Author

Cory Mahoney
  • 26 Super Valuable Nicole Richie Quotes For A Happy Life
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 28, 2015
    Nicole Richie stole our hearts in 2003, as she tried to tough it with BFF Paris Hilton, living on a farm on The Simple Life. She was brash, insightful, totally inappropriate, and undeniably fabulous. For 12 years now, she's impressed us with her wisdom and the way she has with words. In appreciation of the glory that is Nicole, we take a look at some of her best quotes.  1. On making friends with strangers:  GIPHY 2. On breaking the ice: GIPHY 3. On overcoming first impressions: GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com 4. On friendship and knowing yourself: GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com 5. On Kim Kardashian: GIPHY/realitytvgifs.tumblr.com 6. On knowing what you want: GIPHY 7. On texting with Tinder matches: GIPHY/ruinedchildhood.com GIPHY/ruinedchildhood.com 8. On falling in love the old fashioned way: GIPHY/bricesander.tumblr.com 9. On falling in love in the 21st century: GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com 10. On how to behave like a lady: GIPHY 11. On must-see TV: GIPHY/bgcslave.tk 12. On consequences: GIPHY/delriodelano.tumblr.com 13. On inspiration: GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com 14. On appraising your skills: GIPHY/realitytvgifs.tumblr.com 15. On the important things: GIPHY/meanplastic.com 16. On lessons learned: GIPHY 17. On dressing for the part: GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com GIPHY/vh1.tumblr.com 18. On making yourself undesirable: GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com 19. On establishing ground rules: GIPHY/vh1.tumblr.com 20. On new friends: GIPHY/perezhilton.tumblr.com 21. On what motivates her: GIPHY/vh1.tumblr.com 22. On parenting:  GIPHY/toocooltobehipster.com 23. On being responsible: GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com 24. On success: GIPHY 25. On money: GIPHY/funnycutegifs.com 26. On growing up (#PREACH): GIPHY/gifthetv.tumblr.com
  • 21 GIFs Proving Dave Is Hotter Than James Franco
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 21, 2015
    We've often wondered if our preference for the younger of the Franco brothers stemmed something deeper -- perhaps from being a younger sibling, perhaps an aversion to the ubiquitousness of James Franco himself, or perhaps something larger. We've long stopped questioning our preference though because we've realized the reason is obvious: Dave is just infinitely hotter and more lovable than James.  1. He has an incredible range of facial expressions. GIPHY/freecocaine.tumblr.com 2. He has Hollywood's nicest smile. GIPHY/geral-isnotenough.tumblr.com 3. He can fix things for you. GIPHY/everytimeicomeinthekitchen.tumblr.com 4. He's a damn good dresser. GIPHY/freecocaine.tumblr.com 5. He's a romantic. GIPHY/rachkeys.tumblr.com 6. He's a smooth talker. GIPHY 7. And very likely a mind reader. GIPHY 8. The way he licks his lips. GIPHY/ellybob96.tumblr.com 9. He even blinks perfectly. GIPHY/wellhellotheredavefranco.tumblr.com 10. He has the cutest laugh. Period. GIPHY/thegirlfromoxycodonecity.tumblr.com 11. He's a great friend.   GIPHY/ruinedchildhood.com 12. He's nerdy (and a doctor).* GIPHY *He just plays one on TV. 13. He loves kittens. (We don't even like kittens that much, but we like how happy they make him). GIPHY/dangitscaitlyn.tumblr.com 14. He practices acroyoga (or maybe he's just an airplane, WHO CARES IT'S ADORABLE). GIPHY/msk1468.tumblr.com 15. He makes you wish this GIF would move down, just a touch. GIPHY/iluvvanity.tumblr.com 16. He's gorgeous, and he can make rhymes about what his beauty brings him. GIPHY 17. He would be an enthusiastic lover. GIPHY/heidimichele.tumblr.com 18. He knows how to party properly. GIPHY/coolgirlscloset.tumblr.com 19. He can do MAGIC!  GIPHY 20. He's a nice guy! GIPHY 21. Most importantly, that smile.  GIPHY Still think James is hotter? GIPHY/battleofmysticfalls.tumblr.com We didn't think so. Take that, James! GIPHY/thebacklot.com
  • 23 Signs You're Actually Michelle Tanner
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 20, 2015
    It's been 20 years since Full House went off the air -- just let that sink in. Though it's been way too long since our screens were graced weekly with the adorable Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, their character, Michelle Tanner, remains as timeless as ever. We've always thought of her as our spirit animal. 1. You are just completely over couples. GIPHY/monkeypuppet.tumblr.com 2. So over couples that you've considered a relationship with ice cream. GIPHY/sherlynn58.tumblr.com 3. You've also fantasized about kissing Uncle Jesse.  GIPHY 4. Your laughter is earned, not just given willy nilly. GIPHY/nyczebra.tumblr.com 5. You sometimes struggle with even the simplest domestic task. GIPHY/hesfinallyfamous.tumblr.com 6. You've definitely tried to reason with snacks (after a night out). GIPHY/hsukarina.tumblr.com 7. You just ooze style. GIPHY/elli-esw.tumblr.com 8. You let people know when you're just not having any of their ish. GIPHY/thewaysitusedt0be.tumblr.com 9. And won't hesitate to call them out. GIPHY/artsandfortune.tumblr.com 10. You only allow photos when you're ready and there are Insta filters available. GIPHY 11. You'd do anything for the things you want. GIPHY/thewaysitusedt0be.tumblr.com 12. And you're not always proud of it. GIPHY/4thegifs.tumblr.com 13. You're not super good at girl talk, especially with those on-again-off-again types. GIPHY/disneychannelfreak.tumblr.com 14. Your no means no. GIPHY/nesbitt.tumblr.com 15. Except when it doesn't. GIPHY/whatshouldhoyascallme.tumblr.com 16. You don't easily forget, especially when it comes to desserts. GIPHY/thatrandomvlog0428.tumblr.com 17. You try to always listen to your dad... GIPHY/mcjimbers.tumblr.com 18. ...but it doesn't always work. GIPHY/more-gucci-than-you.tumblr.com 19. You have some great business ideas. GIPHY/fing3rprintsdontfade.tumblr.com 20. You DGAF what you look like during meals. GIPHY/noperfectionn.tumblr.com 21. You know that your best is always good enough.  GIPHY 22. And you know that whatever you do is the best. GIPHY/how--rude.tumblr.com 23. You got it, dude. GIPHY
  • 10 Movies That Made Us Love Emma Stone (Even More)
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 17, 2015
    America's sweetheart and everyone's favorie actress, Emma Stone received her first ever Oscar nomination! She's nominated in the Best Supporting Actress category for her edgier, more foul-mouthed role in Alejandro González Iñárritu's Birdman, which is a bit of a different role for the 26-year-old who stole our hearts at age 19. In honor of Emma's incredible year, we take a look back at the movies that made us love her more and more. 1. Superbad (2007) candacedoesgifs.tumblr.com Her breakout role as the cool, gorgeous girl in the Judd Apatow-produced teen comedy set the stage for what we would come to think of Emma herself. Hilarious, beautiful, self-deprecating, and pretty much the person everyone wants to hang out with. It's because of her character that Jonah Hill is inspired to endure all of the challenges in this movie, and we can't say we blame him. Come on, who wouldn't? 2. The House Bunny (2008) GIPHY Her role in the not-that-great-but-not-that-bad Anna Faris comedy as Natalie, an unfortunately styled nerdy sorority girl, was maybe a bit hard to believe at first (because she's flawless), but it was fun nonetheless. We would rewatch this movie any time just to watch Emma Stone as the virgin sacrifice at Zeta Alpha Zeta's Aztec party.  3. Zombieland (2009) GIPHY/mylifethroughemmastone.tumblr.com Wichita is probably the last person you'd want to encounter during a zombie apocalypse...or so it seems. Once you get over her penchant for conning people and her habit of pointing shotguns at you, you'd realize just how lovely an addition she'd make to your zombie-fighting group. She'll even be there to do drugs with Bill Murray. That is a cool girl.  4. Easy A (2010) GIPHY/gifhell.com The movie that earned Stone her first Golden Globe nomination, Easy A, is easily her greatest role ever. As Olive Penderghast, Stone lies about losing her virginity, turns that lie into a business of sex-related lies, styles herself as a lingerie-clad Hester Prynne, and battles head-to-head with super conservative Marianne (Amanda Bynes). One of the most entertaining teen movies, this gets extra points for reimagining a book we hated in high school and making it awesome.  5. The Help (2011) GIPHY Emma plays the lovable "Skeeter" whose relationship with two black maids during the Civil Rights era in Mississippi begins as the maids assist the aspiring journalist with her cleaning column, but soon intensifies as she chooses to write their stories instead. Though it's Octavia Spencer who steals the show here, Stone's role is still as incredible as we've come to expect. 6. Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011) GIPHY As a recent law school grad who first rejects and then falls in love with Ryan Gosling (lucky girl), Stone shined as bright as ever. Our favorite moment of the whole film is when she's Gosling's house, looking "R-rated sexy," and telling him that they're going to "bang" before self-consciously calling the super-hunk out for looking like he's Photoshopped. 7. Friends with Benefits (2011) GIPHY/broocewayne.tumblr.com Though only a small role, her turn as the girl dumping Justin Timberlake for missing "Your Body Is A Wonderland" at the John Mayer concert is not only totally understandable (because he kind of is "the Sheryl Crow of our generation," right?), but is completely awesome. Her departure from the conversation, entirely over this relationship and more concerned with the Mayer concert, is perfect. 8. The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) GIPHY/butlercat.tumblr.com SHE'S GWEN STACY! Arguably the greatest, most adorable movie girlfriend ever in the history of movies. Going too far? We don't think so! She's Peter Parker's love interest and the daughter of the police captain (who sooo does not approve of his daughter dating the dangerous Spider-Man), and we love her for it. More importantly than anything that happens in the actual movie, though, is her real life romance with the real life Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield. We love them on and off the screen.  9. Magic in the Moonlight (2014) a-movie-dream.tumblr.com It should be clear that any movie starring Emma Stone AND Colin Firth is going to be adorable and charming, right? Okay, now that we've settled that... Emma plays a psychic who doesn't really care that Firth is trying to disprove her powers, yada yada yada, she falls in love with him. The most charming part of the movie is, of course, Emma, particularly in her 1920s Gatsby-esque style. To die for!  10. Birdman (2014) GIPHY Is this the movie could land Emma her first Oscar?! Stone plays Michael Keaton's aggressive and brash fresh-out-0f-rehab daughter-turned-personal-assistant who seemingly doesn't give a hoot about anything. From her potty mouth to her pursuit of adrenaline highs, we were shocked and amazed at how terrific she was in this role. 
  • 20 Ways To Live Life As Fabulously As Betty White
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 13, 2015
    Last week, Betty White won Favorite TV Icon at the People's Choice Awards. As if she needed an award to tell her that the whole world worships her. After this confirmation of how incredible she is (and has been since 1922), we immediately began to wonder how we could live a life as awesome as hers. Come on, girl was escorted by Captain America himself to the stage to receive the award. nowthisnews.tumblr.com So, how does she do it? 1. Find a hobby that makes you happy. GIPHY/chill-girl-from-rus.tumblr.com 2. Prepare nutritious and delicious meals. GIPHY 3. Always be prepared. GIPHY/realitytvgifs.tumblr.com GIPHY/realitytvgifs.tumblr.com 4. Maintain your privacy. GIPHY/realitytvgifs.tumblr.com 5. Always put your friends first. GIPHY/realitytvgifs.tumblr.com 6. But don't forget that people kind of suck. GIPHY/guh-gifgarden.tumblr.com 7. Don't take flak from anyone. GIPHY 8. Never be intimidated by younger generations. GIPHY 9. In fact, let the youngsters know you can do it better. GIPHY 10. Find excitement in everything. wigglemore.tumblr.com 11. Make the most of your mistakes. GIPHY/gifbay.com 12. Know that things always get better. GIPHY/televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com 13. Never say "no." fuckyeahreactions.tumblr.com 14. And never give up. imgarcade.com 15. Love yourself. GIPHY/gifsfln.tumblr.com 16. Demand respect. defiantbritta.tumblr.com 17. Stay relevant. GIPHY/toxxicjayy.tumblr.com 18. Have fun. GIPHY/gifsfln.tumblr.com 19. Drink wine. GIPHY/gifloop.tumblr.com 20. Most importantly, don't let things get to you. GIPHY Cheers to you, Betty. We love you. GIPHY/andiwaslikewut.tumblr.com
  • 24 Quotes Proving Shoshanna Shapiro Is Our Generation's Greatest Thinker
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 12, 2015
    As Girls season 4 returns, thus providing millenials and people of the interweb much needed fodder for discussions, we're most excited for one character in particular: Shosh. From the moment she appeared on screen gushing about Sex and the City to her now-infamous "Crackcident," she's proved that she is easily the greatest character to watch on the show. She's truly the unpredictable one, thanks to her mile-a-minute speech and strange pearls of wisdom. Here are some of her greatest quotes, proving she's an incredible thinker. On parents being the first bad thing to happen to a person: GIPHY/girlshbo.tumblr.com On compatibility:  GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On courteously asking questions before bragging: GIPHY/girlshbo.tumblr.com On entertaining oneself: GIPHY/takeustoglory.tumblr.com On modesty: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On the multifacetedness of love: GIPHY/girlshbo.tumblr.com On subtlety: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On beauty (coming in all shapes and socio-economic sizes): GIPHY/girlshbo.tumblr.com On romance:  GIPHY/girlshbo.tumblr.com On emotions and pants:  GIPHY/girlshbo.tumblr.com On becoming irrelevant: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On the absurdity of online dating: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On being a concerned friend: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On not being on The Facebook: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On virginity: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On AIDS: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On maintaining one's ignorance: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On reclaiming one's womanly powers: GIPHY/girlshbo.tumblr.com On pretentious food: GIPHY/takeustoglory.tumblr.com On the likelihood of mothers having had sex: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On the pains of being lonely when everyone else has someone (or more than one someone): GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On guiltlessly not loving one's grandparents: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com On life, in general: HBO On everyone: GIPHY/fyeahhbogirls.tumblr.com
  • Dornan v. Anderson: The Fall's Competition For Sexiest Human Alive
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 08, 2015
    BBC Two If you haven't watched BBC's The Fall yet, you need to. The first season's five episode run is streaming on Netflix and the second season (consisting of six electrifying episodes) will begin streaming on January 16.  The Fall is a thriller about a serial killer and the detective hunting him down, with a lot more going for it than it sounds like it does. It's gripping, witty, nail-bitingly suspenseful, and insanely dark. If you're not sold, we have to mention that its two stars are quite possibly the sexiest humans to ever exist: Gillian Anderson of The X-Files fame and Jamie Dornan, a.k.a. Christian Grey of the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey. Watching the show, one could be led to believe that it's actually just a show where those two stars are competing for the title of Sexiest Human Alive, and fans continue to struggle to choose between the two. Round One: Looks GIPHY/mynewplaidpants.blogspot.com GIPHY Winner: Tied. Hear us out, Dornan fans! Though Jamie may scare off Irish gangsters while wearing nothing but a towel and release his anger through shirtless pull-ups, Gillian's wardrobe malfunctions, already iconic silk blouses, and seductively varnished nails keep her in contention. The viewers are the real winners here.  Round Two: Sexual Prowess beaufortplace.tumblr.com beaufortplace.tumblr.com beaufortplace.tumblr.com Winner: Gillian. Sorry, Jamie, but we're not really into tying innocent women up, strangling them to death, and then pleasuring ourselves to the photos we took. We're much more into Gillian's unapologetic approach to satisfying her needs with whomever suits her fancy. Bonus sex appeal points for her ability to defend her sex life from a feminist point of view using grammatical syntax. How sexy is that? (Answer: very) Round Three: Intelligence thefallgifs.tumblr.com Winner: Jamie. We really wanted to give Gillian credit here for how well spoken she is, but, come on, Jamie's character reads Dante Alighieri in Italian (maybe). He casually quotes T.S. Eliot to make sense of his killing sprees. He's like a 21st Century Hannibal Lecter, with massive amounts of sex appeal instead of that whole cannibalism thing.  Round Four: Emotional Stability beaufortplace.tumblr.com Winner: Gillian. Sure, she has nightmares about the men of her one night stands and her dream journal shows she has a number of daddy issues, but, and this is crucial, she doesn't murder people. So, she has that going for her.  Both of these people are extremely sexy in there own ways, but there can only be one Sexiest Human Alive... stella-gibson.tumblr.com
  • 18 Reasons Posh Is The Greatest Spice Girl of All
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 06, 2015
    As a young Spice Girls-obsessed child, I found myself crying for the first and only time in school. The reason? My friends wouldn't let me be Posh while we played Spice Girls during lunch. The thought of playing one of the other lowly Spices was out of the question. Victoria Beckham was the reason for the whole phenomenon. Don't believe me? Watch her tragically short-lived TV show, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America, and see for yourself as she gets a license, uses a blow-up sex doll as her doppelgänger, and attempts to bake a pie.  She's a real lady.  GIPHY She's so perfect, she can just stand there while the others dance. And it's AWESOME. GIPHY/funnycutegifs.com When she does dance, it's somehow even better. GIPHY She's the fiercest of the five.  GIPHY/fiercegifs.tumblr.com And she's utterly adorable. buzzfeed.com She pushes boundaries. GIPHY/abs-olutely-fit.tumblr.com She's Queen of Not Giving a Hoot. GIPHY/perezhilton.tumblr.com And it actually takes quite a bit of work. imgur She's confused by other people's basicness. socialitelife.com She's the ideal person to sit next to at tennis matches. GIPHY/perezhilton.tumblr.com But she really knows how to party. GIPHY She doesn't discriminate. GIPHY/90s90s90s.tumblr.com She can drive a bus. A BUS. OVER A BRIDGE.  buzzfeed.com She's always true to herself. GIPHY/cooperjayne.tumblr.com And she doesn't let anybody else speak for her.  GIPHY/fuckyeah-gerihalliwell.tumblr.com She would literally rather die than be seen out of her heels. That's posh. GIPHY She isn't afraid to see let the whole world see her in those [rare] moments of struggle. GIPHY She's absolutely unforgettable. GIPHY
  • 34 GIFs Proving Tina Fey & Amy Poehler Are Golden Globes Goddesses
    By: Cory Mahoney Jan 05, 2015
    We have an ongoing debate here in the Hollywood.com office (and within each of our own hearts), who do we love more: Tina Fey or Amy Poehler? Obviously, that's an impossible question to answer, and luckily we don't have to. Both flawless ladies will grace our television sets for a third year in a row to host the 72nd Golden Globe Awards on January 11. In order to prepare you for the greatness these two women will be bringing to the screen, we've rounded up some of GIFs of their best moments from Globes gone by.  They make the Golden Globes the most fun award show to watch.  GIPHY/gifsfln.tumblr.com GIPHY/gifsfln.tumblr.com They work hard to entertain us. GIPHY/gifsfln.tumblr.com They are Hollywood's best pair of besties, bar none. GIPHY/insanely-good-brownie.tumblr.com GIPHY/televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com They react to big-name celebrity sightings just like anyone would. GIPHY/mcbrayers.tumblr.com They keep the stars in attendance a bit more grounded.  GIPHY/yahooentertainment.tumblr.com They tell it like it is. GIPHY/thatishowmattcsit.tumblr.com Their introductions are on point.  GIPHY/mrchristianbale.tumblr.com Like, really on point. GIPHY/insanely-good-brownie.tumblr.com No, seriously, extremely on point introductions. GIPHY/shygirl364.tumblr.com Their movie reviews are usually better than the actual movies. GIPHY/bradleycoopr.tumblr.com They only speak the truth about goddess-among-us, Meryl Streep.  GIPHY/streepandsmith.tumblr.com GIPHY/insanely-good-brownie.tumblr.com GIPHY/insanely-good-brownie.tumblr.com They try their hardest to keep stars humble. GIPHY/insanely-good-brownie.tumblr.com Sometimes, these stars need to be humbled, just a bit. GIPHY/popsugar.com They have no reservations about getting their drank on. GIPHY/mcbrayers.tumblr.com ...or calling out our other favorite celebs for getting their drank on. GIPHY/mcbrayers.tumblr.com They remind us of their illustrious careers as trailblazing women. GIPHY/mcbrayers.tumblr.com GIPHY/insanely-good-brownie.tumblr.com They are simply the best nominees too. GIPHY/elizabethgillies.tumblr.com GIPHY They remind us that things don't always turn out as planned. GIPHY/insanely-good-brownie.tumblr.com But most importantly, they make the Golden Globes more fun to watch than any of the nominated films and shows. Great job, ladies!  GIPHY/thelittlereminders.tumblr.com
  • 10 People Having A Worse NYE Than You
    By: Cory Mahoney Dec 31, 2014
    New Year's Eve always proves to be the most stressful night of the entire year. Between deciding who to spend this monstrously important evening with, formulating a plan for an actual activity, and, someone help us, what to wear, the night ends up being destroyed by stress before it even begins. In our experience, the pain of preparation outweighs the fun we have, so this year, we're decidedly ringing in 2015 with a bottle of wine and movies about people having a worse time than we are.  Everyone on board the Poseidon (The Poseidon Adventure & Poseidon) GIPHY/televandalist.com No matter what your NYE plans are, they will not end as disastrously as these people's. They board a luxury ocean liner heading across the Atlantic Ocean that encounters a rogue wave, capsizing the ship. Water floods through the windows, and most of the ship's passengers die in the fabulous ballroom where they were partying just moments ago. We bet that $500 open bar is looking pretty good right about now.  Michelle Tanner (Full House) GIPHY/pandasproblems.tumblr.com Queen of Speaking Truths, Michelle Tanner is understandably frustrated as she tries to grasp the appeal of this blasted holiday. Stay up way past your bedtime just to feel alone and make out with your dog? Whhhhyyyy????? Bridget Jones (Bridget Jones's Diary) GIPHY/amoviediary.tumblr.com Bridget may not be having a worse holiday than you are, but she's at least having one that's just as bad. Her booze-soaked Celine-Dion-singing evening is exactly how we envision our New Year's Eve going down (don't judge!), and for that, we love her. Plus, when your resolution involves losing 20 pounds (obviously), properly discarding last night's panties, and avoiding romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts...you're an ideal NYE BFF.  This sledge hammer (Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve With Ryan Seacrest) GIPHY Though not technically a person, we still would not trade places with this construction tool under any circumstances imaginable. Only Jenny McCarthy could make us envy the unfortunate sledge hammer Miley licked.  "Little" Bill Thompson (Boogie Nights) GIPHY/do-androidsdreamof-electricsheep.tumblr.com William H. Macy's character in Paul Thomas Anderson's Golden Age of Porn drama is often embarrassed by his porn star wife engaging in public sexual acts with other men, usually asking him to just let her do her thing. At a NYE party marking the year 1980, Bill walks in on his wife and her lover, calmly procures a gun, and then shoots both of them before turning the gun on himself. While we may have wanted to "shoot ourselves" from the stress of the night, we think he's having a much worse night than most of us.  Chandler Bing (Friends) mbthecool.tumblr.com Your favorite sarcastic Friend, Chandler, is openly desperate where most of us just silently suffer. As midnight rolls around, he so pines for affection and validation that he jumps up and down demanding some action. NYE lesson to be learned: be careful what you wish for.  Ted (Four Rooms) GIPHY Tim Roth plays a hotel bellhop on his first night of work as he navigates through four different stories, directed by Allison Anders, Alexandre Rockwell, Robert Rodriguez, and Quentin Tarantino. He deals with witches who need his semen (Anders' segment), reluctantly becomes a part of a married couple's hostage fantasy (Rockwell's), is stabbed with a syringe by children he's forced to babysit who set the room on fire before discovering a dead prostitute in the bed (Rodriguez's), and is finally paid to chop off a man's finger (Tarantino's). Needless to say, your night is looking a bit better.  Miranda Hobbes and Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City: The Movie) These usually fabulous ladies had a bummer of a New Year's Eve. After learning that Steve cheated on Miranda and a disaster of a wedding attempt by Carrie and Big, the ladies opted for a depressing night in, each alone (though Miranda was with one of our best friends, Chinese food, while Carrie as with our other bestie, bed). Their nights may start out depressing, but they helped us realize that you're never alone as long as you have a best friend and a fiiiieeerce pajama/mink outfit combo.  Monica (200 Cigarettes) noyoureoutoforder.tumblr.com Monica is determined to throw an amazing party, but when nobody shows up at first, she becomes upset and a bit desperate. She does the only logical thing a person can do in that scenario: she gets so drunk that she passes out. Everyone ends up coming to her party, including Elvis Costello. She wakes up with a bunch of strangers on her floor and is thrilled, but her night positively sucked, if we do say so ourselves.  The entire cast of New Year's Eve GIPHY No matter what happens on New Year's, at least you didn't star in this awful movie. Just be thankful for that.