doesn't have sex with vampires, because she's Hep V-positive, because, because, it's... wrong? Fighting proved futile, and the sex just seemed so...right. 8. Trip: Jason & Amy on V Jason and Amy (played by the perfect Lizzy Caplan) had a wild relationship that involved drug abuse and vampire abuse. It wasn't the healthiest relationship, and it left its fair share of damage to Jason once it ended. It also provided one of the trippiest V-induced sequences in the history of the show. 9. Fantasy vs. Reality: Eric & Sookie HBO / fuckyeahtruebloodhbo.tumblr.com HBO / jasonstackedhouse.tumblr.com We can't really choose just one Sookie and Eric scene. Every time the pair get involved, it's insanely sexy. There's something about it that feels inherently naughty, as if sleeping with a vampire who isn't Bill, especially his nemesis, is entirely forbidden. Whether it's her fantasies about lying on silk sheets with the Viking vamp or it's the reality of sleeping with an amnesiac, it's always hot. 10. Good to Be Pack Master: Alcide & Rikki As someone who never cared about the werewolves on the show, I'm fairly certain Alcide was only there to prove that supernaturals have incredible sex. And werewolves are no exception. This scene makes it impossible to argue otherwise, so well done, True Blood. Well done. And now onto the creepiest: 11. Sibling Relations: Eric & Nora HBO HBO / PerezHilton.com When making this list, this particular scene was hard to place - is it sexy, or is it creepy? The scene's sex appeal is undeniable, but, you know, Nora is Eric's sister, soo... we're just going to let Eric explain this one: "We fight like siblings, but we fuck like champions." 12. Bill & Sookie Get Dirty HBO The cemetary sex scene is another scene that's sexy yet creepy (way, way more creepy than sexy though). Sookie thought the love of her life had died tragically in a fire. She went to the cemetary to mourn her loss, when suddenly, her lover crawls up from the ground naked. He grabs her ankles as she tries to crawl away, screaming and terrified, before she realizes that it's Bill. Then, the two of them start rolling around in the dirt of the graveyard, having bloody vampire sex. This is one of the first scenes that really established the show as the campy sex-fest that it really is. 13. The Wrong Kind of Hole: Jason & the College Girls HBO Whenever Jason is naked in a scene, the show has our undivided attention. The show has our excitement. This is the only time we were let down, when a naked and glistening Jason tries to distract himself from Eggs' death by hooking up with two college girls. The moment is ruined quickly when Jason can't stop envisioning his lovers with gigantic bullet holes in their foreheads, just like Eggs. From hot to horrifying in a matter of seconds. 14. You Spin Me Right Round: Bill & Lorena HBO / gifake.net There's hate sex, and then there's this. Bill hates his maker Lorena so much that he spins her head all the way around while having sex with her just so he won't have to look at her. Then Mr. Compton just continues doing his thing.  15. Revenge Romp: Eric & Talbot HBO HBO This scene is not even close to the creepiest the show has ever given us, but it's one of the least enjoyable. Eric, seeking revenge on Russell Edgington for killing his family, has sex with Russell's husband, Talbot, and stakes him from behind while doing so. Poor Talbot. This is a perfect example of what True Blood has given us for 7 seasons - sex, blood, death, and the unexpected. Honorable Mention: every single orgy scene from season 2's Maenad fiasco. We could have lived very happily without ever seeing those scenes.
  • Which 'True Blood' Characters Will Die Before the Finale?
    By: Cory Mahoney Jul 18, 2014
    HBO With the final season of True Blood wrapping up this summer, we've got to wonder which characters the vampire drama will exterminate for good by the time the finale rolls around. We've already seen the HBO series give the axe to Tara Thornton, Alcide Herveaux, and Mrs. Fortenberry, but what about the rest of the major players? Who will make it to the end, and who will meet a grim fate? Sookie StackhouseIn the end, Sookie probably has to live. That doesn't mean we can't secretly root for her demise, though. The character has become so self-centered that in the midst of a zombie-vampire epidemic and the death of her childhood best friend, she's principally concerned with what the people of Bon Temps are thinking about her. Sookie is upset that they think she brings nothing but trouble... so, she decides to try to help her kidnapped friends by trying to get kidnapped herself (and this is how Alcide gets shot, which now she has something else to feel bad about). Girl needs to get a grip. Bill ComptonBill has always been one of the campiest character on the show, from his pronunciation of "Sookie" to actually becoming god, and we've gone back and forth between loving to hating him again and again. At this point, it's tough to hate Bill, but that's not to say we'd be all that sad to see him go. But perhaps we'll root for him to make it through, if only because Sookie probably will, and wouldn't that just be adorable if Sookie and Bill finally got together? (See? I almost sound like I give a hoot.) Sam MerlotteSam has been involved in his own stories for a while, and now he's finally returning to the group. After seasons of waiting for him to get killed off, now I'm sort of rooting for him to make it through. He does have a kid on the way... or something. I'm still not quite sure exactly who his fiancée is, when she got pregnant, or any of that. But I'm pretty sure he mentioned she and their baby were taken by the vampires. Jason StackhouseThere is no way in hell Jason Stackhouse should die because that's just a waste of beauty. It's as simple as that. Next character. Eric NorthmanIt seems like it's a given that Eric will die since he's contracted Hep V, but who knows? Let's just hope that if he dies, he dies like Godric did. Or that we see Godric again at least.  HBO PamPam can't die, can she? She's always been one of the show's strongest characters, but the latest episode featuring her with Eric lagged a bit. Until, that is, she stole Ginger's idea for Fangtasia and passed it off as her own. Then we remembered how fun Pam can be. It'll be a sad turn of events if she goes. JessicaJessica is another character with whom the show has always done well. Hopefully, she and Hoyt will somehow fall back in love with each other and can stay alive (or, well, vampire-alive) to enjoy some time together.  Andy BellefleurAndy has grown more than any other character on this show in the last seven seasons, evolving from an incompetent drunk on the police force to a V addict, then to sheriff, and now a father and a leader. His trajectory makes him easy to root for consistently, regardless of whether or not we actually like him.  LafayetteAh, to look back upon how upsetting it was at the end of Season 1, when the cliffhanger led us all to believe Lafayette had died. Though his bruja abilities (is that what he is? or his just a medium?) can test a fan's patience, the character is one of the greatest on the show. He's still hilarious, and he's still lovable, and he's probably the only thing about this show that still is. Hopefully, he'll wind up with Jessica's boyfriend and find the happiness he was robbed of with Jesus.  ArleneHearts shattered in the latest episode when Arlene decided not to be with Terry in death. Hopefully that's the last run-in with death she faces this season, because she has those three kids and a heart of gold.
  • The Perfect Comeback for Every Occasion
    By: Cory Mahoney May 30, 2014
    We all have moments where we wish we had the ideal insult to hurl at someone. Usually, we don't think of that perfectly-prepared dig until the moment has passed. We've decided to put an end to that for the sake of arguments everywhere. Using our favorite movies, we've compiled a list of the best insults for any given situation, so you won't end up like George Costanza. NBC / seinfeldlessons.tumblr.com NBC / seinfeldlessons.tumblr.com   It may take time to perfect these insults, but remember to always remain optimistic that your insults will improve. Buena Vista Pictures / sourwolf-exorcised-sherlock.tumblr.com Buena Vista Pictures / sourwolf-exorcised-sherlock.tumblr.com   When Starbucks messes up your coffee order: New World Pictures / rooneymara.tumblr.com   When someone says they don't like Beyoncé: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures / adriennefromthefuture.tumblr.com   When your friend texts you about the same guy for the 3143268th time: The Weinstein Company / not-thefunniestblog.tumblr.com   When your ex starts dating someone new: Paramount Pictures / totalfilm.tumblr.com   When someone asks you to volunteer on a Saturday morning: New World Pictures / tumblr.com   When someone spoils Game of Thrones: Fox Searchlight Pictures / Paramount Pictures / fynapoleondynamite.tumblr.com   When someone cuts you off on the highway: Paramount Pictures / therealcalicali.tumblr.com    When you need everyone to be aware of how much better you are: Universal Pictures / allmoviegifs.tumblr.com   When you're hungover and someone just keeps talking: Columbia Pictures / already-asleep.tumblr.com   When someone corrects your grammar: Paramount Pictures / rikajeanne.tumblr.com   When the Chinese take-out lady makes you reassess your life by guessing your order: Buena Vista Pictures / www.tumblr.com   When someone at work eats a burrito and you haven't eaten yet: Buena Vista Pictures / fyeahromyandmichele.tumblr.com   When someone asks what you're doing with your life: Universal Pictures / fuckyeah1980s.tumblr.com   Whenever someone speaks passionately about the Kardashians: Warner Bros. / satanisnexttoyou.tumblr.com   When a bunch of street performers block your path: Universal Pictures / teenagefanatic.blogspot.com   When your team's game is on at a rival bar: Universal Pictures / thoughtcatalog.com   When you see someone wearing crocs on the street: Paramount Pictures / char-thelove.tumblr.com    When someone unworthy of your time compliments you:  Buena Vista Pictures / uglyowlfilms.com   When some heifer tries to give you outfit advice: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer / totalfilm.tumblr.com   When it comes down to the Moms: Fox Searchlight Pictures / Paramount Pictures / verasgifstorage.tumblr.com   When you need to just win the Mom-insults: Columbia Pictures / tumblr.com   When a creep hits on you at a bar (first drink): Paramount Pictures / livinginmywonderland.tumblr.com   When a creep hits on you at a bar (second drink): Buena Vista Pictures / cuntclaws.tumblr.com   When a creep hits on you at a bar (lost count of drinks): Columbia Pictures / spacecadet.tumblr.com   At the end of the day, when almost anything and everything warrants insult: The Weinstein Company / rebloggy.com   When words aren't necessary: Universal Pictures / www.tumblr.com   Hopefully, now you can go about your day perpetually proud of your new skill. Screen Gems / fuckyeahreactiongifs.tumblr.com
  • The Best Twitter Reactions to Solange Attacking Jay Z
    By: Cory Mahoney May 13, 2014
    Jeff Kravitz/Getty Images Jay Z's 100th problem, or perhaps just one of his existing 99, seems to be his sister-in-law Solange. The two were caught on surveillance footage from an elevator leaked to TMZ.com. Jay Z, Solange, and Beyoncé were all attending a Met Gala after-party at the Standard Hotel in NYC.  In the video, Beyoncé's sister is seen repeatedly punching and kicking the rapper until she's ultimately restrained by a bodyguard.  Naturally, this rare glimpse into Beyoncé's extremely private life has exploded all over the internet (like everything she does, from releasing a surprise album to temporarily becoming a vegan). Instantly, Twitter's top trending topics included 'Jay Z and Solange,' #WhatJayZSaidToSolange, as well as many wondering where Beyoncé was in this brawl and what caused it. The result was easily one of the most entertaining things to watch unfold. Below are some of our favorite reactions: 1. Those who took aim at Solange's career:  How nobody used "Solange gets her first hit" in a headline yet is mind boggling. — Kazeem Famuyide (@RealLifeKaz) May 12, 2014 Zing pic.twitter.com/jsMJYOr0ZQ — Rachel Zarrell (@rachelzarrell) May 12, 2014   #WhatJayZSaidToSolange Dang, #Solange. This elevator has more floors than you have hits. pic.twitter.com/J37BpznTo4 — Brad Stinson, Jr. (@bradstinsonjr) May 13, 2014 Solange: "Stop calling me Beyonce's sister!" Jay-Z: "Okay Blue Ivy's aunt" #WhatJayZSaidToSolange — Chloè (@ArianaBchloe) May 13, 2014 Solange: This elevator isn't going anywhere! Jay Z: Like ya career? #WhatJayZSaidToSolange — Will Smith (@JustWillSmith) May 13, 2014 2. Those who took aim at Jay Z's career: #WhatJayZSaidtoSolange @LordGichohi @DraeFrank @MuchiriH Hahahaha LOOOL pic.twitter.com/wNijvB9XQ0 — julius yelsin (@jyelsin1) May 13, 2014 #WhatJayZSaidToSolange pic.twitter.com/9W1QsudqTk — Mitchel Bland (@mitchelbland) May 13, 2014 3. Those who wondered why Beyoncé stayed out of it: #WhatJayZSaidToSolange this is the best one pic.twitter.com/Rzha9Fcvth — smegs (@meganbarnsdale) May 13, 2014 4. Those who don't like 'Game of Thrones' spoilers: "Joffrey dies" #WhatJayZSaidToSolange — Rachel Zarrell (@rachelzarrell) May 12, 2014 Solage was clearly behind on Game Of Thrones and Jay-z blurted out some spoilers in the elevator #WhatJayZSaidToSolange — Brad Bellick (@jasonfreeman95) May 13, 2014 5. The obligatory Kanye West reference: Jay Z gets attacked by Solange... Meanwhile Kanye West be like... #WhatJayZSaidToSolange pic.twitter.com/Ah1velo4BG — تانيا Tanya Kamaly (@tanya_kamaly) May 12, 2014 6. The Wikipedia-savvy: Now this is Cracking me up! #WhatJayZSaidToSolange Solange's wikipedia Profile! pic.twitter.com/djfErOVZ6h — DR. DREY | ONLINE PR (@DreyPR) May 13, 2014 7. Even Solange had a premonition about this: #wheniwaslittle I tried to kill my sisters teenage boyfriend (not a secret scince she blabbed about it on letterman) I had a GREAT plan. :) — solange knowles (@solangeknowles) September 8, 2009 Follow @Hollywood_com